listening to bon iver in the morning before heading to class. it takes me about forty five minutes to travel three miles to campus, which is upsetting
but y’know it got me thinking, when you’ve been having an internal crisis of faith in yourself and you lose nearly everything and hit rock bottom not once, not twice, but three times over four years, you start to reevaluate what it is you really want to do
and i say to myself y’know i don’t actually want to be a chemist or author or performer or anything in particular
that’s not the main goal here
the main goal is to be happy
so i talk to my therapist about it for my tuesday session and he asks me okay, so let’s say you could have your dream life, exactly as you want it. don’t have to worry about the practicality, just give me the nonnegotiables
and i think to myself for a second and i come up with a couple things
i say first of all i want to surround myself with even more art and music and things like that. i want to have more cool art on my walls and more records on my shelf and to go to more concerts
and i say i’d like to feel confident enough and responsible enough to take care of a cat, or plants. ideally both. i think those would significantly improve my life
and i say i’d like an apartment. not a house, a house is too big and too much to take care of. just a nice apartment that i can own, a pretty big apartment, a 2-bedroom so i can convert the second bedroom into a personal study or reading room or move my herbal garden into. an actual kitchen with actual counter space and organized cabinets. natural lighting, lots of windows. walls i can paint
and i say i want to still have good friends and people i love. i think my friends are probably the most important thing in my life right now, and i think that they will be for a while. even though so many of my friends are in different cities or states or even countries i still value them with everything i have. they matter so much to me. they keep me sane
and i left out an important one that i realized this morning, which is that i want peace and quiet. i want to be able to come home and cook for myself and rest. i want to be able to stay up late working on projects or calling with my friends and sleep until noon. and sometimes i want to go to bed early and wake up and watch the sunrise and drink my coffee without having anywhere to be until the afternoon. and i want to read my books in peace and drink my tea in peace and be able to hear my own thoughts and have a break from the rest of the world
and so i sit on the sofa and listen to bon iver before the rest of the world fully awakens
ellievsbear
janainaart
andulkaphoto
yousharknotpass
dailybridgerton
areudirty
jbbartram-illu
origamiaround
