You know how stranger danger was bad advice because it told people that the biggest risk to your child were NOT people you know/family? Which is like, the complete opposite of the truth, and caused a lot of harm to children? I think the same thing happened with Law&Order :SVU and young women's concept of rape/abuse.
When any episode involves rape it is always obvious and violent and you can tell that the bad guy is obviously a bad guy. They dont show coercion, guilt, manipulation in subtle ways to show how real human people (who seem to care for you) actually do this. They should regularly show someone who seems like an actual nice guy be truly subtle in his performance. It needs to be so subtle in a boiling frogs kind of way, you know?
Mild comments of how long its been - to light complaining about not getting laid - to initiating but being lowkey huffy and distant when rejected - to starting an argument or giving silent treatment at every no to the point that the only way to have a peaceful home is to just say yes. - he never outright forces you, the fights likely will be over something petty rather than the sex, so now he can believe he's not a predator and he still got the outcome he wanted.
Needing comfort (for pain, grief, hurt feelings etc) and asking them to hold you, and they say they don't meaning to pressure you, they just can't help but get "excited" while cuddling. Yet they keep trying to "adjust" in minute ways to "accidentally" touch places they shouldn't and push your bodies boundaries repeatedly.
Going for drinks with a coworker you like and feel safe with. Them taking you to their place instead of home and then pressuring you for sex. Not really wanting to do it but convincing yourself that you might have eventually decided to do this, maybe? Now you have to work with someone who assaulted you but since people had seen you flirting, no one would believe you. Instead of confronting the assault maybe you just pretend it never happened until they are promoted to manager and you can't handle the idea of of them in a position of power over you. When you try to privately explain to your bosses the situation and asking to change schedule, they dismiss you and you now have hostile work environment and lose your job.
Waking up from a night out next to a guy you just started dating (and really liked), to be told you had sex for the first time but have zero recollection of it. In a new city, with no support network and unable to process what happened, one might continue dating this man for far too long before coming to terms with your assault. (Especially if, when you were on your first date with him, multiple people in your industry said he was a great guy and if you broke his heart they would ruin your career.)
Your partner knowing the condom snapped and completely rolled down but keeping it to himself because he knows you'll make him stop. After (knowing he was your first time) telling you maybe you aren't mature enough for sex if you're crying about a broken condom and wanting plan B.
Someone asking you out repeatedly for weeks until you finally give in. Making out on a couch watching a movie but they repeatedly try to move this to the bedroom, but you say no. When the movie is over, they give you a ride to your car. Suddenly, after trying so hard but not getting laid as expected, they say "I don't see this going anywhere, it just seems like you like me more than I like you."
When we talk about consent, its important to talk about so much: context, pressure, discomfort, safety. Its so hard to heal from trauma when you have worked so hard to convince yourself that you weren't assaulted because it didn't match exactly your idea of rape from tv/movies.
If nothing else, the concept of offering someone a cup of tea as a metaphor for consent needs to be taught in grade
