✿ //Here, take this one as well, *rolls around* T.T I'm so addicted to your writing.//
The first time he kissed Kanata, it was because he was scared. Not him, Kanata was. A quiet scared, staring a thousand yards away even though Yuki was right next to him. He couldn't quite remember what the conversation was, just that Kanata had begun to mutter some strange things, stare far off, fingers quivering a little. He remembers that, at the time, that he had thought Kanata was reliving the memories of his father, doing that thing he did where he compared himself to him and degraded himself and said awful, untrue things that made Yuki's heart ache and his blood boil.
He'd never seen him get to distance, so upset, so wrapped up in the walls he had built that even Yuki was scared he'd lose him this time. He'd barreled forward across the table, desperation and fear propelling him forward until he could capture Kanata's face in his hands, seal his lips with his own. It was firm, hoping to anchor Kanata to reality, to drag him out of those horrible memories and make him see this is here, this is now, this is our future.
Time seemed to freeze until his lips slowly pulled away from Kanata's lips, staring down into confused, honey hues, but they were clear and dragged out of whatever dark place Kanata had sunk into. Relief outweighed the embarrassment, breath escaping him as if his lungs had only been filled with apprehension. His fingers smoothed along Kanata's cheek, brushed his hair out of his face, trembling just a little.
It wasn't until Kanata mumbled a soft "Yuki?" did his actions sink in and rose pink erupted across his cheeks.
The second time he kissed Kanata like that, he wasn't Kanata anymore. He was Reiga. Again, it had been a desperate attempt to drag him back to reality, to stop him from drowning in that dark, cold place where he was alone and nobody could touch him. His fingers had clenched desperately in his coat, trembling as he stood on the tips of his toes. The lips beneath his own were chilly and unmoving, He hoped, he prayed, with every fiber of his being that he could sink his own warmth into those chilly lips, bring Kanata back to life, that he could take him home and tuck him into bed and tell him it was all a terrible nightmare.
Whether it worked, or whether Reiga was simply humoring him, he'd never know. He didn't kill him though and that would confound Yuki into sleeplessness for nights to come. Instead he pressed chilly fingers to his just- just below his neck he noted- and pushed him down and away. His expression hadn't changed, lips still pressed into a unreadable line and eyes dark as they studied him. His other hand peeled Yuki's white knuckled fingers from their grip on his coat, pushed them away from him.
He wanted to cry, he could feel it welling up in his throat and pleaded with himself not to because if he did, Reiga would win. He wanted to lurch forward again, plead with him, beg him and scream and sob.
He didn't, he remembers that much. He doesn't remember anything after that, just being enveloped in such a chill that it sucked the air right out of his chest-
and then it was dark, until he awoke again, in Lady Yuki's bed, with Luka's fretting fingers combing through his hair and Sodom's furry body curled up against his neck.
He didn't bother to move from that spot for a very long time, simply staring at the ceiling.
If he'd taken Kanata's hand-
If his kiss just could have stopped time.
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