my shit post haven

i love stuff and my rotund car professional fandom enthusiast (ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧ she/her

[gattofan4eva]

Had too much hubris today so I pooped before checking the toilet and found something weird so either I'm dying in 2 days or something is trying to escape via the poop pipes

[doitforpink]

[gattofan4eva]

Guess pearl can't help loving imperial powers in any universe :/

[gattofan4eva]

Can't even argue against the 'children are being indoctrinated' allegations because I was 10 when I took one look at blue diamond and decided it was Time To Like Women.

[gattofan4eva]

Can't even imagine any of the current world leaders getting their own musical/play that's how you know we done goofed

[gattofan4eva]

Imagine you're Illya Rozanov. You go to therapy because you want to be better for your amazing husband who you love very much and the doctor recommends doing activities that help manage stress and agression. She recommends things like cooking and pottery and reading but words are stupid, clay is sticky and you live with a man who once got flagged as a bot because of the sheer quantity of supplements he bought in one go. So you discover the joys of a burner account, having working braincells and fighting homophobes on the internet for fun. Your English is getting better, you feel calmer and you have a folder full of memes you especially curate for both raging bigots and Hayden Pike when he's being an idiot.

Imagine you're Shane Hollander, and you discover your husband is a feared and revered entity in the hell that is twitter. You think it's funny until you find out that after your every loss, he goes on a reporting bender to flag accounts spewing hateful bullshit. Accompanied with SpongeBob memes. He's scrubbed the internet cleaner than your PR team. You need him to get you pregnent right now.

Imagine you're ilya again. You wake up in bed after a mind melting night together with your love, post a picture of his beautiful sunkissed face on your offical account with a sappy caption because you're too full of love not to. You reply to Pikes attempts to fire back on your burner, simply with a picture of his stats, which will no doubt ratio his reply. You send Svetlana a funny meme about dumb canadians and go back to sleep with Shane Hollander next to you, hockey extraordinaire, Canada's boyfriend, and your husband. Life is good.

[gattofan4eva]

Annabeth is a better person than me because if I got hit with the four year situationship + nine year one sided crush combo AT THE SAME TIME while dealing with saving the world a bajillion times over, id stick my dagger in places even apollo himself couldn't fix

[pronouncingitwang]

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

[yokowan]

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

[le-jardin-inculte]

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

[shithowdy]

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

[whitachi]

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

[araceil]

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

[gattofan4eva]

at some point in your life you will give into the cups/tablespoon propaganda and buy a set of cute measuring cups instead of using the scale to bake. this is the devil talking to you. You will forget the concept of volume and mass since you were too busy laughing at the anatomy models to really pay attention, and your baked good will turn out underwhelming, leading you to never have a 'signature receipe' and feel inadequate for the rest of your life

[gattofan4eva]

Imagine being in the throes of your Wattpad mafia! Crime boss! Dark romance whatever Phase in the Hannibal verse and suddenly you catch wind of a middle aged, Eastern European convict on the run who's an old money ex-socialite with crimson orbs and honey blond hair streaked with silver. He has a tragic past. His name is Hannibal and. He's a Cannibal. He's also gay for his younger ex patient with a slutty waist who he framed and then got out because he was feeling bored, with whom he also co parented the daughter of another cannibal (who he murdered). Who he was caught sniffing. In Public.

[gattofan4eva]

Would you like some dramedy in your Yaoi (Heated Rivalry) or some Yaoi in your dramedy (Hannibal) or maybe experiencing unconditional, devoted love or maybe

[gattofan4eva]

HEY TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT WERE UP MY ASS ABOUT BEING A SYMBROCK TRUTHER BECAUSE I 'DONT KNOW HOW BFFS WORK' DID YOU WATCH PHM?!?! DID YOU SEE HOW THEY HAVE A DEEP SOULFUL BOND THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY TRANSLATE AS ROMANTIC??! DID YOU SEE HOW THEY LOVE EACHOTHER EVEN WHILE ONE WAS HAVING A BAD AS HELL PARTNER?!?! EDDIE 'MONSTERFU!KER' BROCK GETS IT ON THE DAILY! HES A LOSER! HES SUCH A PATHETIC LITTLE MEWMEW EVEN HIS EX FEELS OBLIGATED TO HELP HIM!!! ONLY VENOM COULD LOOK AT ALLAT AND GO 'GUESS WE GOTTA HIT HIM UP FREAKY STYLE' DID YOU SEE THE FOREST SCENE?!? TS NOT EVEN GAY NO MORE IT DESERVES ITS OWN SLURS DEAR GOD FREE ME FROM THIS MORTAL PRISON

[gattofan4eva]

Just performed gender affirming surgery on my sock monkey (sewed up his kooch) while watching Mrs Piggy lesbianism propaganda, chilled mango juicebox in hand, maybe god does exist

[woodsdyke]

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

[gattofan4eva]

Maybe the fishes committed insurance scam since SOMEONE stole their treasure

[gattofan4eva]

While I love reading fics about queerbait charecters where they have internalised homophobia it's like. Sure maybe homosexuality is a sin but so is murdering 15 people on average a day. Gayboy by your standards you're burning in hell anyways try locking the fuck in

[burgerdotcom]

reblogs were off

[sharkfiinn]

[eldest-daughter-syndrome]

[gattofan4eva]

In order to become a male character in Spy X Family you must:

(a) Be horrifically down bad

(b) Repress™

(c) Have undying loyalty to those around you, even at the cost of your own self

(d) Get beaten up by the woman you are down bad for

(e) Homicidal Tendencies.

(f) Get walked around like a dog by the woman that you are down ba-

[willgrahamstesticles]