GayFesh

[gayfesh]

every other nightshade: "yeah im gonna make my whole body toxic" potato: "except the tuber, who'd want to eat that" pepper: "what if i wasn't toxic but i stabbed your tastebuds anyway" tomato: "hey guys just got here whatd i miss"

[we-laid-with-it]

do you think hbomberguy will be able to kill adobe or is that stretching the power of a really good video essay

[gayfesh]

[gayfesh]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Posting my trekfic here. Still plugging away on chapter 2.

Page one rewrite of Generations doing some light plot grand larceny from Yesterday’s Enterprise.

Also if you like Colonel Worf he gets a whole prologue.

[poppyandzena]

Did you see what poppy said about you?

Poppy violated the privacy of her patients by hiring her girlfriend as her insurance liaison, and she wants to pick apart months old posts of me pointing out the obvious. I don't need to be a helicopter pilot to point out when one is crashed into a tree. Also loving the audacity of someone talking like this when they're multiple tens of thousands of dollars in debt.

Do it, Poppy. Take out another loan. We all know the lower your credit score is, the better the value.

[poppyandzena]

Saige Alexis' experience with Zena and Poppy

My Experience With Zena & Poppy

From August 2022 to November 2024, I was in a romantic polyamorous relationship with online content creators Zena & Poppy. I feel the need t

This link will also be added to the pinned masterlist

[poppyandzena]

Donate to Legal Defense for Milena's Documents, organized by Mahan Harirsaz

Hello! My name is Milena. You may know me from my work on the "Poppy and Zena: Abu… Mahan Harirsaz needs your support for Legal Defense for

[transpersian]

About the Cousin Allegations...

This is a copy of my Bsky threads (1, 2, and 3) because this is important.

1

Well, now that it’s a public topic…

There’s a reason I didn’t include the “cousin” allegations in my work or posts. I believed them for a spell because I trusted the source and they assured me that they’d verified the identity, but didn’t share evidence out of “confidentiality.”

Now I’m not so sure.

Fun fact: someone tried telling me that they heard from another therapist from the area that Poppy had slept with a client and they’d ended up killing themselves.

I was shocked and horrified for a bit, then investigated and found nothing. The source gave no evidence.

I rejected it.

In the collection of testimonies, there is a limbo of accusations that we don’t have evidence for and have to consider on a case by case basis. Even then, when speaking publicly, I stick to what I can prove and make it clear when there’s an exception.

That being said, there are two clips I can think of atm where Poppy mentions re-enacting her trauma on someone else. In the first Courtney Peet interview, she specifically mentions re-enacting it on another girl when she was younger.

Neither of these mentions a cousin.

Accuracy is essential in this fight. Otherwise, we risk harming the credibility of the true accounts of their harm. It also lends credence to the claims they use to keep people on their side.

We don’t need to make stuff up. Shoot, we don’t need stuff from 30 years ago. We have stuff from last year.

Stick to what you can prove when criticizing them. Otherwise we risk looking no more credible than Courtney or Annie or Poppy. There’s enough, I promise.

2

Someone found and sent me this: a clip of Poppy openly speaking about what she did as a child.

It was not a cousin. It did not last nearly a decade.

If you believe her here (which you should more than this rumor), it was a one-off incident from when she was EIGHT.

Focus on her current behavior.

I’m so, so fucking glad I didn’t give in to the pressure from people like Courtney last year to use this story. Some called me not wanting to use it as “proof” I was “sweeping for pedophiles.”

I’m on the side of the truth. The accuracy of allegations MATTERS.

~~~~~

3

To speak a little further on it, the reason I believe this clip is that it was from a stream in mid-2022, far before she was worried about public image. Unless she's been running a long con about this, there's no reason to think that she's being dishonest here.

This was one of the few testimonies we got that didn't come through me, so I can't vouch for it personally. Until I'm given more to work with, I can't treat it as truth any more than that insane unverified story about Poppy literally killing a patient.

I was effective because I scrutinized the claims closely and stuck with evidence. Consider how much I got done in one year versus how much some of them have in several.

Part of that success was interrogating our own claims and making sure that they were supported by enough evidence to counter skepticism. It was not taking unsubstantiated, unproven claims like this at face value.

I think I'll keep sticking to that approach. 💜

[cowboyspones]

i keep seeing ppl complain about going from being fans of TNG/DS9/VOY/ENT and trying to watch TOS and how much a struggle that is for them without a connecting plot but can i bring up the opposite end. i started with TOS and i’m trying to watch TNG and girl they don’t do anything. i’m expecting a new monster of the week show but noooo instead we stay on the ship, use the holodecks like once a season, we’ve had exactly one funeral in three seasons, and aside from Q i’m not sure we’ve met a new species. i think i’ve seen phasers used once. what the fuck is this show.

[gayfesh]

Just hold on, there's straight up an episode where Q sends them to Sherwood Forest and the whole cast is in tights

[poppyandzena]

I don’t see enough people talking about how there are multiple accounts of Poppy and Zena getting physical during fights. When Saige initially talked about it, she did so while trying to defend them, discrediting any notion that the physical abuse was made up by people trying to destroy their reputation.

It all comes from people who verifiably shared the same physical space as Poppy and Zena. They admit to yelling at each other to the point of triggering PTSD.

Poppy has tried to justify the verbal abuse as “conflict being normal in relationships” and “Zena can’t control their anger and volume due to mental disabilities”. As someone who has been kicked from their server, I have seen Zena lash out at other members in ways that triggered Poppy. They didn’t stop when Poppy was incredibly upset. They lashed out in a public, viewable space for Poppy to see. They did not have to bring up the triggers. They did not DM the person they were upset with. It seemed like they were going out of their way to make Poppy upset.

I find it interesting that PZ haven’t addressed the physical abuse allegations. I don’t think they can convincingly twist it to their audience. They have twisted it to Saige in a way that amounts to “violence comes from situations, not people”.

^

[poppyandzena]

Sorry for the long comment. Feel free to post this in pieces or whatever is easier for you. The most recent relationship of Poppy’s is something deserving of documentation. It’s less explosive than the previous ones, but that’s what makes it important.

This isn’t a case where Poppy is claiming assault, abuse, manipulation, or any of the accusations from the more famous breakups. Instead, this seems like a case where Poppy fell for this new person, they met in person, the new person pulled back after the meetup, and then decided it wasn't a good fit.  It sounds like a straightforward, typical dating situation where it just didn’t work out. They seem to have started flirting in either October or November. The new partner came to visit for one week (according to posts) on January 12. So they likely stayed until about January 19th. By February 2nd, Poppy was posting about conflict and how upset they were about the partner distancing. By February 4th, it’s clear there was a breakup/hiatus. And it could’ve just been that, but instead, this is how Poppy publicly handles it:

March 3:  QUOTE: “Mental note, it is not okay to keep someone in relationship purgatory for a month & a half. (with a link to the music video for Stabbing  Westward’s “What Do I Have to Do”)”     People should lookup the lyrics to that song. It is about begging a person to come back because the main character is aware that they were selfish and a let-down, but they’ve changed now.

March 2: QUOTE: “This is @galaxybunny.bsky.social  holding me after our mutual partner leaves over stupid fucking reasons.”  (with any image one person sobbing into the arms of another person)

March 1: QUOTE: “$160 custom collar, check. 3D printed hand painted by me gift box, check. $140 Lovense Toy for distance play, check. Girl doesn't get that the relationship was serious. D'oh. #relationships #breakups #pettybitch”

Comments from March 1 post: “She was supposed to become my sub. I take care of my toys.”  “I like spoiling people. The cost doesn't matter. It is more the meaning behind a collar and toy.”

March 1: QUOTE: “The thing that sucks is that I did everything right & still got fucked in the end. Makes me wonder why I even try.”

February 18: QUOTE: “My therapist shared this with me after a really hard session & I can't stop crying...  𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐮𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡 i𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞  𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐈 𝐠𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐯𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞  𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 - 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐎𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐲 𝐊𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐚 𝐕𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐤” 

February 15: QUOTE “Ghosting is an interpersonal violence used by people who want an easy way out the hurts them and the other in the process. #relationships #ghosting #emotionalabuse  #interpersonalviolence #mentalhealth”

February 11: QUOTE “I understand the idea behind this but I find this way of being emotionally unavailable. What are we defining as disrespect? Is me bringing up something that bothers me "drama"? I get this idea with online debates but interpersonally, I think this is unhealthy. #communication #mentalhealth”  (The image that was shared said: “Silence is my new answer to disrespect. I no longer react. I no longer argue & I no longer dive into drama. I simply remove my presence.)

February 5: QUOTE “I asked her to stop emotionally distance & fight for us. She sent back platitudes, threw my words back in my face, & misunderstood me. Part of me just wants to hope & wait. Part of me wants to mourn the relationship & assume its over. I love her & this sucks. #relationships #BPD #frustrated”

February 5: QUOTE “Silver lining: my partner’s abusive ex can stop stalking my account with an alt. He wanted her scared and paranoid. Mission accomplished.”

That’s only the posts that talk specifically about how Poppy did nothing wrong, and how the other person is completely wrong. It doesn’t include the many other posts with lyrics and poems that are sad. Here’s the timeline of the relationship, from only Poppy’s posts:

Relationship starts sometime before November, but very quietly with no tagging, and small references to a “crush”.  This timing overlapped with a very public breakup with Saige, with a lot of drama and posts between those two, as well, but that’s a separate conversation.

December 28: QUOTE “To the girl I am quickly falling in love with…” (link to the music video for Stand With You on a Mountain)

December 30: QUOTE “14 days until I get to see the girl I love”

December 31: QUOTE “13 days until I get to see the girl I love”

January 2: QUOTE “11 days until the girl I loves comes and visits me for a week”

January 6: QUOTE “7 days until the snuggle apocalypse is upon us & my love comes to visit’

January 6: QUOTE “I am strongly distrustful of any person who claims to never experience jealousy, especially if the person identifies as poly. Jealousy is a natural part of the human condition. There is a reason I think relationship anarchy is a toxic system. It violates all known understanding of attachment.”

January 7: QUOTE “6 days until she is in my arms & in my bed”

January 9: QUOTE “3 days, 23 hours, 22 minutes, until the woman I love is in my arms and

January 10: QUOTE “2 days, 14 hours, until my lover is in my arms… Hint to something” (with an image of a symbol of a tattoo from One Piece)

JANUARY 14: While the new partner was presumably 1 day into their week long visit, Saige posted her long statement about her time with Poppy and Zena. This resulted in a lot of attention and speculation from many places, but Poppy did not post much during this time period. There were occasional references to being amused by the drama, but nothing worth quoting.

January 21: QUOTE “Conflict can be generative rather than destructive” (with link to an article)

February 2: QUOTE “Rough from last night. We had lot of hard emotional discussions combined with migraines. I just feel exhausted. I just want to sleep. I hate feeling like an after thought.”

February 3: QUOTE “A fantastic article about emotionally unavailable people. #abandonment #trauma #emotionallyunavailable #mentalhealth #mentalillness www.choosingtherapy.com/emotionally-...”

February 3: QUOTE “I made my boundaries and needs known. It is up to the person I love to decide whether they will show up or let fear reign. I have hope...”  (included an image that said: “Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will”

Comment from February 3: “I am so scared. I have hope but I am also concerned that fear will win and I will lose someone incredibly important to me. God, this is fucking hard.”

February 3: QUOTE “I am exhausted.  #MentalHealth #AbandonmentIssues #Relationships #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #MentalIllness #PursuerWithdrawerDynamic”  (included an image that said: “I’m not saying I don’t want you…. Cause I do… But I am tired of chasing after you”)

February 3: QUOTE “Barely slept (1-2 hours at most). Panic attacks most of the night. Cancelling my first two appointments of the day to hopefully sleep. If people could not say cruel BPD triggering shit before I go to bed, that would be great”

February 3: QUOTE “How can people who deal w/#abandonment issues/#BPD engage in the exact behavior that triggers them? I get it clinically, but it still hurts. If you are afraid of being discarded, you should have known how painful it is to feel someone distance or say unintentionally cruel things. #BPD”

February 4: QUOTE “Sleep was rough last night. The quality sucked. Kept worrying about about my situation. Thinking about how great it felt to have them in my arms, to watch shows with them that they were so excited share, or their lips on mine.”

Comments from February 4: “I am lucky to have @galaxybunny.bsky.social. They are my fiance. Sadly, our partner needs time to herself due to her behavior & a lot of trauma that was unearthed. I appreciate the care. I hope my love comes back or I find someone who genuinely wants me. Fuck, this is hard. I hope this leads to clear minds & not resentment.”

February 5: QUOTE “I asked her to stop emotionally distance & fight for us. She sent back platitudes, threw my words back in my face, & misunderstood me. Part of me just wants to hope & wait. Part of me wants to mourn the relationship & assume its over. I love her & this sucks. #relationships #BPD #frustrated”

February 5: QUOTE “Saying I miss you and hearing back that they miss you but not as much or in the same way because they “like isolation” is kind of fucked when talking to someone with #abandonmentissues or #BPD. It is a hallmark of being emotionally unavailable. You deserve someone who yearns for you”

February 5: QUOTE “No matter what happens. It is going to be okay. I am done with letting myself be overly worked up by people leaving & them breaking their word”

February 5: QUOTE “Every time I'm about to play #D&D, it falls apart. Starting to think I am cursed.  1) Falls apart because of drama.  2) DM backs out because of life stuff.  3) DM & person who invited us do not communicate & avoid conflict.   4) DM is a partner & we go on hiatus.  Seriously, that shit is frustrating.

February 5: QUOTE “Well, now that me & ZZ's relationship with our partner is on indefinite hiatus. I am also down a DM, which means I am still boned on a D&D game.”

Ah well, it sucks but at least I finally found a Paladin subclass I like... February 5: QUOTE “No matter what happens. It is going to be okay. I am done with letting myself be overly worked up by people leaving & them breaking their word.

February 7: QUOTE “I deserve people in my life who want me & love me & aren't going to use me, abuse me, or be so afraid of opening up/making choices that they leave.  #mentalhealth #love #relationships”

February 8: QUOTE “I’m so tired of being used…”

February 14: QUOTE “Good, but I think we need to address some of the inherent assumptions in poly just as we address the assumptions in mono. As long as emotions such as possessiveness, jealousy, & a desire to not interact with #metamours are demonized or conditions like #BPD are treated as abusive. I won't be #poly.”

Also, bonus repost that Poppy shared on February 2: “A relationship doesn't have to be what everyone in the world would agree is "abusive" to make you feel like garbage. Don't let definitions get you up in your head about whether you have the "right" to set boundaries w/ or end a relationship that's causing you harm.” This is how Poppy feels about people. This is how she handles it when people pull back. THIS is what Poppy wants you to believe NF SHOULD have done, instead of handling it at the hotel, if they really just didn't want to be together anymore and it wasn't just about taking advantage of Poppy. THIS is why people who really know Poppy laugh when Poppy tries to claim that Spawn never tried to talk about things or handled leaving like an adult. There is no way to leave a relationship with Poppy unscathed.  No matter how you go about it, she will make it your fault, vilify you and dedicate hundreds or posts to telling the world was a monster you are.

This is amazingly comprehensive. Thank you.

[poppyandzena]

Ironic that one of Poppy's (is it Penelope, now? That is their Bluesky name but they may just be trying to avoid being better found out by people) recent post says: "I wish people would think like this more. Consent isn't just about sex. Consent is about recognizing & respecting the autonomy & choices of the other person. I don't care if it is sex or Marvel Rivals. Decisions have to be freely given, not coerced or hounded from the other." Right after multiple, repeated posts about how no one has the right to ghost her, and that ghosting, or creating emotional distance, or doing anything that might trigger Poppy's BPD, is outright assault and is neither allowed nor tolerated. We all know that Poppy only weaponizes this kind of language, and will refuse to apply it to herself. Apparently trying to coerce someone to talk you by repeatedly posting about how abusive they are being, and telling them that their choices are not valid, because you don't agree with them, doesn't apply here? Just like NF's choice to end things after seeing what a relationship would be like didn't matter. Just like Spawn's choice to leave quietly didn't matter. When you are the only person who is allowed to approve what choices are "valid", that's not freedom, that's emotional dictatorship.

Poppy is intrinsically anti-consent. It's why she has abandoned the Polyamory label because the Polyamory community emphasisizes that each paramour and metamour has the same amount of rights to autonomy. Compromise and good-faith communication are necessary. Now she says she's non-monogamous because she wants to be a unicorn hunter. In her ideal world, the newest member is a house servant and sex slave who isn't allowed to have partners outside of Poppy and Zena.

[gayfesh]

Unrelated to the rest of the post but since the OP pointed it out, I should also add as a clarification that Poppy was always short for Penelope.

[poppyandzena]

How fo you feel abt Saige's new posts?

You may have noticed I haven't covered them. This is because while I am grateful Saige is away from Poppy and Zena, Saige has not taken accountability for her part in the victimization of multiple people. I'm frustrated she can't even admit that striking, pushing, or slapping your partner is abuse and that the child of one of those partners is going to be traumatized from it.

Saige also loves to have it both ways. She wants to not engage, close this chapter and move on, all the while answering asks and digging herself a deeper hole. I understand escaping an abusive relationship is going to result in a difficult, messy aftermath, but it is not difficult to keep to your word and log off, process this pain offline and stop defending the abhorrent actions of Poppy and Zena.

Everything she outlined in her original separation post was abuse. You cannot use therapy speak and distancing rhetoric to escape that reality. And this isn't just about Saige. I'm frustrated on behalf of the other survivors. So I will not be giving a play-by-play of every excuse Saige makes on her Tumblr.

[gayfesh]

As far as I am concerned, Saige crossed the threshold a while ago and is now on moral equivalency with Poppy and Zena. What she does have, though, that Poppy and Zena do not, is the capacity for change.

Until she can actuate that change, however, until she can own up to the abuse she both defended and perpetrated, until she issues apologies to the MANY, MANY people she did direct harm to in her defense of Z&P, I simply hope that she follows through on what she has said she wants to do: go the fuck away.

[poppyandzena]

How fo you feel abt Saige's new posts?

You may have noticed I haven't covered them. This is because while I am grateful Saige is away from Poppy and Zena, Saige has not taken accountability for her part in the victimization of multiple people. I'm frustrated she can't even admit that striking, pushing, or slapping your partner is abuse and that the child of one of those partners is going to be traumatized from it.

Saige also loves to have it both ways. She wants to not engage, close this chapter and move on, all the while answering asks and digging herself a deeper hole. I understand escaping an abusive relationship is going to result in a difficult, messy aftermath, but it is not difficult to keep to your word and log off, process this pain offline and stop defending the abhorrent actions of Poppy and Zena.

Everything she outlined in her original separation post was abuse. You cannot use therapy speak and distancing rhetoric to escape that reality. And this isn't just about Saige. I'm frustrated on behalf of the other survivors. So I will not be giving a play-by-play of every excuse Saige makes on her Tumblr.

[poppyandzena]

I feel like Poppy's insistence on acting like trans men are just "better" than cis men is strange because if I were a trans man, I'd just want to be treat as... you know, a person. A guy. Me. Not be told "you are WAY BETTER than a cis man!" because the question is. Why? Why would I be better than a cis man? Because I was born a woman? Why does that make me better? Like... it's not weird to think she's weird for that, right?

Poppy doesn't see trans men as men. She sees them as Male Lite. And even then, she refuses to empathize or just accept their desire to be aligned as masculine. She uses trans men as a token that she can pull out and pretend to be a motherly protector. She will coddle them and "protect" them from her straw man that is Baeddelism while objectifying them, obsessing over their bodies and judging the choices they make with them. In reality, she harbors a deep-seated disgust and lack of respect for people who are not like her.

And—need I remind people—Poppy's obsession with denigrading the people attracted to cis men hurts her closeted trans sisters in many multi-faceted ways. It hurts straight trans women. It hurts closeted trans women who aren't in a safe or comfortable position to be out. It hurts bi people. Pansexual people. Gay men. It's a toxic radfem position that should have died in 2018. This is not the criticism of the power cis men hold in an unfair society. It's just being cruel and pathetic. And cringe.

[gayfesh]

Nobody else finds it odd that Poppy has "partner privilege" to misgender Zena? Personally, I would think respecting your identity is even MORE important from a partner.

i think it's because she doesn't see Zena as transmasc, but as a woman.

Poppy tried to argue with me that I wasn't cis because I used it/its as well as he/him, which goes against the whole concept that pronouns are not 1:1 tied to one's gender. Granted, I NOW realize I'm agender, but at the time, it just reeked to me as her unwillingness to respect my identity.

[sophie-frm-mars]

Hi, ex-supporter here. Genuinely hope you’re doing well. I have been tempted to start up my support again because you genuinely are a talented writer/creator and I do enjoy your work.

I hope you understand supporting your Patreon is somewhat fraught. Your private life should be none of our business, but sadly it is relevant here. Moral action, both private and political is central to your work; you have called out plenty of people for abuse & morality drives your politics. We know abuse took place on your end, but that’s all.

A lot of people like myself might be emotionally rooting for you to bounce back from this, but are unable to support you right now because that moral dissonance has not been resolved. We really don’t know if you are like other ‘cancelled’ leftist influencers and just use leftist values to deflect attention away from abuse, or you are actually trying to do better and working on yourself.

You don’t owe us anything. However, many of us who are eager to support you are forced to hold back because trust has been damaged, and there has not been any real sign of reparation or reconciliation. Maybe you think those kind of questions are invasive, maybe you don’t think we are real fans for not sticking by you despite the allegations.

I don’t know, I just want you to know that there are plenty of people who do want to support you, but feel they need to trust you first. And that can’t happen without addressing some things.

Anyways, best wishes. Take care.

Hiya, thank you for speaking to me on this.

Before I say the rest of what I say I want to be clear that between me and the people I was involved with in 2023, there were some instances where I was responsible for harm, there were instances where I received harm and there was also a general pervasive ecosystem of harmful behaviours in the community I was in. This includes people who signed the statement against me, and in one instance one of them did something which everyone to whom I have described it has agreed is sexual assault, though there is more besides.

For the time being I'm not talking publicly more about what happened because it was a very messy situation, and although I have been seriously harmed by issues in my personal life being litigated in public in this way, I don't want to give my full account of my relationships with everyone involved because I don't want that type of harm to be done to other trans women. There are plenty of complicating factors as there often are in real life that social media isn't really capable of parsing. I have made it clear repeatedly that I am open to hearing anything that people involved want to say to me, and I talked in this post in January about that and about what I would be doing to ensure that I put in the work and make sure I don't cause harm like it again

https://x.com/sophie_frm_mars/status/1745414530455261531

I think that that post says everything I would like to say for now, although I regret saying I agree that my behaviour was abusive, because with more distance and perspective I don't think abusive behaviour was actually described to me.

As I understand it via the support that my therapist and friends have offered, my problems in 2023 were that: I wasn't taking my mental health seriously, I didn't learn good kink practice, I had very little appreciation of my own boundaries and when I shouldn't be doing something that someone asks me to do, and I was high basically all the time. I am in therapy and doing DBT and taking my mental health deadly seriously, I have done a huge amount of reading assigned by my therapist about kink, sex, relationships and mental health, I am working in an ongoing way on learning how to effectively communicate, know my boundaries and understand myself well enough to not be in the kinds of situations that risk harm, and I'm no longer high all the time.

(If anyone is interested in those book recs, so far I've read: Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again by Katherine Angel; The Right To Sex by Amia Srinivasan; Screw Consent (I hate this edgy title) by Joseph Fischel; Playing Well With Others; The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren; I Hope We Choose Love by Kai Cheng Thom; The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy; and Dissociation Made Simple by Jamie Marich. There have been some others, and I've written a bit about them in the book club channel on my discord as I've been reading)

I haven't heard from the people involved. The last I heard from anyone was one of my exes calling me a pathological liar and saying that they just want to move on with their lives, so while I'm doing the work to make sure I act better in future I am just trying to get on with my life and let them get on with theirs. I hope this clarifies why I have not talked further about the situation.

I will say that the last few months have been hellish for me. I have been frequently suicidal, I spent Christmas and new years alone, I lost a tooth because I couldn't afford proper dental treatment, people from within the community I've been ostracised from have been putting pressure on my remaining friends to cut ties with me, Keffals had my abuser on her twitch stream, a bizarre exaggerated and monsterised version of my personal life has been publicly gossiped about by trans people, fash and "leftist" drama streamers alike, I have been doing other work to make sure I can still pay rent and afford my bills and my HRT, and to survive. As I've been getting more stable and more able to focus on things besides this, I've been working on new writing because all I want with regard to my work and my channel is for my writing to help people. I don't want to talk about my private life, but I do understand that some number of people will feel after what has been said about me that they can't move forward with me without hearing the full details. Lots of people in my life have repeatedly encouraged me to publish a full account of everything that happened but I know how the Internet works and I don't want other trans women to be harmed in the ways that I have been harmed.

[sophie-frm-mars]

There was a second ask from the same person saying they hadn't seen the January statement and it helped to clarify things but they don't know how to feel about my disagreement that my behaviour was abusive, so I'm reblogging so that everything is in one space for clarity.

The cigarettes were in the context of kink scenes. This is why I said above that not learning good kink practice and not taking my mental health seriously were things that I did wrong, as well as not knowing my boundaries - if you read The New Topping Book, one of the books I mentioned above, there is a detailed explanation of Dossie Easton safewording out of an extreme scene as the top, which is something I should have done in several situations last year, but I was very unwell, high all the time and experiencing coercive pressures. To clarify what I mean by that, one person involved was repeatedly coercive in her behaviours and another person was giving me money for sex.

If the anonymous asker or anonyone else hasn't read this, I'd like to recommend it

Hot Allostatic Load

Build the shittiest thing possible. Build out of trash because all i have is trash. Trash materials, trash bodies, trash brain syndrome. Bui

I am working on myself despite how much my life is in pieces in every way I can be expected to, but what I have been told about how I've acted doesn't describe abusive behaviour, or uses words for abusive behaviour with no examples and being one of the people who was in those relationships who has spent months looking for ways to change, having described everything to a tonne of friends and picked over it excruciatingly, I don't think how I was acting was abusive.

I have had to look at how I conduct myself in relationships very seriously before. How I acted in relationships before transition was in many instances unacceptable and I am ashamed when I think of it, but it was also when I was very young. Last year I was very unwell, and I wish that I hadn't been, and I wish that I hadn't been high, and I wish that I hadn't been doing extreme kink, but I also have looked at what I've been given as descriptions of my behaviour and one of my exes told me that people do what I want "because I'm charismatic and beautiful". That's describing being attracted to me. Another one of my exes told me over the phone in December that she didn't much like some of the kinks we'd been doing despite expressing consistent enthusiasm, which is categorically not my fault. I don't know how I'm supposed to piece this together into something I can take seriously for change, so I've been working on myself the best I can from my side with no communication and trying to avoid labelling anyone else involved with behaviours that they don't deserve to have discussed publicly.

I really think this is hitting the limits of what I can say publicly without publishing my full account and I can't be clear enough that I would prefer private reconciliation and have been open to that from the beginning. I've just had no contact from the moment I was aware there was an issue, so at this point it seems that no longer talking about it is the best thing I can do unless I feel I have to give all the details for my survival.

[sophie-frm-mars]

Since I've now talked about it elsewhere I'm just going to clarify that the "other work" mentioned in the first part of this post was full service sex work.

When you cut a trans woman off from community and demolish her income and make it so that she can't get any work from employers who run social media checks, the outcomes are fairly predictable.

[gayfesh]

You're a serial abuser. Rehabilitative justice doesn't mean you get to go back to doing the things that put you in that position of power.

I'm sorry that that was the only option you felt was available to you, and things are definitely hard for trans people, especially in the UK, but you cannot be allowed to come back to have positions of power and influence after you used them to serially abuse people.

One of your victims literally said part of this restorative and rehabilitative justice was that you COULD NOT come back to make videos.

And your testimony here shows that you are very eager to downplay your culpability and cast aspersions elsewhere, which tells me you are not rehabilitated.

So I'm sorry that you're having problems finding other work, but you can't come back to YouTube.

Flip burgers about it.

[poppyandzena]

NightWyld's statement on leaving Poppy and Zena

NightWyld is confirmed safe and surrounded by a support group. I have personally accepted Nightwyld's apology towards me and am grateful they are in a much better place.

I am of the belief that survivors and those adjacent to Poppy and Zena are allowed to step away from the overall situation and NightWyld is no exception. Do not prod or antagonize them, especially on the behalf of me or others. They have been very straightforward on their situation, the harm they've endured and the harm they imposed on others, as well as the steps they are taking to not perpetuate it. To not only internalize this info but make a thorough public apology takes an incredible about of maturity the average person would shy away from.

Thank you NightWyld for your kindness. I wish you a life that is peaceful and gentler on you.