sorry i was researching the author of a victorian book about raising children and now i'm fascinated by her. clear my schedule we're talking about lydia maria child.
Child was an absolutely fascinating woman. An abolitionist and women's rights advocate, she was also critical of organized religion despite being nominally Christian as many of her time and place were. She published a novel that was scandalous for centering around an interracial marriage between a white woman and a Native man, became well known for a series of household guides specifically at poor women, had a fairly egalitarian marriage with her husband David, and also wrote the poem "over the river and through the woods" about her grandparents' house in Medford, Massachusetts
It's not just "show the baby nice things," although that's part of it! It's also:
Find the baby nice things to look at without overstimulating the baby
Don't try to control how long or in what way the baby interacts with the nice thing. Let the baby control the experience
Pay attention to the baby's cues. When the baby is bored of the thing, you will know it, they are not subtle
Your baby is learning as they do this. Remember they are very new and very small and have experienced practically nothing, so "ball remains round even if you turn it over" is a whole new bit of information to them, and your job is to step back and let the baby process these important new bits of information themself, rather than flooding them with data they don't know what to do with.
And the second one includes those ideas, and also:
Make sure your baby knows that you are a loving and friendly presence that they can rely on to be there, it is not just the loving thing to do, it is also healthy for child development
This is, in fact, not half bad when it comes to child development theory. Given the amount of child-rearing advice that boils down to, "Speak roughly to your little boy/And beat him when he sneezes!/He only does it to annoy/Because he knows it teases!" this is quite progressive and a welcome relief. (Okay, so that poem is a parody, however I feel that the sentiment it was mocking was and unfortunately is not rare.)
Tucker: I know. When they said we were getting a field trip in Gotham, I thought it would be a lot more exciting. Especially when they listed Wayne Enterprises as one of the tours.
Danny: Axion Labs had a better tour. All we've seen are hallways and closed doors
Sam: Don't forget the Wayne water fountain that was part of the original town hall of Gotham, before it burned to the ground and the fountain was bought out by the Waynes.
Danny: It was a fascinating twelve-minute wait for the small gush of water.
Tucker: Whats the tour guy saying now?
Danny: Don't know. Don't care.
Sam: Ugh, we should play a game. Make the time move faster.
Tucker: Sure, want to play Would You Rather?
Danny: We played that on the bus. How about Have You Ever?
Sam: We don't have anything to drink. Let's do Hot Seat.
Danny: Sure.
Tucker: Go head
Sam: Right, Danny, you're first. If you could sleep with any of the heroes in Gotham who would-
Danny: Red Hood.
Tucker: Good taste. Bouncing off of what Sam said, if you could sleep with any of the Waynes who-
Danny: Jason Todd.
Sam: You seem overly eager to answer these questions.
Danny: Is that a problem?
Jason: No I find it interesting
Danny letting out the highest pitch scream a man of 25 has ever made: !!!!!!
Jason: impressive set of pipes.
Sam whispering to Tucker: Is it just me, or does Danny have a shot?
Tucker whispering back: I think he does. They were about Gotham. Anything can happen here.
One thing I've been thinking about recently is that the Metros were holding Shane back. The Admirals holding Hunter back makes sense, in an oh shit he's going to kill this kid way. But the Metros holding Shane back? Shane who never fights? Shane who is a known peacemaker? Maybe the argument can be made they wanted to protect him from getting hurt/getting fined but, Shane is their captain, if he wants to fight, a fight there shall be.
Unless.
You consider that the Metros know that Shane absolutely does know how to fight. They've all done checking clinics with Shane. They've all wrestled and roughhoused with Shane. He's strong and he's fast and he wants to win.
The Metros understand that Shane doesn't fight, not because he can't, but because he's a little too good at it. And Shane generally doesn't even like violence. He likes to win by playing the game, not hurting the other team.
So when they see Shane, after the whistle, drop his gloves to Scott Hunter, there is a collective thought of oh shit he's going to kill Hunter and they have approximately 1.5 seconds to grab their captain and prevent him from getting arrested.
I do think that Shane gets a Russian language tutor. He sees that Ilya is always having to think, speak, and translate in his second language. And he knows that Ilya is fluent by this point, but if he's serious about forever with Ilya (which he is) he wants Ilya to be able to communicate with his boyfriend in his native language. He also saw how much his grandparents struggled with learning English as adults and how much more expressive and talkative they were when they spoke Japanese at home together.
So he gets a tutor. He meticulously researches her (she's from Moscow, so he'll learn from someone with Ilya's same accent). She's signed to more NDAs than he can count. She has 10 years of experience, she's certified to teach English and Russian, and she has 4.8 stars on MyTutor.
Shane pays her a frankly concerning amount of money to make house calls. Twice weekly, unless he's on the road, she arrives at his apartment to teach him foundational Russian. She gives him workbooks, Russia cartoon recommendation, podcasts for beginners, etc. He tells her he's learning because his boyfriend is Russian and she outlines a course that focuses on domestic language first (as opposed to travel or business). She even teaches him what she calls a 'culture course' with lessons on Russian music, food, and various traditions.
She's only a few years older than Shane and he actually finds himself looking forward to her visits. At this point, she's the only person other than his parents that knows he has a boyfriend.
About 4 months in, Shane finally feels comfortable enough to ask about what he'd been very excited about learning.
"You want me to teach you how to talk dirty to your boyfriend?" Ekaterina raised an eyebrow.
"Um," Shane blushed. Was this a little too far? Was this inappropriate to ask of a tutor? "Yes? If - If that's okay, I mean."
A slow smirk spread over her face. "This will be fun. Fun for me, now. Fun for you, later."
"I made a list," Shane admitted. He wasn't going to back out now, he put a lot of thought into his list. He turned to it in his Russian notebook and handed it to her.
She scanned over it indifferently. "You will use all this in one night?"
"Yeah, probably. Is it too much?"
"It is good you have a Russian man," Ekaterina said. "They have good stamina. Mostly, anyway."
And while it was a little embarrassing for Ekaterina to correct his pronunciation of please let me suck your cock, it helped that she seemed just as comfortable with that as there is tea on the stove.
Though, maybe he shouldn't have learned those phrases at the same time, because Ilya will never, for as long as they live, allow him to forget asking, while down on his knees and with excellent pronunciation, please let me suck your tea.
#myshane was a late talker. Like really late, like almost 5 years old and never spoke once late. Yuna and David were a bit worried about it but it’s not like he didn’t communicate at all, just not with spoken words. He could clearly understand what was going on around him, he nodded or shook his head when he needed to, he pointed at things he wanted or needed, he could already read pretty reliably, he just. Didn’t talk. They made a concerted effort to speak to him like a person, not just baby talk, and in both English and French, in the hopes that he’d understand both languages better, even if he wouldn’t or couldn’t speak them.
They were starting to get concerned about how he’d do when he started kindergarten in the fall, there had been a few late night conversations about if they should find a speech therapist if he was still non-speaking by the time he started school, but one day after they’re driving home from a Centaurs game, Shane suddenly pipes up from his carseat in the back,
“Mama, Daddy, I wanna be a hockey player when I grow up.”
It’s so unexpected that David slams on the brakes and Yuna spills the remains of her ginger ale on her lap. They both whip their heads around to look at the small boy happily kicking his feet in the backseat wearing the jersey that looks more like a tent on him (he’ll go through a growth spurt in a month or two and it’ll fit just fine) who has no idea he just did anything special.
Turns out, he was just waiting until he was sure of his language abilities and found the right thing to say. After that, he happily chatted away in perfect English and perfect French, pointing out cool rocks or asking about interesting things he sees when he runs errands with his parents, or (to Yuna and David’s both horror and delight) chirping players when they watch hockey together, pointing out their weaknesses and mistakes and just generally talking shit, even at 5 years old.
After playing in LA, Rose takes the Cens out to party. The rookies are besides themselves, Wyatt geeks out so hard that he gets to meet more actors who play superheroes, Luca gets hit on by three different models and takes at least one of them up on it, and Ilya let's out his inner club rat and is just enjoying being in a good club. Shane goes along to spend time with Rose and make sure no one pukes in front of a camera again (looking at you, Holmberg!). Ilya, Shane and Rose end up leaving together. They’re all a little tipsy—the club had good Russian vodka, so Ilya had a lot and Rose joined him to “bond” and Shane indulged in a few beers which he still doesn’t do a lot during the season even though he’s more relaxed about his diet now, so they’re all not entirely sober. Outside of the club, they’re a little loud which draws enough attention that people recognize them—well, let’s be real, they mostly recognize Rose although someone says “isn’t that the gay baseball player from that Calvin Klein ad?” when they see Shane—and several people start filming. Which is of course when Rose’s heel breaks and she lands ass over teakettle on the sidewalk.
Shane and Ilya are immediately concerned and Rose tries to wave them off, “my heel just broke, guys,” and Shane says, “you broke your foot?” and Rose laughs and says “no, my heel” and waves her broken shoe around, the red sole glinting in the light. “Why are you wearing fucking low quality shoes?” Shane asks, honestly confused, and Rose gasps, “Shane, they’re Louboutins!” And Shane very seriously says, “well, then Louboutins are fucking bad quality,” which has Ilya cackling because he definitely knows Louboutins, probably even owns a pair, and knows that they’re not low quality at all. But now there’s a video out there of Shane Hollander calling Louboutins low quality and that’s going to be a fun time on the internet. Then Shane helps Rose up and she wrinkles her nose and says, “ugh I hate walking barefoot in downtown LA,” and Ilya says, “don’t be ridiculous, we carry you,” and Rose is all, “oh piggy back ride,” and Shane says, scandalized, “you’re wearing like a miniskirt, everyone will see your ass if you do that,” and scoops her up bridal style. And then he carries her down two blocks to the sushi restaurant they chose for a late night snack and the video of that goes even more viral than Shane’s Louboutin critique.
Bruce Wayne wakes to a pair of blue eyes inches from his own. It takes him completely by surprise, especially when the eyes slowly bleed in green, and he's just about to give in to the reflex of punting whatever it is away when, at the last possible second, the eyes speak.
"Did you sleep with my parents?"
Bruce opens and closes his mouth, stunned by the accusation. A few seconds go by, during which his foggy mind attempts to fight off lack of sleep long enough to make sense of the growled question.
It obviously took too much time for whoever this is for they sigh impatiently.
The eyes move back, and now when they are no longer taking up his entire view, Bruce can see its a creature of some sort. It's humanoid enough that Bruce would even suspect it of being a teenage boy. It's also oddly familiar, as if he resembled someone Bruce knew a long time ago.
"Did you?" The boy repeats, his articulation sharp as steel.
The double raised eyebrows, the slight head tilt, and even the click of a tongue are all habits that scratch a part of Bruce's brain, and like a dam bursting apart, memories flood his head.
"Oh," he breathes, eyes roaming the creature's face, identifying each feature that he stole from his parents. "You're Jack and Maddie Fenton's. You have your mother's glare and your father's face shape."
The creature, for it can no longer be entirely human with that glow, neon eyes, and the fact that it is levitating as if gravity were an unsolicited opinion, narrowed its eyes. "That's right I am. My name is Danny Fenton"
"Danny," Bruce repeats, tasting the sound on his tongue. He can help, but soften his expression at the confirmation that his old lovers kept the name they used to casually talk about. "Its lovely. Where you named after-"
"The street dog that Dad chased until he crashed into window around the back patio of som rich guy. The same rich guy my Mom was trying to seduce by pretending she needed chemistry tutoring, in the very same patio" Danny huffs, repeating the story he likely heard a thousand times in his life.
Bruce chuckles "Jack always had grand entrances. What are you doing here, Danny?"
Danny frown, bitting his lip before pointing to his hair. Bruce watches it switch between dark black and pure snow white, as well as his flickering eyes that can't seem to decide if they should be blue or green "I need a transplant"
"Are you sick?" Bruce frets twisting the blanket in one hand. If this child was here, based on his age, then he likely came to ask Bruce for a kidney or liver. This is likely his son.
Wow
"Somewhat?" Danny runs a frustrated hand through his hair. Bruce admires how the action causes some strands to stay white. It winds up giving his son salt-and-pepper hair. "A couple of days ago I had an accident during a fight. My core took a nasty hit, and now both sides of being are mixing. I can't control my appearance anymore. My Yeti said I need a soul piece transplant, but it has to be someone comparable. Neither my mom, dad, nor sister is a match, so my mom suggested you might be. Since you are likely my biological father. I know its a lot to ask-"
"Should we go see your Yeti today and prep for the surgery? It is a surgery, isnt it?" Bruce sits up, discarding the fact he undstoood only a third of what the boy said, to focus on the important part. His son needed him. "How do we test to see if we're a match?"
Danny squints at him, before folding his arms over his chest "This doesn't mean I'll become your heir or break up my parents for you"
Bruce blinks "Of course. Why would it?"
"My parents are happily married!"
The man nods, reaching for the robe by his bed. He always slept shirtless, but depending on the season he wore pajamas pants or a pair of briefs. Thankfully, he choose the pants last night. "I am aware. They had fun with me, but they didn't love me. Not the way they loved eachother. Jack and Maddie are soulmates."
A loaded silence goes by before Danny's glow spikes up. Bruce fights the urge to look away, wondering if his son somehow got his DNA spliced with a star or even if his ex-lovers weren't as human as he had thought. Danny now looks like a human outline made of light as the boy looks down at his hand, and shakes it around.
He is obviously trying to shake off the brightness, but it doesn't seem to work, for the boy throws his arms into the air and folds his legs under him. Bruce's eyes start to water from the strain of keeping eye contact- or what he assumes is eye contact. He can't make out the boy's face.
"Gah! I hate this!" Danny whines, "I just want this to be over!"
"We'll get the test done as quickly as possible," Bruce promises, moving over to his closet. "Do I need to pack ann overnight bag for the hospital?"
Danny doesn't have a chance to answer because Alfred chooses to speak out. His butler stands in the doorway, holding a tray of Bruce's morning coffee and pastry.
"Master Bruce? Who are you talking to?" The aged man asks glancing around the room
"My possible son with the Fentons," Bruce replies, waving a hand at Danny, who is still just light. He gets the feeling his boy is studying Alfred closely.
"The Fentons?" Pity and worry clouds Alfred's voice as he slowly creeps closer. Carefully he lowers the tray on the coffee table on the right side of the room. Just as delicately, Alfred replies "Master Bruce. The Fentons broke up with you"
A laugh, half hysterical- half devastated, leaves Bruce throat before he can stop it. "Yeah they broke my heart! Taught me that I was unlovable no matter how hard I tried. HA HA HA HA!"
"Oh" Danny winces. "This is worst then the fruitloop."
Okay. For my money, the entire thesis of Chris Nolan’s 2026 film The Odyssey is that society chokes and sputters and dies when we abuse, ignore, or violate social norms like the laws of hospitality. That is not really what The Odyssey (the book/poem) is about, but I can clearly see why in the horror that is the 2020s, someone could read The Odyssey and go oh my god that’s a lot of bad dropping in. That’s a lot of bad visits. That’s a clear vision of how the loss of social norms and cohesion fucks you up and how war, literal, brutal war, is a terrible wound that destroys your humanity and your understanding of what civilization and society is. I don’t know that the iteration of Greek society that ultimately birthed the poem would agree with Nolan’s take, but I think this movie is quite ideologically coherent, that Nolan knew exactly what he was trying to say with each and every adaptational change, and I think he wasn’t nuts for using one of the most famous classical western civilization works as a way to make that argument.
