Goose Sister

Just a place to air my thoughts and post my art

[ilya-sweetheart]

Boston boys 😎 groupchat

Ilya: everyone is welcome to dunkin’s funeral on friday

Cliff: who the fuck is dunkin?

St-Simon: you’re selling your ducati?!

Connors: you named your bike after dunkin donuts?

Ilya: yes and also yes; jane says either i sell dangerous motorcycle or i can never eat her ass again

Ilya: was easy choice

Cliff: man you’re whipped can’t belive you’re actually giving up on your fucking Ducati

Ilya: if you had seen janes ass you’d understand

Connors: what are you getting instead?

Ilya: Nothing. Jane says I have enough cars and should invest money in more safe investments in case i loose my job and visa

St-Simons: jesus kid

St-Simons: you sure she’s not your wife?

Ilya: soon i will be jane’s husband and you will all be jealous

[rainbow-femme]

They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.

[jesse-is-spiralling]

[microwavethief]

"average small seaside town has 3 curses on it" factoid actualy just statistical error. average small seaside town has 0 curses on it. Widows Bay, Located in New England & who’s residents experience the horrors everyday of the week, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[ullathynell]

The Dream Guide 🌒 This is the May illustration for my 2027 wall calendar. And art prints are also available!

[oonightmareoo]

Just once, I want Danny to spout off something that he’s clearly heard from Jazz and then cringe at it.

Jason: “Just gotta wait until the Stockholm Syndrome kicks in!”

Danny: “Actually, that is a phony diagnosis created by a sexist psychiatrist who saw a hostage situation on TV and decided that the woman, in fight-flight-fawn mode, was in love with the man waving a gun at h-"

Jason: *raises eyebrow*

Danny, realizing: "Oh, you meant it as a joke… Ancients, I sounded like Jazz there.” *shudders*

Dick, exasperated: “Monkey see, monkey do, after all…”

Danny, eating a snack: "Actually, monkeys mimic behavior as a form of communication and survival, while the so-called Chameleon Effect is influenced by a desire to fit in and be liked by the people around us. It's also influenced by a part of the brain that certain- *pauses* *pushes snack away* And that was super fucking weird to bring up all of a sudden, sorry, what were we talking about?" *face screwed up in disgust*

Dick: *is just amused*

Damian, angry enough to turn red: "-I will eviscerate you so much that even your mother would be disgusted by your incompetent-"

Danny, off to the side and kinda zoned out: "Did you know that excess violence in teenagers, while typically attributed towards early childhood development by those around the teenager, is almost always caused by their current situation and a feeling of estrangement, lack of control, or- wow, yea, okay, I'm shutting up now, I just realized what I sounded like. Uegh."

Damian, suddenly calm: "You bring up a valid point, Daniel. Come, make your argument in front of father. Please."

Tim: "I'll sleep when I'm dead; for now, there's coffee."

Jason: "That shit stunts your growth, pipsqueak."

Danny: "That was actually debunked. What coffee does do is it blocks your adenosine receptors and enhances your dopamine signaling, increasing your mood and motivation as well as enhancing your memory, and then it also improves your attention and alertness. However, it also increases your anxiety and sleep disturbances, which can mess up your memory consolidation and brain recovery." *makes a disgusted face* *shudders* *takes a sip of an energy drink* "Anyways, ignoring all that nonsense that I'm definitely ignoring that I've accidentally memorized, sleeping when you're dead is also a myth. I would know." *chugs energy drink*

Tim, despairing with a tight grip on his coffee: "Nooo, I was relying on that!"

[dcxdpdabbles]

Tim: I heard you wanted to move out of the Kent Farm? Kon: Yeah, I was thinking in a year or two if I save- Tim: Here Kon: A list of houses for sale? Thanks, Tim, but I need to wait a bit before I even attempt to make an offer- Tim: What? No, those aren't for sale. Kon: They aren't? Why did you give them to me then? Tim: I own them all. Pick whichever one you want, and I'll transfer ownership to you. Kon: ....You what? Tim: Make sure to pay attention to the address. Most are in Gotham, but I have a few in different parts of the country. I think there are three in Metropolis. Kon: Dude! They're like fifty places on this list! Tim: Yeah Kon: Why do you have so many!? Tim: I was weak Kon: What? Tim: It started with me wanting a temporary place to stay while I fixed up Drake Manor's pipes. If you remember, the water started smelling weird. I contacted a local small real estate office since I wasn't looking for anything long-term. They sent Danny Fenton to help me find a suitable rental space. Kon: And he was crazy persuasive? Tim: No, he was crazy attractive. Kon: Tim....no. Tim nods sadly: I bought a condo instead of renting. Then I agreed to look at a townhouse, which I also bought. The next day, I wanted to see him again, so I contacted him to ask to see another listing....and bought it too. Then another and another and another, and before I realized it, Danny sold me fifty. Kon: Can you even legally own that many? Tim: As long as you can afford the property taxes, yes. Which I can, so I have fifty properties under my belt. Kon: Dude, you can't just keep buying properties just to see one guy! Tim: Says who!? Kon: Common sense! Tim: Then you don't want to accept a house for free? Kon: Don't be rash. Tim: That's what I thought. Ugh, I just don't know where else to buy a property. I want to see Danny again, but I already have so much on this side of the country.....Do you know of any good places in the southwest? Kon: Or, I host a housewarming party and invite Fenton as a sign of goodwill. You can flirt with him there. Tim: *Gasp* That's brilliant! Why didn't I think of that!? Kon: Cause for some reason, Common Sense avoids the Bats like the plague.

[dcxdpdabbles]

Danny kicks open the door: Bruce! Explain yourself! Bruce: Hello, Daniel. How are you? How are things in accounting? Danny: Don't try to use socialized manners to distract me! I want an explanation for these accounts! *slams folders on Bruce's desk* Bruce: Hmm? These are personal accounts. Danny: I'm aware! What I want to know is why you have so much money being transferred to "Barry's food budget", "Clark's furniture replacement fund," and "Diana's art purchases grant!" Bruce: I believe the names of the accounts are self-explanatory. Danny: Who are these people!? Why are you funding thier lives?! You have four other accounts with similar titles!.... Bruce, do you have a secret family? Illegitimate children? Bruce: Yes, because I adopted a dozen children as a single father, but refused to actually provide for my own. That makes perfect sense. Wow, you caught me. Danny: Ugh, I hate when you use sarcasm. The whole world thinks you're an airhead with no thoughts, but I know the truth. You're a sarcastic, emotionally broken mess that somehow is the most clever mastermind alive! Bruce: Thank you Danny: Uggghhhhh! If we weren't best friends, I would have quit by now! I made enough money to retire early! Bruce: But you won't~🎶 Danny: Aghhhhh! I won't! If I do, I know you'll mess up all the financial systems I set up and run this company into the ground! Bruce: You're the reason we aren't sinking. Danny: Damn right I am! *Agressively sits down and crosses his arms and ankles* Alright, if they aren't your children, then who are these people? Bruce with the straightest face ever: They're my sugar babies. Danny: .....What? Bruce pulls out pictures of the Justice League's civilian IDs: Look at them. Danny: Wow Bruce: Yeah Danny: Okay, I guess it makes sense why you would want to fund them. But Bruce, you can't just- Bruce: Do you want to be one of my sugar babies? Danny: I would rather be ripped monicule by monicule than be your sugar baby. Bruce: What if I made you my Splenda nephew? Danny: What does that entail? Bruce: I give you money, but you don't give me any sugar. You just spend time with me. Danny: No kissing, no sex, no romance? Just friends spending time together? Bruce: Exactly. Danny: *Narrows eyes* Bruce Wayne, are you bribing me to turn a blind eye to you toeing the line of embazelement? Bruce: Yes Danny: Great! Cause I am totally willing to turn a blind eye to your sugar babies! How much are you willing to give Uncle Bruce? Bruce: This is why we're best friends.

[morganbritton132]

In a Hopper Adopted Steve But They’re Both Chronic Under-Sharers So No One Knows About It AU.

Steve is mad at Hopper for pursuing a relationship with the mom of the guy that his girlfriend cheated with (Hopper doesn’t know this. Steve didn’t tell him). Since Hopper is pissing Steve off, Steve is going to piss him off and he knows just the way.

“Munson!”

Eddie has just barely sat down, has barely opened his mouth to speak when Steve shouts his name. Eddie looks and Steve is walking over to the Hellfire table and -

“What did you do?!” Jeff asks at the same time Gareth questions, “Are you going to get beat up??”

Eddie doesn’t even have time to roll his eyes at them before Steve is up in his space, looking at him like he expects him to read his mind, “What?”

“You’re queer, right?”

That’s not a question you fucking ask in the middle of the goddamn cafeteria and Eddie hisses that sentiment at Steve. He rolls his eyes, “Are you or not?”

“What’s it matter to you?”

“You are, good,” Steve nods. “Wanna come over after school and make out?”

Eddie asks, “…What?”

Hellfire asks, “…What?”

Steve rolls his eyes like it’s annoying to have to explain shit, “I’m trying to piss off my dad. You in or not?”

Eddie’s in.

He’s so in. He’s in Steve’s bed, actually. With the door shut and music on. With Steve pushing his hands down lower on his hips and telling him to give him a hickey.

It’s great.

Eddie’s in heaven and then the chief of police walks into the room, and turns out.

This is hell.

[morganbritton132]

The next day at school, Steve shoots Eddie finger guns like, “Hey, Munson. Meet at mine after school?”

Which, no.

No, Eddie doesn’t want to meet him after school. No, he doesn’t want to play a part of whatever gay son cold war Steve seems to have with the chief of police.

No one asked, but Eddie also doesn’t appreciate that this question is being asked in the middle of the hallway, in front of Billy Hargrove and Tommy Hagan, and when Steve has a big ass hickey on the side of his neck. Given to him by Eddie.

He might has well as signed his name to it. Jesus H Christ.

“My little sister is staying the night with her friend,” Steve adds.

So obviously.

Eddie goes to Hopper’s Steve’s house.

He finds himself lying back on Hopper’s couch with the prettiest boy in school on top of him directing where to put his hands.

Steve slides Eddie’s hand into his back pocket when Eddie says, “You know, cops are pretty good at recognizing a staged crime scene.”

Steve pauses in tastefully unbuttoning his shirt to frown at him so Eddie adds, “We could just make out.”

“What?”

“We could just - you know - fool around. For real instead of staging it,” Eddie explaining, feeling his face heat up. “That’s gonna piss Hopper off just as much. Maybe even more.”

Steve stares at him for too long. Just stares. Eddie’s pretty sure he’s completely red when Steve’s face breaks into a grin. He teased, “You wanna kiss me.”

“Christ, Harrington,” Eddie swears, pulling Steve closer with the hands Steve positioned. “Who doesn’t?”

And that’s about the time Eddie learns that Steve isn’t just the chief of police’s son.

He’s also apparently epileptic too.

[oshell-on-ice]

I think Shane and Ilya are the type of couple that gives you whiplash. They’re touchy feely lovey dovey staring into each other’s eyes with their ring finger hooked because they’re married and so enamoured with each other’s one second and the next Shane is wrestling Ilya to ground while Ilya is trying to bite him and kicking him in the ribs for freedom. And you can’t separate them because they’ll be very upset.

[medrawawi]

at waiting room 🐤🐤

[medrawawi]

hollanov and baby🐣

[eemolu]

the idea that hollander "tamed" rozanov is really funny to shane because like. ilya finds it hot and is always going along with it, yes of course my husband is so sexy why do you think i moved to this boring fucking city. for dick. meanwhile shane knows the truth which is that ilya tamed himself. he herded shane like a sheepdog until he was exactly in the right position for ilya to flop down at his feet and say i love you, i am a one man guy, sleep with other people if you want but you are it for me, so shane is always there like ??? ilya. what are you talking about. i was literally prepared to be a secret slot on your roster for the rest of time without even admitting that i was gay until you decided to have me over make me lunch and say my name while you come like a love confession and ilya goes lyubmiyy. shut up. i was untamable you tamed the untamable and so shane has to be like yes, baby, i worked so hard, i used all my tricks but he's rolling his eyes because ilya wants to be a wolf shane coaxed inside to sleep on the hearth but instead he's a cat who snuck through the window and fell in love with his prey. self domesticated. and this is just one of the many perfect games they play

[medrawawi]

gimme kiss 😙

[maculategiraffe]

me, reaching into my dresser drawer for black pants: I hope this isn’t the pair with big holes worn in the inner thighs

Marie Kondo, gently over my shoulder: why is a pair of pants you find unwearable still in your dresser drawer

me: oh shit that’s right!! The dresser is for clothes that under some circumstance I might conceivably wear!!

Marie Kondo, beaming proudly: Yes, that’s correct!! These pants must have been your favorites. How wonderful that they were so comfortable and practical that you wore them out. But now since they no longer function as pants, you should move them from the drawer where you keep your functioning pants!

me: Yes thanks I got it they’re in the fabric basket now

Marie Kondo, fading back into the darkness: I love what you’ve done with the kitchen!!

[cwicseolfor]

The notion of KonMari as some creepy semi-embodied but entirely benevolent spirit, like a well-intentioned Bloody Mary, is so perfect and wonderful.

[itskurwanumber5]

Idea!

Every Vegas award night starting 2011 Shane and Ilya get drunk and get married. But it wasn't legal in Nevada back then, so it's like funny married, not legitimate.

Elvis: Are you actors? I think I saw you in some ads.

Ilya: Yes we are actors.

Come 2015, awards take place 3 days after Obergefell v. Hodges. Shane and Ilya get drunk married again.

Ilya: Ah another wedding certificate in our collection.

Shane: Wait a minute this one looks different...

Shane&Ilya: OH SHIT

[chubby-cry-baby]

once shane moves in with ilya and they’re able to codependencymax i think shane’s parents (probably yuna) broach the topic of how theyre together all the time but shane cuts her off before she can even say anything with “I know!! isn’t it great we get to do everything together it’s the best!!! we thought we’d have to wait until we retired but we get to play together and live together and i’m very happy and Ilya is too!!!” and she’s like okay honeymoon period got it and then like 5 years later thinks about trying again but decides it’s not worth it because those two want to live in eachothers skin but that’s not possible to this will do.

[fruitgravies]

the female gaze

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