Shit my friends/family and I have texted each other
(t) I’ll be dead by the time I get off this bus but it’s so worth it
(t) IM WEARING MY CAPE INTO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE I CAN
(t) It’s hotter than me out there! Be careful you guys!
(t) There’s this old woman at talent show rehearsal wearing this shirt that says ‘I knit so I don’t kill people.’ She is old people goals
(t) “Sperm is delicious!” “How do you even know that?”
(t) “You have a dirty vagaina” “Thank you very much my vagina is nice and moist”
(t) “She doesn’t have an Apple Bottom, she has a Flagpole Bottom”
(t) “There’s a bullet in your butthole”
(t) GUYS THIS LOOKS LIKE WHERE HARRY POTTER LIVES
(t) ITS LOCKED IT IS WHERE HARRY POTTER LIVES
(t) So you know the woman who was wearing the ‘I knit so I don’t kill people’ shirt?
(t) She did a song where a lyric was ‘The one you call your daddy ain’t your pa’
(t) When you don’t need food trucks because you eat human flesh
(t) She also said I could eat human flesh, as long as the human was alive
(t) What is that
(t) That’s not a penis, is it?
(t) No, never mind it’s hairy
(t) Maybe it’s a potato?
(t) Potatoes aren’t hairy, get your life together, *insert muse name*
(t) BELIEVE IN THE HAIRY POTATO
(t) Pro tip: don’t stare at the sun. I can’t see anything guys this isn’t good
(t) How the fuck was there a moth in my pants this whole time?
(t) I thought it read mouth and I’m like “oh no, it’s too early for this”
(t) I feel like there’s a party going on next door…
(t) …okay either that’s the same party or a different one
(t) Point is, I can hear the music and people talking
(t) I’m glad because I can sleep. Not that I’m gonna, but I can if I choose to
(t) ___. You have a phone. That has emojis. Why are you using that old emoticon?
(t) It’s too early in the morning for anything less than utter terror and classical music. That’s just my opinion
(t) I really think that you two should duel. Whomever wins gets to walk me down the aisle at my wedding
(t) No, ___, sucking is my job
(t) Remember: there are no rules in parent duels
(t) I clearly need to step up my game. How in the WORLD did ___ get the SAME SCORE as the ONLY LESBIAN IN THIS GROUP CHAT?
(t) I don’t think anyone WANTS to know how much [he/she/they] [knows/know]
(t) WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE HASA DIGA EEBOWAI IN MY HEAD WHEN IM TRYING TO SLEEP?
(t) THE TONYS ARE MY PRIORITY RIGHT NOW
(t) I mean; I went from sfw Disney princess lesbian fic to being a bonafide homosexual in less than a year. Anything can happen!
(t) Something I learned today: peas don’t do too well in the microwave
(t) *insert muse name* those aren’t candles. Get your life together
(t) Mulan doing squats is like the best thing ever
(t) Translate this too please thanks ‘Tu me fais mouiller’
(t) I’m perfectly fine staying inside playing The Sims
(t) YES I WELCOME THE SWEET EMBRACE OF DEATH
(t) No don’t fuck physics
(t) Technically physics is involved in fucking if you want to get /really/ technical
(t) Are you feeling it NOW Mr. Jeans
(t) WERE GOING TO WAGE A CIVIL WAR IN THIS COUNTRY AGAINST TRUMP SUPPORTERS AND THE WINNERS TRAVEL TO INDIA AND EAT THE FINEST CUISINE
(t) Hon hon hon bring me a baguette
(t) So… The Queer Pentagram
(t) THE THENARDIERS CAN SUCK IT
(t) ___ says the woman tried to fuck the bee
(t) GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE AND TAKE A GODDAMN SHOWER
(t) Oh no I went in “bi” and finished freshman year “Bye”
(t) I CANT FIND MY UMBRELLA
(t) My music teacher called the cute af new science teacher’s jacket zesty
turnnoffyourmind
pixelskylines
germansingergirl
blakekathryn
dailybridgerton
areudirty
