Faith, Hope, Love, and those other things.

I'm just that guy you know. I love god, I'm a gamer and a nerd. I want to be a youth pastor someday... Or a missionary... I really just want to serve The Lord. I love my friends... What else should I say? I'm an ametur musician. I'm teaching myself to play the keyboard and ocarina, and I sing. If you have any questions, ask me!

[sadrien-depreste]

me: *sees a small child*

me: i envy your young brain’s plasticity for natural language acquisition

[godsphoenixisrisen]

He looked at her like he looked at a semicolon. She was confounding, and shouldnt belong. She was the awkward point between two understandings. Her presence in a room frustrated those who could not understand her or what she stood for. It would have been easier if she had been simply another one dimensional point like the other girls. But she was something more. Instead of conveying an end, she was another beginning.

[decidingtoliveordie-blog]

pray 🙏🏻

[wunkolo]

how did you get banned on soundcloud?

A month ago during the “soundcloud is going down” scare I wrote a script that basically downloaded my entire corner of SoundCloud at incredibly abusive speed and got bandwidth-banned for a month since CloudFlare detected it as a mass DDOS (which is fair I mean I was downloading like terabytes of data)

[wunkolo]

[debrides]

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

[lesbirdan]

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

[hermionegranger]

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

[mugsandpugs1-deactivated2019010]

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

[thomrainierskies]

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

[mirab3lle]

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

[icouldwritebooks]

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

[crimeronan]

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

[rydiaasuka]

I frequently read off people’s card numbers to them, instead of telling them their refund amount. Or sometimes it’s the date.

I once answered the phone at home with “Burger King [location].”

[tete-de-punk]

I sometimes forget to turn off my service voice when I am not at work. I often accidentally, “There you go,dear “ or “Do you want me to help you with that?” in a sugary voice.

[jspark3000]

“If you really had faith, you wouldn’t be so depressed!” No—it’s actually faith that was the very last rock that kept me going right on through depression.

[godsphoenixisrisen]

This. Just this.

[brandiwhine]

[godsphoenixisrisen]

Hah! Thats my Uni. They have this rock that anyone can paint. Its good fun.

[beesmygod]

“chuffed doesnt mean what you think it means”

it means exactly what i think it means its just some stupid word that literally has two definitions that mean the opposite thing

[mysterysnake-deactivated2013122]

what the hell

[ashwilliamsrighthand]

This makes me really chuffed

[pameladoove-deactivated20180821]

This post is quite egregious

[cornflakepizza]

Well I’m nonplussed by this whole post.

[fixyourwritinghabits]

goddamnit.

[leatherpatches-deactivated20150]

[conservative-libertarian-deacti]

[mattsunsthighs]

all of you go to hell

[divagonzo]

And you wonder why i am boggled at times

[inactive1346597623595641352]

These are called contronyms! A word that is its own opposite.

[rubes-dragon-deactivated2024030]

Why the fuck do these exist

[operativesurprise]

One theory is that the sarcastic use of the word became exceedingly prevalent and because another dictionary definition. 

[sufferingsappho-deactivated2017]

Are you telling me that we were such sarcastic shits it literally changed our language.

[nigenaide]

speaking as a linguist: yes. that is exactly what happened. isn’t it beautiful.

[nudityandnerdery]

That is literally what happened.

[godsphoenixisrisen]

You know, looking back i was a trainwreck when i was on tumblr. Then i left and became a way healthier person. Now im still that person, but am once again on tumblr. I suppose we will all find out the order of causality. . . Though, i think we all know already.

[godsphoenixisrisen]

Jacob was a cheater;

Peter had a temper;

David had an affair;

Noah got drunk;

Jonah ran away from God;

Paul was a murderer;

Gideon was insecure;

Miriam was gossiper;

Martha was a nerve wreck;

Thomas was a doubter;

Sarah was impatient;

Elijah was depressed;

Moses stuttered;

Zaccheus was short;

Abraham was old and

Lazarus was dead.

God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

[meme-theft]

[65-percent-puns]

PLEASE TURN YOUR SOUND ON

[grotesquekaleidoscope]

heS SO ANGRY

[godsphoenixisrisen]

Eeeeeeee 😍😍😍 me gusta

[bambwie]

Send me numbers..

Wait, these are actually hella cute questions.”

— 1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

4. Are you easy to get along with?

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

15. What good thing happened this summer?

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

19. Do you like bubble baths?

20. Do you like your neighbors?

21. What are you bad habits?

22. Where would you like to travel?

23. Do you have trust issues?

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

26. What do you do when you wake up?

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

30. Do you ever want to get married?

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

33. Spell your name with your chin.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

40. What do you want to do after high school?

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

43. Do you smile at strangers?

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

46. What are you paranoid about?

47. Have you ever been high?

48. Have you ever been drunk?

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

53. Favourite makeup brand?

54. Favourite store?

55. Favourite blog?

56. Favourite colour?

57. Favourite food?

58. Last thing you ate?

59. First thing you ate this morning?

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

62. Been arrested? For what?

63. Ever been in love?

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

65. Are you hungry right now?

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

67. Facebook or Twitter?

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

69. Are you watching tv right now?

70. Names of your bestfriends?

71. Craving something? What?

72. What colour are your towels?

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

75. Favourite animal?

76. What colour is your underwear?

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

80. What colour pants?

81. Favourite tv show?

82. Favourite movie?

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

87. First person you talked to today?

88. Last person you talked to today?

89. Name a person you hate?

90. Name a person you love?

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

92. In a fight with someone?

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

95. Last movie you watched?

96. Favourite actress?

97. Favourite actor?

98. Do you tan a lot?

99. Have any pets?

100. How are you feeling?

101. Do you type fast?

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

103. Can you spell well?

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

108. What should you be doing?

109. Is something irritating you right now?

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

111. Do you have trust issues?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

113. What was your childhood nickname?

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

115. Do you play the Wii?

116. Are you listening to music right now?

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

118. Do you like Chinese food?

119. Favourite book?

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

121. Are you mean?

122. Is cheating ever okay?

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

125. Do you believe in true love?

126. Are you currently bored?

127. What makes you happy?

128. Would you change your name?

129. What your zodiac sign?

130. Do you like subway?

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

134. Can you count to one million?

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

137. How tall are you?

138. Curly or Straight hair?

139. Brunette or Blonde?

140. Summer or Winter?

141. Night or Day?

142. Favourite month?

143. Are you a vegetarian?

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

145. Tea or Coffee?

146. Was today a good day?

147. Mars or Snickers?

148. What’s your favourite quote?

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

[godsphoenixisrisen]

True story

I was so bored in hermaneutics a few weeks ago that i wrote a parody of "Jolene" titled "John Green". It was about how he was coming to steal my pizza away.

[twitterlols]

[meangirlnurse]

one of my friends is a very pregnant dog and like 3 times a day i say to her “hello! you are full of several other smaller dogs!” and she wags her entire body at me like “it’s true!!! i contain multitudes”

[brehaaorgana]

i love that ur friend is the pregnant dog. what a nice friend to have.

[meangirlnurse]

ya she’s my buddy i love her!

[meangirlnurse]

update: there were five (5) smaller dogs inside my dog friend, but now they are all outside of her instead (!!) 

[brehaaorgana]

GREAT UPDATE NOW YOU HAVE SIX FRIENDS!!!

[meangirlnurse]

ya they’re my buddies i love them!!!!!

[dirtandleather-deactivated20171]

i found my new favorite post on this website 

[ceecil]

if you are ASEXUAL, you do not experience SEXUAL ATTRACTION.

if you are AROMANTIC, you do not experience ROMANTIC ATTRACTION.

if you are AROMATIC, you have a PLEASANT AND DISTINCTIVE SMELL.

[edcynic-deactivated20150419]

And if you are AUTOMATIC, SYSTEMATIC, and HYDROMATIC, why then you’re GREASED LIGHTENINGGGGG

[beatingsofabesottedheart2]

[godsphoenixisrisen]

Beyoncé: I woke up like this *FLAWLESS*

Me: I woke up like this *I feel like I'm dying and I'm pretty sure there is dried drool on my forehead*