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Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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we're not kids anymore.
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@glitterlovesdragons-blog
I want to apologize for my brief absence. My mom took away my computer and sent me to a psych ward for 72 hr observation where my headmates had to stop being themselves and overall it was really triggering. Trevor and Sakura nearly killed each other. Anyway, I got out and wasn't allowed on Tumblr since my mom says "Those cr*zies are the whole reason you started this shit." Nice.
So yeah, I'm back now.
I understand a lot of people do not have headmates but let me assure you it isn’t “making a mockery” of mental illness (I AM mentally ill and so is one of my headmates). Having a headmate is actually a LOT like having a roommate in college that is automatically...
Wow, sorry. I screwed up. It's always important to own up to these things. I guess I'm just familiar with how one of MY headmates has DID and I think I'm applying her experience to everyone else.
The "souls" thing is how we see it- I do not believe that we're different "personalities" as some people suggest, and that's why I got mad. I was rash and I'm sorry. I'll also do better at tagging next time.
I am the "other woman" and here's why it's FINE
Ok so right now I am in a sexual relationship and YES he has a girlfriend. Now before you give me trouble let me just say that WE ARE DOING NOTHING WRONG.
So I'm with a gay man actually and while I do have a vagina and am female-presenting I don't think that being gay means you automatically don't like having sex with women (his girlfriend is a woman too obviously). he is one of the few gay men who is NOT sexist or body shaming and can appreciate sex with a woman so frankly I feel like I got lucky.
Do I want him to leave his girlfriend for me? Absolutely not. Do I feel bad about sleeping with him? No.
Monogamy is a patriarchal invention that primarily exists to prevent women from sleeping around. I'm demisexual so when I fell in love with this guy, the sexual attraction started and I even fronted as Shane the first time we had sex which he thought was charming. I don't expect commitment from him because I don't expect it from ANYONE. I'm not helping him "cheat", I'm just helping him dismantle a system that is actually more oppressive to women than it is to him.
I have a feeling if his girlfriend finds out she will be mad but honestly it will only take her a matter of time before she gets it. I don't really care if she's mad. What we are doing is for the greater good, not for HER and if she doesn't like it, her white cishet tears do not rule out the oppressed women forced into marriage everywhere. #notsorry
A Little on My Headmates
I understand a lot of people do not have headmates but let me assure you it isn't "making a mockery" of mental illness (I AM mentally ill and so is one of my headmates). Having a headmate is actually a LOT like having a roommate in college that is automatically selected--who you don't choose.
Imagine you get to college and you're paired up with three people to live in a suite. All you know is that you'll be living with them and you don't know their personalities. Would anyone tell you that you were "making them up"? Probably not.
Headmates also aren't "imaginary" and they're not hallucinations. It literally just means you have more than one soul and are several different literal people. DID is different- that's when your headmates are not real, but the result of mental illness. Mine happen to be real. If you're jealous that you aren't experiencing the same thing, fine. But they're real.
Much like your college roommates, your headmates can be your friends but they can also be difficult, antagonistic, whiny, in need of comfort...a bunch of different things! And yes, they can insult you, compliment you, or even rape you or other headmates. And they CAN physically abuse you. It's a complicated phenomenon but it does happen.
headmates are not something people make up to be cool, I assure you. Why would we? We get so much hate for them as is.
If you are a guy or even a lesbian and you fucking fetishize fae then SHAME THE FUCK ON YOU.
Fae are oversexualized and fetishized and it's not something people choose so maybe obsess over something else and move on and stop oppressing fae.
Why are white cishet men so worried about us thinking they're bad people
like if you are that worried just stop being a bad person
I just said slugs aren't cool. It's about being different and unique, because some individuals like yourself find it hard as they get older to stand out, so they come up with crazy bullshit.
"crazy" is an ableist slur.
you know a slugkin because otherkin is about being a special snowflake and not about being cool
yeah because slugs are totally cool....
SJW = the latest lazy ethnic/gendered/ableist slur used by poop muffins to insult people who are oppressed without "seeming" bigoted.
I've got your number.
My headmates lashed out.
Today has easily been the weirdest/most upsetting day of my life. My mother told me that she's marrying Derek. I SPECIFICALLY told her not to marry Derek, he is an asshole and he is a fucking abuser. She told me he proposed and it was so "romantic" and she's going to marry him this winter.
WTF.
So I immediately started fronting, as I was very upset. And Trevor came out (You probably saw him last night). He told my mom to fuck off and stop letting herself be taken advantage of. My mom rolled her eyes and told Trevor that he was just "making things up for attention". Trevor slapped my mom and told her to shut the fuck up. I kept telling Trevor to stop but he wouldn't. Finally he started assaulting Sakura which was horrible but at least took some of it off of my mom. I began fronting as Sakura, so naturally I was crying and Sakura was very upset. My mother shook her head and said she "waited too long" to commit me to a psych hospital.
She said I was making up having DID for attention and I told her CALMLY (as Sakura though) that Emily doesn't have DID, but SAKURA DOES and it's REAL. Sakura explained that Emily is a multiple system, not "mentally ill", although Sakura *is* mentally ill. My mother didn't understand, so I told her that it was OK if she wanted me to get psychiatric help, but only when I am fronting as Sakura because she is the only one of us who actually needs it!
My mother said "Now you really need help" and then Shane came out and stood up for Emily and Sakura, told my mom to step down, and at the same time stand up to Derek. Finally Derek comes home, sees me fronting as Shane and told me to "seriously stop". Shane told Derek that he's being a cruel and misogynistic prick, and Derek told Shane that he wasn't "real", which was extremely triggering for Shane.
I don't even know what's going to happen next. I've had to keep my headmates under serious lockdown today because Derek is patrolling them like no other.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
I cant even
DID is an extremely rare disorder. You should read some literature about it instead of claiming you have different identities. Because where I'm standing, this is a joke. Please educate yourself.
I specifically mentioned MANY times that I don’t have DID. My headmate Sakura has it.
You do not have a diagnosis for anorexia unless you were underweight and shot up 10 sizes. :/ You would have been diagnosed EDNOS if you even had a diagnoses.
This is NOT true and extremely EXTREMELY problematic. You do not have to be underweight to have an eating disorder. The thinnest I ever got was a size 10 but I got there by BEING ANOREXIC. PLEASE educate yourself.
If otherkin always "try to be cool animals" then why the hell do i know a slugkin?
How can I get summa dem tentacles you mentioned?
you don't "get" tentacles. you have them or you dont. I dont have them because im not squidkin.
You made it onto The Hatred Blog! Congratulations!
oh awesome, a bigot in its natural habitat.
shave your dirty armpits
hair =/= dirty. I shower all the time, actually I have OCD so I shower like 5 times a day.