The Bright Sessions
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Cookie Run:Kingdom Official!
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@geekgirlchic
i keep thinking about how pokemon go is probably driving baby boomers up the fucking wall. packs of millennials roaming all staring at their cellphones.Â
No but it totally is. My FB feed right now consists of âThis is the best game ever!â and âDamn kids and their cell phones!â and itâs almost entirely divided by the generational line.
You know what Iâd like to see?
A production of A Midsummer Nightâs Dream where Lysander is a girl. Hermiaâs father would play the part of an aging homophobe who canât accept his daughter is gay, and thatâs why he keeps trying to set her up with Demetrius. And the reason Lysander and Hermia decide to run away and get married is because same-sex marriage is illegal in Athens. It brings whole new meaning to the idea of escaping the âsharp Athenian law.â
Oberon would see Demetrius chasing Hermia even though he knows she a lesbian and go, âNope. That ainât right. Puck, get me some love potion, weâre gonna teach this kid some manners.â
And the happy ending only comes when Theseus finally legalises same-sex marriage and Demetrius and Egeus accept Hermiaâs sexuality. Then the couples get married and the fairies bless both marriages equally.
It would be amazing.
This would be lovely to see <3
Dear guy who just made my burrito:
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word âburritoâ to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and Iâm surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
Youâre an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burritoâs end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you donât stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans cannot usually dislocate their jaws, and Iâm not a fucking pelican. But you must think thatâs how itâs done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and not a multi-stage rocket to the planet Fucking Disgustingupiter.
And guess what else, player? You probably canât guess anything, because Iâm pretty sure youâre just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, hereâs what:
Humans also donât eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS IâLL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS ITâS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG IâM IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE ITâS NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing life a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And donât even fucking think Iâm about to open this shit up and re-engineer this nonsense. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THATâS HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER.
In conclusion:
Youâre the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
So this is startlingly eloquent.
It may be that Iâm rewatching Archer, but I totally read the burrito rant in H. Jon Benjaminâs voice.
Reblog if you think sign language should be taught as a language in schools.
Absolutely.
One of the many things that makes cosplay so awesome is that absolutely anyone can do it. The Department of Awesome Parenting salutes the Cosplay Parents, a mother and father duo who, inspired by their cosplaying daughter, are taking advantage of their retirement to cosplay their hearts out.
They like to cosplay complementary, age-appropriate characters such as Carl and Ellie from Pixarâs movie Up (as though Ellie survived to go adventuring with Carl) or Captain America and Peggy Carter as though they were able to grow old together. Awww!
Follow the Cosplay Parents on Facebook to check out more of their delightful and heartwarming costumes.
[via Fashionably Geek]
So cool!
I love you, Cosplay Parents
This is the cutest thing EVER.
do you ever wonder how many tourist photos youâre in the background of
Well NOW I do.
I kind of wish disneyâs ~weird period~ had lasted longer. Like all of a sudden we were getting these films like lilo & stitch and Atlantis and the emperorâs new groove and treasure planet and they were so fun and DIFFERENT. Just thinking about what the pitches for those movies had to have been like is so surreal?? A little blue criminal alien crash lands on a Hawaiian island and gets adopted by two sisters dealing with social services that teach him about the value of family. An Inca emperor gets turned into a llama and john goodman helps him get back to his palace and one of the bad guys talks to squirrels. Treasure island but in SPACE. Like, on the surface, the premise for these films seem so random but they all TOTALLY WORKED IN REALLY GREAT WAYS??? idk I just really miss that early 2000s spark of offbeat creativity in Disneyâs timeline.
Okay but the history behind this is so interesting?
All these movies came from the Florida studio, which for a long time was a backup animation studio that did work the main Burbank studio didnât have time for.Â
Then in 1996 Disney decided to focus all their energy on transitioning to 3D animation. They acquired Pixar and started working on A Bugâs Life.Â
They basically told the Florida studio (their only remaining full-time 2D animation studio) â âEeeeeeh, do what you want.â
And the Florida studio, for the first time, got to produce feature films:
Mulan (1998)[27]
Tarzan (1999)[28]
John Henry (2000)[29]
The Emperorâs New Groove (2000)[30]
Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)[31]
Lilo & Stitch (2002)
Brother Bear (2003)
Then in 2004 Disney decided to stop producing 2-D feature films altogether. They closed down the Florida studio and laid off all the Florida Studio animators.
Many of whom then got hired by Dreamworks.
That. Explains. Everything.
This explains SO MUCH.
Just a friendly annual reminder about the first of MayâŠ.
This song and video are my favorite things about May the first. :D
Iâd say about 60% of the stories I tell go unfinished because either someone cuts me off or I stop talking because I realize that no one is listening
Same.
The biggest problem with the Harry Potter moviesâŠhow do I put this?
They substituted too many original book scenes with new scenes but those new scenes did nothing to add to the atmosphere of Harry Potter. If anything, it ruined the atmosphere. And youâre left wondering why they had to add those scenes and why they didnât keep the original scenes to begin with?
Like for example, look at Ron and Hermioneâs relationship.
Deathly Hallows Part I added the scene where Ron and Hermione are playing the piano and a scene where Ron and Hermione are skipping rocks.
But the movie excluded the scene where Ron told Hermione that she could change her surname to Weasley and that he and his family would hide her because they loved her, because he loved her, and they would do anything to protect her.
Or look at how they changed the kiss. Why? Why was it necessary for them to randomly kiss after being chased by a Voldemort tidal wave? Why couldnât they keep the original scene where Ron talked about how they needed to save the house-elves? Of course, it wouldnât really make sense, because they never showed Hermioneâs obsession with the house-elves to begin with.
Actually, thatâs one of the biggest issues with Movie!Hermione. The problem isnât that Emma Watson was too pretty. The problem was that the movies focused on Hermioneâs perfection and her ability to always have an answer to the scene, instead of focusing on her anxiety under pressure or her obsessiveness or any other negative trait.
And donât get me started on the butchering of Ronâs character.
Or look at Harry and Ginnyâs relationship in the books verses the movies. The movies added a scene where Harry zipped up Ginnyâs dress but they neglected to add the scene where they had a heart-to-heart talk about how difficult it was to maintain a relationship during war times and how they were putting their relationship on hold, even though it was hard, because they truly loved each other.
I could just start listing specifics.
Like how the Prisoner of Azkaban added the Monster Book of Monsters scene and the choir scene and the candyâŠsmokeâŠears scene but they didnât add the scene where Sirius and Remus briefly explained their backstory or the scene where Sirius enters the tower to get Peter or the scene where Dumbledore and Harry talk about Pettigrewâs life-debt.
The Goblet of Fire movie added so many unnecessary scenes and cut out about Ÿ of the scenes from the book in order to do so.
Order of the Phoenix put in a bunch of filler and ended up reducing the DA training to a montage with upbeat music.
The Half Blood Prince added all of these filler scenes for the sake of humor or filler but failed to really show Tom Riddleâs backstory. They added the scene where the Death Eaters attacked the Burrow but failed to add the extensive final battle in Hogwarts. They made sure to show every single moment of Harry getting high from Felix Felicis but never showed him coming to terms with the prophecy.
They even messed up the final battle between Harry and Voldemort. I mean, it was epic but they justâŠmessed up.
Or just look at the Princeâs Tale. They literally changed every single scene and in doing so, they completely missed the point of Snapeâs character.
They completely missed the points of a lot of characters.
They werenât bad, per say, but they justâŠwerenâtâŠaccurate. And as much as I love them, thereâs also a part of me that wishes that they could have come closer to capturing the character and atmosphere of Harry Potter.
I love the books, and I love the movies, but in my head theyâre two different canons, because otherwise I just feel disappointed in the movies and I donât want to. I love the movies. The movies are why I started reading the books in the first place, and without them I would have written off the books as just being kidâs books. But if I donât separate them in my head, I just feel a little let down.
i hate those times when iâm in between obsessions.
like what do i daydream about? what characterâs personality do I steal? what do i dedicate all my waking hours to?
I thought I was the only one!
the parks and rec writers should get together one last time to write a script for a 23 minute youtube review of the force awakens by ben wyatt
I love @iamckellenâs tags of how it would play out âor like a really bad re-enactment so bad itâs got no spoilers because jerry is han and heâs never seen star wars and ben casts tom as finn and tom keeps making comments about how heâs the only brown person ben knows ââme or donna huh those were your optionsâ and andy canât get poeâs name right and it starts out with april as rey but she refuses do anything right so ben replaces her with leslie but leslie keeps mixing up references like calls vader âvoldemortâ and keeps mixing up star wars and star trek and ben gets so angry that he recasts her as some background alien so ben casts himself as rey because nobody can do her justice like he can because he loves rey the most obviously and obviously jean ralphio is kylo ren like thereâs no question and then at the end ben/rey is climbing that hill and he gets to the top and sees a cloaked figure and ron swanson turns around and says âwhy are you intruding on my vacation sonââ
I didnât know I wanted this until now.
Full story. (via edmontonjournal)
Not gonna lie, this is the first thing I thought of:Â
Really Super Emergency Commissions
Iâm in a big, deep financial hole, and Iâve got a commission list about 40 long, so this is the last thing I want to do. The short story is me and roomie are moving. We got a place - a really nice place, but we need to pay two rents now because the current tenant is leaving in May and our lease isnât up until June. I canât offer much. Turnaround time is going to be three months. But if youâre okay with that, and you want art, send me an email at [email protected] The only rule is that I can not take anything under $60. I am only offering flats and renders.
Thanks again!
Signal boost for a fantastic artist
Where were you when the most important news broke
HuffPride, baby!
Husband and Little Monkey spend a disturbing amount of time talking about cannibalism...I sleep with one eye open lately.
I have always imagined the American magical community in Harry Potter to be significantly less⊠structured than that of Britain. America is just so big, and the states can be so different, and history is so fucked up and complicated that a whole secret society with a completely separate government and people whoâre totally clueless about the muggle world just makes no sense to me.
American wix participate in general elections and watch tv and their kids go to muggle school during the day and learn magic at home or in after-school programs and play quidditch and football and only your great grandma has owls while everyone else just has a phone and generally donât obliviate muggles who see magic shit bc lol whoâs gonna believe them anyway.
And European wix haaaate dealing with them bc they wonât do things the Proper Magical Way they just do whatever the fuck they want bc AMERICA FUCK YEAH.
*eagle noises*
I am here for this
And then youâve got the Pennsylvania Dutch and Native American nations and New Orleans and other areas where large swathes of the population are like, âWell duh thereâs magic. Hugh down at the end of the street lays hexes on my vegetable garden for the kids who keep trying to steal them and I give him a bag of tomatoes every month.â
#like itâs not offensive in the same way#but itâs patently obvious JKR doesnât understand American or its history at all#and yeah#no way would american magic-users consent to that kind of structure
@monstermoonshine and i once talked about this extensively and decided that the american wizarding government should be called FBOM, the federal bureau of magic, with the O left in for Humor Purposes
#I love how every American looked at jkrâs american wizardry#and then promptly threw it in the harbor with the tea#nah jkr nah we ainât doin it your way
âpromptly threw it in the harbor with the teaâ LOL
Also, American magic users headcannon accepted.
