Back briefly from my hiatus to ponder, once again, on Bolaire.
I just read a post where someone was talking about how they finally understood the whole Halaire thing because of Bolaireās āeverything you write changes everythingā speech, citing it as wonderfully gay.
It is, but I realised upon reading that that Bolaire is probably better identified as a logophile; dare I say though no such thing exists, a logosexual. Hal could have whatever sexual organs or indeed none, even be a gelatinous cube, but itās the words and the concepts that have captured the mask, not necessarily the flesh that produces them. Well, at least at this juncture of storytelling.
Bolaire also cherished his place as a part of Halās family as he had none of his own that heād been able to find, but the core of this whole relationship started with words, art, and the love of it. The rest grew from that, and even as the rest was torn away over two horrific weeks, the love of the words remains, probably to an extremely painful extent.
Weāve seen that Bolaire canāt make other peopleās words fit into his dream of family - Teor and Cydās reunion as shown to Rulius Merchanaud - and it seems that Bolaire isnāt quite at the stage where he feels he can create his own words. Almost - he created a Figment and a mini Bolaire, so heās at the precipice - but heās still living in the shock of whatās happened.
Hopefully he can get to create before Lady Termina Cormoray comes to try to disintegrate him again; that world needs more creation and a lot less destruction.
Geez, yet again my rambling got away from me. I just wanted to say, Bolaire = word love.
"This is why I heard you singing David Bowie earlier."
For context: "Underground" is a song that David Bowie wrote for the movie "Labyrinth (1986), in which he played Jareth the goblin king. In the movie, the protagonist is challenged by a room of impossible staircases that defy gravity and logic.
A friend of mine apparently ordered me a squishy Molly of my very own when they became available, and it arrived at the end of a really crappy migraine week. Perfect timing!
Hey, remember how Tyranny has been on AramƔn for about 6 months?
Well, it's actually more like 9 months Earth time. Most of a year.
Because while the July 2026 Lore Keepers' Ledger did not drop how long an AramƔn year is or (more) month names, they did tell us that each month on AramƔn is 45 days long. So 6 AramƔn months is 270 days, divide by 30 as the average month length for Earth for 9 Earth months.
Tyranny's had roughly a full school year to learn about how to live on AramƔn before the campaign started.
Also she could have been on AramƔn for up to 6 weeks before barfing in an urn at Bolaire's previous Archanade gala (and watching Julien drunk/high cry?) since that was also 6-is months pre-campaign and the months are about 6.5 weeks. But I digress.
Right from the beginning of Campaign 4, Murray had been one of my ultimate favourites, right up there with Bolaire and Occtis. Often she surpassed them as I really enjoyed her hilarity and ability to really get into the meat of what was going on. She made some very frustrating missteps with her interpretations of the data that she insisted upon pushing on the group, but on the whole I was happily along for the ride. The museum gala was a masterpiece of strategy she stunningly pulled off to save King Gus.
Then the convergence happened, and I hit the brakes big time.
Please note that I am in a Mood. I may come back and edit this heavily, or delete it entirely when Iām not seeing it through this haze of ouch. I loathe sticking the boot into certain characters as sometimes itās seen as a condemnation of their players or whatever group - minority or majority - they represent, and I know poor Marishaās been through it before. I am talking about Murray, who has done a few things lately that irked me and lowered my opinion of her, the character. Ye gods, I should just delete this now.
I hope it was Murray letting it all go to her head, but when Gus compliments her on being able to break the mind control of his druid, she doesnāt correct him. But fair enough, I thought, Hal didnāt want his name attached to the incident and itās hard to correct a king anyway. So I let that slide until hindsight.
The thing that started this for me was the Demodus Decision.
Azune completely bypasses Bolaire to go to Murray about bringing Demodus to the Einfasen Stahlkeep. She doesnāt consult Bolaire - who Demodus has ostensibly been living with for the last week - either about this meeting or about getting him the job in Timmony. Nor does she tell Bolaire about it at all.
If the whole Termina thing hadnāt happened, was Bolaire supposed to walk back into his apartment and realise Demodus was gone? Heās an absentee landlord, but geez. If Demodus hadnāt written him a goodbye note and flip book, there would have been no thanks, no acknowledgment, not even a farewell. Bolaire would have been just a thing to be used again - at least Demodus thought about him where his āfriendsā didnāt.
Murray only told Bolaire at all when he decided to accompany the Seekers to Timmony, where she instructed him to go say hi to Demodus and see how heās doing.
Can you feel my opinion of Murray deflating as I jot this down? Remember, I adored this character; I looked forward to seeing her on screen, and enjoyed her little interaction with the pixie at the play. Forgive me, but that was about the only thing she did there at KoāTherai apart from play Waldorf to Halaās Stantler and drink Yargrahz, wasnāt it? Oh right, she jokingly took credit for stabilising the bridges by thinking about them. Good dwarf.
I think Iām still a bit sensitive about how certain characters ended up being treated by the end of c4e31. Yes, yes, Bolaire is one of these, but look at Occtis as well. When Julien is the only one looking out for you, things are pretty fucked up.
I hope a lot of these emotional threads are explored when the tables come back because Iām over here chewing on my leash here. Probably why Iām writing a venting post, tbh.
But finally regarding Murray, thereās this.
Way to be secretive there, you sneaky Schemer, you.
Iām not sure why, but her doing that really encapsulated my annoyance with Murray at that moment. Blowing kisses and taking credit; even if the crowd didnāt look and couldnāt see her, she was still doing it.
I know she was happy how much of a success things had been for her team, but argh. I kind of hope Brennan brings this moment back to bite her by having Kora or someone in the audience having seen this and asking her to explain it. It could be she was just blowing kisses at Hal because heās awesome and itās a fantastic show, but let the dice decide if thatās accepted.
Then you go from this to the stricken faces of Bolaire, Occtis, and Wick, and I just think, you did nearly nothing tonight and are happy as a clam, have some compassion for those who did and arenāt.
At least she got some wash cloths out, especially for Occtis. Thatās something. I approve of that.
I guess I just feel like sheās taking credit for being Demodusās saviour, for building the bridges, for things still going well, but mostly Demodus. It was Bolaire that had the first and only flashback with him; I still associate him with the fact that Bolaire was paying to support Demodus out of his own pocket, but suddenly out of nowhere Murray was his main interaction (Iām so angee that I canāt remember what Demodus named his soapbox right now - the Bolaire [_____] of Performing Arts. Yes I spelt angee right. Shhh).
i haven't seen anybody talk about this yet, but we can figure out how to actually pronounce azune's name correctly!
azune mentions towards the very end of episode 31 that nobody at the table has pronounced it correctly yet, and that's because azune is not a name in kahad (english), but a name in navika'an (nahuatl), and the 'z' symbol corresponds to a 's' sound.
we hear throughout episodes that luis puts the emphasis on the first syllable, which means that azune is pronounced "AH-soo-neh" (ah like fAther, oo like mOOn, eh like mEdicine).
(this is based on my personal understanding of nahuatl linguistics, so if anyone with a better understanding wants to correct me, please do so!!)
Another late night reflection about Bolaire, this time through the lens of my own experience with abuse and trauma.
TW: abuse
Yeah, whilst Bolaire is wallowing in his situation, he has every right to, and let me just say as someone who has been told to ājust get over itā and āleave it in the pastā about her own abuse, especially when I was only just starting to be able to talk about it, watching Bolaire being told to ālet go of [Thjazi] and start dealing with usā hurts.
Abuse isnāt just being beaten up or sexually assaulted. Itās all the little things as well. The ways youāre made to feel small, less than. The way you donāt know when the bad things will happen again, or if today will be a day you get treated like something other than a thing. Sometimes the waiting is worse as it builds up in your mind. You can deal with it in the moment, itās later the fear and helplessness preys on you whilst you wait for the next time.
And whatās even worse is when you finally get up the courage to start to tell people about the horrors you went through, and theyāre dismissed as not being much, that the person youāre accusing couldnāt have, wouldnāt have done these things. Somehow it was your fault, youāre just looking for attention, youāre jealous of how wonderful they are. Theyād never do these things to you, theyāre too good a person, or youāre too ugly or pathetic or whatever.
Hearing these dismissive things from the people you loved most and hoped would stand up with you and support you is a worse betrayal than the abuse you suffered in the first place. And watching them actively protect your abuser? Itās the most isolating feeling in the world.
No wonder Bolaire says, āIām more alone than ever.ā Because in that moment he is.
Donāt ask me how I know - I might tell you at length, and no one wants that.
Occtis replies with, āFamily is different than siblings,ā which is the next step Bolaire needs to take, but right now, heās allowed his pain. And he needs that family to listen to what heās saying as well. Hal wonāt as heās grieving Thjazi. This is tragic as Bolaire is so emotionally bound to him, but hopefully he can make new, better relationships, and when they meet again, he and Hal will be in a better healed space.
I just left this comment on @featherquillpen ās excellent postulation about what might reforge Bolaire into a ploughshare or not:
When Bolaire sees painted!Bolaire he says that he doesnāt draw, heās not supposed to create. Hal has also described him as a born artist. What if Bolaireās reforging is in becoming a creator rather than a destroyer, i.e. an artist/playwright/author himself?
I find myself thinking that someone should give the fellow a sketchbook or journal regardless of the reforging or not, as journaling your feelings is a therapy technique, and art and drawing can give excellent insight into whatās going on inside your mind. Once we get past the horror and weapon stuff, would we get pining and loneliness?
Someone give Bolaire a blank book for his own mental health.
