A Conpletely Original Poem
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I toiled, weak and weary,
On some flimsy fabrics I had purchased from the crafting store;
No one home, resigned a hermit, making hats for me and Kermit
Making pilgrim hats from craft supplies I got from Crafting Store;
hats for us, and no one more
Suddenly, there came a rapping, as if someone had been tapping
Someone faintly knocking, faintly tapping on my freezer door
First I thought, "My God, the turkey?" til I realized, and smirkied
"Baka fool! You bought the bird unfrozen from the grocery store-
Tis some ice, and nothing more."
Still, the tapping did not falter, and I, like lamb unto the altar,
Wandered, frightened, to my slaughter, opening the freezer door --
Where he sat, I did not put him, muppet ass inside the puddin,
Startled bad, I stumbled good and screamed til I couldn't scream no more
Falling down upon the floor.
Feeling stupid, I got up and dusted off my aching butt
From where I tumbled, shrieking, down upon my kitchen floor
"It's just Kermit!" Laughing, wheezing, "How'd you get here? Aren't you freezing?
Did the wife deposite you in here? And scare me to the floor?"
(Please stop rhyming floor with floor)
Suddenly, I did remember, earlier this same November
I had been divorced, she took the kids away a week before.
In my fear, I had forgotten, only now my heart felt rotten
"Will I ever hear her laugh again?" I mumbled, feeling sore
Kermit long had been my lover, still his speech had made me stutter,
Never had I heard him utter undreampt words to me before.
Staring at unmoving felt, I saw the ice began to melt
As in my foolish fright, too long I'd left ajar the freezer door
Taking him, I shut the door.
Wanting something to distract me from my sure overreacting
Imagining I'd heard him speak was surely sign of something more
Surely, hearing Kermit talk had been a message from my Cock
Wanting sweet release within the hole of slutty muppet whore
"I will take him on the floor!"
But as I thrust my meager member, urgently I did remember
Not from sudden thought, but from the cold upon my pores
In the freezer Kermit's hole had now become a deathly cold
Shrivilling my sack as then I screamed until my throat was sore
Then I screamed a little more
"Rotten muppet!" I was seething, "Do you loathe my very being?
Do you wish to further salt my recent wounds?" I did implore.
No reply, and I, in sorrow, realized that come the morrow
I would eat Thanksgiving with a muppet I could bone no more
For my conscience felt impure.
Not my conscience! No, that's bold. Surely it must be the cold
The cold, not guilt from harming wife and son those weeks before
Surely, then, if I can summon something warmer still to cum in,
Then, the guilt will leave and peaceful nights I'll have once more?
"MUPPET!" then I cried, "OR DEMON! TELL ME, WHAT'S THE FUCKING REASON?
WHY DO YOU INSIST ON MOCKING, FREEZING COCK, THERE ON THE FLOOR?"
Though out loud, he didn't respond, I heard his thinking through our bond,
Not an explanation -- a demand from him, a chore.
When I understood, I swore.
Then in his mind, the order spoken, suddenly the fridge did open
Showing, there, the bird that I had purchased from the store
"No," I whispered, vision murky, "I refuse to fuck the turkey,
Wifeless, friendless, godless, still, there's dignity inside my core!"
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