a shitpost to remember

why am i still on this godforsaken site

[escabye-deactivated20190922]

when ur mutuals are mutual with each other 

pro: squad con: i saw this post like 18 times today

[skingrad]

[scramratz]

saw a youtube video with a date of 20 years ago and i thought "surely this is a glitch, youtube wasnt even around 20 years ago" and then i watched as my hands shriveled and fell to dust before my very eyes

[senatortedcruz]

[galileosballs]

(group of kids deciding to play tag instead of soccer): Fuck ball we it

[shamebats]

[bobbole]

Anthony Machuca, Wake up Steve, our bowls are empty

[larkandkatydid]

New local scandal is an old woman who will walk down to her mailbox in her robe, then, when no cars are driving by, lay down next to her mailbox as if she’s fallen or been hit by a car. Tourists will stop, help her up, and walk her to her house. Then, after they leave, she’ll repeat this until she’s bored with it.

Her neighbors have called the cops a bunch but have been told that it’s not illegal to fake being an old lady in peril so soft-hearted tourists or newcomers are nice to you. One of the neighbors sometimes yells “oh, get up, Lois!” at her. But overall local sentiment is that this is at least somewhat enviable levels of not giving a fuck.

[queerofthedagger]

the fun thing about having a mental health crashout in your thirties is that sure yeah you're crashing out, but at the same time there's a part of you standing across the room smoking ben affleck style, going yeah yeah you're crashing out. you crashed out before you will crash out again can we wrap this up yet. and the most annoying part about it is that they're right, and that that does Not stop you from crashing out even a little. love and light on planet earth.

[chujellys]

there's a family of local sandhill cranes that adopted an abandoned goose last summer and they're STILL together today even after migration.... i love them + they're local celebrities + nature is beautiful

[chujellys]

yesterday’s update… 📸 everyone is paparazzi when ur this famous…

[gaysexofficial]

based off this post by @75screamingtoads that made me start watching. as you can see my art gets progressively worse each panel lol

[eliotquillon]

if house md were running in 2024 there would be an episode with a patient who identifies as an ‘online content creator’ (cagily) where house agrees to take the case primarily because when he offhandedly refers to her as an onlyfans model both cameron and cuddy get really offended and say it’s a sexist assumption so he doubles down and becomes committed to finding the patient’s onlyfans and proving it. at some point it would be revealed that chase actually is an onlyfans model and started doing it as a stopgap after his dad died and he suddenly got disinherited but he makes so much money off it that now medicine is basically just a hobby. cameron and foreman both disagree with the concept online sex work but it turns out they disagree for different reasons (cameron thinks it’s exploitative and not-feminist, foreman finds it distasteful and thinks people should get ‘real jobs’) and spend most of their scenes together arguing about this while chase gets continually more shifty. they break into the patient’s house and there’s a full ringlight and camera setup which seems to confirm house’s suspicions. while trying to find the patient’s onlyfans house accidentally finds chase’s onlyfans instead and considers publicly embarrassing him about it like he did with wilson’s sex tape but soon realises that most of the staff at the hospital are already subscribed to chase’s onlyfans so makes fun of him for that instead. it then transpires that the reason why the patient is so cagey about being a content creator is that she’s an ASMR artist and all the soap she’s been shaving on camera has irritated her lungs. cuddy is about to make house give her 20 extra hours of clinic duty as recompense but at last minute it’s revealed that the website the patient uses for some of her bonus commissions is, drumroll…onlyfans, because she’s been banned from patreon. how does house know this? wilson is subscribed to her because the soap videos sometimes soothe him to sleep. something by cigarettes after sex plays. roll end credits.

[transfemininomenon]

[nameless-sdk]

[dubiousculturalartifact]

The new Odyssey adaptation has inevitably gotten people talking about a Muppet version of it, and they’re frequently suggesting Kermit as Odysseus, Miss Piggy as Penelope.

I’m sorry but that’s thinking way too small, hear me out:

We need to have Miss Piggy as Odysseus, and Kermit as Penelope.

Think about it… who’s the more fickle, prideful, warlike one in that relationship? Who is absolutely ready to go ham, at a moment’s notice?

It ain’t Kermit

[anyroads]

Miss Piggy tied to the mast while Statler and Waldorf heckle her from the sea

[mindovermuses]

But who is the single human cast member in this tale? Who gets to put in an Oscar-worthy performance alongside the Muppets and what role are they to play?

[muffinflarp69]

There’s no single human, everyone is a Muppet except for one scene. Circe, played by Janice, turns Odysseus’s crew into humans who still behave animalistic and are all played by Academy Award winning actors.

[corviiids]

the best death note joke format will forever be L asking light a simple question in which logical answer A might increase the likelihood of light being kira and logical answer B similarly might increase the likelihood of light being kira and after a short internal struggle light comes up with answer Y, which no human being has ever thought of as being a normal response in all of living history

[aberrantemotion]

the "what are your pronouns" comic is my fave example.

[k8rgrl]

For those unfamiliar, or simply wanting to see it again:

[scorebug]

i still don’t understand what the difference is between a strike and a ball ❤️

[scorebug]

this is making me cry

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

Shout out to the phrase “I’m going to become the joker” for capturing a very specific and real emotion

[unpretty]

i turned on the light in the dining room but Tubby had been sleeping in a chair and it woke her up and she was Not Pleased

[unpretty]

[unpretty]

yes

however we recently got her a new ceramic fountain that better suits her aesthetic

and her own fainting couch

but she still prefers a good lap whenever possible

[flawlessglamazon]

[burning-mind]

@unpretty what is Ms. Tubby’s full name if it is not Tubby?

[unpretty]

Tubbitha

[royallyanxious]

reblog for  Tubbitha

[maxheimer-feral]

a princess.

[solitarelee]

It’s so fucking weird to see Tubby on my dash from just like a random unrelated blog I follow. That’s just my best friends’ cat. I commissioned a plate painted with her likeness.