Okay here's all the ambient (non-conversation) dialogue I could find in Maleshov, including the infamous 'Hans is fun' guard dialogue.
But more important than that, the white dog has a name! It's Snapper!
Konrad: Lord von Bergow had to leave on important business for Sigismund. And he took a small escort with him, so the garrison is slightly weakened now. So, be extra alert on your watch. If I find anybody slacking off, they’ll get the whip.
Diepolt: You’ve got it Konrad.
Konrad: Diepolt, I’ll send Heimann to the gate, you’ll be in charge of the southern and eastern fortifications.
Diepolt: Alright Konrad. I’ll get right on it.
Konrad: Franz, run along back to the guardhouse and get some sleep so you don’t fall asleep during the night watch.
Franz: Aye, don’t worry.
Konrad: The rest of you know your orders. You’ll be sorry if you don’t. Dismissed. And don’t drink too much.
Diepolt: Got it, Konrad.
Konrad: Vitek, the cart is starting to get on my fucking nerves.
Hired Hand Vitek: I understand. I’ll get right on it.
Konrad: And tell Drahomira it’s getting late, so she won’t forget to take some food to our honored guests. I gave her the keys so I wouldn’t have to fuck around with it myself.
Vitek: Don’t worry, it’s already taken care of. I saw her taking it to them.
Konrad: Well, that’s great. That woman must be the only one I can rely on.
(he moves to the outer bailey)
Konrad: Hey, you two! Have you seen Latsek and Deitrich?
Heimann: No, Maybe they went to the village or something.
Liepold: I don’t think so. I’ve a feeling I saw them in the castle. But that was some time in the afternoon... Before that messenger arrived and all that fuss started.
Konrad: Well, I’ll get my hands on them sooner or later... Anyway, pay attention now. I don’t want to repeat anything I told the fellahs up there, so I’ll keep it short. Lord von Bergow rode out, as you must have noticed. So you don’t have to work all that hard, but we don’t want things going to hell here either.
Heimann: Aye, commander.
Lipold: You got it.
Konrad: As I said, we have to maintain some basic duties, like shifts. You’re first on the gate, Heimann. Then Lipold will relieve you for the night watch. Or Latzek and Dietrich, if I find those lazy bastards.
Heimann: Understood. I’m on my way.
Konrad: Good. And keep your eyes peeled. Sir Otto might well send a rider with some urgent message, so let’s be ready.
Heimann: You can count on me. My eyes are wide open. (gets up)
Konrad: Well, you heard me. Rest as you see fit, so you’re alert and at full strength on the night shift.
Lipold: Aye, don’t overdo the booze, right?
Konrad: Something like that. But I could do with a beer myself, god damn it. This day has been totally shit, and my throat’s on fire. (goes into tent)
(I never found Latsek and Deitrich so they must’ve been in town. It’s not Guard 1 and 2 because they were in the meeting with Konrad)
Guard 1: So, who’s going to take watch?
Guard 2: Well... How about splitting it?
Guard 1: That might work, but I’d rather talk about it over a pint of ale.
Guard 2: Good idea. And let’s bring some dice... Whoever loses will take the night shift with Lipold.
Guard 1: Haha! You’d better get some rest then, because I’ll wipe the table with you!
Guard 2: We’ll see about that!
(they move inside and play dice)
Guard 1: Hey, you’re always asking around. Got any interesting news?
Guard 2: I might have. I overheard that young gent what came with the Margrave saying something was going to happen in Kuttenberg.
Guard 1: You mean that fellah that hacked up poor old Snapper? He’s a bit gone in the head, ain’t he?
Guard 2: He just might be. But they said they’d be going after the Jews, ‘cause they’re hiding someone.
Guard 1: If his lordship goes after them like he did before in Prague, there won’t be stone on stone left in that quarter of theirs. I wouldn’t wish that on them.
Guard 2: You wouldn’t wish that on ‘em, eh? But it’s their own damn fault. Dirty traitors.
(pretty sure they meant Markvart von Aulitz when they said “the Margrave”, they also call the lady upstairs Ophelia but her name is Ofka)
Guard 1: Hey, next time we get near an army camp, we need to come up with a way to harass them Hungarians. They’re so bloody arrogant! And they always stink the place up!
Guard 2: Aye, tie their moustaches together and drag them thru the shit! Take their horses to the woods, that’ll fuck them up. And hang pigs’ heads on their tents.
Guard 1: When their women are washing their kaftans, then we’ll take them and... and do something funny with them.
Guard 2: Yeah, so while you’re figuring out what, I’ll be introducing myself to the local wenches.
Guard 1: Well, I’d better think fast, because with you they’ll be taking to their heels pretty damn quick.
Guard 2: You prick! Don’t start again!
Guard 1: Hey, since Lord von Bergow ain’t here, why don’t we invite the young gentleman what’s locked up there to come and play with us! He was a lot of fun last time when von Bergow allowed us to take him out for a ride.
Guard 2: Aye, fun, but I wouldn’t take the chance. As soon as his Lordship comes home, he’d have our hides for it. And we’d have to explain it to Lady Ophelia. And I don’t want to do that. Besides, there’s too many stairs. At least there’s beer here!
Guard 1: I’d like to know where Karel and Zdenda are (spoke too fast).
Guard 2: I bet they’re somewhere holed up in the tower, stuffing their faces. Like the last time his Lordship went away. Fucking hounds.
Guard 1: If Lady Ophelia catches them at it, they’ll get a proper hiding. If they had anything in them noggins of theirs, they’d be sitting here with us with a beer.
Guard 1: This is boring as fuck. I feel like we’ve been playing dice for an eternity! We played yesterday, we played the day before that, we’re playing today... It’s starting to piss me off.
Guard 2: Heh heh, don’t complain. You’re just sour because you can’t tell a four from a five. I’m having fun as it happens. Better to sit quietly on our arses than to get messed up in Lord knows what. Enjoy it while you can, before his Lordship orders us to get our arses moving again.
Guard 1: Kurva! It’s boring here if you ask me! Not even a beer can fix it. I think I’ve had enough of it. I hope I’ll get a patrol when His Lordship gets back. At least a ride in the countryside, instead of sitting on my arse here all the time like a chump.
Guard 2: Ty vole! Be careful what you wish for. His Nibs left in a hurry. I heard it had something to do with the King.
Guard 1: Whatever it is, I hope he comes back with something interesting. Too bad I didn’t leave with his escort entourage, at least I’d be doing something interesting.
Guard 2: Who’d take you along to anything interesting?
Guard 1: Shut your mouth! I’ve had enough of this damned fortress. And you especially.
(upstairs w/ Karel and Zdenda I don’t know which is which so I just chose at random; I went by voice actor to keep which is which straight)
Ofka: What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be keeping watch or polishing the armor somewhere?
Karel: Konrad sent us to keep watch here.
Ofka: I think you’re just holing up here! I’ll ask him first thing tomorrow and see what he tells me.
Zdenda: Wait, ma’am! We’re on Konrad’s blacklist and ever since he yelled at you last time, I reckon you are too. So what do you say we help each other out a bit here? We’ll hole up a bit downstairs and you won’t say anything to the captain about it.
Karel: Have no fear, we’ll just have a little nibble, with your kind permission.
Zdenda: And we’ll be as quiet as mice in the hall. We won’t disturb you, trust me.
Ofka: I hope so, now off with you.
(she goes into her room, they go downstairs to the hall and pantry)
Karel: You’re a sharp one. You sure know how to deal with her.
Zdenda: Aye... I actually feel sorry for her, with nobody taking her seriously here. She’s some third-rate daughter of some lord from who knows where, so she was actually quite lucky that old Otto took a liking to her. The thing is, everybody knows where she comes from and treats her accordingly.
Karel: Bloody hell “old Otto”. He’d have you whipped for that.
Zdenda: You’re right. I’d better keep our lord out of my mouth and stuff it with sausage instead. So let’s dig in and make the best of Ofka’s favor.
(goes to the pantry)
Zdenda: I love this, his lordship should ride out like this more often, so we can get the fare we deserve.
Karel: That’s for sure. Only we shouldn’t eat everything up, so they don’t catch on to us.
Zdenda: Don’t worry, no one will notice anything, and even if they do, we’ll talk our way out of it. Let’s have a few more morsels and fill our bellies properly. And then we can go and see Drahomira in the kitchen and get something else from her.
Karel: That’ll be soup again, like always, I saw her plucking a chicken today.
Zdenda: Aye, but warm broth will do your belly good.
Karel: It’s better than gruel, you got that right. But no soup yet, let’s have another sausage, heh heh. I’ll go grab it.
(grabs more sausages)
Zdenda: This is some damn fine grub. Much better than what they give us. And how it’s spiced! It’s a fairy tale in my mouth.
Karel: Keep your voice down, or Konrad will hear you and we’ll be in trouble. Stuff that gob of yours instead.
Zdenda: You don’t have to ask me twice. But there’s nothing left. Go and grab us some more.
Karel: Go yourself. I’m going there all the time.
Zdenda: Because you’ve got a natural born talent for it. Besides, I went last time, when we nicked that ham from the kitchen.
Karel: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you and your ham! I’m going already!
Zdenda: What about some food for the young gents upstairs?
Karel: Nothing today. We have enough here and I saw Drahomira taking something up to him. But next time we have to offer to take it up there. Drahomira’s glad if she doesn’t have to use the stairs...
Zdenda: Yeah, it’s a good deed, even if the young gent gets our swill instead of his noble food.
Karel: Right, the nobles ought to learn how their subjects live, ey?
Zdenda: When you’re too old to be a soldier, you can always get a job teaching.
Karel: Heh, that wouldn’t be all that bad. If they’ve got fine sausages like these! I’ll go and get us a couple more.
Latzek: Go and get more sausages! I bet Lord von Bergow is sitting at some royal table right now so he won’t miss them.
Karel: I’m not so sure about that. I don’t think the king is in a very hospitable mood, seeing what that messenger of his said. More like His Lordship has a problem, I reckon.
Latzek: Knowing His Nibs, he won’t settle for bread or water. But whatever’s up with the king, it’s a nobles’ affair. And as far as we’re concerned, I’m leading the charge on the pantry!
Karel: The vanguard is ready to go, sir!
(extra special bonus ambient dialogue between Hans and Brabant)
Hans: Brabant, keep watch by the stairway. I’ll go to the window and wait for Henry’s signal.
Brabant: I think it would be better if you watch the stairs.
Hans: Why’s that?
Brabant: You are younger. You have better hearing.
Hans: You said you once discovered a dozen English spies, so you can surely handle one stairway.
Brabant: I discovered them because I smelt them from a distance. You see, Les Anglais stink to high heaven.
Hans: Then you’d better hope von Bergow’s men stink like rotten fish.
Brabant: Eh bien... I will watch the stairs, if Monsieur le Chapon so insists.
(No, Brabant, Hans HAS to be at the window becuase HE needs to be the one who sees Henry's signal. Proud of my man for sticking to his guns)
I just had 3 crackers with chutney and sharp white cheddar . Then i had a ring of pineapple. I started to levitate, but i wasnt scared. Im not scared of anything
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