Bro idek

My name’s Aura. I think? Might change it later. They/them, genderqueer, queer or bi, and 182 months old

[genderqueerlove]

Hey I have a bunch of great ideas for my funeral and wake, but I have no idea how to put them somewhere?? Like should I print out a document explaining all of it and sign it?? And put it in a file??

[genderqueerlove]

Can someone show me the 😂 without the tears pls

[genderqueerlove]

Today I started crying quite suddenly. It happened when my stepdad and my mom started kissing and my tears stopped immediately when they did. Just remembering it is giving me a sense of stress. It most likely has to do with my ptsd that I’ve had for about a year now and has gotten worse due to being in quarantine (aka: away from basic socialization) for so long.

So I need to do something. If I want to get rid of my ptsd, I need to act on it.

I could talk to my mother about this, which can go a very long way. That may just be all that I’ll need to do. Just explain it to my mom, and then she’ll only kiss him when I’m nowhere near to hear. Should be easy enough.

However, a new trigger is never a good sign. I must be subconsciously stressed and bottling it up. This means I need to find a way to relieve my stress. Maybe I could do something that’s really easy for me to give me a sense of accomplishment. Next I’ll need to feel peaceful. I could step away from my phone, but that means I’ll need to find something else to do, like napping. sleeping is quite peaceful and time consuming. Also highly recommended.

[genderqueerlove]

I didn’t think I would need to say this, but transphobes are not allowed in the lgbt+ community.

There’s many regions in the human brain that prove trans people aren’t “crazy” or “freaks”

The BSTc region is a good example. It holds cells but scientists don’t know why it’s needed. In cisgender females, even ones that are on testosterone, have hardly any cells and the cells they do have are small. In cisgender males, even ones that are on estrogen, have many big cells in that region.

In transgender females (mtf), whether they are on estrogen or not, have hardly any cells at all. In transgender males (ftm), whether they are on testosterone or not, have many big cells in that region.

It doesn’t take that much work to change your opinion. Yes, you may have protected this opinion for who knows how long, but that doesn’t mean you can’t change your opinions. Changing this harmful opinion will make you a better person.

[genderqueerlove]

Throwback to when I questioned my gender.

Lemme set the stage for you: it took me many years, but I “knew” that I was a cisgender lesbian. I was not afraid to show it. My outfit style was a bit masculine, androgynous even. Also I’m tall and 14 years old, been working at a fast food place for a few months.

I was in a musical for kids. I was the second to oldest and the tallest there. The two directors referred to me in front of the kids as “our tall friend” and no pronouns were used for me.

I missed a day of rehearsal because I was sick, but I was healthy enough for the next day. My friend, the oldest there, told me that she noticed the directors used they/them pronouns for me when they asked where I was. This surprised me. I was always seen as a cisgender lesbian or trans boy. Never had anyone assumed I was nonbinary.

I spent the next night contemplating if I was nonbinary. It explained a lot. And it clicked that I am indeed nonbinary.

The directors asked me the next day about my pronouns. I didn’t think about it much, but I said something like, “usually she/her, but that’s because I don’t know how they/them feels to me yet.”

Then, a little while after I was done with the musical, I was at work when a lady came in with her little son and had some trouble with her order that I rang up. She talked to a coworker (shift leader) and used they/them for me. At first I didn’t notice it at all. Then I noticed that she used pronouns for me and I didn’t flinch when I heard it. I realized that she use they/them for me, at least twice. I was so happy, my smile was so warm.

[genderqueerlove]

Do you ever just procrastinate taking a shower by placing yourself on le toilet and have your phone distract you,,

[genderqueerlove]

I dislike how far you have to scroll to reload tumblr

[genderqueerlove]

PTSD MENTION

This happened during quarantine where a lot of us did online school. I was currently in ninth grade.

I was chatting with two of my friends, Clay and Jacob, on google meet. These two already knew that I have PTSD, but didn’t know that much about my signs/symptoms. So I decided this was an okay time to mention what they were just so they know.

I told them I have an odd reaction to any sounds that sound like a cereal bag. It’s not something I can control and it doesn’t make me feel like I’m in danger, but it makes this fuzzy sound in one of my ears. Sometimes, if it’s intense enough, it can kinda hurt. Anyways, I’m explaining what this fuzzy sound is like, when I hear an odd sound. I see Jacob’s mic thing moving whereas Clay’s is completely still. So I ask Jacob what it is.

He’s giggling. So I’m smiling, but still confused. Then he presents his screen, and it’s an asmr video. Before I processed what exactly it was, he started laughing and said “it’s a cereal bag asmr”

My smile drops faster than I thought possible. I shut my chromebook immediately. I’m absolutely furious. I start crying. My mom finds me and comforts me for about forty minutes before I calm down. I was so sad that Jacob would try to do that to me. That he sees my PTSD as something for him to laugh at.

Don’t be an asshole to people with PTSD. The symptoms may seem weird to you, but they’re absolutely serious. I was not showing any signs of joking when I was openly talking about that symptom.

[genderqueerlove]

I texted him afterwards, calling him an asshole. Then when he and I talked on google meet next, he said that he laughed when he read that text. He said he’s sorry, though. He and I have been friends since eighth grade, so I still feel attached to him. It feels like I owe him friendship and forgiveness. But honestly, what he did was unforgivable and I should still be mad at him. Right?

[genderqueerlove]

PTSD MENTION

This happened during quarantine where a lot of us did online school. I was currently in ninth grade.

I was chatting with two of my friends, Clay and Jacob, on google meet. These two already knew that I have PTSD, but didn’t know that much about my triggers. So I decided this was an okay time to mention what they were just so they know.

I told them I have an odd reaction to any sounds that sound like a cereal bag. It’s not something I can control and it doesn’t make me feel like I’m in danger, but it makes this fuzzy sound in one of my ears. Sometimes, if it’s intense enough, it can kinda hurt. Anyways, I’m explaining what this fuzzy sound is like, when I hear an odd sound. I see Jacob’s mic thing moving whereas Clay’s is completely still. So I ask Jacob what it is.

He’s giggling. So I’m smiling, but still confused. Then he presents his screen, and it’s an asmr video. Before I processed what exactly it was, he started laughing and said “it’s a cereal bag asmr”

My smile drops faster than I thought possible. I shut my chromebook immediately. I’m absolutely furious. I start crying. My mom finds me and comforts me for about forty minutes before I calm down. I was so sad that Jacob would try to do that to me. That he sees my PTSD as something for him to laugh at.

Don’t be an asshole to people with PTSD. The triggers may seem weird to you, but they’re absolutely serious. There’s a difference between joking with someone about their ptsd and actually making fun of their mental disorder.

[genderqueerlove]

i hate almond milk but love whole milk. i was staring into the abyss when my mother was pouring herself a glass of milk in front of me.

in a great moment of jenius, after my mother was done pouring and put the carton back in the fridge, i took the opportunity and dunked a big gulp of supposedly whole milk, but it was not as i expected. the taste in my mouth was foul and unfamiliar. tasted like dispair. i quickly put the glass back down on the counter in a movement of shock

immediately, having not yet swallowed liquid misery, i picked the cup up again and spat the milk back in it. my mother turned back around and watched me spit it out.

then she disowned me.

[genderqueerlove]

WHY THE FUCK DO I KEEP GETTING PIMPLE POPPING VIDEOS ON MY DISCOVER PAGE I TRY SO HARD TO AVOID IT TO THE POINT OF JUST STOP LIKING ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH SKIN, INCLUDING MAKEUP VIDS

[genderqueerlove]

once my nonbinary dysphoria hits, I’m like,, “I wish I was assigned male at birth” then I’m like,, “oh shit no that could make it even harder to pass” so then I’m like,, “I guess being afab isn’t so bad” and then I remember “oh wait it is. shit”

[catchymemes]

[genderqueerlove]

When her boyfriend is cute too

[shortycito-deactivated20211022]

my biggest mistake is thinking that people care for me as much as i do for them.

[genderqueerlove]

That’s rough, buddy.

[genderqueerlove]

Apologizing (2/2)

Getting into arguments is easy. You’re always right, right?

Of course you’re not, but you’re convinced that this time you are right. How many arguments have you had where you convinced yourself you were right only to find out you’re actually wrong? Almost every argument you’ve had. Thinking you are right will not help you in determining if you should apologize or not.

You need to start with a neutral mindset. Act like you’re an unbiased moderator in a debate. You don’t agree nor disagree with the other person. Look at the big picture. Recall what you can about what was said. Who started it? Who continued/prolonged it? What are the two sides of the argument? Why is this argument important? If you can’t come up with a rational answer for the last question, then it’s time for you to step up and admit that the argument was stupid.

But who apologizes? The person in the wrong is one that needs to apologize, right? Not always. An apology is not a shameful thing to do. If you are the one who’s right, going to the other person first is the best thing you can do. You don’t need to tell them you’re wrong even though you’re right. You need to tell them that you want to compromise. If you are wrong, you need to let that other person know. It’s not humiliating. They won’t bully you for admitting you’re wrong. Everyone knows that knowing you’re wrong is hard.

I might add to this, but I might not. I typed this all up kinda randomly, maybe after I’ve had time to think about it I’ll add something. Stay safe my loves.

[genderqueerlove]

Apologizing (1/2)

When I was little, I got into an argument with my brother. After it was over and before my mom found out, I told myself, “There is no shame in apologizing.”

As I got older, I realized what exactly that meant. It means that apologizing is necessary and easy. Saying the words “I’m sorry” is simple, but it’s not an apology. An apology should start with, “I’m sorry” but it will need more. Use one statement to explain why you’re sorry,

“I was wrong and you were right.”

But you can’t stop there. You have to go further. Their feelings are still hurt. If you stop here, nothing will be resolved. Go further. Make sure that they know that in this case, they shouldn’t feel ashamed for what they believe in.

“I was wrong to call you that. You were right for getting mad. You shouldn’t let anyone call you that just because they have different beliefs.”

Knowing if you need to apologize will be the topic for my next post. Stay safe, loves.

[ellenwalker97illustration]

Last year, The HRC (Human Rights Campaign), reported that in 2019 alone, at least 26 trans and gender nonconforming people were killed in the United States alone. Disproportionately, Black trans people were the victims. Those I have illustrated here, do not even scratch the surface of what is, and should be recognised as, an epidemic. Now, more than ever, it is crucial that we do whatever we can to support the black trans community. 

Please consider donating/signing the charities and petitions listed here.

EDIT- updated hyperlinks to petitions JUSTICE FOR TONY MCDADE https://www.change.org/p/justice-for-tony-mcdade JUSTICE FOR NINA POP- https://www.change.org/p/black-lives-matter-actvists-justice-for-nina-pop JUSTICE FOR TETE- https://www.change.org/p/portland-police-bureau-justice-for-tete MORE PROTECTION FOR BLACK TRANS WOMEN UK- https://www.change.org/p/boris-johnson-more-protection-for-black-trans-women-uk DONATE- BLACK VISIONS COLLECTIVE- https://www.blackvisionsmn.org TRANSGENDER LAW CENTER- https://transgenderlawcenter.org THE OKRA PROJECT- https://www.theokraproject.com LGBTQ+ FREEDOM FUND- https://www.lgbtqfund.org NATIONAL CENTER FOR BLACK EQUITY- https://centerforblackequity.org