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[girlballs-archive]

hey girl your pussy is awesome, where did you get it installed?

[mantis-lizbian]

between my thighs

[girlballs-archive]

[lemonemenom]

I love that gum trees were carted over to California due to their ability to thrive in harsh environments, only for fire season to hit and the Americans realise that the trees were the harsh environment.

Baby girls, fire literally be the gum trees kink;

[frenzyarts]

I’m a magician in the sheets 😏 *pulls a rabbit out of my pussy*

[give-grian-rights]

-Mary Toft, 1726

[the-dumb-smart-friend]

Hold on I need to look something up

[the-dumb-smart-friend]

What

[give-grian-rights]

yeah. sorry

[youll-find-out-on-saturday]

[youll-find-out-on-saturday]

By popular demand

[fromthekillercountry]

The pit during Jimmy. So many of you out there

[fromthekillercountry]

For all those waving with flashlights on phones, HI!!!! We are up the top left of the stage and we love you!!

[dateamonster]

high fantasy setting where its a popular superstition (how much of it is actually accurate is up to u) that saying the name of any kind of inhuman mischief-bringer will summon them (speak of the devil and so on).

in most places its still common practice to use the regular respectful euphemisms: fair folk, good neighbors, etc. but somewhere down the line the folks in this particular area got kinda sick of being so formal about these creatures, so now its local practice to just aggressively mispronounce their names.

now instead of goblins gremlins and demons theyve got stories of gerblins gemmins and dimmons.

[roach-works]

adventurer: hi we're here to slay the, uh

barkeeper: the what

adventurer: the uh

barkeeper: the what. say it.

adventurer: the...the dwagon.

[wittyno]

@probablybadrpgideas

[everybidenjusthavegoodtime]

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

[hotcommunist-deactivated2019032]

invasive species encroach on lesbian territory

[dreaming-shark]

This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.

[ailithnight]

A properly raised and socialized Dad will be perfectly comfortable cohabiting with Lesbians. Its not really “encroaching on another’s territory”. You wouldn’t say that about foxes in a forest that also homes bobcats, would you? No. It’s just two different species that have both evolved to live in similar/the same environment. As long as they recognize each other as equals, Dads and Lesbians are more than capable of cohabitation.

Now, if you were to release a pack of Lumberjacks into a Lowes or Home Depot, that’s where chaos will reign. Being adapted to a far harsher and more demanding environment, the Lumberjacks would simply push Dads and Lesbians both out and also consume far more than a sustainable amount of resources. It would be like releasing bears at a country club.

[chequerootlurks]

As a former timber-harvester… I feel this is potentially accurate in theory. But highly improbable in actuality.

Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.

This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.

A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.

Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.

One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.

Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.

Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.

Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.

Please stop labeling Lumberjacks as dangerous roving social predators. They are intermediate level omnivores and remarkably peaceful unless threatened.

[thatdisasterauthor]

As a hardware store worker I can say that this is all 100% accurate.

[swindle94]

now how in the FUCK am i supposed to leave tumblr when a god tier post like THIS is just is just waiting for me daily?!?!?!

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[ultrafacts]

[bestnatesmithever]

What if it bites me and it dies?

[finalellipsis-deactivated201807]

that means you’re poisonous. jesus christ, nate, learn to read.

[babblingfishes]

What if it bites itself and I die?

[william-petrisous-and-other-blo]

It’s voodoo.

[the-ordinary-nerd]

What if it bites me and someone else dies?

[tpt-moved]

That’s correlation, not causation.

[pizzadut]

what if we bite each other and neither of us die

[demonsinsuits]

that’s kinky

[pizzadut]

oh my god

[the-last-snow-elf]

this is still my favorite text post collaboration ever

[takineko]

I haven’t seen this post in like 3 years

[supercalifragilisticosteoporosis]

IT’S BACK IT’S STILL ACTIVE

[dragonindigo245]

Dude I remember this post back when I didn’t even have Tumblr. This is great.

[hissingvirgil]

This legendary post… on MY dash? Dang.

[theeldritchbeesechurger]

I FOUND IT

[xxred-five-standing-byxx-deacti]

“Hey, look. I got the hammer. And it only took me, like, what? 10 seconds. 11 tops.”

[red-faced-wolf-deactivated20251]

The best

[ironbloodaika]

Glad he hasn’t been forgotten.

[official-katori]

[vivairi-deactivated20190813]

Reblog every time

[fuks]

the best tiktok ever made

[starsandatoms]

UN! MUTE!

[cookie-sheet-toboggan]

Air Himbo

Water Himbo

Earth Himbo

Fire Himbo

[immaplatypus]

@crvggio​ I’ve been laughing at this for 47 years

[demigoddessqueens]

And the Avatar

[an-eldritch-nightmare-deactivat]

Reblogging again because that last addition is IMPORTANT

[mypunkpansexualtwin]

But when the world needed him most, he pulled the wrong lever...

[lady-byleth]

Why do they even have that lever?

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

i think it's fucked up that there are plants that decided they wanted to eat meat

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

a plant's job is literally to just exist but the venus flytrap chose violence

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

what if i gently laid an uncooked steak on the soil for it to absorb

[iridescentjaq]

my tree biology teacher fed her calcium-deficient tree a whole-ass bbq rib bone - she stuck it in the ground near the base of the tree (after eating the meat off of it), and when she came back to collect it to show the tree biology class it was GONE

the tree had grown a root up through the center of it & out through the sides

also there’s an old story about a man who was buried beneath a tree, and when they went to exhume the body it had been completely absorbed by the tree’s roots- you could see the shape of the body in the way the roots grew, splitting up for clearly defined arms and legs. trees will absolutely eat a steak if you bury it & they need the nutrients.

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

that’s horrifying! thank you

[msaprildaniels]

This is how I want to be buried now.

[dovewithscales]

This is beautiful

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

My favorite thing about The Mandalorian is the implication that Yoda spent like a century toddling about in the Temple, squealing delightedly at everything while Masters ran after to him to keep him from eating spiders and bugs from the gardens. 

(At some point everyone probably forgot he was supposed to grow up one day and he was just the Order’s baby for a hundred years or so.) 

[gffa]

Baby Actual Yoda eating small amphibious creatures from the Room of a Thousand Fountains while he’s too small and too green to see amongst the foliage so the other Jedi Masters are frantically running around looking for their missing baby is canon now, no take backs.

[fanficsforheartandsoul]

Just imagine generations of Jedi taking care of him, from master to master and every accomplished master once had “Baby Duty” and everyone remembers different stories of taking care of Yoda and all of them have some horror stories they like to tell new caretakers. Like “One time he got into the vents and we had to search the whole vent system of the temple. And we couldn’t find him! Turns out he had already left the system again to go to the garden!”

[fromthekillercountry]

@exploringoldnebulas yes. I love this

[i-m-snek]

Lots of adorable merch available, surprise your reptile loving family with gifts, or grab something for yourself!  https://teespring.com/stores/leli-n-pals

[fromthekillercountry]

@exploringoldnebulas I need some of these

[anachronic-cobra]

Alien: You’re telling me that in times of great distress humans have been known to suddenly gain the strength necessary to lift objects more than a dozen times their own weight?!

Human: Yeah, it’s called “hysterical strength” and it usually happens in life-or-death situations, like when someone gets stuck under a car or something and someone lifts the car to get them out. We can’t really test it though, ‘cause it only happens spontaneously.

Alien: Humans have the ability to tap into untold strength and power and you don’t even know how you do it?

Human: Pretty much, yeah. We think it has something to do with temporary analgesia, so we just don’t feel the pain we should when we pick up a 3000-pound car.

Alien: YOUR PAIN RESPONSE JUST SHUTS OFF?

Human: Yeah, it’s like an adrenaline thing? Do you not have that?

Alien: Fuck you and your entire species of tiny juggernauts.

[alexyquest]

Did this post just use a dialogue format to trick me into learning science

[bunjywunjy]

I was walking through the toy aisle at Target when I found this thing and had a VIOLENT AND IMMEDIATE FLASHBACK to when JP first came out and they had a bunch of REALLY COOL T Rex toys that I would have sold one of my scrawny small-child limbs for but my mother wouldn’t get me one because they were “too violent and also ate people” :(

[bunjywunjy]

hnn I WANT IT SO BAD

[bunjywunjy]

on closer inspection, it makes a lot of really obnoxious noises and is also Too Expensive. BUT FEAR NOT I found this slightly smaller dude wedged in the back!

IT HAS BITE ACTION, AND THAT’S THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS

[bunjywunjy]

now we enter the testing phase

yup. looks good.

[bunjywunjy]

Extreme Chompin T-Rex says IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS

[digitaldiscipline]

Can we take a moment to appreciate that we can use this as a rosetta stone to say “EXTREME CHOMPIN’ “ in four languages?

[bunjywunjy]

OH SHIT YOU’RE RIGHT, let me check the garbage to see if it’s still there! hopefully I didn’t destroy it in my excitement

[bunjywunjy]

*roar sound effect*

[bunjywunjy]

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

[bunjywunjy]

update update: I re-sized her collar and found a bag of toy bones at the craft store. I haven’t put this much effort into a non-school thing since my last job search, help

(secret bonus: the other side of her tag)

[crochetninja]

There’s more!

[nuggsmum]

I love.

[bunjywunjy]

I saw that people are reblogging the thread again, so I thought I’d give you all an update on how Wexter is doing!

(just fine)

[bunjywunjy]

Wexter And The Case Of Her Continuing Marvelously Naughty Garden Adventures

OP and Wexter can break all my toes and I would still send a thank you card

[bunjywunjy]

Wexter says SHE WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING (but she might chew your ankles a little bit maybe)

[bunjywunjy]

so it’s come to my attention that at some point this weekend Wexter blew past 100,000 notes, and I for one think that’s very cash money of her.

[bunjywunjy]

we’re coming to you LIVE More than two hundred thousand notes later from HALLOWEEN 2020, where WEXTER continues to be absolutely DINO-RIFFIC!

… at least for as long as it takes to chew the costume off.

[bunjywunjy]

it chrismas

merr chrismas