heaven's feel

independent ikari yui

[infinity-aesthetic]

source: ♡

[katsmoving]

life isn’t a fairytale, where the heroes are righteous and the villains are wicked, this is reality, and sometimes the would-be heroes betray us, and the devil lends a helping hand.

oh, how the world deceives us // k.s. (via foxmvlders)

[seelesdog-deactivated20170119]

        the last thing he wanted was to hurt shinji. all he wished for was his happiness, but angels and humanity were not meant to coexist. their love had been something forbidden, as powerful and meaningful as it was. shinji had given him some escape from that loneliness, the ache in his chest, and in turn he gave shinji hope, happiness. let him know he could still smile, still laugh. kaworu wishes he kept smiling and laughing, even after the seventeenth sacrificed himself for the whole of the lilin. he wishes to return to shinji, to feel the warmth of his body, to press his lips to his jaw and fingers to his flesh. to assure him he’s still here. he’s not going anywhere, not again.

                         ( if i can be granted just one wish, then let me sleep by your side, wherever that may be. )

       a hand against his cheek, he feels it as though it were flesh and blood. kaworu tilts his head into it, his own hand lifting to touch fingertips over her delicate knuckles. truly the hands of a mother, even if the connection between a mother and her child is not there. all the same, it makes a tremble pass through his body. a crack in his composure. a sharp inhale, though he does not need to breathe within this primordial sea.

       “i want to be with him,” the words spill from his tongue before he can stop them. there’s no hiding the subtle quiver in his tone. kaworu stares at her with wide eyes, like a confused child, grasping for answers within the chaos of his mind. a soul as old as the moon, the sun and the stars, but i am still a boy. “if i should leave, to join your son… then what of you, yui?” the inquiry is quiet, he gives her a long stare. “what will you do?”

[fructusium-blog]

Reunion. The word is lovely, a promise of what’s been unreachable for more than a decade. But it’s also traitorous, a looming threat of not knowing her place. After all, hasn’t she hurt enough? Her actions are a gamble in motion and the price has been high, the crimson waves and stench of death. Everything, all of this… it was for Shinji’s sake alone. To not let those men take the future from him and it had been almost enough to commence the apocalypse. The aftermath is not glorious, not like the epopee of selfish and meddlesome gods but a wasteland of a planet hurt by its own children.

But Shinji is alive. And Kyoko’s daughter is too.

That’s what matters. As long as one has the will to live and distinguish themselves from the primordial soup of life, life will begin anew. “What will I do?”

Her eyes are soft and her smile is the same. A child should not be meant to hold a burden of the weight this boy has. He’s fragile and beautiful like her own son and damaged, not meant for this chess game she decided to play with the committee. SEELE’s child. The final messenger. He has a soul older than the stars but he’s not too older from Shinji.

“Will you watch over him for me?” A request. She has haunted Shinji’s dreams far too long and ten years of separation are hurtful but it’s for him, Yui wish to fulfill her promise. A vow from a mother to her child. Letting go is hard and the grief of not being able to watch over her son anymore is almost enough to make her step down and hold Shinji. But no one has ever understood her ambitions, not even in her college days.

Others used to wonder why she dated Gendo. An enigma. someone like her, the rumors would spread over her deaf ears, deserved someone better. In another world, another her would have never been crossed paths with her husband. But that her would never have Shinji and Yui pities the possibility of that her with a happiness strange from hers.

“All I’ve done for so long has been for Shinji’s sake.” It’s an admission, a confession and she holds no doubt of the sincerity in her heart. The words hit the air, almost breathing in the scent of a dead sea. “He and I have given each other our goodbyes. And I trust him to understand happiness is possible. He knows his mother has been gone from the world a long time ago.”

The question is ‘Will you deny yourself happiness?’ hangs in the air to the boy who loves her son.

[forgoher-deactivated20160901]

                             ‘  ne, it all rested on him, this whole time.   ’

      mother mother, a girl without one raised in FOREIGN households speaking a tongue that was not her own. how the angel with torn wing & BLOODIED lips left at the bottom of the pit to R O T, found salvation in death. found it in the silent, PIOUS prayer to an unknown god.

                                        ‘   — so does it matter ?  ’

[fructusium-blog]

Years ago, life had been entirely about daily chats, investigations and researches. She remembers Kyouko vaguely but her old friend’s daughter mirrors the face long forgotten from memory, the isolation of the Eva meant separation from most of what she’d known. A high price to gamble against SEELE’s plans but a sacrifice nonetheless. The soup of primordial life is the temporary endgame scenario — unless humanity wishes to remain this way.

Softly, Yui gives an inquiry of her own. “Is this what you wished for?”

[frauleinwunder]

🎼 starter call | @fructusium :||

          «  Eh?! … oh, it’s you, again. You… scared me. Are you always this clumsy?  »

[fructusium-blog]

Silly as it sounds, walking with heels is brand new. Therehadn’t been occasions to change shoes into more professional ones and it wouldbe a lie to say she isn’t trying her best. But it’s easier to use anythingwithout platform. Running is a challenge nowadays and walking is nothingbetter, leading to constant apologies for her feet.

“Oh! No, no, I didn’t hit you or anything, did I?”

[kaworucchi]

“…Before you were born, we had other seasons.”

[starsuggestion]

you have so much to live for

[getevangelized]

« Your mother was my salvation.    My support. My hope.    One who didn’t know love, nor how to love,    Crawling along the ground all my life.    The only light God gave me was Yui.

   But that light was taken away    In a single moment.    I cursed God, then asked him:    “Why do you give? And why do you take?”    “Is this punishment for the sins of mankid?” »

[queernoctis]

I’m a n-n-nervous wreck

[fructusium-blog]

basic pages are done! i’ll go and rewatch the series (it’s been so long like two years? ahh time passes so fast!) but meanwhile, you can like for a starter! the name is gabi and thank you all for the follows, say hello to robot mom!

[fructusium-blog]

seelesdog replied to your post:

i was dead on the floor, why do u ask

you weren’t dead. the force kawoshin is strong within you.

[fructusium-blog]

👍 sweet wonderful mather. you obviously care for her a lot and flesh her character out so much more than we see in the series. there's so much depth there and it's just so nice to see, since not a lot of people can do that with characters we know so little about.

Send 👍 if you like my character portrayal; please say why.

zach… where were you all those years ago

[lestatdelight-archive-deactivat]

Send 👍 if you like my character portrayal; please say why.

[fructusium-blog]

✘ ☞

✘ something the MUN has made them do/say that they didn’t want to?

“She hasn’t made me so far do anything I don’t like.”

☞ would they like themselves as a character? why or why not?

if she goes only with the tv series, yui would admit that her real intentions wouldn’t be understood at first glance. she would believe that she meant well but it isn’t easy to know someone who appears in limited screen time and with a biased way by fuyutsuki and gendo.

she would certainly prefer herself in the manga adaptation because her character is expanded and she makes more appearances. however, she has to admit that her character is a mystery and difficult to decipher by not going with all the adaptations.

[arl3quin-deactivated20161113]

➤➤➤“what 4th wall?”

send a SYMBOL and my MUSE will respond:

♕ what do they think of their mun?

❖ do they like the layout of mun’s rp blog? what would they change about it?

✯ what’s their favorite official art of themselves?

♞ least favorite official art of themselves?

☯ something in canon they wish they hadn’t said/done?

✘ something the MUN has made them do/say that they didn’t want to?

♖ are they popular in their fandom? how do they feel about that?

☞ would they like themselves as a character? why or why not?

♋ does muse have any interest in roleplaying? if so, what/who would they play as?

㋡ which icon of them that mun has is their favorite? which one do they never want to see mun use again or ever?

[fructusium-blog]

there's no body. it's just for show, he said. her name intricately carved into the stone. a beautiful name, shinji thought. if only he could remember what her face looked like. he hadn't bought the flowers, they'd been hastily pushed into his hands as a second thought. he wondered if she'd liked them. the next time, he'd bring another sort. perhaps, she'd like them better. as he looks down at her tombstone, he wonders if she's happy. he wishes he was happy with out her. "happy mother's day."

A memory of a memory.

When her son comes for another synch test, her eyessoften and she welcomes him to what’s a metaphor of a mother’s womb. He’suneasy, as per usual, of entering Unit-01 but she understands, the berserknature of the Evangelion is infamous and while he’s the pilot, to doubt is tobe human. Maybe, one day, he will feel her presence — and remember that fatefulday of the contact experiment. A price for him to understand she isn’t anylonger in physical form, bound forever into the Eva to protect her child.

A scientist she was. A woman she had been first. But whattakes priority the most is to be a mother.

Gendo had discarded all that had mirrored a resemblanceto who Ikari Yui had been. And the bitterness of Shinji’s thoughts floats inthe LCL, he’d been too young to remember her face in detail. And yet, here hewas, in the presence of his mother and being occasionally watched by Lilith’svessel, a mirror of her own appearance. It’s not the same, it will never be,with no photos left, how he can mourn?

Neither Shinji and Gendo had healed from her loss andshe apologizes from being such a selfish mother and wife. The future’s in herson’s shoulders, SEELE’s hands trying to salvage the scenario her husbandcreates. He needs his mother, she knows but all she can offer is to makeeverything more soothing in the entry plug.

She sees all that had happened in that memory and herhand caresses Shinji’s cheek, gently, softly, knowing this is the closest hewill feel of a mother’s touch in a long while. He’s terrified of unit-01, evenwhen she resides in its very core but she’s grateful he comes to meet her,unwillingly or not. Placing a kiss on his forehead, her hands hold her child’sface, allowing herself to remember him until the next time he visits.

“I can’t be happy without you, dear.” Thank you.

[getevangelized]

 || ᴀ MOTHER ɪs GOD ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇʏᴇs ᴏғ ʜᴇʀ CHILD ||