hi im theresa

[scaredenglishmajor]

If anyone deserves a raise it’s the employee from four seasons total landscaping who answered the phone and went “yup, we can set up a podium and everything” and just acted like nothing was out of the ordinary.

[blunderpuff]

Four Seasons Total Landscaping employee answering the phone like:

[ithelpstodream]

[richspoiltkid]

I wonder what kind of a person I'd be if i didn't have anxiety

[utopians]

Throwback to 2016 when I told my sister "they're making another planet earth" and she just like. raised an eyebrow and said in this absolutely deadpan condescending tone "and where are they getting the dirt for it?" and I had to specify I meant planet earth the nature documentary not the celestial body

[calder]

vegans make peace with honey

no shut up do it

[calder]

vegans will pretend not to hear when natives tell them their agave products are unsustainable because they have whimsical feelings about, and i cannot stress this enough, the freedom of hive insects

[whitepeopletwitter]

[pettyartist]

[optimisticbananaharmony-deactiv]

how,did I think he just looked,like that

[guerrillatech]

[froglit]

imagine if we all just started ignoring celebrities tho

[froglit]

i cant stop thinking about how funny this would be. imagine kylie jenner posting a selfie n it gets 12 likes

[hyrude]

why were prezis ever a thing. who was like “i wish this powerpoint could give me motion sickness”

[minkidoodles]

I love not knowing who 95% of celebrities are. every day someone new is trending and I go "I don't know who the FUCK this is" and move on. I love that

[fivever-and-ever]

well if this ain’t me or what

[doggosource]

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened and they’ll instantly start celebrating too they have no idea what the context is, they’re just always ready to party no matter what 

[drakomalfoyyy-deactivated202006]

what do u mean i don’t have a social life I just went grocery shopping with my mom

[smithsonian-official]

posts that hit different in may 2020

[unclefather]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[halohiding-deactivated20200807]

We really used to ask teachers if we could drink water.......what the fuck was that

[catchymemes]

[frostyemma]

EAT THE RICH

[rainywashday]

Wtf

[gluten-free-pussy]

I…I cannot imagine inviting someone over to my house and not offering them something to eat and drink. Especially in the summer? Like I’d have bottles of ice cold water for them on deck. It’s just courtesy???

[king-emare]

What type of stupid shit smh