Lusja @frenchkill - Tumblr Blog

I decided to vent a bit to my best friend yesterday and fucking hell, it was a huge mistake.

I feel so guilty for doing so, they seemed worried and I hate that.

I'm feeling even worse today and I don't want to tell them about that again because well, they have their own problems plus I feel like an attention seeker.

I wanted to ask them if they want to talk because "I'm bored" but I'll just hold it for now.

I'm blasting Republika on my earphones and honestly I might get better with it.

#personal vent #vent #vent post #tw vent #wtf is wrong with me #kill me #i cant take this anymore

the-cr0w

Illustrated a paragraph from the fic "i'll let you win" by @cringejum because it's just so haunting

catchymemes

melodysky16

Meu primeiro desenho numa tela.. confesso que fiquei um pouco "traumatizada" no início por simples só ter ido desenhar sem nem ver algum tipo de tutorial na internet de como funciona os desenhos em tela (eu gosto de me arriscar KAKAKAKAKA)

Confesso que não queira fazer a Madotsuki de Yumi Nikki, e sim A rei Ayanami de Evangelion.. mais de qualquer forma eu amei o resultado final ❤️‍🩹

kosmogrl

- Do you want to vent to someone?

Yes

- Do you do it?

No

- Are your friends open for your vents?

Yes

- Do you vent to them?

No

- Did they tell you many times you can vent to them anytime?

Yes

- Do you need attention?

Yes

- Are you scared of sounding like an attention seeker?

Yes

What the fuck is my problem bro

#personal vent #vent #vent post #tw vent

frenchkill

I hate being asexual

I know it's a part of my personality, but I feel so fragile sometimes. I literally get triggered by the slightest nude art I see, I get triggered by sex jokes, I get triggered with anything. I feel like a fucking 10 year old that freaks out at the word penis.

It's not that big of a deal when I see a nsfw art on my fyp on tumblr, I get scared a bit and then just block the OP. This one is simple. But once someone tells me a sex joke or send a reel which contains some sex/porn reference, I literally need to just turn on the music and calm down for some time. I feel so stupid writing this but no one even looks at my posts so it's okay.

I just wish I'll accept myself one day and I won't behave like I do at this moment. That's so fucked up oh my God.

I sometimes try to tell my friends to not send me some type of stuff but this might make me look like a child crying. Yeah, sex is a natural thing I shouldn't be scared of. I know. I really wish I wasn't.

frenchkill

Nvm I wrote this because a situation like this happened around 20 minutes ago now I'm much calmer so ignore the post

frenchkill

Update but the joke reel my friend sent to me wasn't even about sex????? I was just the one imagining things??? Why the fuck am I so stupid oh my God I hate myself so much I want to cry

#i feel even more stupid now #this is so awkward

frenchkill

I hate being asexual

I know it's a part of my personality, but I feel so fragile sometimes. I literally get triggered by the slightest nude art I see, I get triggered by sex jokes, I get triggered with anything. I feel like a fucking 10 year old that freaks out at the word penis.

It's not that big of a deal when I see a nsfw art on my fyp on tumblr, I get scared a bit and then just block the OP. This one is simple. But once someone tells me a sex joke or send a reel which contains some sex/porn reference, I literally need to just turn on the music and calm down for some time. I feel so stupid writing this but no one even looks at my posts so it's okay.

I just wish I'll accept myself one day and I won't behave like I do at this moment. That's so fucked up oh my God.

I sometimes try to tell my friends to not send me some type of stuff but this might make me look like a child crying. Yeah, sex is a natural thing I shouldn't be scared of. I know. I really wish I wasn't.

frenchkill

Nvm I wrote this because a situation like this happened around 20 minutes ago now I'm much calmer so ignore the post

#i look so stupid rn

I hate being asexual

I know it's a part of my personality, but I feel so fragile sometimes. I literally get triggered by the slightest nude art I see, I get triggered by sex jokes, I get triggered with anything. I feel like a fucking 10 year old that freaks out at the word penis.

It's not that big of a deal when I see a nsfw art on my fyp on tumblr, I get scared a bit and then just block the OP. This one is simple. But once someone tells me a sex joke or send a reel which contains some sex/porn reference, I literally need to just turn on the music and calm down for some time. I feel so stupid writing this but no one even looks at my posts so it's okay.

I just wish I'll accept myself one day and I won't behave like I do at this moment. That's so fucked up oh my God.

I sometimes try to tell my friends to not send me some type of stuff but this might make me look like a child crying. Yeah, sex is a natural thing I shouldn't be scared of. I know. I really wish I wasn't.

#personal vent #vent post #tw vent #vent #pls help #idk what to say #idk what im doing #idk how to tag this #take care of yourself #this shit is so ass #i will kms

Art is slowly becoming something I force myself to do instead of enjoying it.

I'm not motivated to do anything at all. I want to be an artist, draw beautiful illustrations, I want to make a game, I've been planning it for the past 3 years. But everything feels so dry now. I don't see any improvement in my art anymore. Other artists are much better than me and they're happy with drawing. I'm not.

Not having any skill or hobby is scaring me. I wouldn't know what to do with my life at this point. School is draining me so much I actually don't do anything now, I just study or at least try to do it. I don't play games now, I don't draw, I don't read books, I don't write. I have no reason to do that, I can't do anything properly, even after studying for 5 hours I get a grade I'm not enjoying.

I want to make a game so much, I want to work on it, I want to develop it and be popular and known. But I surely have no time to learn how to code, how to model, how to do anything, what am I going to do in the future while I don't even enjoy a hobby I had for 6 years?

At this point, I'll just start studying non-stop, I just go back home from school, lock myself in my room, study for several hours and go to sleep at around 11PM/12AM. I don't even sleep properly. I'm stressed 24/7, I feel the stress in my veins. This is destroying me.

#personal vent #vent post #school vent #artists on tumblr #crisis core #midnight rants #mini rant #rant #idk what im doing #let that sink in #dont mind it

Why is being a therapist friend so hard???

Yeah, this post is a rant of mine. I don't write much posts here so sorry I guess.

I've been a therapist friend since I can remember. I was always open for people venting to me and never ignored any vent. I felt bad seeing people I love suffer, so I wanted to comfort them, or for example make them realize that the thing that happened was not their fault.

But why is it so hard? Sometimes these vents drain me so much. With the knowledge that people vent to me, I collect their negative energy, but who can collect mine? Who can take the energy I took from anybody else? It often drains me so much which results in feeling tons of guilt, because I can't help someone properly or I don't know what to say to cheer them up. I feel obliged to make them feel good, as if it was my duty that I forced myself to do, because I hate seeing people in a bad mood.

This sounds a bit crazy to me, I'm complaining about something I'm forcing myself to do. I don't know how to stop feeling guilty and how to not overthink about other people's well-being and mental health. This is often too much for me, that I just need to turn off my phone and think for 10 minutes, what should I say to a person venting to me. I can't just leave them on delivered or seen.

But guess it's my job. I don't want my people/my friends to think that I don't want to hear their vents anymore. I will always try to help anyone as much as I can. I just wanted to share the feelings I feel behind the screen, when I'm helping anybody. I always want to help you. But I also need help sometimes.