Godzilla AU Disaster

Because friends don't keep their stupid lizard AUs to themselves

[godzillord]

Yes Hello

My name is Jack and I've got ADHD and a passion for nuclear lizards. This blog's only purpose is to support and even fuel a wide variety of my personal, absurd Godzilla-based AUs.

Common classics include Human!Goji AU, as well as any variety of Idiot!Lizard tropes and we follow Legendary!lore here only because it's got more beef than some of the others.

[godzillord]

Horror Godzilla: A List Of Ideas

There is no stopping Godzilla. There is nothing on this planet that can even slow it down (horror Goji, IMO, would be much more of an it than a them)

Godzilla would have one singular goal: Eradicate humankind.

Small clusters of humankind are able to survive if they remain inland (ideally in forested areas far from the coast) and eliminate any form of radio/telephone/expansive communications systems.

Basically you can survive if you stay off the grid and stick to small, commune-style villages.

Large population centers that make a noticeable ecological dent in their surroundings would draw Godzilla in - even from thousands of kilometers away.

Mountainous villages could theoretically expand a little more, as even Godzilla would have difficulty navigating the terrain.

Some event in recent history would urge caution to the above: Twenty-odd years ago, Godzilla showed up in the Alps and broke them to reach a thriving town of 3000 people.

Godzilla shows no aggression towards other lifeforms and even has a thriving symbiotic relationship with many species which flourish in his wake.

His beef is solely with humanity and good lord is it ever personal.

Godzilla is intelligent enough to understand that even scrap metal and debris can be used by humankind to rebuild. So this fucker will spend years methodically dragging every last piece of humanity's former glory into the Marianas Trench.

It attacked New York City in the 1970s. By 1990, all that was left was organic rubble - every scrap of human innovation - metalworks, buildings, glass, vehicles, etc - had been dragged away by Godzilla over time.

Godzilla's breath attack was both powerful and accurate enough to wipe out satellites. That is the degree of how vindictive and spicy this king would be.

Some very small communities in South Asia remain coastal and actually appear to exist with Godzilla's blessing - these are villages that have never left any real ecological mark on their environment and simply contribute to the nearby natural world without proving detrimental.

Many of these communities have begun to view Godzilla as a vengeful god of the natural world that will rise up and destroy anything that goes against the natural order of the planet.

They're not altogether wrong.

[godzillord]

Did you know there was this one time when Mothra's fairy girls were translating what the monsters were all yelling about and they deadass refused to repeat what Godzilla said besides gently gasping about his language

Canon prolifically vulgar Goji

[godzillord]

listen as I learn more about painting

I'm also getting better at drawing

and I just

love

this lizard

I would say no whales were harmed but honestly that thing's ego will never recover.

also never assume you're the biggest fish in your pond bbgirl

[godzillord]

These are two pieces I finished a few days ago. An Australian Shepherd and a German Shepherd! I used watercolor and ink, and each one took about 6 hours multiplied by whatever ADHD time warping factor I was suffering over the past three weeks. This is about three years of on and off practice.

A German Shepherd and a Golden Retriever, painted 18 months ago. I was absolutely incapable of painting body details, so I came up with this neat silhouette idea.

I'm 34 years old this year, my young friends. This is your kick in the ass to actually practice those skills you wish were ninja level, because if you keep practicing like a maniac, eventually you'll be in the place you didn't think you could achieve. And then you'll keep getting better and it'll be fuckin sick.

Also featuring the gay banana whale BC you always need a gay banana whale.

[godzillord]

MONARCH releasing 5 tonnes of tuna fish in a neighboring bay to distract the giant lizard while they do the kaiju equivalent of sneaking out the door while the dog's distracted with snacks

serizawa considers knowing goji's fav fish to be the height of research objectives

the tuna fish industry mysteriously starts to boom

they find out godzilla has the metabolism of a 55 year old smoker and gains weight as such

tuna fish payloads are now attached to specialized drones that go real fast

the lizard is on a cardio program lbr

serizawa keeps obsessive notes about Godzilla's BMI

2019 mark inherits the program

but only bc goji stares into castle bravo for 12 days straight

then does threat displays at the window

then starts nudging castle bravo like a needy cat

after two weeks he starts making a yowling sound directly into the venting system

tuna fish costs MONARCH almost 6% of their annual budget so they label it as an enrichment expense

goji has never been fitter

mark is running a fucking zoo

[godzillord]

More Things MONARCH Now Knows About Big Lizards

Big Lizards are often much larger than they appear

The head contractor's site notes for January 14, 2015 during initial Castle Bravo construction read as follows:

"6 A.M. No concerns. All work proceeding as scheduled.

11 A.M. Work delay due to inaccurately placed survey markers. Discussed w build team. South rock wall approx 250' closer than initially surveyed.

12 P.M. Meeting w Survey Team (bring mark for the fight)

1 P.M. Inspected survey markers w survey team. 4 noted missing. Likely rockfall from south trench.

4 P.M. Construction temporarily suspended due to Kaiju Protocol A1. (scrawled in pencil) Survey markers located and were correctly placed initially.

Big Lizards are preternaturally drawn to whatever will cause the biggest commotion. They cannot be stopped, only monitored and annoyed.

The idea came from an intern whose preferred name was Rooster. And it was less a fully-fledged idea, and more of a college-age rice grain of wisdom that had spent most of an undergraduate degree fermenting in the back of the mind, ready to be weaponized the moment someone asked: "What's going to convince a hundred and sixty thousand tonnes of stupid to move?"

It turned out that the big atomic bastard hated Wonderwall as much as the rest of them.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you. Fool me thrice, shame on you....etc

"Give him a crow."

It is approximately ass o'clock in the morning, you've got two antacids and a cup of coffee keeping you with the living, and Big&Mean has been circling for an hour, steadily inching closer to the big window. Bastard can always sense when a supply run is scheduled. You spent half a billion dollars of money you don't even have trying to keep the bastard out of the way, and at this point you're not too proud to accept advice coming straight from a kid named Rooster.

All it takes is the first crackle of the speakers. You're sort of glad that Serizawa can't see his pride and joy turning tail and fleeing the dulcet tones of Liam Gallagher. To be honest, it's got the same effect on your kid. At this point, the lizard might as well be your damn kid. Christ.

"Keep it looped"

The technician looks like she's weighing a court martial (or whatever MONARCH does) before she opens Spotify. The idiot lizard, from five hundred meters out, gives you a look that would have been intimidating if it wasn't coming from half a kilometer and if the bastard didn't look like a scolded cat slinking off for a well-deserved grooming session.

[sofiewikstromart]

Another piece in the Ariel Series, a list of commissions I'm making featuring Ariel from the Little Mermaid, and this time encountering a young Godzilla. This is the fifth part of the series.

You can find me on twitter.com/SofieWikstrmArt Artstation: https://www.artstation.com/sofiewikstrom Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/sofiewikstromart

[cacklingskeleton]

the concept of godzilla being a vengeful representation of nuclear destruction and the concept of godzilla being a big lizard who fights other monsters are two girls who make out sloppily btw

[the-goddessfighter12]

The King likes to sleep (1/?)🦎👑

[ooops-i-arted]

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

@tyrantisterror

[godzillord]

I like to think that, over time, city infrastructure would change to accommodate the reality that titans/kaiju are inevitably going to wander into human settlements. Roadways are drastically widened, buildings are redesigned with added protection, coastal cities get reinforced walls to block the inevitable Goji-Surf when he makes landfall.

And, much to the surprise of everyone, rampant destruction dwindles to an all-time low since 2014. It's like a deer crossing except for gigantic nuclear beasts.

[godzillord]

The worst thing that ever happens to MONARCH will be when Godzilla realizes that they're actually interesting. Like... y'all think this lizard is getting in the way now? Wait until he starts reacting to MONARCH like a giant, spoiled cat who expects them to entertain him at his leisure. Wait until any sort of mobilization results in the big honkin' son of a bitch rolling up in a tsunami on the off chance the humans do something worth seeing.

Training exercises become disasters because the newbies aren't good at keeping a low profile and it's hard to give your best performance when Godzilla is eyeballing you from half a mile away.

MONARCH won't be clandestine by choice anymore. It'll be to dodge their weird, scaly #1 Fan and his embarrassed wife.

[thatoneawkwardhorse]

Top ten things I never thought would happen this year. Uh. Me getting severely back into Godzilla?

[godzillord]

Mothra singlehandedly mending 95% of human-Titan relations simply by being the most fabulous moth she can be....

and by visibly threatening Godzilla into compliance any time he thinks about throwing a tantrum.

[kaiju-krew]

big grumpass cat

[godzillord]

A Comprehensive List Of Useless Facts MONARCH Has Learned About Godzilla

As time goes on, Godzilla has become the unofficial MONARCH 'office cat'. Like all cats, he is eternally where he should not be, and no, he will not move if you ask him to.

Also like many cats, if he fits, he sits. MONARCH has a specific team in place to handle the complaints from destroyed sports stadiums.

Tourism boats are banned from Godzilla's most common routes. This is, of course, for public safety.

It is also because Godzilla will loiter in these areas, causing mass shipping disturbances. Why does he linger, you ask? Top experts suspect he is, scientifically speaking, "showing off"

MONARCH has documented this absolute criminal of a lizard dodging dozens of complex obstacles around Castle Bravo. Yet he still manages to destroy at least one of their ships per quarter.

On three separate occasions, underwater drones have recorded what top experts refer to as 'Goji zoomies'. During these periods of heightened movement, Godzilla has been measured at speeds more than twice what was previously recorded.

Due to increased unpredictability and energy output, these 'zoomies' are considered an A-Level crisis for anyone within three miles. Detailed evacuation plans have been crafted and memorized by personnel in the event that Godzilla attempts to engage in play with Castle Bravo.