another life saved by girl-on-girl action

hi my name is laurel and i just like tequila because it's low-carb

[furryprovocateur]

Fork found in Bathroom #Mystery #Unexplained

[samshepard]

Hey man. Not my mountain not my eagle not my liver. Not my problem

[its-funnytwittertweets]

[jelloapocalypse]

Someone asked me a while ago if I still had a photo of the worst sink I had ever seen while apartment hunting in Los Angeles. I assumed I deleted it so I didn't answer the ask and now it's gone, but as it turns out, yes, I do still have a photo of it.

[plaguedocboi]

Incorrect sayings that I use so often I’ve almost forgotten that they’re not the originals:

I have bigger fish to fight

We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it

You can lead a horse to water, but if you drown it you have to walk home

Opening a can of whales

You made your bed, now shit in it

Combining the latter two into the phrase “you opened this can of whales, now lie in it”

[utopians]

stepped on a plum (overripe plum) (barefoot) it was on the driveway got out of the car and accidentally (didn't know it was there) stepped on the plum (warm) (on the ground) (it had fallen from the tree) barefoot (no shoes) wearing long pants (too long) (need to hem them) plum viscera got on them (the pants) unexpected plum on the driveway (hot plum) (97 degrees out) already super hungover (throwing up all morning) (should not have been driving at all) and I stepped out of the car (black car) (97 degrees out) and onto the plum (unexpected) (didn't know the plum was there) and it burst (plum nightmare on my only good pair of sweatpants) still we find ways to keep ourselves going from day to day

[utopians]

guess what post just got read aloud in poetry club tonite by an unknowing club member as I watched on in terror

[gnomebutch]

every man who says women have it easier because they can make porn when financially unstable legitimately have to kill themselves I am 100% serious

[wyrmicelli]

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

[snowown]

[northshorewave]

Handing the Google executive currently chained in my basement a piece of paper that reads "Shall I end your torture?" with one checkbox that reads "No" and another that reads "Maybe later."

[bunnywan]

ryan gosling they could never make me give a fuck about you.

[bunnywan]

next person that reblogs this saying something even the slightest bit positive about ryan gosling is getting their ass beat

[chroniccoolness]

racist white canadians and europeans want you to believe the slave trade worked like this

it did not. it is public knowledge the slave trade worked like this

and in fighting antiblackness within canada and europe it is so so so important to acknowledge these places's participation in and benefit from the transantlantic slave trade. Slavery is not just the US's dirty past, it is a triangular industry lasting centuries that white people in the united states, canada, and europe benefitted from and continue to benefit from to this day. Slavery was good for white canadians and white europeans. They liked it. they encouraged it. they had slaves, they profited from the slave trade, and they used products grown from US slave labour in every day life. The slavery of Black people would not have been possible on the sheer scale at which it happened if it were not for active, consistent participation from europe and canada.

[giveherswords]

riding the highest horse you’ve ever seen back to my glass house

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

Chapter 5 was great

[the-bitter-ocean]

The irony of nonblack people specifically calling Black Americans “Amerikkkans” is baffling to me. Hey I need you to look at me. Who do you think is the predominant target and victim to the kkk. Do you know what the kkk even is. Why do you think calling random black people online and comparing them to the racist group of white people who systematically target, abuse, and execute black people (that are still doing this to this day currently), why do you think doing that is acceptable? Do you have a fucking brain. You can (rightfully) criticize the country of America and its government *without* being fucking antiblack to the people who are historically marginalized.

[innerchildabortionclinic]

anorexia as class signaling in the US needs a dissertation atp because that's genuinely why celebrities are like that. it's not just being thin but underweight to the point where if you didn't have proper resources, you would be unable to function in daily life. that's where class comes into play. it's a way of saying you can afford to live on the edge. I fully believe this

[suigintou]

deliriously ripping open the sexy fishnet tights of a beautiful woman named bag of mandarins

[inthesensethat]