Lots of Podcasts In Here

Late-20s She/They/He No theme here just my personal ramblings, fan behavior, and occasional art projects

[fritterlitter]

The “lovers. No Ilya that’s gross” scene is so funny and cute but it’s also tender for me because the word Shane might be reaching for here is “together” like if you’re introducing your partner to your parents and clarifying your relationship to them you might say “we’re together” but Shane hesitates because they won’t define they actually are together for another 15-30 minutes

[cuppydogshane]

no weapon formed against my sweeties will prosper

[free-my-mindd]

[fritterlitter]

My weird mood continues. I think David and Yuna have the occasional marital disagreement about how he doesn’t think she should get involved in Shane and Ilya’s marital disagreements, even (especially!) if the boys try to involve them. He’s not quite well versed enough in therapy talk to verbalize it but he can tell they hold a little more sway over their adult sons’ life choices than the average parents. Yuna is a fixer, she shows her love by removing obstacles and making plans to get what her people want. And normally it’s fine because everyone involved wants it to happen however ill-advised but every once in a while David is like Yuna you cannot be a part of the conversation about boundaries with exes and now everyone in Ottawa is mad

[fritterlitter]

Mpreg au where Shane is in fact a carrier so when he and Ilya start talking family planning it’s everyone’s automatic assumption (including Shane and Ilya) that Shane will just go off birth control and have their kid. A month or two in there’s a false alarm when they think Shane might be pregnant but it turns out to be a false positive. In those 75 hours before they get a blood test to confirm (that ends up disproving the initial test) Shane realizes he absolutely can NOT be pregnant like he spends those three days feeling like a side character in an Alien movie like there is something horrifying growing inside me and I am going to die. When they get home from the appointment he’s dry heaving in the adrenaline comedown of relief and Ilya is in comfort mode like it’s ok babe we can try again but Shane is already googling hysterectomy recovery timelines

[fritterlitter]

Shane mentions watching a lot of movies, particularly on planes so to me he has very strong opinions on action movies, sports movies, romcoms, and the occasional biopic (classic plane genres)

MyRose is one of those cinephile actors who loves filmmaking like Shane loves hockey (my hc is that when she gets more leverage and experience in her career she moves into producing and directing as well as acting) and she loves classics and indie movies.

When they don’t feel like getting papped their hangouts include holing up in Rose’s super nice home theater and show each other their current favorite movie. Technically they’re allowed to tap out after an hour if they hate it but they never do bc sometimes love is watching a boring ass movie your friend likes. Their biggest overlap in taste is slasher/thriller/horror movies and they love to yell at the screen and judge the characters’ survival instincts. They have a list of all the horror classics that they’re watching in release order and they fuck heavily with Cabin in the Woods.

[fritterlitter]

One time pre-Rose knowing about Ilya she has them watch The Red Shoes because she remembers the dance sequences being pretty and wants to talk old technical effects. The first half is chill but by the end Shane is actively crying with a face of such anguish she doesn’t let him sleep alone that night

[fritterlitter]

Shane mentions watching a lot of movies, particularly on planes so to me he has very strong opinions on action movies, sports movies, romcoms, and the occasional biopic (classic plane genres)

MyRose is one of those cinephile actors who loves filmmaking like Shane loves hockey (my hc is that when she gets more leverage and experience in her career she moves into producing and directing as well as acting) and she loves classics and indie movies.

When they don’t feel like getting papped their hangouts include holing up in Rose’s super nice home theater and show each other their current favorite movie. Technically they’re allowed to tap out after an hour if they hate it but they never do bc sometimes love is watching a boring ass movie your friend likes. Their biggest overlap in taste is slasher/thriller/horror movies and they love to yell at the screen and judge the characters’ survival instincts. They have a list of all the horror classics that they’re watching in release order and they fuck heavily with Cabin in the Woods.

[fritterlitter]

I can’t find the original so please tag me if you do, but there’s that post like ‘Ilya was destined to burn bright then die young and Shane was destined to die inside then live a long life. But more than that they were destined to love each other’ and it’s like their connection over the years changed their stories.

Anyways this obviously inspired a depressing barely bittersweet au in my mind that I don’t have it in me to actually flesh out rn where they start, but something stops them from fully realizing their relationship and they fall victim to these other lesser destinies.

Maybe one day they could have reconnected but Ilya passes away by 35. Shane never really loves again and retreats into the appearance of ‘normalcy’. He marries a woman who he comes to consider a good friend, despite the fact that neither of them hold a spark of desire for each other, and they have several kids and a predictable life together. He plays hockey as long as possible and continues to win awards, trophies, a place in the hall of fame. All of it feels hollow without Ilya. Eventually he retires and keeps busy in the hockey world and everything just keeps going.

After a long life, Shane passes away quietly, preceded several years ago by his wife of decades, and is eulogized glowingly by people who loved him and never really knew him. They talk about how he was a private man who always seemed to have something on his mind but good and dependable. The time comes to sort out his earthly possessions and going through it his private effects falls to his favorite grandson.

The grandson is in his early twenties and one of those people born out of the closet. He’s been gay as long as anyone can remember and has always had something of a special connection with Grandpa Shane, who taught him to throw a punch when he got bullied in middle school and always told him he’s so brave and he should never be afraid to live. During the last few years of Shane’s life, the grandson spent a lot of time with him, hearing stories about his early years and telling Shane about his misadventures in love.

While sorting through Shane’s office, the grandson finds a box he’s seen Shane looking through at times. He opens it up to find an assortment of papers and momentos. There’s a small bundle of hotel keycards, labeled with locations and dates. There’s an old, old touchscreen phone that probably hasn’t turned on in years and pages of printed out texts with a “Lily” and a phone number jotted on the top of the first page-like the writer didn’t want to forget it once they phone died. There’s a collection of hockey player cards for one Ilya Rozanov, some-the grandson later learns-worth a lot of money after the man’s untimely death many years ago. There’s an Olympic medal that’s not Shane’s, a roll of fading hockey tape, an ancient Boston Raiders beanie, a program from Rosanov’s funeral, a tooth-of all things.

There’s an envelope that contains a stack carefully preserved Polaroids that make the grandson blush vividly. A few he has to place facedown because Grandpa Shane definitely didn’t want those seen (which begs the question of why he couldn’t bear to get rid of them himself when he knew he would pass soon). But the rest, the rest are what breaks the grandson’s heart. Undeniable evidence of what the rest of the box suggests. Two young men, the grandson’s own age, unquestionably in love. One image shows the two kissing, bare shoulders and mussed up hair caught at odd angles because the picture taker was too distracted to keep the camera straight. Another frames a pale back littered with moles, a hint of tanned knees on either side of the subjects waist, clearly straddling him from behind to capture the shot. More along the same vein. The pictures are so soft, so genuine, snapshots of moments so secret they could only be entrusted to old, instant-print film.

The final image is the one that makes the grandson go from quiet awe to tears running down his own freckled cheeks. It’s Shane, and maybe it should be weird to see a picture of his grandfather young and naked, but the image is so innocently captured it doesn’t feel dirty or awkward. Shane is sprawled comfortably on a bed, propped up on his elbows and looking at the camera, or more likely the cameraman. He’s smiling in a way that the grandson doesn’t remember ever seeing him smile and his familiar eyes are full of an unfamiliar glimmer. Joy, attraction, love. In that moment the grandson realizes Shane lived almost his entire life having lost that and never found it again. He puts the Polaroids where they’ll be safe and sobs.

When he can finally put words to it all, he calls his Aunt Ruby-who is not literally related to him but has always been in his life-because maybe she’ll understand what he needs to do. She’s a woman well into her 60s and is best described as “a spitfire” and was close to Shane her whole life. They talk for hours and reminisce and ask themselves how they could have missed it. In the end they decide he should curate and compile everything he’s learned, in case one day it feels right for it to be known, but until then they’ll honor Shane’s secret and his truth quietly.

With a touch of help from Aunt Ruby’s wife and siblings they secretly swap Shane’s ashes with wood ash and take his remains on a road trip to Boston. Scattering the ash feels too impermanent so Aunt Ruby keeps a close watch while the grandson digs as far as he’s willing to risk, especially considering celebrity graves probably have better security. When they’ve gone as far as they can they place Shane’s ashes together with his rookie of the year award and cover the spot the best they can. They leave a bouquet of lilies on Ilya Rosanov’s (and now Shane Hollander’s) grave. They go visit the harbor and leave the two to finally, finally be together forever.

[fritterlitter]

Not even frequently touching grass has saved me. caught myself considering the possibilities of a hollanova x hollanov crossover

[keasusreevsus]

#MyOttawaCentaurs share one collective braincell that bounces around like a dvd screensaver and everytime it hits a corner one member of the team gets to have a single coherent thought

[cuppydogshane]

all the rights that come with marriage you should be able to have without marriage btw. you should be able to designate a person who can visit you in the hospital regardless of your relationship to that person.

[cuppydogshane]

i regret picking that specific example. tumblr user pedantry makes me want to throw rocks. i should have picked the example of You Cant Just Put Whoever on your Insurance

[fritterlitter]

It’s always lmao I was raised in a cult until I do actually have behaviors that stem from being raised in quite arguably a cult 😔

[angel-mistakes]

Shane orders a fan-made temporary tattoo that says "Rozanov" or "Rozanov 81". He applies it on his lower back as a surprise before meeting up with Ilya at his place-- Ilya has them go so many rounds that the tattoo comes off from their sweat

[fritterlitter]

Golden Boy Shane and Bad Boy Ilya are the same kind of guy actually

[penandinkprincess]

no but if i think about las vegas too long, i will send ilya to prison in my mind (i love him so much, but you MUST do time for las vegas, king.)

like the way shane was so down to try this out despite it still being a little uncomfy and new because their last sexual experience was SO good. and it IS good! like! it feels good and hot and fun.

because shane thinks they're PLAYING.

like ilya in the bathroom before was softer (still distant, still not the version of himself he was in shane's bed six months ago, but *close*) and nudged him in close and rubbed his fingers along shane's neck and kissed him and teased with him. so like. okay. the want is still there. the Us is still there. he didn't get what he wanted and then no longer had any interest.

which means shane goes into sex being like, "okay. we're trying out a new thing. we checked off vanilla regular sex last time. we're playing a new thing here, and i'm playing, too." (tiny shane smirk when he takes the power back enough to get ilya to give up his power game and fuck him, you will always be famous to me.) and it's good! he's horny as fuck, and ilya being bossy and a little mean is FUN.

BECAUSE he is operating under the idea of Other Ilya being under there, too.

like, okay, no missionary this time. straight to fucking him from behind. but that's okay! ilya did that last time, too, and then he curled up behind shane and snuggled him and kissed him after. he's not kissing shane's shoulders and checking in with him this time, but they're playing! and shane has more experience this time (one (1) time, but hey! counts!), so yeah. of course ilya would be more chill about not asking if he's okay every ten seconds.

but then?? it's over?? and ilya just?? immediately pulls out?? what?? that's not how this goes???

and then ilya sits NEXT to him on the bed?? but doesn't kiss him??? doesn't even??? look at him????

but they're not supposed to be playing anymore??? what happened here???

like that had to be SO fucking confusing. no wonder shane left feeling like shit. he thought ilya was playing, but when shane played back?? he apparently didn't understand the rules???? what did he do wrong?? that's not how they're supposed to do this?? were they not playing?? is this just how they're supposed to do this from now on??? but why???

[fritterlitter]

I know it’s supposed to be emblematic of his inner turmoil or whatever but Shane fighting for his life against that vodka in Vegas never fails to crack me up

[fritterlitter]

Recovering from 2-in-1 vaccine visit so today is going to be a most indulgent fic writing day. As a warm up I present #myJessicaNoLastname (which directly contradicts some canon but shush)

I subscribe to Shane’s high school girlfriend is a lesbian and they were school friends first headcanons, so basically they’re in a mutual comphet relationship and they both think attraction=someone you like as a person and are comfortable around.

She’s a team athlete on track to go pro just like Shane (maybe soccer/lacrosse/rugby idk which is most popular in Canada). They like to work out together or go on runs as dates.

She’s a (yet unrealized) butch. Like masc-ness and butchness are essential to her identity and sexuality but she’s not ready to accept that yet when she’s young. She basically lives in athletic wear and almost never does her makeup and is described as “sporty” and “a tomboy” growing up. She’s has big “just one of the guys” energy. She mostly keeps her hair super long but always slicked up in a ponytail or braid or bun. Her senior year she gets brave and gets a pixie cut and her and Shane don’t even subconsciously think about how their kisses are a little more natural and how they both like the way he always runs his hands through her short hair.

They both consider their relationship sooo normal and good. They go on all the classic dates, but they never get distracted from school or-more importantly games and practice. They’re not horny-dumb and shoving their tongues down each other’s throats like their friends and they’re a bit judgy about it. When Shane breaks things off it’s very chill and they mutually agree they need to focus on their careers and the only thing they’re really sad about is that maybe it’s weird to be exes and friends? They both want to stay in contact but they’re professional athletes now with busy lives and they both want to reach out but feel weird so they drift apart, occasionally liking each others professional successes on Instagram.

Time goes by and women’s professional sports, for all their difficulties, are much more forgiving of queer identities and with the support of friends Jessica realizes she’s into women and prefers a more masculine presentation and she’s a big hit with the fans. She doesn’t come out per se but just starts dating and stops wearing dresses, even to formal events, and considers one day when she retires she might go on T and life is good. Once or twice she thinks about her high school boyfriend Shane, who’s now Shane Fucking Hollander and thinks maybe there was something happening there for him too but by now they’re definitely not close enough for her to reach out and ask.

She moves to Toronto for work and meets a really cute woman named Kristy and they have a romance worth it’s own novel and life is sooo good. Then mens sports news gets really interesting for once when things start getting really gay and lo and behold Jessica’s ex Shane is actually gay as well but she still feels too distant to reach out and he’s probably overwhelmed so she doesn’t say anything.

By the next year her and her girlfriend are serious and it’s time for Jessica to meet the family. More specifically her brother, who Jessica’s girlfriend has only recently admitted happens to be Wyatt Hayes of the Ottawa Centaurs and Jessica doesn’t follow hockey that closely so it’s only as she’s walking into his house for a casual party with family and coworkers that she thinks about it long enough to realize one of his coworkers is Shane Hollander.

Despite how much she’s changed he still recognizes her and he looks surprised and nervous but she’s an extrovert so she puts a lid on her own shock goes

“Shane! Oh my god what are the odds?” And he immediately relaxes and says

“Jay, It’s been so long! How’re you doing? You look great!”

And she teases “yeah much more your type now”

And it’s kind of like hitting play after years sitting on pause, they fall right back into being comfortable and friendly and Jessica can feel everyone, her girlfriend most of all, staring in confusion at her and Shane laughing together. And Jessica can’t resist being a little bit out of pocket so in front of literally everyone she turns to Kristy and goes

“Hey babe, I want you to meet my ex-boyfriend, Shane Hollander”

And Ilya takes one look at the most masculine woman he’s ever seen and laughs so hard he snorts beer out of his nose