You are entering a dragon's lair. Watch your steps!

Socially awkward. Loves reading. Writes some, mostly on Ao3. Pessimist. Old enough for legal access to nsfw.

[greendragonette]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

let's put Scooby and the gang in a genuine horror movie situation, i wanna see what these freaks are truly capable of

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

"didn't they already do this with—" no. put them in a slasher film. put them in a BLOODBATH. put this van full of weirdoes in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre scenario i have FAITH in them

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

THEY'D DO WELL IN SAW

[batneko]

okay I'm thinking about this

not Saw specifically but a slasher with a legit body count. Summer camp slashers are overplayed but I think it really works because it's the type of thing the Scooby gang WOULD get caught up in.

like some of the counselors didn't show up (got got) so the head counselor calls his younger cousin to see if him and his friends can fill in last minute. They show up and they're a bunch of nerds, one of them even has an anxiety dog, and they don't have a big role at first. It seems like the movie is setting them up as cannon fodder.

and then the deaths start and suddenly the nerds are locked the fuck in. The little one with the glasses actually fixed the phone line and is taking stock of all their supplies in case the vehicles go out. The counselor's cousin who seemed like a himbo has set up a perimeter and made makeshift alarms for all the doors and windows, knows all the entry points. The anxious one and his dog are keeping the mood up with the snacks and activities that were supposed to be for the kids, making sure nobody panics and starts making dumb decisions. Somebody tried to grab the redhead and she flipped him over and had him zip-tied before anybody noticed. Weren't they a D&D group or something? What is happening???

[lizardlicks]

Fuck the slasher movie just effectively becomes Home Alone but with Four Kevin McAllisters

Bro's fucked.

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

art by Daviddv1202

[dawen]

at one point the kid with the anxiety dog says, "man, why does this keep happening? this is, like, the eighth time thid year!"

it's barely June. abruptly all the normal councilors understand a) why he has an anxiety dog, and b) why the dog has anxiety too.

[greendragonette]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

in a funk bc i wanna eat scrambled emu eggs

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I lived in a place where duck eggs were cheap, and thus ate a lot of duck eggs (rich orange yolk, amazing when gently scrambled). I lived in a place where quail eggs were cheap, and thus ate a lot of quail eggs (hardboiled and marinated they make a versatile protein topping, but soft-boiled? ambrosia).

I have never lived any place where emu eggs were, to my knowledge, even available. this bums me the fuck out bc i suspect they would taste so good scrambled on toast. alas there is nothing in this world that could tempt me to set foot in australia

[emuspy]

hi. i would advise against trying this :)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

what's wrong wi *glances at username* *starts running*

[greendragonette]

I'm sick of EA app corrupting itself at least once a month, preventing me from enjoying Mass Effect until I figure out what broke down this time and how to make it somewhat functional again

Usually I have to delete everything from location the app was installed and install it again, because it figures the 'repair' option does jackshit except for pretending it does something. And of course it downloads with the vigor of a snail dying from exhaustion

Great motivation to never buy anything requiring this app to launch

[insuffera6le6itch]

Saren Arterius was so fucking metal and no one should mess with him 

This guy was exposed to Reaper technology and indoctrinated during the First Contact War. That was in 2157. He didn’t go full Reaper slave until almost thirty years later. 

And when he did go full Reaper slave, he was still able to resist. After thirty fucking years he was still capable of doubting Sovereign so much that it had to implant Reaper tech in him to be able to fully control him. And even after thirty years of subtle indoctrination and fucking implants in his goddamn brain, Saren was still able to pull the biggest “fuck you” in history and kill himself to stop the Reapers

THIRTY YEARS OF INDOCTRINATION + IMPLANTS AND HE STILL RESISTED THEM

For reference, the average person can last maybe like. A couple weeks.

What the hell was Saren jesus christ 

[thefloatingstone]

What are your thoughts on Javik? In particular that sensory thing he does.

I rather like Javik as the grumpy racist grandpa he is. (although he does get less racist as the game goes on. He's just.... very old).

I really enjoy the perspective Javik gives to the entire setting and world and i CANNOT believe he is a DLC character because he's borderline essential for understand everything in the plot that the last game builds up to.

I also really enjoy his relationship with Liara and especially how Javik's very existence challenges everything Liara has made her life about. And how it evolves throughout the third game not only for Liara but also for Javik although he expresses his change of perspective a lot more subtly than she does.

I also find his species' culture fascinating, and it's clearly based off of Roman culture in how it works and how the classification of "Roman" is applied to its citizens regardless of ethnicity, place of birth, or heritage.

As for the sensory thing he does, I always forget he has that. I do think the idea is sound and makes sense and ties into the previous games perfectly, but I feel it was a little undercooked when applied to Javik himself. It's very clearly ME3 wasn't as polished as it could have been. (although I still attest that getting the third game in as good a condition as we did despite EA's best efforts i s a miracle) but I feel they could have elaborated or ironed out the kinks a little better.

I also am just a little disappointed they didn't give us clearer indication to the fact that Javik is a bug.

I saw this fanart when the third game came out and I have immediately adopted it as canon. Especially when compared with the Collectors in the 2nd game.

source

I think him being a bug getting more focus would also help explain the sensory thing. I started reading "Nor Crystal Tears" a while ago (I need to get back to it) and the main character who is also a bug alien talks about an extra sense his species has which is essentially the use of his antennae to communicate, taste the air, pick up vibrations etc etc. I don't mean give Javik antennae, but if they made his bug nature clearer, they could have explained the sensory thing in a way that roots it a little more in reality in a way I can swallow easier.

[skyllianhamster]

According to Mordin’s files, you ought not to mess with hamsters.

For #spacehamsterweek2018 hosted at @minigiantspacehamster​ . Prompt:

🐹: Meet the Crew- What was the rest of the crew’s reaction upon meeting the newest member?

Grunt - Javik - [ Mordin ] - Legion - Garrus

[howgalling]

so... i was never happy w/ the fact that legion walks around with a massive 'wound' exposing his internals. i like to think my go getter 'keep the crew healthy and happy' shepard would've fixed him right up. yes she gave him one of her chestplates do you think me a MONSTER??

[greendragonette]

Overlooked, or intentional? Creepy AF! [ME3 spoilers]

After you finish the game, get through the credits and have the after-scene, you get thrown back into the last save before kicking Cerberus' doors in. Fair enough.

What is not okay, the first time you press sprint, Shepard's animation is dream-slow.

My Shepard beelined to Garrus. Surely he would have some thought about that, or at least have a comforting hug to spare?

"Not right now."

What do you mean 'not right now', my favourite space parrot?! Shep's loopy or stuck in a *bleep*ing time loop, either way it gave her an anxiety attack and existential crisis, and you won't get off the console to hold her until the worst of it passes??? She can't even get drunk, Alliance confiscated the booze Cerberus fitted the Normandy with!

...

That's it, I'm turning this ship around to the nearest Citadel's bar!

(Waking up on Aria's sofa was merely a tiny blip on a distress radar)

I really hope it was just a bug that got overlooked. I loathe dream sequences. Real Garrus would never do his favourite human dirty dismissing them like that.

[barbalarga]

I made this for my personal reference, but I think it might be useful for others too

the base models are from troodon80’s gallery and the nude interpretations are concept art with a bit of my own ideas. I’m still undecided on quarians, but my focus was more on their legs. so tired of seeing them drawn just like human legs.

[drawgirldraw]

Thanks for this! I love comparison models, and any extra reference is good reference :D

[barbalarga]

turian structure tutorial: bigger images: 1, 2, 3  

first of all this assumes you know how to draw humans. if you are trying to learn how to draw turians before humans, stop. there are plenty of tutorials out there that will teach you how to draw. this is just for these weird aliens.

I kept this as simple as I could, more down to the construction of their anatomy, rather than detail. doing your own gesture drawings (the third image) will help you familiarize yourself with how their bodies can pose.

troodon80’s models are great reference. the ones I use the most: turian head, casual garrus, armored garrus

other turian reference images I’ve made: 1, 2

I received requests for geth and krogan deconstructions too, so those are on the way!

[onion-ring-93]

[cosmoshop-deactivated20190228]

FUCK THIS I SPERFECT, IT SHOWS THE ARM PRONATING AND ALL THE MUSCLES SHIFTING ALONG WITH THE WRIST

IT EVEN HIGHLIGHTS THE ULNA BONE  

HEY THIS IS THE ULTIMATE ANATOMY REF, FUCK THOSE MISLEADING TERRIBLE FUCKING “ANATOMY” TUTORIALS THAT GOEAS AROUND TUMBLR, THIS IS ALL OYU NEED, LOOK AT THE LATISIMUS STRETCHING OVER THE SERRATUS, THE PECTORAL MUSCLE MOVESUPWARDS AND OVER THE BICEP AND EXTENDS  ALONG WITH THE ARM THERES EVEN THE CORACOBRACHIALIS;. AAAA OMFG I’M SO HAPPYYYYYY

[zebbros]

Character Master Post

(link to all character comics)

Javik is the embodiment of the pathetic.png cat

Shepard never levitates/flies/floats in game (if picking biotic abilities) so I’m just over here trying to justify it.

[nameislooney]

[whiskynorocks]

I don’t think we actually give enough credit to Garrus in ME1.

Everyone else is just hanging around the ship. Tali’s helping with the engines, so she’s really useful. Wrex is scratching his butt (he’s a merc, so I’ll give him a by). Ash/Kaidan are doing standard ‘I’m a soldier but have nothing to do’ busy work. Liara is… I dunno, making a Shepard shrine out of their hair or something.

GARRUS though. That lil twink somehow manages to put the Mako back together after every mission. The Mako, that is launched from fucking orbit to land. That Shepard regularly drives up (and off) mountains. It’s in peak condition thanks to everyone’s favourite space velociraptor, a laptop balanced on a crate, and a wrench.

Hell, the damn thing survives the Collector’s attack which the fucking Normandy doesn’t.

Codename: Archangel. All-around turian badboy. Dispenser of justice in an unjust galaxy. BEST MECHANIC IN THE GALAXY APPARENTLY.

[thefloatingstone]

Wait, Turians can't swim? Why? 😅

The plating on a turian's skin is metallic :) this is so it can bounce off the harmful radiation from Palaven's sun since Palaven's magnetic field is so weak which allows more harmful solar radiation in.

However the plates are not particularly sturdy and don't give them much better armor protection than most specials as the plates are ON the skin (aside from I'm guessing the crest which is too big to be on the skin itself).

The metallic nature of the turians' biology means they are a LOT heavier than they appear and also are a lot denser than humans. This means they literally sink like a rock in any body of water. And no amount of swimming knowledge can counteract the fact that they're metallic down to their very DNA.

Garrus Comments on this a few times in the trilogy, specifically asking Shepard if she's ever seen a turian swim, pointing out "it involves a lot of flailing and drowning."

[thefloatingstone]

Garrus:

[amorphousturtle]

Don't forget that, even disregarding any buoyancy issues... Look at the cowl. That is just NOT a shape meant for being in the water. It doesn't matter how a Turian might position themself, water IS getting in the cowl and it IS getting in the way of any kind of motion they try. The fringe/crest too, to a lesser degree. Not to mention the fact that they can't seal their mouth, so there's going to be water between their airway and outside their body (making it MUCH harder to get air and not water in their lungs) every time they go under.

If a Turian falls in the water, pretty much the only option biology left them is "desperately bob in place and hope someone pulls you out in the minute or two", cause they aren't lasting any longer than that.

[greendragonette]

Afaik thulium makes up just a miniscule percent of turian plates; nevertheless these look very dense, which doesn't help in water (packed keratin? it could be fairly elastic and would help minimize ordinary injuries, ME guns are just too good at shredding). Such an incredibly top-heavy body would instantly topple upside down, which is Not Good if you can't breathe underwater; at this point big lungs full of air don't help that much. They are very wiry, too, which worsens their odds (they might have some fat under the cowls, but it wouldn't particularly help). I was quite surprised the first time I've heard Garrus say Virmire reminds him of home, because to me turians look more like an arid-ish climate species. They might be good waders though, with their limbs being so long.

I mean, if they fall into a river they might have some luck crawling on the floor and pull themselves out via treeroots or something if it's sufficiently close to hold their breath and water is clear enough to orient themselves, but if one falls into a sea without a life jacket it's instant GG.

[yuku78]

finished the me trilogy like 2 days ago and i’m still genuinely not ok LOL at least i romanced garrus my beloved