An intern in the world’s most insane city

[gothamgazette-intern]

My mailbox is open, but I swear if I get even a single pipebomb in there, I will shove a gallon of Gotham harbor water down your throat.

[yourlocalgothamitegal]

Am I legally allowed to punch a customer after they threw their drink at me? I promise not to punch them with the metal arm. Maybe.

[gothamgazette-intern]

Unfortunately not, learned that the hard way

[just-gotham-things]

Submitted by -- Anonymous

[gothamgazette-intern]

That guy needs to start running

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[gothamgazette-intern]

Jumped quicker than a goon realizing one of the bats is behind them

[yourlocalgothamitegal]

Why tf is it so hot, I’m blasting my ac rn and it is NOT helping

[gothamgazette-intern]

If you checked the weather report, you would know that we’re experiencing a a record breaking heatwave, hopefully Mr freeze breaks out or one of the other ice themed villains shows up today

[beyond-the-hood]

Thinking about domesticating a Gotham rat.

They're dog sized these days. I'm pretty sure it can live off a sandwich and some treats.

[thenightlyrenegade]

Pretty sure those things could give you like...double rabies or some shit.

[0racle404]

Rats with rabies are extremely rare because normally whatever would infect the rat also kills it in the process.

Regardless, the worst that could happen is some Gothamites get rabies, and I’m pretty sure that the constant exposure to Gotham air makes people mostly immune anyways.

[thenightlyrenegade]

Right, but the rats there are like buff and insane and honestly could probably give you something much worse than rabies.

Y'know what this is why I avoid taking contracts in Gotham, that city is cursed. Bad juju.

[gothamgazette-intern]

Honestly with the way Gothamites are built, you’ll likely either just get a nasty infection, or come out completely fine(minus the bite)

[0racle404]

Alert: “Be Gay Do Crime” is for a misdemeanor at most.

Please stop committing major felonies “for pride month”.

[monotonesmile]

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

MY LUNG DID IT AGAIN, THIS IS THE THIRD TIME

IM SO TIRED OF THIS SHIT

[yourlocalgothamitegal]

// yall, I’m gonna go feral

[gothamgazette-intern]

At this point, I think you should look into medical malpractice, once is bad luck, 2 is unforeseen medical complications, 3, it’s the doctor.

[not-timdrake]

love nightwings late night tweets

[gothamgazette-intern]

For some reason I always imagined that Batman had a scruff in his neck like a cat

[not-timdrake]

oh he does, superman needs a quick place to pick him up and we all know the shoulders won’t do

[spidey-official]

Fuck marry kill: Harley Keener, JJJ, the spider that bit you

keener istg get off anon immediately

[gothamgazette-intern]

Answer the question bug boy

[beardedmrbean]

Congratulations on the cat

[gothamgazette-intern]

Is this why they call it the cat distribution system

[animentality]

[gothamgazette-intern]

The only ai I would allow in my house is red tornado

[yourlocalgothamitegal]

I’ve told some friends of mine about what happened to Bob. I’m pretty positive I’ll have him back by the morning.

And a news story about a few deceased robbers.

I’d go to get him myself, but with my medicine and injury, I’m not allowed.

[gothamgazette-intern]

I’d be willing to help, my friend Anne used to work for the falcones, and I’m not a fan of animal thieves.

[desert-palm]

[captain-acab]

Catch me being a modern-day cyberpirate screaming up alongside you on the 405 in my mad max car with half a bitcoin farm's worth of RAM in the backseat as I hack your Bitchless Towyota™ device and steal the boat you're towing right off the back bumper of the tesla your dad bought you

As i roar into the sunset you have to swerve* to avoid the small flotilla of hacked Towyota devices trailing behind me

(*in fact you do not swerve because you're on hands-free driving to go along with your hitch-free towing so you can only watch helplessly as your tesla mistakes your stolen booty for a small child and accelerates crashing into it and killing you instantly)

[gothamgazette-intern]

If you told me there was someone in Gotham who called themselves “road pirate” or something like that, who drove a mad mad style car, and did stuff like this, i would absolutely believe you

[dickgraysonoffical]

Personally I think Gotham should get decorated for Pride month. And honestly I never realized how many criminals are in the LGBTQ+

Harley counts cus she had Ivy at one point and myself at one point in another universe for a few seconds of screentime but it’s ok

I feel like scarecrow, riddler, mad hatter, etc would count too right?

I’ll throw a riot if someone commits a crime during pride month.

[dimension-jumping-loser]

Our manager said no pride themed BatBurgers 💔

[gothamgazette-intern]

Not even a blt with guacamole?

[izbnart]

Batman animation 👍🌟

[deathtokillian]

Girls will be boys

Boys will be girls

Fascists will 💖 be shot💖

[gothamgazette-intern]

@dailybugle-intern

Hey, did grandpa get markers recently