⚡️HAMMER TIME⚡️

Hey what’s up I’m Matt, I’m 16, and I’m a huge failure to my family 😎. This is my sorta personal account where I post my memes and have a good time. Ask some questions if you wanna. Oh also I’m the demigod/chosen champion/whatev of Thor. I love my goats. (Matthew Thorsen from the Blackwell Pages indie blog)

[goatandhammer]

Owen sometimes just blurts our prophesies that are straight up lies and doesn’t tell us that they’re lies and he thinks it’s so fucken funny

Yesterday he came up behind me and whispered in my ear “you’re going to trip today, thor” so I walked super careful all day, then when I went up to him to said I proved him wrong, he lost his shit like?? bro

[goatandhammer]

HE TOLD FEN THAT HE WAS GOING TO GET PUSHED DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS AT SCHOOL AND FEN WAS LIKE “nah I’m not falling for your tricks, pirate boy” and went OUT OF HIS WAY TO GO ON THE STAIRS while MAKING EYE CONTACT and you know what happened??? A GIRL BUMPED INTO HIM and he FELL OVER THE RAILING AND HAD TO BE SENT HOME

[goatandhammer]

Owen sometimes just blurts our prophesies that are straight up lies and doesn’t tell us that they’re lies and he thinks it’s so fucken funny

Yesterday he came up behind me and whispered in my ear “you’re going to trip today, thor” so I walked super careful all day, then when I went up to him to say I proved him wrong, he lost his shit like?? bro

[calxmityvt]

Matt: Hey, Fen do you want the ball?

Fen: What?

Matt: -throws ball across the room-

Fen, in his wolf form: -practically throws self across room to get the ball-

[goatandhammer]

Highschool is hard. am i allowed to ascend to asgard and fight giants with my goats yet 

[incorrect-blackwell]

Matt: My family loves me, they just don’t care about my general happiness or self esteem.

[imsoofuckingsad-deactivated2018]

it’s like i always say: fuck

[shitfestcomic]

#160

cowboy comic

[daintyvillain]

WHY DID THE COWBOY ADOPT A DACHSHUND?

SO HE COULD GET A LONG LITTLE DOGGY!

[goatandhammer]

I may not be the best of buddies with the guy, but Skull is pretty hot ngl

[evil-britney]

*takes off my leather jacket to reveal a second, secret leather jacket underneath*

[sounddesignerjeans-deactivated2]

you mean, skin?

[degenerate-perturbation]

What an absolutely terrifying addition to my post. Thank you.

[nanocomputer]

“how much do you overthink?”

me:

[cactislove]

[wewerealltoblame]

did you know that Friday 13th was meant to be a really good lucky day meant for fucking because it was dedicated to Freyja, the goddess of love and fertility and the patron goddess of Fridays

but then Christianity found out about it and were like “Fucking???? outside of marriage????? NO NO NO!!!” and decided it was a horrible terrible bad unlucky day and you need to be super careful of everything you do in case you die or some shit.

so thanks Christians for ruining everyone’s fucking fun

[greatlordfluffernutter]

Petition to bring back Friday the FUCKteenth.

[superattacku]

Remember that Raccoon that was crushed by the cruel fate that is cotton candy plus water? Well, there was a happy ending after all!

[thechubbynerd]

LOOK AT HIM HE LEARNED

[effyoutrav]

give him anything he wants

[nyquilnap]

my man went for it

[kemeeley-deactivated20200120]

hey WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE THINGS

[nyquilnap]

eels

[xspiderfanx]

no way, I swear I saw tiny feets, eels don’t have feets, those are clearly aliens of some sort.

[aardwolfpack]

I thought eels only lived in the ocean!  This is a freakin’ creek!  There are ducks right there!  Why are there ducks and eels in the same place!?!

[ceescedasticity]

Having searched “freshwater looks like an eel but with legs”… https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amphiuma

Technically it’s a salamander.

[sonofrivia]

Those are fins and that is a freshwater eel.

[vecherion]

[mastergir]

the fucking slapping noise is incredible

[drkarayua]

This is unsettling.

[wholesomethemedmemes]

[gentleman-x]