jokes

Sarcastic, miscief, chaotic, endearing, dramatic, plus funny disses xD ;) 😹👏👏👏👏🙌✌️

[kaijuno]

My morning glory doesn’t like the wind chime

[ikebanaka]

SHUT

[typhus-andronicus]

[lizclimo]

[kaijuno]

My morning glory doesn’t like the wind chime

[ikebanaka]

SHUT

[typhus-andronicus]

[jtightpants]

[ralfmaximus]

Reblog to come play this stupid homemade board game we're all making.

[mynorthernattitude]

locked in? no. i'm tucked in. goodnight

[teaboot]

My mom likes to tell me about how when I was a little kid riding public transport with her I'd always smile and giggle and chat with weird old ladies who smelled like cat pee and homeless folks and strangers dressed in bizarre outfits but any time a tidy and respectable businessman in a suit and tie waved at me I'd immediately clam up, and she takes a great deal of pride in my supposed inherentability to clock personalities but the truth is I do vaguely remember those bus rides, and it was never about the clothes or the hair or the smell, but more because everyone "strange" asked interesting questions and listened to what I had to say and seemed to think about what I said while the neat and tidy and rigid folks only ever acted like they were going through the motions, which was boring as hell and also pretty annoying

[teaboot]

Well-to-do finance manager with tidy shoes: "Why hello, sweetheart. Can you say 'hi'? Aren't you cute. Are you on a trip with your mom?"

4 year old me: why must we do this

Fantastic old woman in the leopard print coat: "Why yes, my tooth IS real silver! Nobody ever asks me that. Do you like cats?"

4 year old me, suddenly paying attention: Finally, A Person Of Intellect

[cosmonautroger]

The Pink Panther, Morning

[wifegideonnav]

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

[woodrider]

ma'am, I'm going to place you on a brief hold while I look for a reaction image

[dailymarvelheroes]

get you a man who can do both

[nitramaraho]

one of my patients came in for an emergency visit, because she snapped the wire on her retainer watching the movie when MBJ took his shirt off she clenched her teeth so fucking hard she snapped it. that is the fucking funniest shit ever to me this tiny 17 year old girl thirsting so goddamn hard she busted steel

[crystalitesummerstar]

Y'all, it gets better. She found out.

[buzzfeed]

We interviewed her, obviously.

[buzzfeed]

update:

[rainbowselfies]

[blvckgeezus]

Such a developing story.

[pastdueeverything]

I love this story

[athenadcvell]

This was a wild ride from start to finish

[gambit-of-a-small-rabbit-deacti]

I know I say this a lot, But this is one of the best things on this website

[nitramaraho]

Sophia is currently doing great in college, and I still get about one kid a month in the office who asked if this really happened.

[demigoddessqueens]

I found it!! The original post!!

[urcadelimabean]

HAS SHE SEEN SINNERS

[madenthusiasms]

Preferably when she wasn’t wearing the retainer.

[personsonable-deactivated201908]

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

[miaislying]

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

[personsonable-deactivated201908]

decay exists as an extant form of life

[miaislying]

That’s a terrifying answer, have a nice day

[haystarlight]

THE ORIGINAL?!?!!!!!!!!;!!!!!!!!???

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[badassdemonsword]

[chromaticabrasions]

they call me the bug whisperer. because i whisper to bugs

[chromaticabrasions]

the bugs don’t know what i’m saying

[papayajuan2019]

april fools in a few weeks. who will ask me to be their fool

[2560x1440]

[should-be-sleeping]

In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.

[should-be-sleeping]

I kept it in a terrarium and it became a normal 🐸 despite everything. About a year afterward (I thought) it died, so I sadly put it in a shoebox in the shed until the ground thawed enough for a proper funeral but when that day came I opened the box and the frog was fine.

[justprettygay]

[should-be-sleeping]

This is funnier than anything I have ever said.

[should-be-sleeping]

This post is to Easter what a Geiger counter is to radiation.

[should-be-sleeping]

I see it’s *looks at smudged writing on hand* Lent again.