[targetedknowledge]

[tricktster]

boss asked me if i knew what a brony was today but he pronounced it like “brownie” then started explaining, but somehow I’M THE WEIRD ONE FOR INTERRUPTING WITH “Oh, you mean BRONYS, yeah, they do want to fuck horses!”

[tricktster]

boss today asked me if I knew what a bear was and it took the incredible effort of forcing every bone in my body to solidify into one giant Super Bone and in the process fusing my jaw shut for me to stop myself from saying “uh, yeah dude, you but gay.”

[tricktster]

boss texted me today about all the business we’ve been getting and i texted back “haha yup our dance card is getting pretty full!” followed immediately by two minutes of debilitating panic about whether that was an actual saying or just some nonsense I’d made up.

[tricktster]

boss came to my office today strictly to tell me he got hamilton tickets and had the nerve to be insulted when i referred to him as “the biggest copycat there ever was.”

[tricktster]

boss today texted me the most unorthodox elipsis i’ve ever seen

[tricktster]

my boss’s parents and my parents each have vacation homes in the same retirement community, which is widely rumored to be a hotbed of sexual depravity, so sometimes i deliberately antagonize him by implying - very innocently and with plausible deniability - that our parents swing with each other

[tricktster]

boss just came into my office to ask me a question, paused and said “what the FUCK are you listening to?” and when i sheepishly admitted it was a remix of the wii shop channel music, he just left.

[its-spelt-like-k-a-i-t]

op what is your occupation

[tricktster]

Rascal. 

[tinydesolation]

This human writes software. I will swear on everything holy that they do

[tricktster]

i don’t even know what a comporter is

[tricktster]

Gotta say, every time Boss refers to me as an Alpha I am filled with two conflicting needs:

To bask in the glorious glow of recieving approving recognition from my superior/future bff whenever he makes it very clear that he appreciates my take-no-shit-and-make-them-regret-ever-trying-to-give-me-shit mentality

To teach him about the actual pack dynamics of wolves

[wholesomepostarchive]

7/7/2026

[obimomkenobi-deactivated2020062]

[kitchikishangout]

MY NAME, IS FRICKIN MOON MOON. I’D BE THE MOST IDIOTIC WOLF. ‘OH SHIT WHO BROUGHT FUCKING MOON MOON ALONG?’

[amusette]

the post that started it all

[star-spangled-jackass]

oh god

[danthefrickinking-deactivated20]

Never not reblogging.

[clarinetfool]

I’ve only seen this post in screenshots

[salamencerobot]

I’m very surprised this post hasn’t broken a million.

[calllynx]

Op turned off reblogs but I MUST

[witchaj]

[t00thpasteface]

me before i get my paycheck: i'm so excited to spend this on essentials and save the rest wisely

me as soon as that direct deposit hits: you know i've always wanted to learn the theremin

[segamascott]

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

another $15 million to transgenders

[raccoonmilf]

Fun fact: due to the ongoing financial support from the people of tumblr, critically endangered pygmy raccoons being rehabbed in Cozumel are now able to get vaccines for deadly diseases like distemper and rabies before they are released.

[leebrontide]

The funniest and most enduring legacy of dashcon.

[raccoonmilf]

To contribute to the critically endangered pygmy raccoon fund, you can donate:

On the website

On Venmo

On PayPal (make a note that this is a donation for pygmy raccoon conservation)

[innerchildabortionclinic]

"why do you still bring up charlie kirk" because it's funny. his death is genuinely a running joke to me. you could say it's the greatest contribution he has made to society

[enba-and-luka]

[cowplantblues]

Actually when I say “fuck all billionaires” I particularly mean Taylor “having my wedding in the middle of the busiest city in the world on the busiest weekend in the world in the part of the city the majority of commuters need to get through because fuck working people” Swift

[norondor]

fuck you if you like this dumb nepo baby white supremacist.

[nat-20s]

You can replace [ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY] with [SCROLLING] but watch out. This sucks bad 👍

[nat-20s]

Some things about this post since getting quite a few notes:

1. If you see this post, highly recommend taking it as an opportunity to set a timer for 15 minutes and switch over to ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY. if after those 15 minutes, you want to go back to scrolling, that's okay!

2. Huge shout out to this popping up in my notifs often, bc I do go back to activity.

3. I think there are times where scrolling is fine. Right now, for example, I'm being connected to a machine for two hours to donate plasma and platelets. Yes this is a brag but it is also a time where scrolling is one of the few things I can do. (Though I will probably also read or watch something on phone lol)

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

hmmm, this seems to be some kind of curse breaking spell… be free ye reader

[nimbus2548]

Memories from a stressful trip to Egypt

[beemovieerotica]

i think a really funny project that a statistics professor could have their class do is like. put a bunch of random, patently untrue demographic statements into a hat. "the most popular tv show among white men ages 24-27 is Bluey." "the majority of business majors are middle children." "bisexual women love hot chips." and each student picks one out of the hat and you gotta like. design a whole study and survey a group of people to specifically achieve that result. you have to prove it true. by whatever means necessary. you have to construct the most biased study possible and wrangle in your exact demographic to make that statement a statistical reality. i think people would learn a lot.

[starshipheartofg-erti]

i think hands-down the most irritating thing that happens when England play in a major tournament is when countries who have historical reasons to dislike the English (Scotland as a milder example, but especially everyone they/Britain literally COLONISED), obviously want to root against them, and then we have to read thinkpieces by so-called leftists (who lbr already have a preconceived notion of football as a "chavvy" sport) about how nobody should ever root for England to lose a game bc the domestic violence rates go up when it happens so if you're not cheering for England you're pro domestic violence and you're an anti feminist

[clophie]

super mario 64 ds (2004) - watercolour

[derrosbowserposting]

Me with my mates birthday cake one year

[quasi-normalcy]

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

my family has had some pretty interesting encounters with psychics/mediums that seem genuine in the past, but nothing will ever be funnier to me than the last guy my mom talked to who was so definitely bullshitting, because she said "I was hoping to hear from my husband" and the guy went "he said....it's okay to Move On" and like. every single person my mom has recounted this too has been like "He Would Not Fucking Say That". as if this was an ooc fanfic about my father. it's just so fucking funny. fake psychic dude take your shitty headcanons about my ghost dad and LEAVE!!!

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

like, my parents were legitimately insane about each other. I cannot stress how much he wouldn't say that. I have to assume his ghost was standing right next to this fake psychic yelling "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!" when he told my mom to move on lmfao

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

actually. funnier to imagine he was a Real Psychic who was just trying to put a move on my mom and didn't think the ghost would do anything about it and now is now dealing with a violently angry haunting for the rest of his days lmfao

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

this psychic for the rest of his life all because he tried to hit on some dead guy's wife in an elevator

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Ghost Dad: WE LITERALLY CHANGED OUR VOWS BECAUSE WE DIDN'T LIKE "TILL DEATH DO US PART"

Psychic: he says you need a real man. a tangible one. a man visible to the average eye.

[thequeeninyellowlace]

Psychic: I also choose this guy’s still-alive wife.