Summary: Jeongin and Wooyoung are pretty brats when they wanna be.
Today was a big day. All three Mayfly groups had some final practices to do. MayV, the vocal team had already done their run-through. They had arrived earlier than everyone else. Well, except you, since you had driven Seungmin to practice. The three teams had decided to hold their final off-stage practice together before tomorrow's performances.
The dance team were going through their routine. You nodded along as you kept your eyes mainly on your own members, but you always made sure to watch the others, too. You had gotten to see some of the dance team perform by going to some of their practices. You had learned enough of the dance to be able to help Minho with teaching Felix and Jeongin when they were in the dance practice room alone.
The performance came to an end, and you happily clapped, as did the others.
“Minho is insane. I’ve never seen someone dance like that.” Hongjoong spoke in awe as he looked at you and Chan.
Chan smiled proudly. “Thanks. Yunho is amazing. The way he moves is captivating.” His arm rested around your waist, holding you close to him.
Hongjoong nodded with a proud look on his face.
You grabbed Jeongin’s water bottle. Felix stepped off the stage to grab his own drink as Minho spoke to some of the other members.
You wiggled out of Chan’s arms, ignoring his whines and made your way over to your Maknae and handed him his waterbottle. “Here you go, baby.”
Jeongin smiled at you and took the bottle from you. “Thanks, Mama Bear. I love you.” He kissed your cheek before opening the bottle and drinking some.
You moved over to stand beside Seonghwa. Wooyoung let out a teasing laugh at Jeongin.
Jeongin turned to look at the male and glared. “What? You don’t love your mother? That’s sad. I feel sorry for you.” He asked as he gestured over to Seonghwa.
Everyone let out a collective ‘Ooh.’ in shock and surprise.
Wooyoung’s jaw dropped. Ooo, two could play that game. “I’ll have you know, I love Seonghwa, I just don’t expect him to do everything for me.” He crossed his arms over his chest, and he had a playful glint in his eyes.
Jeongin smirked at him. “Yeah? I don’t expect anything from Honey either, and yet she always seems to know exactly what I need. She’s so in tune with us all. She did bring me my water after all.”
Wooyoung clicked his tongue. “Seonghwa just finished dancing.” He expressed that it was an important bit of information.
Jeongin giggled. “What I’m hearing are excuses. My Mama Bear loves, adores and cherishes me. Your Mother Bunny …what? Tolerates you?” He asked as he stepped closer to Wooyoung.
Wooyoung let out a dramatic gasp. “Lies! Those are lies! How dare you? I am the FAVOURITE. Bet you can’t say the same, can you?”
San frowned as he watched the two. “I wouldn’t say you’re the fav-”
Wooyoung held a hand up to the male. “Don’t agree with him.” He spoke, feeling scandalised.
“This is why Honey will never adopt you. She doesn’t have a favourite. She loves all her members equally.” Jeongin’s next words flooded you with a soft, warm feeling in your heart and brought tears to your eyes. “She IS the best mother to ever mother.” Jeongin spoke with way too much pride, which allowed Wooyoung to take a shot at him.
Wooyoung grinned at Jeongin. “Really, because from where I’m standing, her favourite seems to be whoever's name begins with Fe and ends in Lix. Or starts with Yong and ends in Bok.” He leaned closer to Jeongin, and a look of mischief filled his eyes.
Jeongin let out a loud gasp that came straight from his chest as he recoiled away from Wooyoung, who was standing inches apart from him. “You take that back!”
You and Seonghwa looked at one another. “I’m sorry about him.” You both said in unison before laughing together.
“I’m really sorry, Wooyoung can be a bit passionate sometimes.” Seonghwa told you with a look of embarrassment and amusement on his face.
You looked up at the male and shook your head. “It’s okay. Innie sometimes doesn’t know when to back down.”
The two of you shook your heads. “So, are we still on for coffee next weekend?” You asked him hopefully.
Seonghwa nodded immediately. “A part of me wants to move it to this weekend. I have so much to tell you. I had to tell Hongjoong three times already that no, he can’t come with me. And I told Wooyoung at least five.”
You let out a laugh and clicked your fingers as you bounced in place. “Channie and my boys have been so pouty since I told them they couldn’t join us. I think the only ones who are chill about it are Minho, Changbin and Seungmin.”
Seonghwa’s eyes went wide as he held his arm out to you. “See, Jongho has been the only one who hasn’t asked to join us.” He explained as you held onto his arm.
“I’m down to move the coffee date to this weekend instead.” You offered as you squeezed his arm lightly.
The two of you walked off away from the stage and from the others. You both blocked out the sounds of Jeongin and Wooyoung, turning the conversation into a ‘who’s the better son’ contest. You didn’t see Felix taking a picture of you both walking away, or how Chan and Hongjoong watched you both get further away, only for the duo to quickly follow after you and Seonghwa to get away from the noise.
summary: four ex-couples are brought together to test whether love can end, restart or transform. you’re not sure which path is yours yet - closure, a new beginning or the courage to try again
< part 10 | part 12 >
the red light outside paints chan’s face in warm shades of orange and gold and for a second, as he keeps looking at you, you forget how to even breathe.
“y/n”, he says gently, almost like he’s worried you’re panicking, “you don’t have to say anything”
you blink, trying to process the weight of his words sitting between you now because, even though you had a feeling this could happen sometime, it’s real now, chan’s words are real. he likes you, enough to tell you that he does, enough that his voice never shook when he said it.
the light turns green again and he looks back at the road, giving you space, like he can feel how overwhelmed you are.
“i just…”, he starts, one of his hands tightening around the wheel, “i didn’t want to keep pretending it wasn’t happening anymore, that i didn’t feel anything for you”
you stay quiet, your chest too full now, heavy and fragile.
“i know things are complicated for you right now”, he continues carefully, “and honestly? i think anyone would be confused in your position. hell, everyone here know how messed up this show really is”
your throat tightens.
“you and seungmin…”, he pauses for a moment before continuing, “i know there must be a lot of history there and i know love like that doesn’t just disappear because people break up”
the honesty in his voice almost hurts more than if he had ignored it, because he sees you and seungmin too, everyone can see it.
“i know that”, he says, his voice lower now, “i’m not stupid”
your eyes burn but you try to keep it together, not to break down there with him even though you know he would never judge you. chan laughs softly after a second, trying to ease the heaviness a little.
“and trust me, i’m not saying this because i think everything's gonna magically work out in my favour now”, he sighs, “i just wanted you to know that i’m here”
the car continues down the dark road, the ocean waves somewhere beyond the cliffs beside you.
“that i like you”, he says again, “and that i’m willing to fight for you if you’ll have me”
your heart twists painfully inside your chest because everything feels impossible, too much and overwhelming.
seungmin breaking down in front of you.
chan preparing fairy lights and warm jackets just for you.
you almost kissing seungmin.
chan telling you he likes you.
the years you spent loving seungmin.
the comfort you found in chan.
it all crashes together inside you until you feel like you might drown in it, like no matter how much you try to escape or breathe, there’s no end to it. you look down at your hands in your lap as you try to gather your thoughts.
“i… umm…”, you try to speak, your voice much lower and broken than you had hoped for, “i don’t know what to say”
chan nods his head, “that’s okay-”
“no, i mean…”, you cut in, shaking your head, frustrated with yourself, “it’s just… it’s a lot”, your voice cracks a little but you continue, “i’m confused and i feel like i’m hurting everyone no matter what i do”
chan’s expression softens when he hears you, “you’re not hurting me, y/n”
“but-”
“you’re not”, he repeats gently, “y/n, liking someone doesn’t mean they owe you something back. i don’t want you to feel pressured”, he continues, trying to comfort you a bit, “i’m not telling you this because i expect an answer tonight”
he looks at you briefly before looking back at the road.
“i just didn’t want to stay silent anymore”
your eyes sting again and you close them, trying really hard not to cry.
“and if things don’t go the way i want? then… that’ll hurt, obviously”, he says, his voice much quieter now even though he laughs softly under his breath, trying to hide it, “but i think i’d regret not trying more”
you open your eyes and finally look at him and you see the calmness in his expression despite how vulnerable he just made himself and you see how kind he’s being with you even now.
“you are a really good person, chan”, you say before you can stop yourself.
he smiles softly and looks at you, “so are you, y/n”
the rest of the drive passes more quietly after that and the closer you get to the lodge, the tighter your chest becomes again, even though your mind hasn’t stopped running since the moment chan admitted he likes you.
when chan parks outside the lodge and you both step out of the car, your stomach twists immediately. chan grabs the leftover bags from the picnic while you stand there for a second trying to steady yourself as much as you possibly can.
“you okay?”, he asks you.
you nod, “yeah”
he watches you, not fully believing you and you know that he doesn’t, but he doesn’t say anything else. instead, he waits for you to start walking and then joins you, the two of you walking inside the house.
everyone is already there, sitting and laughing together, and the moment you step in, your eyes find seungmin like magnets, like they always do when you’re in the same room. he’s sitting near the end of the sofa, one of his arms resting against the cushion behind him and when the door opens his gaze lifts straight to you and your heartbeat stumbles when he smiles at you.
“finally”, yuna says, looking at you and chan, “do you know how long yeong’s been complaining because she’s hungry?”
“hey! you’re hungry too, don’t blame this on me!”, she says, hitting yuna’s shoulder softly as they laugh together.
the room fills with noise again but you barely hear any of it because seungmin is still looking at you, but not like he did last night. he looks different, calmer and more composed, and that confuses you more than you already are. not because you expected him to be crying and breaking down again, but because whatever version of him you thought you were gonna find, it’s not this one.
you take your shoes off, trying to ignore the way your pulse keeps rising as you walk further inside. chan moves naturally into the conversation, setting things down while yuna and yeong start asking him about the date.
you look around, looking for a place to sit, and the only empty space is the one next to seungmin, so you sigh before you go there and finally sit down as he turns to look at you.
“hi”, he says, smiling softly at you.
“hi”
“how was your day?”, he asks you, his voice low and calm.
“good, a bit tiring and long but it was good. you?”
“it was good too. the weather was good but it started getting colder now so we came back earlier”, he says.
his words keep confusing you even more, never asking you directly about your dates, the very same reason he broke down with you last night. the whole time his expression stays relaxed, even when he asks you if you had fun. he never mentions anything about last night, nothing.
not a single mention of the porch, of his tears, of his hands on your waist, of his lips almost touching yours.
nothing.
you keep waiting for it, for some kind of sign, for some change in the conversation that may lead to it, for some indication that he remembers it, that he couldn’t stop thinking about it just like you. but it never comes.
was he too drunk?
did he forget about it?
the possibility hits you harder than it should because last night felt almost life changing to you. it felt like standing in the middle of something huge and terrifying and beautiful all at once.
but now seungmin is just there, sitting with you calmly like none of it happened, like he never broke apart in your arms.
you stare at him quietly while everyone talks around you, but his expression remains soft and unreadable, so eventually, when you finish talking, you look away and decide not to bring it up either, and at that moment, everyone’s phones vibrate at the same time.
exchange: who made your heart flutter today? send them a text
you stare at your phone, thinking about your text, but then another one appears on the screen.
exchange: tonight’s texts will not be delivered immediately. the texts from now on will be saved and revealed on the final day, after you make your final choice
your breath catches in your chest and you hear someone gasp around you.
“what?”, yuna blurts out.
“i don’t like this”, hae says with a laugh, trying to hide her nerves.
seungmin exhales beside you, reading the text again.
this feels like a cruel joke that the show is playing on you because every night, no matter what, there had always been a kind of answer waiting for you, just some proof that someone was thinking about you too. but now, your words would disappear into silence, they would be saved somewhere until the end, until everything finally broke apart or came back together.
your fingers hover above your phone screen, as you stare at it, not typing anything at first, because your mind starts spiralling again.
seungmin.
chan.
chan.
seungmin.
you don’t know what you’re supposed to say anymore, you don’t know who you’re supposed to text but you have to do it so you start typing, then stop. then you start again and then you delete everything. you start typing again, your hands shaking, until you finally write something simple and send it before you can regret it.
the second it disappears from your screen, your stomach twists because now you can’t take it back, no matter what you do. now it will wait there until the end, like a secret you don’t want to hide but are forced to.
before you can think too much about it, the loud sound of the doorbell echoes through the lodge and everyone groans.
“oh my god”, han complains, throwing his head back, “what now?”
“i’ll get it”, changbin says as he stands up.
you barely follow the conversation after that because your thoughts are too loud in your head, too tangled to try to follow anything else. you watch changbin disappear towards the entrance while your knee bounces anxiously. when he comes back, he’s holding a new envelope, to no one’s surprise.
“oh god”, yuna says, laughing nervously, “here we go again”
changbin sits down again and opens it carefully while everyone watches him, waiting for him to start reading the letter.
‘participants, tomorrow you’ll have the opportunity to request private 1:1 conversations. if there’s someone you wish to speak with privately, send their name tonight. the other participant will be notified tomorrow and a private meeting will be arranged’
everyone goes quiet and changbin finishes reading the letter then.
‘it can be any participant, including your ex’
silence falls for a moment after that, and you can almost feel everyone thinking at the same time - who they wanna talk to, who they need answers from, who they miss, who they’re afraid of.
a few people laugh at that, but it doesn’t fully ease the tension because now the possibilities are endless and terrifying at the same time. your mind keeps circling, this just adding to the pressure you already feel. you don’t know what you’re supposed to do anymore and you don’t know how to continue without hurting any of them.
“you’re burning it”, minho says flatly.
“no, i’m not”, han argues just as smoke rises from the pan.
“han, you’re literally burning it right now”
han stares at the pan for a second, “... oh”
you laugh before you can stop yourself, the sound escaping more naturally than it has in days and both of them turn towards you immediately.
“oh, she laughs”, han says, teasing you as you stick your tongue at him.
“you’re an idiot, han”, you say.
han bursts into laughter while minho calmly flips the ruined piece of toast over like han almost didn’t burn the entire kitchen. the three of you are cooking breakfast together, trying to forget everything that happened last night - the text, the meetings, just… everything. and for a moment, everything seems easy.
easy enough that when you sit down together around the table, eating breakfast while sunlight fills the room, it almost feels like nothing outside this kitchen exists but that is until your phone vibrates once.
your stomach twists before you even look at your phone.
exchange: someone has requested a private conversation with you. please arrive at the following address in 30 minutes
across the table, han lifts his brows as he looks at you.
“what? did you get a text?”, he asks you.
“who are you meeting?”, minho asks.
“there’s no name”, you say, rereading the text.
“that’s… scary”, minho says.
“thank you, minho”, you mumble, sarcasm evident in your tone.
“you’re welcome”, he says, smirking.
seungmin? chan? could it be either of them? and if it is, what are they going to say? what are you going to say?
you barely finish breakfast after that, your thoughts spiraling more and more with every passing minute and by the time you go upstairs to get ready, your hands are shaking. you change clothes three times, brush your hair twice, stand in front of the mirror too long, then change clothes again.
you don’t even know why you’re nervous, you just are. then eventually, with your heartbeat too loud in your chest, you leave the lodge alone. the air outside is cool and fresh, the morning sunlight softer near the coast as you walk through the quiet streets of jeju with your phone clutched tightly in your hand.
the address that exchange sent you isn’t far, it’s a small café, a place near the beach, a wooden door welcoming you when you get there. you stop outside for a second before taking a breath and pushing the door open. your eyes move through the café quickly, searching until one of the workers points towards the terrace outside.
you thank them and walk towards it, your heartbeat growing louder with every step you take, and then, you see her.
lily.
sitting alone at one of the terrace tables with two drinks already waiting there.
your steps slow in surprise and lily looks up the moment she hears you getting closer, and smiles at you.
“there you are”, she says gently.
she smiles a little more at your confused face and then gestures to the chair in front of her.
“come on, sit down before you fall over from confusion”
you laugh a bit, still surprised as you walk towards the table and sit down across from her and then, she pushes one of the drinks towards you.
“i ordered your usual because, you know, i feel like i know you a little bit now so… here you go”
you smile softly, “thank you”
she hums, watching you while you wrap your hands around the cup and then, because she knows you too well already - not just a bit like she says - she tilts her head and speaks again.
“you have about a thousand questions right now, don’t you?”
you look at her, not trying to hide the surprise anymore, although she had caught it the moment she saw you.
“yeah, i do”
her smile softens, “you’re wondering why i brought you all the way here when we literally sleep in the same room”
you laugh quietly, looking away for a moment, “i mean… yeah”
lily leans back in her chair before she speaks again, “i just thought…”, she pauses, choosing her words carefully, “that maybe you needed a place that was a bit more quiet. a place where you didn’t have to worry about who could be listening through the walls, or might walk into the kitchen halfway through this”, she continues gently, “i thought you needed somewhere safe, somewhere that’s only for you for a little while”
your throat tightens at her words, at the care in them, at the thought behind them, and you look down at your drink for a second before speaking softly.
“thank you”
lily just shrugs one shoulder like it’s nothing, but it isn’t nothing, at least not to you. then her eyes narrow slightly with amusement.
“though”, she says slowly, a smirk on her face now, “i bet when you got the text you though it was gonna be seungmin or chan”
your eyes widen, “no, i-”
“oh come on, it’s written all over your face!”
you cover your face with one hand, groaning, “ugh, i hate you”
“no, you don’t”, she says.
“... no, i don’t”
she grins victoriously before her expression softens again.
“so”, she asks you after a moment, “how are you really?”
your exhaustion comes rushing back all at once and you stare down at the drink in your hands for a few seconds before answering as honestly as you can.
“i don’t know… i’m still confused”, you say and then let out a shaky breath, “chan, uh…”, you stop, pressing your lips together before finally saying it, “chan confessed to me last night”
lily’s brows lift but she doesn’t interrupt you.
“he told me he likes me and he was so honest about it and so gentle and- and he didn’t pressure me or ask me for anything, he just wanted me to know”, you stop when you feel your eyes watering, “and i don’t know what to do anymore, lily”
your voice breaks on the last words.
“i feel like no matter what i do, i’m always hurting someone”
lily stays quiet for a moment, just letting you breathe, letting you empty some of the weight first and then, once she makes sure you’re not gonna say anything else, she leans forward over her table and looks at you.
your brows pull together and then she sighs and smiles softly at you.
“y/n, you’re not dating two people behind someone’s back, that would be terrible. you’re not lying to anyone or manipulating anybody”, her voice stays gentle but firm, like she needs to make sure you understand what she’s saying, “we all knew what we were signing up for when we came to this show. every single person in that house came knowing feelings could get messy and that was literally the point of the show”
you swallow hard, “but it feels horrible”
“i know”, she says, “i know it does”
you feel your chest breaking again, the guilt trying to swallow you but lily continues then.
“you’re getting to know chan but you’re also getting to know seungmin again, and those are not the same thing”
your eyes lift slowly to hers and you stay completely still now, listening to her as the sea breeze moves around the terrace.
“when you and seungmin dated before, you were different people. you loved each other but that relationship existed in a different moment of your lives, and you’ve both changed since then. people grow, y/n, they become softer in some places and harder in others. they learn things. sometimes they fail, they regret things too”
you think immediately about seungmin crying the other night, about his voice breaking when he asked you if he had lost you, about how broken he looked then.
“you’re different too”, lily says gently, pulling you back to her voice, “your emotions are different now and your fears are different now too. the things you want are different”, she says and you blink, trying to take everything she’s saying in, “you came here thinking you were over seungmin, or maybe not, but the thing is that suddenly you were living together again, seeing him every day and seeing parts of him you missed and parts of him that changed…”
flashbacks from those first days in the house play in your head but she speaks again, pulling you back once more.
“but at the same time, you also met someone else”
chan flashes through your mind now - his laugh, the picnic yesterday, how he took care of you the day you were sick, how he looked yesterday when he confessed.
“and chan makes you feel safe too”, lily says, as carefully as she can, “he makes things easy for you in a moment where your heart feels impossible. and maybe in another life… if things had happened differently, if timing had been different… maybe everything would have been different too, much simpler”
you let out a shaky breath and your eyes burn.
“but y/n, life doesn’t work like that”
the words settle deep inside you, painfully deep, and lily’s gaze softens even more then and she reaches across the table and takes your hand.
“y/n… you always try to understand everyone else. you understand seungmin. you understand chan. hell you even understand han and i know what it’s like, i did it for a long time”
you blink quickly, tears beginning to gather and threatening to fall.
“but you never extend that same kindness to yourself”, she says, making something break inside your chest, “and you’re human, y/n, you’re confused because this is confusing”
a tear slips down your cheek before you can stop it.
“and honestly?”, she says with the faintest smile as she squeezes your hand, “i think it would be weirder if you weren’t confused”
you laugh weakly through your tears.
“y/n, you’re not a bad person for loving someone in the past and still not being over him, and you’re also not a bad person for meeting someone new who makes your heart feel calm too”
you look at her as more tears leave your eyes.
“you don’t have to punish yourself for being human”
your chest aches so much it almost feels unbearable and the only thing you can do is stare at lily through blurry eyes as your fingers tighten around hers as more tears slip down your cheek.
“i really don’t know what i would do without you here”, you say, your voice breaking as more tears fall.
lily’s face breaks and before you can even process it properly, she’s already standing slightly and leaning across the table to pull you into a hug. you laugh weakly through your tears as you hug her back carefully over the table.
“stop it, you’re gonna make me cry too”, she mumbles against your shoulder.
“i think you’re already crying”
“shut up”
that makes you laugh properly for the first time since you came here, a real laugh. small, shaky, wet with tears, but real. when she pulls away again, she wipes quickly under her eyes before sitting back down.
“okay”, she says, exhaling deeply, “you got me emotional now, wow. great”
you smile through your tears, shaking your head. lily looks at you for another moment then, her expression becoming softer again.
“no but seriously”, she says quietly, “whatever happens… whatever you choose… whatever you need… i’m always gonna be here for you”
you feel like you’re gonna cry again, “lily-”
“no, let me finish”, she says, pointing at you.
you laugh and nod your head, the she smiles before continuing.
“i mean it, y/n. this show is stressful and… messy as fuck, and honestly emotionally traumatic too”, she says, making you laugh again, “but if there’s one thing i’ll always be grateful for, it’s meeting you”
the tears burn your eyes all over again.
“like… genuinely”, she continues softly, her eyes watering again, “i think you’re one of those people that walk into someone’s life and change it without even realising”, she says as you stare at her, both of you emotional all over again, “and i don’t care what happens after this show, you’re staying in my life forever now”
another tear escapes immediately at that.
“oh my god”, you laugh through your tears, covering your face, “lily, stop it, i literally just calmed down”
you both start laughing then, even while tears still cling to your lashes, messy and emotional and warm but there, together. and little by little, the tightness inside your chest loosens enough for you to finally breathe properly again and lily notices.
“feeling a bit better?”
you nod slowly, “yeah… thank you”
she smiles immediately, clearly relieved you’re feeling better. and suddenly, now that your brain is no longer drowning completely, something clicks inside your head and your eyes narrow slightly at her.
“... why are you looking at me like that?”, she asks you.
you sit back in your chair as you try to speak casually, “well… i was just thinking-”
“wait, you know how to do that?”
she teases you but you ignore her completely.
“you know”, you continue, trying not to smile too much already, “i don’t think i’m the only person you’re taking from this show”
lily blinks, “what?”
you fully grin now, “how’s minho?”
the effect is immediate and her face changes so fast you almost burst out laughing.
“wha-”
“lily”
“no”
“lily”
she covers her face with both hands and groans, “oh my god”
you stare at her in complete disbelief because you have genuinely never seen her look shy before, not once, and now she won’t even look at you.
“lily”, you repeat, laughing harder now, “you like him!”
“i didn’t say that!”
“you didn’t have to”
she drops her hand, glaring at you while her cheeks get pinker and pinker.
“you’re horrible”
“you’re the one that’s blushing”
you both laugh again and then lily exhales and leans back into her chair.
“i don’t know”, she says, more quietly this time, “at first i really didn’t connect with anyone here like that”, she starts and you listen carefully, “and honestly i was okay with it, i thought that maybe this whole thing just wasn’t gonna happen for me”
your expression softens because how could anyone not realise how amazing she is?
“but then after the double date…”, she trails off, smiling faintly to herself, “we just kind of… clicked”
you think about the way minho always watches her when she talks, the way he moves closer to her when he thinks no one is watching - but you are - and how his voice softens when he’s talking to her.
“and since we came to jeju…”, lily continues, “we’ve gotten a lot closer”
you grin, “... and?”
she rolls her eyes before mumbling, “and i definitely want to get to know him more”
you gasp loudly and she kicks your leg under the table.
“y/n! stop it”
“lily, you’re down bad!”
“ugh, i hate this conversation”
you laugh so hard your stomach hurts and then, you stay there talking for what feels like forever after that but it is only until the café gets busier around you and lily checks the time on her phone and her eyes widen.
“oh god”
you blink, “what?”
“we’ve been here for hours”
“that long?”
you both stare at each other in shock before bursting into laughter again and then stand up laughing, grabbing your bags and drinks before leaving the café together. you walk back to your lodge with your arms linked together and halfway back, lily suddenly groans.
“ugh, we’re hosting tonight, remember?”
“wait the barbecue”, you groan too, “remind me why we agreed to that?”
“because apparently we’ve spent every single night in the other lodge. the others are coming to ours tonight”
you both immediately start walking faster.
“minho’s gonna kill us”
“oh, definitely”
“you deal with him, it’s your boy now”
“y/n!”
lily tries to hit your arm jokingly, both of you laughing as you continue walking together towards the lodge with the sound of the sea following you all the way home.
the moment you had stepped through the door, minho looked up from the kitchen and immediately narrowed his eyes at the both of you for, and you quote, “being late and just disappearing god knows where” as han just sat on the kitchen counter saying how dead you two were.
however, lily and you just laughed hard and then moved to help minho, and han then too, prepare everything you would need later. minho and lily cooked as han and you got the garden ready for everyone as they slowly arrived one after another, with even more food and drinks.
as you then ate and drank together outside, your eyes kept meeting seungmin’s as well as chan’s, even though you were with lily and yuna most of the time. before your thoughts could spiral too far whenever this happened, something else would pull your attention completely, immediately ruining the moment, or freeing it maybe.
the night continued like that, and that’s how you find yourself now, sitting between yuna and han in one of the sofas you had put in the garden before as everyone spreads out around the garden. all of you keep talking and laughing together, more than you all expected to.
you talk with changbin comfortably now that the pressure between you has disappeared.
you listen to yuna tell stories from uni while you nearly cry laughing beside her.
yeong tries to explain the weirdest dream she’s ever had while you just laugh and try to understand what she’s even saying.
you watch lily and minho unconsciously gravitate towards each other without even realising it.
every now and then, your eyes keep finding chan’s, and seungmin’s, and every time your heart refuses to fully settle anywhere. you move a bit in your seat, your legs pulled up loosely now as you listen to minho telling a story when-
your phones vibrate again, every phone around the garden lighting up at the exact same time.
“and here it is”, hae says.
you already know what it is, you don’t need to look down.
exchange: who made your heart flutter today? remember your text will not be sent today
no matter how warm the night had been or how much you had laughed together, this still waited for all of you at the end of every day. your feelings, your choices, they were always there, waiting to make your mind start spinning all over again.
seungmin, chan. chan, seungmin.
no matter how hard you try to run from it, the answer is getting closer now. you quickly write your text and send it, you find yourself doing that on autopilot now. you lock your phone and sigh, turning your head to see seungmin looking at you from his seat., the lights that you had put in the garden before now glowing softly above him, catching against his dark hair and the expression on his face
you look at him and this time, you don’t look away, not until the doorbell rings and a collective groan immediately erupts around the garden.
“ugh- fuck, you have to be kidding me”, changbin says, throwing his head back.
“i think i hate envelopes and letters now”, yeong says, making yuna laugh.
you stand up before you can overthink it, “i’ll get it”
honestly, you just need a second to breathe, to step away from everyone and their eyes and your own thoughts for a moment. the house feels quieter when you step inside, the sound of the voices outside muffled behind you as you walk towards the front door.
when you open it, the familiar envelope waits inside the mailbox, so you grab it and then walk back to the garden. the conversations die down little by little as everyone notices you’re back with the envelope.
“go on”, han says, “destroy our peace”
a few people laugh as you open the envelope and start reading out loud.
‘participants, tomorrow, you will have your final date and this time, it's gonna be with your exes’
silence follows your words, complete silence.
even the ocean and the air around you suddenly feel louder.
your eyes continue moving down the page before you start reading again.
‘the final decision will be in three days’
no one speaks for a moment after that because it all feels real again, probably more than ever now.
three days.
three days until everything changes, until someone gets left behind.
and then, without meaning to, your eyes lift again, straight towards seungmin.
when you wake up the next day, you lie in your bed, staring at the ceiling as you try to remember when your thoughts ended last night and when sleep finally took over. they don’t separated, they just blur into each other.
when you sit on your bed, you see lily already moving around the room, with her hair half done and her clothes laid out neatly on her bed.
“good morning, love”, she says when she sees you’re awake.
“hi”, you say, still waking up properly.
she stops and looks at you again, “you didn’t sleep well”
it’s not a question. you sit up a bit more, pulling the sheets off your lap.
“not really”, you say, yawning a little.
she nods like she expected that answer, then turns back to fixing her hair. you decide to get up and start getting ready too, ready for the date with seungmin, your first date together since the show started.
sure, you had spent time together, like that day at the market at the beginning, but it had never been a date date, a proper one.
you move around the room, picking your clothes and getting changed before you move to do your hair and make up, hearing the occasional sigh from lily when her hair doesn’t cooperate. when she’s finally done, she looks at you through the mirror and speaks again.
“you’re overthinking again”, she says lightly.
“yeah, i mean… seungmin and i, we... we’ve spent time together here, but it has never been, you know… a date”
she nods her head, waiting for you to continue.
“and if i’m honest… i’m excited, i wanna spend time with him and have fun, but i just… i can’t stop thinking about everything, my mind won’t let me stop”
that earns a small smile from her.
“i think he will be the one to make your mind stop in a bit, so i wouldn’t worry too much about that if i were you”
that earns a small smile from you and then she continues.
“y/n, you said it yourself, you haven’t had a date with him in the show so just… go and have fun, try not to worry about anything else, just focus on you and him, and just enjoy it, okay?”
you stay quiet for a bit, thinking about her words, then nod your head. she stands up and walks towards you.
“remember what i told you yesterday”, she says gently.
your fingers pause where they’re doing your hair.
“i know”, you reply quietly.
she steps closer and speaks again, much softer now.
“and i meant it, i’m here for you, always”
before you can respond, she pulls you into a hug and you close your eyes as you hug her back.
“thank you, lily”
she pulls back with a small smile.
“now go there and enjoy your date”, she says, tapping your arm.
you let out a short laugh, “i will”
she leaves your room then, the door closing behind her and you finish getting ready for your date, trying not to overthink too much now that you’re alone. when you finish getting ready, you go downstairs to the kitchen and pour yourself a cup of coffee and sit for a moment on the kitchen counter, holding the cup between your hands.
you let the warmth seep into your palms and it helps you a little, it’s not enough to quiet everything, but it’s enough to calm you a little. you take a sip and then another, the silence around you calm too, almost deceivingly so.
just as you finish the coffee, the doorbell rings and you let out a breath, setting down the cup carefully before walking towards the door. you open it and find seungmin already waiting outside for you, his hands loosely at his sides, his hair slightly messy just like he knows you loved it, well you still do.
there’s something calm about him this morning, something quieter than the chaos that has surrounded you these past days. he looks at you and then smiles, soft and bright, his face lighting up with his smile too.
“good morning”, he says.
you can’t help it, you smile too, just as bright and big as him.
“good morning, seungmin”, you say.
his eyes stay on you, his gaze incredibly soft and tender, making everything inside you melt like it did before, ever since the first time you two met.
“well…”, he asks you, “ready for our date?”
a/n: okay so this chapter was for team lily!!!! my girl deserves her own team bc she's the absolute best periodddd 💅🏻 AND IT'S D-3 NOW! which means we only have 2 chapters left omg i'm gonna cry 😭 i genuinely love this series soooo much and it's all because of YOU but it's still too early for me to cry while i thank you all so i'm just gonna say you better get ready for the next chapter because things are gonna get REALLY MESSY
the library
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summary: four ex-couples are brought together to test whether love can end, restart or transform. you’re not sure which path is yours yet - closure, a new beginning or the courage to try again
< part 9 | part 11 >
you pull away from seungmin so fast it almost hurts, so sudden you feel completely empty. your hands fall from his face and his grip on your waist loosens at the same time, though not completely at first, like his body reacts slower than his mind does.
your heart is beating so hard against your chest that you can barely breathe and all you can think about is that someone saw you, someone saw the almost kiss and you letting everything out.
you take another small step back, creating enough space between you both, hoping that it won’t look as bad as it felt. the front door swings open wider and then you hear a voice.
“-ugh, and i’m telling you, han is definitely asleep already”
it’s lily’s voice.
your lungs finally work again when you realise she’s still facing inside the house, just talking over her shoulder to someone behind her, completely unaware of what almost happened outside just seconds ago, completely unaware of what she had interrupted.
you close your eyes in relief and beside you, seungmin exhales shakily, but you don’t dare look at him, not now when you can still feel the ghost of his lips against yours, not now when your body is still leaning towards him without meaning to.
lily laughs at something someone says inside and then finally turns around and the moment she sees you, she pauses, surprised to find you both there already. her gaze flickers between you and seungmin - you are standing too stiff and seungmin is still looking at you and the tension between you is impossible to fully hide, but the biggest give away is seungmin because, god, he looks wrecked.
you see her brows pulling together and you know she knows something has happened, maybe she hasn’t guessed what exactly, but she knows, and when she looks at you she knows that you know she knows.
“i was actually coming to look for you guys”, she says, leaning against the doorway.
your throat feels dry when you try to speak, “w-what?”
“the exchange text came already”, she says, “your phones are here and we were waiting for you to send them all together”
oh, right, the texts. reality crashes back into you all at once - the show, the others inside, chan, hae, everything.
you nod your head, “right, okay”
your voice sounds strange to your own ears and lily’s eyes stay on you for another second too long and then they move to seungmin. you see her expression changing again, like she’s putting pieces together in her head but then, seungmin finally looks away from you, running a hand through his hair as he exhales.
“sorry”, he murmurs.
lily shakes her head, “don’t worry, it’s fine. i just thought maybe you got lost or were fighting or something”
fighting.
the irony almost makes you laugh.
instead, you just nod your head again and start walking towards the doorway because staying out there another second without breaking down feels impossible now. as you pass lily, she looks at you carefully, like she’s trying to understand what happened when you were alone, but you avoid her eyes as you step inside the house.
behind you, seungmin still hasn’t moved, you don’t need to turn around to know, you can feel him standing there on the porch just looking at you, and when lily steps aside to let him in too, she glances at him once more as suspicion settles behind her eyes now.
from that point on, everything feels distant, completely blurred, like you’re underwater and the whole world is happening somewhere above you. you walk back into the kitchen and the noise hits you all at once but none of it fully reaches you. you feel disconnected from your own body, from your own thoughts, from everything except the feeling still burning into your skin where seungmin touched you.
your lips still ache from almost kissing him and you don’t even realise you’re trembling until you reach for your phone and nearly drop it. your fingers move automatically across the screen when you remember the text.
type.
delete.
type again.
delete one more time.
you type again and then stare at the words without really seeing them, your heartbeat so loud it drowns everything else out. your mind keeps replaying what just happened with seungmin over and over again and your chest tightens so painfully you think you might actually collapse.
you send the text quickly before you can think too hard about it and delete it again. you’re not sure what you wrote at the end, you’re not even fully sure who you sent it to, you just needed to do it before your hands started shaking harder.
you can hear the rest around you, everyone still talking and laughing once they send their texts. everything feels painfully normal while inside you, you feel like you’re seconds away from breaking apart completely.
you can feel someone standing close to you, not touching you or speaking, just making sure you’re okay. you think it’s lily, but you can’t tell, you’re too gone to really look, too busy trying to keep yourself together, trying not to cry in front of everyone, trying not to fall to your knees and scream because you don’t know what’s happening to you anymore.
because everything hurts. because somehow you almost kissed seungmin while shan still looks at you softly and kindly and because han’s words from earlier won’t leave your mind and because maybe you’ve been lying to yourself this whole time. or maybe not, you don’t know. you don’t know anything anymore.
you barely hear the next text that follows and everyone checks their texts, but you don’t look at yours, you can’t.
you think someone says your name at some point or asks you something, but you just nod your head. then minho, han and lily start gathering their things as they say goodbye, talking about what you can do after your dates tomorrow. you think you say goodbye too, but you’re not sure.
the walk back to your lodge feels endless even though the buildings are close. the air bites at your cheeks and the ocean roars somewhere nearby but everything feels muted. han walks a little ahead with minho, talking about something you can’t focus on. lily stays beside you, but she doesn’t make you talk or asks you questions, she just stays with you, like she knows you’re hanging by a thread.
you reach your lodge and step inside as the warm light floods over you again. the living room smells like the snacks han left open earlier and everything else is just like you left it that morning and that makes you want to cry even more, you don’t know why.
you walk forward numbly as someone says your name, but it’s far away, or at least it feels like it. you don’t answer because you barely even hear it. you keep moving towards the stairs instead, your vision blurry now, your chest tightening harder and harder with each step you take.
“y/n?”
the same voice, still distant, still not enough to pull you back. then suddenly hands grab your arms gently and turn you around.
“y/n”
lily.
her voice is much closer this time, real and concerned. you blink and finally look at her properly, but the second you do, everything breaks.
“hey”, she says immediately, her eyes widening when she sees your face properly now, “what’s wrong?”
your lips part but nothing comes out. your chest caves in violently instead and then you’re crying, you’re crying so hard that your tears steal your breath and fold your body in half.
lily catches you as you break down into her arms, “whoa, hey-”
you grip the back of her shirt desperately as sobs rip out of you before you can stop them. behind her, han and minho go completely silent when they see you.
“y/n?”, han says softly, his usual teasing gone now.
you shake your head helplessly against lily’s shoulder. you can’t explain it, you don’t even know where to start. everything inside you feels tangled together so tightly you can’t separate one feeling from another anymore.
love.
fear.
guilt.
longing.
confusion.
all of it crashes into you at once.
lily holds you tighter, one of her hands moving gently through your hair while you cry into her shoulder like your heart is breaking open.
“hey, hey, y/n, breathe first”, she says.
your whole body shakes with every sob and you can barely get air into your lungs properly. the more you try to calm down, the worse it gets, it’s like everything you’ve been holding back for days is finally ripping through you all at once.
“i-”, you try to speak, but you keep sobbing, trying to breathe.
“y/n”, han says gently now, getting closer to you, “we can’t understand what you’re saying”
you try to speak again, “i- i-”
but your voice breaks immediately after another sob and minho gives han a worried look before he moves closer too.
“okay”, he says, “come sit down first, okay?”
lily helps you walk the few steps to the sofa, your knees weak beneath you like they might give out at any second. you sit down and lily sits beside you immediately, one of her arms still around you. han and minho sit across from you on the coffee table, both unusually quiet, completely serious and worried.
the room feels warm, dimly lit by the lamps near the kitchen, but you still feel freezing cold inside. at some point, lily stands up and gets you some water but you barely manage a sip when she sits down again.
“take your time”, she says.
you nod weakly and your fingers grip the glass tightly as you stare down at it, trying to stop crying hard enough to actually speak, but the second you think about what happened again, your chest tightens painfully again. you cover your face as another sob escapes you.
“oh my god”, you whisper brokenly.
“what happened?”, han asks you.
you shake your head as you cry, “i don’t know anymore. i really don’t know”
lily rubs your arm slowly, “start from the beginning”
you try, you really do, but every sentence falls apart halfway through.
“seungmin and i went outside because, well, you know how much he was drinking, and he just…”, you inhale shakily before you continue, “he started talking and- and then he got emotional and-”
your voice cracks again and han’s expression softens when he sees you gasping for air.
“what did he say?”, he asks.
you wipe at your face desperately, “he asked me if he has lost me”
the room goes quiet instantly, even minho stills in his seat, and your breathing shakes harder.
“he asked me if chan took me away from him or if changbin is going to and- and he was crying and he said he was scared and-”
you break again and lily pulls you closer to her, trying to calm you down.
“shh, it’s okay”, she whispers.
“no, it’s not”, you sob, “it’s not okay because he looked so hurt, lily, so hurt. and i- i didn’t know what to say or what to do, and he just- he just kept saying he needed me and that he can’t lose me again and-”
your chest aches so badly that you press a hand against it, trying to make the pain stop. han looks down, his jaw tightening like he’s trying not to break down with you.
“and then?”, minho asks carefully.
you close your eyes before you speak again, the memory too painful and confusing to even say it out loud.
“we almost kissed”
the boys go completely quiet and you hear lily inhale beside you sharply.
“what?”
you nod your head, your tears falling harder now, “he was crying so much and i grabbed his face and he was holding me and we were so close and then-”
your voice disappears completely and lily freezes beside you as her eyes widen.
“oh god, y/n”
you look at her through your tears.
“i interrupted you, didn’t i?”
lily’s face changes as she replays the scene in her head now, seungmin’s face and how you both looked there.
“oh…”, you cover your face again, shame crashing over you all at once, “i’m horrible”
“no, you’re not”, lily says.
“yes, i am!”, you cry out.
the words burst out of you so desperately that all three of them go quiet again.
“i’m hurting everyone”, you sob, “every single thing i do hurts someone”
your breathing turns uneven again as you continue.
“chan has been really kind to me since everything started, and he takes care of me and spends time with me and i feel good and happy when i’m with him, but seungmin is here too, and he just… cries over me and tells me he still loves me and i don’t know what i’m doing anymore-”
your voice breaks violently, your sobbing continuing, and lily keeps holding you while you fall apart completely now
“i feel guilty all the time”, you whisper through tears, “every second, no matter what i do. when i’m with chan, i feel good with him, but i can’t help but think about seungmin too. and when i’m with seungmin, i forget about everything else and everything goes back to how it was before, but then i remember chan and i feel guilty and horrible and maybe han was right and i’m just confused because seungmin had to pretend he didn’t know me and chan was there and-”
you stop breathing properly for a second.
“and then we almost kissed. i almost kissed seungmin while chan was probably inside waiting for me to come back and text him, waiting for our date tomorrow”
han looks devastated for you now, minho too, but neither of them interrupt you or judge you.
“i don’t know how to fix this”, you whisper, “i don’t know how to stop hurting people”
“you’re not doing it on purpose, y/n”, minho says quietly.
“but that doesn’t matter, minho”, you cry immediately, “i’m doing it anyway”
lily grabs your hands then, forcing you to look at her.
“y/n, listen to me”, she says softly but firmly, “you’re confused, and feeling confused does not make you a bad person”
“but-”
“no”, she says, her voice still gentle, “you loved seungmin for a long time and that doesn’t disappear just because you entered a show, it doesn’t work like that”
your throat tightens painfully, “what about chan?”
the question comes out so quietly it almost disappears, and lily doesn’t answer, because she doesn’t know how to, not at that moment at least. that breaks you even more and everyone sees it now, everyone sees the mess your heart has become, and you start crying again.
“i’m so tired”, you whisper brokenly, “i’m so tired of not understanding myself anymore. i- i don’t know what’s wrong with me”
“hey”, minho says, his voice making you look at him without realising, “there is nothing wrong with you”
your lips tremble harder, “but there is, minho, i’m hurting both of them, and i feel horrible”
minho leans forward, resting his elbows against his knees as he looks at you. “y/n, you need to stop talking about yourself like you’re the worst person in the world”
you shake your head, “but i am-”
“no”, he cuts in, his voice strong but gentle, “no, y/n, you’re not”
your breathing stutters again and minho sighs before continuing.
“you were with seungmin for a long time”, he says, “not weeks. not months. you were together for years, you said it in the video”
years.
“you loved him for years”, he says, “and then, you lost him”
your eyes burn again at his words.
“and maybe part of you thought that you had moved on”, he continues carefully, “maybe you convinced yourself you were okay. but then this show happened and you got thrown back into the same space as him. except this time it was worse because you had to pretend that you didn’t know each other, that your life together had never existed”
you remember those first days in the house, and how you had to look through each other instead of at each other, pretending he was just a stranger.
“and while he was doing that”, minho speaks again, “chan stepped into that empty space without even realising it”
your eyes lower immediately.
“he took care of you”, he says, “he stayed close to you and then he became someone safe for you there in the house”
your throat tightens and before you can say anything, lily speaks.
“and there’s nothing wrong with that”, she says when she sees your expression crumble again, “nothing”
“but seungmin never disappeared”, han says and you close your eyes, trying to stop your tears, “he was always there, even when you tried not to look at him”
you think about the texts, about the way your heart still reacted to him before you even knew it was him. you think about how seeing him breaking down tonight made something inside you break too, his voice shaking while he cried.
minho watches your face before speaking again, “i think that… maybe chan filled a loneliness you thought you had already buried”
you look up at him through blurry eyes.
“and when you were with chan”, he continues, “that empty space inside you stopped hurting for a little while. you felt warm again. but then, every time you remembered it wasn’t seungmin there… it hurt all over again”
the words hit so accurately it feels almost cruel. your hands cover your face again as another sob leaves your body.
“oh, love…”, lily whispers, pulling you closer.
you cry against her shoulder while she holds you tightly against her.
“I’m so tired of hurting them”, you say.
“it’s not your fault you’re hurting them”, han says, “it’s just… it’s the show”
minho nods his head, “this show is literally built around unresolved feelings and confusion, just people trying to figure out whether love can survive after breaking up and meeting again”
you stay quiet but your chest still hurts, like you’re looking directly at the wound instead of pretending it isn’t there.
“i think deep down…”, han says, “you already know the answer”
you look at him, confused, but he just gives you a small smile.
“maybe you don’t know it yet, but deep down… i think it’s there, you’re just too afraid to realise it, so it’s hidden and it’s making you confused and think about everything again and again, but you will find it, i know you will”
lily brushes your hair back gently, “you don’t have to figure everything out tonight”
minho nods his head again, “and you don’t have to do it alone either”
han leans closer and places his hand on your knee, “we’re here for you, okay?”
your eyes burn instantly, more tears falling down your face again, as you look at the three of them sitting with you in the middle of the night, exhausted and emotional and trying so hard to hold you together while you fall apart and try not to drown.
when you wake up the next morning, your head is throbbing and your eyes are completely swollen and heavy. you lie in your bed, still, as the sound of the waves outside reaches your room through the open windows and the sunlight spills across the floor.
jeju is beautiful again today. cruelly beautiful.
you close your eyes and let out a slow breath before you finally sit up. you look around the room and see that lily is not there, and her bed is already made. you stare at it for a second before rubbing your face and forcing yourself to stand up. the moment your feet touch the floor, the memories from last night come back all at once and you squeeze your eyes shut.
no, not now. you can’t do this again first thing in the morning.
so instead, you put on a hoodie, tie your hair back and walk downstairs. when you step into the living room you find han standing near the stove while minho cooks something beside him and lily pours coffee into mugs.
han is the first one to notice you, “good morning, y/n”
“morning”, you whisper.
lily walks towards you and hugs you, “how are you? how’s your head?”
you let out a weak laugh, “feels like i got hit by a truck”
han snorts quietly, “yeah, that’s what happens when you cry enough to fill a pool”
you laugh a little despite yourself and the sound feels strange coming out of you after everything that happened last night. minho points towards the table then.
“come on, sit down”
you obey immediately, too emotionally exhausted to argue with him. a few moments later, han places a plate in front of you while lily slides a mug of coffee towards your hands.
“you guys really didn’t have to do all this”, you say.
“just shush will you?”, lily says, laughing as she sits beside you.
the boys sit down too and then you all start eating breakfast together.
“how are you feeling?”, han asks you.
you lower your eyes to your food for a second before answering, “tired”
minho nods his head like he expected that answer.
“but…”, you continue, “i’m feeling a bit better than last night”
lily smiles at you, “that’s enough for now”
you nod your head and then look at the three of them, “i… thank you”
they all know what you mean - thank you for staying, thank you for listening, thank you for being with you, thank you for holding you together when you couldn’t do it yourself anymore.
“you’d do the same for us”, lily says before she hugs you again.
you continue eating together and when you finish, all of you start getting ready for your dates. you and lily go back upstairs to your room and lily gets ready while you stand under the shower longer than necessary, letting the warm water calm your nerves.
you are going on a date with changbin first, and then with chan. but even then, even as you stand with the water pounding endlessly over your body, your mind keeps drifting back to seungmin, no matter how much you try to stop it. you finish your shower and finish getting ready as quickly as you can but by the time you’re done, your stomach is already in knots again.
you stare at yourself in the mirror before leaving your room and when you get downstairs, minho and lily are near the entrance putting their shoes on while changbin stands nearby talking to them. he looks up the moment he hears you coming and smiles at you.
“there she is”, he says.
you smile at him too.
lily turns to look at minho, “you ready?”
“yeah, ready when you are”, he says.
you smile at them and then lily turns to look at you before they leave. she walks to you and hugs you, squeezing you a bit tighter, making sure you’re alright. you know she’s checking on you without saying it out loud. when she pulls away, you give her a smile and she nods her head before going outside, minho following her.
once the doors are closed, you turn to look at changbin and see he’s already looking at you.
“before we leave”, he says, “i think we should talk”
“talk?”, you ask him, “is something wrong?”
his brows pull together immediately and he shakes his head.
“no, no”, he says and then rubs the back of his neck as he exhales, “i just… wanted to apologise”
you stare at him, confused, “for what?”
he looks down briefly, gathering his thoughts carefully before looking back at you.
“you have to understand”, he says, “that i came into this show really late”
you stay quiet, listening to him.
“everyone already knows each other. everyone trusts each other already”, he continues, “the connections are already there. the feelings too”
a small laugh leaves him then, but there’s no humour in it.
“i walked into a house where everyone already had history and i’m the stranger”
your chest hurts for him because he’s right. even outside of the ex-couples themselves, all of you had already built routines together, you know each other. and changbin arrived in the middle of all of it.
“i knew it would be hard, but i didn’t realise how hard until i got here”, his voice stays calm, but you can hear the honesty underneath it, “and then i met you”
your eyes lift to his again.
“you seem really nice”, he says softly, “i felt kind of out of place but you seemed kind to me”
you don’t know what to say to that so he takes the opportunity to continue talking.
“so when i chose you for the date yesterday and for today’s date too… i did it because i just thought you were someone i wanted to get to know better”
the sincerity in his voice makes guilt curl painfully inside you again.
“changbin…”
but he shakes his head gently before you can continue.
“yesterday, when we had time to talk with our exes before choosing the dates, i told yuna that. i told her i thought you were kind and that i wanted another date with you because i felt comfortable with you. but then…”, his expression changes, it becomes sad almost, “after everything that happened last night and you and the others came here to sleep…”, he exhales, “yuna talked to me”
your brows knit together in confusion.
“she told me that the night of the ex reveal, after we all went home, seungmin talked to her”, he says, “and he told her he was still in love with you”
your breath catches when he says that. even after hearing it from seungmin himself, hearing another person say it out loud makes it feel devastatingly real all over again.
“that’s why she had a hard time choosing you for my date yesterday”, he says quietly, “because she knew it would hurt him”
you lower your eyes again as a strange ache settles in your chest again, from sadness, for everyone involved.
“and honestly?”, changbin says after a moment, “i feel bad for her too”
you look at him again.
“i put her in a difficult position”, he says carefully, “i don’t think she fully knew what to do”
you nod your head because now you understand it better too, you understand why yuna cried last night and how she kept apologising and looking at seungmin. changbin exhales quietly before continuing again.
“but after yesterday… after seeing you both…”, he pauses, “i think i understand now”
your throat tightens.
“i see the way he looks at you”, he says honestly, “and i see the way you look at him too, even when you try not to”
your eyes sting instantly, but you force yourself not to cry.
“and… i see chan too, how he looks at you, how you look at him”, he adds, “which is why i feel like maybe i’m making everything even harder for you without meaning to”
he gives you a small smile then, though it looks a little sad around the edges.
“so i wanted to apologise”
your chest aches painfully because he’s being kind, far kinder than this situation has been to him since he came to the show a couple of days ago.
“and i wanted to tell you…”, he says, “that if you don’t wanna go on this date with me today, it’s okay”
your eyes widen slightly, you didn’t expect that”
“i’d understand”
for a moment, you can’t say anything, you just stare at him and the honesty in his expression, the quiet disappointment he’s trying not to show. and suddenly you feel guilty all over again, but this time, it’s because everyone here seems to be carrying pain in different ways, even him. you let out a slow breath before you speak.
“you’re right, you came into this at a really difficult time”, you say, “probably the worst possible moment”
a quiet laugh escapes him then, “yeah, pretty much”
you smile faintly for the first time during the conversation, then your expression softens again.
“but i should apologise to you too, changbin”
he looks surprised.
“yesterday…”, you continue, “during our date… i know i was a bit distant. i just… have too much in my head right now”
you hate admitting it out loud but he just nods his head.
“i know”
you look at him again before speaking again, more carefully this time.
“i am confused”, you admit honestly, “about a lot of things”, your fingers twist together as you speak, “but i do think you’re a good person, changbin”
he smiles softly at that.
“and maybe…”, you hesitate a bit before continuing, “maybe we could just treat this as the beginning of a friendship?”
his smile grows bigger, more genuine, “i’d like that”
you smile at him properly this time and then he reaches for the car keys and lifts them, looking at you.
“so”, he says, “friends date?”
you laugh, shaking your head before you look at him again.
“yeah, friends date”
“wait, wha-? changbin!” you say between laughs as your kart spins again.
changbin’s laughter echoes loudly somewhere ahead of you.
“that was your own fault, y/n”
“no, it wasn’t!”
“yes, it was”
“you hit me!”
“i barely touched you”
“you almost killed me!”
“you’re being dramatic, y/n”
you glare at him from inside your helmet while he laughs harder, his kart slowing beside yours before the employee starts waving at both of you to keep moving.
“hey! stop cheating!”, you yell.
“what? i’m not cheating, you’re just slow”
you gasp loudly in fake offense before stepping harder on the pedal. the kart jerks forward suddenly and you let out a surprised scream that turns into laughter while changbin nearly loses his mind laughing beside you.
the whole race turns into chaos after that, neither of you takes it seriously anymore. you keep trying to block him every time he passes you and he starts celebrating and screaming every time he gets ahead like he just won a championship. at one point, you laugh so hard you almost miss a turn completely.
“y/n!”
“i know, sorry!”
when the race finishes, your cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing so much. you pull your helmet off breathlessly while changbin walks over to you, still laughing.
“you’re terrible at driving, you know?”
you stare at him in disbelief, “i’m not”
he grins, “yes, you are, and you’re mad i won”
you narrow your eyes, “you cheated”
“no, i’m just good”
you scoff loudly and walk ahead of him while he laughs again. the atmosphere between you now feels entirely different from yesterday or even before at the lodge. there’s no pressure sitting between you anymore, no expectations, just two people genuinely trying to enjoy each other’s company.
after returning the equipment, the two of you wander around the area nearby, eventually stopping at a row of food stands near the track and changbin insists on buying everything he sees there.
“changbin, we don’t need all of this food”
“yes, we do”
“no, we don’t”
“leave me alone, i’m starving”
you laugh again and then you sit together at one of the outdoor tables with too much food spread between you. the sun is warm today and the wind much softer than yesterday and for the first time in days, your chest doesn’t feel unbearably heavy.
you and changbin talk for what feels like hours - at first he tells you about his company and funny stories from modelling shoots, like the time one of his campaigns accidentally used the wrong sunglasses prototype and nobody noticed until launch day.
you nearly choke laughing, “no way”
“i’m serious”, he says, laughing too.
“how did no one notice it?”
“because everyone in fashion pretends to know what they’re doing when they actually don’t know”
you laugh harder at that and then you start talking about you - when you started writing, how you became interested in it, your favourite type of books, what you do when you need inspiration to write. at some point, changbin leans back in his chair watching you quietly.
“what?”, you ask.
he shakes his head, “nothing, it’s just nice seeing you relaxed”
his words catch you off guard and you lower your eyes before smiling faintly, “yeah, it’s been complicated to say the least”
time passes too quickly after that and you’re still talking while walking out of the karting area together when changbin suddenly glances ahead and smiles slightly. you follow his gaze and then you see it, a car parked nearby and chan leaning against the driver’s door, his hands in the pockets of his jacket as he waits for you. the moment he notices you, his expression softens and you smile softly at him.
you stop walking and changbin does the same.
“oh, he uh… he texted me earlier asking for the address”, you tell him.
changbin nods his head, “yeah, i figured”
your chest tightens again, the nerves getting the best of you again, and changbin notices it, you can tell by the way his expression changes before he turns fully towards you.
“i really did have a good time today”, he says, sincerity clear in his voice.
your eyes meet his before he continues.
“and i’m sorry again”, he adds.
you shake your head right away, “there’s no need to apologise”
before you can overthink it, you step closer and hug him. changbin freezes for a moment, not really sure what he’s supposed to do, but then he hugs you too, his arms wrapping around you warmly.
“friends?”, he asks jokingly as he pulls away.
you laugh softly, “yeah, friends”
he smiles once more before stepping back, “okay, have fun out there”
you roll your eyes and he laughs loudly before waving goodbye at you, then at chan before he finally walks away. you stand there watching him go before you turn to look at chan and walk towards him, and when you’re close enough, he opens the passenger door for you.
“hi, you ready?”, he asks you.
“to go where?”
chan only smiles again, “it’s a surprise”
you look at him, narrowing your eyes before he continues.
“trust me it will be worth it”
you get inside the car and he closes your door, then walks towards his side before getting in too. you sit in the passenger seat with your elbow resting against the window as jeju passes by outside, the late afternoon sun spilling gold now over the roads and the distant coastline.
chan keeps one of his hands on the steering wheel, relaxed, looking at you with a small smile every time you try to look around and figure out where he’s taking you.
“come on, just tell me, please”, you complain for what feels like the eighth time.
chan just laughs, like he does every time you ask him.
“no”
“please”
“mhmm… nope”
“you’re annoying, you know?”
“well”, he says, looking at you, smirking, “you’re the one who accepted my mysterious kidnapping invitation”
you let out a laugh, shaking your head, “i didn’t know you were kidnapping me”
“too late now”
you smile and look outside again, the warmth in your chest now there again, softer and lighter somehow. the last twenty-four hours had felt heavy enough for you to drown in, but with chan, things always seem to slow down just enough for you to breathe again.
the drive isn’t too long, maybe fifteen minutes or so. you notice the roads getting quieter, fewer buildings around you now, more open space, cliffs and sea stretching endlessly beside the road. then chan turns one last corner and parks the car.
you stare at the view in front of you which is breathtaking. a wide cliffside overlooking the ocean, the waves crashing softly against the rocks below. the sky is beginning to change colours now, pale blue fading slowly into warm orange and pink near the horizon. the wind moves gently through the grass around you, carrying the smell of saltwater around you.
you step out of the car slowly, your eyes moving as you try to take everything in.
“chan…”
your voice comes out quieter than you intended.
he smiles immediately when he hears you, “told you it was worth it”
you walk forward a bit, still trying to take everything in. there’s so much open space around you that it almost feels unreal.
“it’s so beautiful”
chan leans against the car for a second, watching you instead of the view.
“it really is”
you turn around and find him looking at you, and you realise he’s not talking about the view.
“i found it online the night we came to jeju”, he says, “i thought you’d like it”
your chest tightens a little at that, because he thought about you beforehand, he had planned this for you. he turns around and then opens the trunk of the car.
“oh my god, chan!”
he laughs at your expression, “what?”
“you prepared all this?”
“maybe”
“chan!”
you walk closer, staring at everything inside the trunk - blankets, foldable chairs, a small table, containers filled with food, drinks and little fairy lights already wrapped carefully around the inside of the trunk door, glowing softly now that the sun is beginning to lower. you then see something else there, two jackets, and you blink at them.
“you even brought jackets?”
he shrugs his shoulders, “it gets cold near the sea at night”
you stare at him for another second before laughing softly in disbelief.
“you thought about literally everything”
a faint pink colour appears across his cheeks at that.
“i wanted to make sure you had a good time with me, that’s all”
something in your chest twists again, softer, much warmer than before.
you help him set everything up together, spreading the blanket across the grass while the wind moves around you. chan keeps bumping his shoulder into yours while you work, smiling every time you glare at him for it.
“stop it! you’re doing that on purpose”, you say laughing.
“i have no idea what you mean”, he says.
“chan, you literally almost pushed me over”
“false accusations”
you laugh again and the sound seems to make him smile even more. soon, the small setup is complete with the fairy lights glowing behind you and the ocean stretching endlessly in front of you. and for the first time in what feels like forever, your mind quiets, not completely, no, but just enough to enjoy the moment. you sit beside him while he opens the containers one by one.
“you made all this?”, you ask him, genuinely surprised.
“well… minho is a great chef, but i know a thing or two too”, he says, then points at one of the dishes, “try that one first”
you laugh and do exactly that and then your eyes widen.
“oh”
he looks at you and smiles, “is it a good oh or a bad oh?”
“a really good oh”, you say, giving him a thumbs up as you take another bite.
he grins immediately, victorious, “i knew it”
you shake your head, laughing again.
the evening passes slowly after that, beautifully slowly. you eat together while talking about everything and nothing at the same time. chan tells you stories from his uni days that make you laugh so hard that your stomach hurts, especially when he nearly falls backwards trying to imitate one of his friends dancing at a party they went to one time.
“stop- stop moving”, you laugh breathlessly, grabbing his arm, “you’re gonna fall off the cliff”
he laughs with you, “what a dramatic ending that would be, huh?”
“you’re unbelievable”
“maybe, but i’m making you laugh”
and you are laughing, yes. a lot, more than you expected to tonight.
the sky darkens little by little above you until the fairy lights become brighter against the night, casting a soft golden glow around the both of you. the sea below reflects pieces of moonlight now and when the wind gets colder, chan notices it before you even say anything. without a word, he reaches behind him, grabs one of the jackets and places it carefully around your shoulders.
his fingers brush your skin, warm and soft, and you look up at him.
“thank you”
he smiles softly, “of course”
you continue sitting there beside him, and at that moment everything else fades away just enough for you to forget how complicated your heart has become. for a while, neither of you moves much after that, you just stay sitting there, your legs drawn in as you watch the way the water shifts far below like it has its own quiet rhythm. chan leans back, looking ahead rather than at you, his head lost somewhere else, but you don’t ask.
the wind shifts again, much colder this time, sharper against your face, and you pull the jacket tighter around you without thinking, but chan notices immediately.
“okay”, he says, sitting straighter now, “we should probably head back”
you look at him, “what? already?”
he gives a small laugh, but it’s soft and incredibly warm, “yeah. it’s getting late and we’re supposed to meet everyone back at my lodge anyway”
you glance once more at the sea, like you’re trying to hold onto the moment a second longer, then you look at him and nod your head.
“okay”
he stands up first and moves to gather the things carefully, folding the blanket, packing the food and then switching off the fairy lights. you help him without needing to be asked, taking the chairs and the small table. when everything is packed and the trunk is closed, you walk to your side of the car together.
you get inside and he closes your door like he did before, then he gets inside and starts the engine. chan drives away from the cliff, the ocean slowly growing distant in the mirrors while the dark roads stretch ahead under the dim glow of streetlights.
you sit curled into the jacket he gave you, your hands tucked into the sleeves because they still hold a little of his warmth. chan glances at you briefly before looking at the road.
“are you warmer now?”
“yeah”, you nod your head, smiling softly at him, “thank you”
“you're welcome”, he says.
for a few minutes, the sound of the car and the low music playing in the background fill the silence comfortably. then chan taps his fingers lightly against the wheel before he speaks again.
“can i ask you something?”
“you already did”
he laughs a bit at that, but you can tell he’s nervous.
“you know what i mean, y/n”
you smile and turn in your seat to look at him better.
“what is it?”
he thinks for a second before speaking, “what kind of future do you want?”
the question catches you off guard a little, because you didn’t know what to expect, but it sure wasn’t that. you look out the window for a moment, watching the lights blur past slowly .
“i don’t know”, you say softly, “i think… simple things?”
chan nods his head once, listening to you carefully.
“when i was younger, i used to think i wanted something huge”, you continue, “like this perfect successful life where everything looked impressive from the outside”
“and now?”, he asks you, looking at you before he looks at the road again.
you smile faintly, “now i just want to be happy”
his expression softens almost immediately and you continue before you can stop yourself.
“i love my job and i want to keep working. i want to wake up next to someone and live in a house that feels warm, because we love each other and that’s enough”, you laugh quietly, almost embarrassed now, “i want someone to just go to the supermarket with and fight about what we’re gonna have that night for dinner. i want someone to spend time with. i want someone who makes even boring things feel good”
chan’s grip tightens slightly on the wheel.
“that sounds nice”, he says.
you look at him again, “what about you?”
he exhales softly through his nose, smiling a little, “honestly?”
“yeah”
“i think i want the same things”
something in your chest shifts quietly but he just keeps talking, his voice calm and steady.
“i want stability”, he says, “not boring stability, like… most people think it is, no. i just want someone who feels like home”
you stay quiet.
“i want to work hard”, he continues, “i want to do things i’m proud of”, he glances at you briefly, “but i don’t want to come home to an empty life after”
the car grows quieter somehow after that and you can hear the ocean faintly again somewhere nearby as the road curves along the coastline. chan smiles to himself before he speaks again.
“i think people underestimate how important small moments are”
“moments like what?”
“moments like ours tonight”
your heart stumbles a little and he continues.
“eating together, talking, laughing, just sitting beside someone and feeling calm"
your fingers tighten inside the sleeves of the jacket.
“you make things feel calm for me, y/n”, he says and then looks at you.
there’s something different in his eyes now, and your heartbeat notices it, and your breathing slows down. the road stretches endlessly ahead of you while the lights from passing cars flash briefly across his face.
“you know”, he says, “when i first came here, i didn’t think this would actually happen”
you swallow softly, “w-what?”
he laughs again under his breath, “i thought maybe i’d get curious about someone. maybe even a bit interested”, he shakes his head and laughs again, “but i didn’t imagine it would be like this”
your chest tightens a little but chan’s voice stays gentle.
“i know things are complicated for you”, he says carefully, “i know there’s history there. a lot of it”
seungmin flashes through your mind instantly.
his voice.
his tears.
you look down at your hands.
“but i think…”, chan continues slowly, like he’s choosing every word carefully, “that if i don’t say this now, i’ll regret it later”
your heartbeat grows louder and you look at him again. the car slows slightly at a red light and he turns towards you fully, the glow from outside catching in his eyes softly as he looks at you.
“i like you, y/n”
a/n: aaaaand CHAN CONFESSED!!!! i don’t wanna be reader but i also wanna be her and ughhhhh what would you all do tell me 🫣
the library
likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated 🌟
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pairing: stray kids maknae line x reader (separate)
genre: established relationships, fake texts, member is close with/talks to your family
warnings: implied close relationships with family in all. your mom wants you to marry seungmin (real). i don't think anything else but lmk if i missed anything you wished you were warned about :)
notes: I had to go back and change part of felix and jeongin's bc they called reader ma'am and i was like oops i got too much of me slippin in there lmao
pairing: stray kids hyung line x reader (separate)
genre: established relationships, fake texts, member is close with/talks to reader's family
warnings: implied good relationships with family in all. Chan: mention of marriage (somehow always slips into his oops), and Chan has baby fever. Hyunjin: reader's sister is depressed bc of a bad break up and reader a little insecure/sad that sister is confiding in Hyunjin more than reader.
Taglist.
Masterlist.
Progress Update.
Stray Kids Masterlist.
SKZ Progress Updates.
Us and the Music Collection.
Summary: Chan and Binnie have to deal with a pouty Jisung.
Chan and Changbin both loved and adored Jisung. He was Chan’s ‘First kid’. He was someone Changbin could easily laugh with. Jisung was the Maknae of 3Racha. Both men would do anything for Jisung. Anything at all. But sometimes they did question why Jisung thought it was a good idea to yap to them about you, His girlfriend. The fact was, everyone could see how quickly Jisung had fallen for you. His eyes practically sparkled with tiny hearts whenever he saw you.
They both remembered the day Jisung came home, the day you asked him on a date and then asked him to be your boyfriend. He had been over the moon with happiness.
You were a tough woman with a kind heart. Jisung thought you were incredibly comfortable to sleep on. He also thought that you always treated him so nicely. You made him feel so cared for. He enjoyed that you babied him, but didn’t take it too far. He loved that you were protective and cuddled him, and he always felt tingly whenever you stood up for him.
But Jisung also knew how scary you could be. Maybe it was the muscles. Maybe it was your sharp tongue. Maybe it was because of that scary glare you got in your eyes whenever he ‘misbehaved’. Maybe it was just that he hated disappointing you. Jisung knew he could be a brat sometimes; he liked to push your buttons to see what he could get away with. When he wasn’t running to you for protection or to vent, he tended to go to Minho, Chan or Binnie.
Today was a day when he was being punished. The day had started so well. You looked amazing. You looked so good that Jisung had moaned right in the kitchen when he looked at you. But then he explained to you that he had a last-minute 3Racha thing, and your face fell.
Hyunjin had watched the entire time with a coy smirk on his face. You and Jisung had plans for the day, and he was blowing you off so he could spend yet another day with Chan and Binnie.
You were furious, you had planned the whole day, and now he was backing out? At the last second, no less. You were scary when you were angry, and well, Jisung sometimes had trouble trying to figure out if he was sad that you were angry or if he was feeling…lusty that you were angry.
So there he sat, in Chan’s studio, pouting. He crossed his arms over his chest, and he spread out on the couch. “Honestly, it’s not fair. She got so angry that she turned off the hot water. She made me shower in freezing water. This isn’t the zombie apocalypse!” He whined out.
Chan and Binnie looked at one another. Both sympathetic, both trying to be supportive, but they were also judging the younger male.
Han let out a loud whine. “And then, right, get this. Hyunjin offered to go with her instead! And she said YES! She was chill about it, and she thanked him. She’s taking Hyunjin on MY DATE! That was meant to be me! They could be doing anything right now. Ahhh!” He gasped as he sat up dramatically, arms falling slightly.
“What if she’s buying him breakfast? Or what if she took him shopping! She’s going to spend all her hard-earned money on him! I deserve to be spoiled, not him!” He let out a groan and flopped back on the couch.
Changbin shook his head lightly. “Hannie, let’s be honest here. You did ditch her for us. We did tell you we could reschedule.”
Han played the back of his right hand on his forehead as the other hand dangled off the couch. He looked like some damsel in distress. “The love of my life, my insanely hot girlfriend, is spending time with Hyunjin and not me. I might as well just disappear!” He was actively choosing to ignore Changbin’s statement.
Why?
Because it didn’t make him feel better, obviously. Duh.
Chan let out a small sigh. “Ji, come on. It’s not that serious. She was looking forward to today, you know that. Jinnie just didn’t want to see her disappointed. Would you be pouting if she went out with anyone else?”
Jisung nodded his head most tragically. “YES! Of course I would. Can you imagine? If she had spent time with Seungmin, I would have lost her to baseball. If Felix asked her, then he would be getting MY cuddles. If it were Jeongin…well, we all know he always gets whatever he wants. Maknae on Top and all that bullshit. And Gosh! If she had gone out with Minho?....both of my husbands? Abandoning me? That’s tragic!”
Chan and Binnie looked at each other in confusion. Husbands? Han had decided you AND Minho were BOTH his Husbands. Greedy much.
Then again, Binnie couldn’t say much with how he always seemed to have the attention of Hyunjin, Seungmin and Felix. Then again. Felix had everyone’s attention, so nothing new there.
Chan shook his head. “Ji, Baby loves you. But you need to understand why she’d be so upset. The three of us have been working all week. She was excited to get you to herself for the day. Instead of committing to your plans, you bailed and decided to hang out with us.”
Changbin nodded in agreement. He rolled over to Jisung in his chair. He patted his knee. “Hyunjin didn’t want her to be lonely. He isn’t the enemy here.”
Jisung pouted as he nodded. “You’re right. Of course, you’re right.” He let out a tiny sigh. “But, can I at least whine for ten more minutes? Pleeeeease?”
Before either man could answer, Jisung’s phone pinged as he got a text.
He grabbed his phone and opened the text to see a picture of a bunch of bags in the boot of Baby’s car. Hyunjin had sent a message with the picture.
Dancing Ferret🥟: Baby got you a bunch of gifts. She’s still upset a little, but you’re all she could talk about. Don’t tell her I told you about the gifts, you’re not getting them yet. But seriously, Ji, either come home now or book tomorrow off. She deserves the same amount of attention you’re giving to Channie and Binnie.
Jisung nodded his head. He was going to make this right. “Would you two mind if I went home?” He asked sheepishly.
The duo groaned in unison. “Go! Make things right.”
Jisung thanked them and got up. He practically sprinted out of the studio. He was going home to make things up to you. Because you deserved better than him flaking on you. He was better than this, and he was never going to let this happen again.
summary: four ex-couples are brought together to test whether love can end, restart or transform. you’re not sure which path is yours yet - closure, a new beginning or the courage to try again
< part 8 | part 10 >
hae stares at him, her brows slightly furrowed, trying to process what seungmin just said.
“really?”, she asks him, like she needs to hear it twice to believe it.
seungmin doesn’t hesitate.
“yeah”
she lets out a quiet breath, leaning forward, her elbows resting on the table.
“okay… then explain it to me”, she says, her tone shifting, more direct now.
he nods his head once, like he expected that.
“it’s simple”, he says, “i came here because of y/n”
hae’s lips press together.
“and i want to leave with her”
there’s a weight to the way he says these words, like he’s holding onto them.
“but you just said you might change your mind”, she pushes, tilting her head, trying to find an opening.
“i said there’s a possibility”, he says.
“okay, then what is it?”, she asks him quickly, “what’s the condition?”
he exhales, his fingers tapping once against the table before stilling.
“if she doesn’t want me”
hae frowns, “that’s it? that’s the condition?”
“if she decides she doesn’t want to be with me”, he continues, more firmly now, “if she wants to leave the show alone or with… someone else… then i’ll accept that”
she leans back, disbelief clear on her face.
“and then what? you will just… choose another girl like nothing happened?”
“no”
the answer comes sharper this time and he shakes his head before he speaks again.
“i will leave the show alone”
that makes hae blink.
“you’re serious?”
“there’s no one else for me”, he says, his voice steady but heavier now, like every word is anchored to something deep inside him.
hae lets out a small, frustrated laugh, “that doesn’t make any sense”
“it does to me”
“no, it doesn’t”, she counters immediately, leaning forward again, “you’re in a house full of people, you’re getting to know new girls, you’re supposed to-”
“i’m not “supposed” to do anything, hae”, he cuts in, his tone firmer now.
she pauses for a second, taken aback by that.
“you know what i mean”, she says, softer but still insistent, “you’re closing yourself off before anything has a chance to even happen”
“i’m not closing anything off”, he replies, “i just know what i want”
“and what if that’s not possible?”, she presses.
he meets her gaze, unwavering.
“then i will deal with it”
hae shakes her head again, more frustrated now.
“that’s not dealing with it, seungmin. that’s holding onto something that might not even exist anymore”
something in his expression shifts at that, it tightens.
“it exists”, he says, and there’s no doubt in his voice, not even a trace.
“you don’t know that”, she insists, her tone rising, “you don’t know what y/n feels now, you don’t know what she wants and you-”
“i know what i feel”, he cuts in again, sharper now.
silence falls between them and hae watches him closely.
“and that’s enough for you?”, she asks him.
“it is”
she leans back, crossing her arms, “you’re really willing to throw away every other possibility for her?”
“i’m not throwing anything away”, he says, his voice lower now, but stronger, “there is no other one for me”
“that’s not true”, she says quickly, “you just don’t want to see it”
“and you’re trying too hard to make me see something that isn’t there, hae”, he says.
that hits hard.
hae’s jaw tightens, “you haven’t even tried”, she says, her voice quieter now but more pointed, “you haven’t even given anyone a chance. you haven’t even given me-”
“i don’t want to give anyone a chance”, he says.
there’s no hesitation, no other way to soften his words, it’s just the truth.
“why?”, she asks, almost frustrated now, “why are you so set on this?”
he exhales, dragging a hand through his hair, then looks back at her.
“because i love her”
the word lands heavier this time, cutting through everything hae is saying and feeling at that moment, and she goes quiet, but it’s only for a second.
“people love and move on all the time, seungmin. i loved chan and he loved me, and look at us now!”, she says, trying again, “it doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck there forever”
“i’m not stuck”, he says, his tone close to frustration now.
“you are”, she insists, “you’re holding onto something that might not even exist anymore and you’re not letting yourself-”
“i’m not letting myself what?”, he interrupts, his voice rising slightly now, “pretend i feel something i don’t? force a connection with someone just because i’m here? doing this show?”
“that’s not what i’m saying-”
“then what are you saying?”, he asks, his gaze sharper, “that i should just forget her? that i should act like what i feel doesn’t matter?”
“i’m saying you should give yourself a chance to feel something for someone else”, she replies, her voice firm now too, “because what if that someone is better?”
he lets out a short breath, almost a scoff.
“there’s no one better”
“you don’t know that”
“i do”
“how?”, she challenges him.
“because they’re not her”
hae blinks, caught off guard for a second, but she doesn’t back down.
“you’re putting her on a pedestal”, she says, “you’re acting like no one else could ever-”
“i’m not putting her on anything”, he cuts in, his voice low but intense now, “i’m just being honest”
his eyes don’t leave hers when he speaks again.
“i’m still in love with her”
there’s no room to argue with that, not the way he says it or the way it sounds like something rooted too deep to be pulled out, there’s simply no way. hae’s shoulders drop, but there’s still something in her gaze, something that doesn’t want to let go.
“and if she doesn’t love you anymore? if she doesn’t choose you?”, she asks him.
he holds her gaze, “then i’ll accept it, and leave alone”
“you’re sure you wouldn’t even try with someone else?”
“no”
the answer comes immediately, too quickly to doubt, because there’s absolutely no doubt in his mind.
“not even a little?”, she pushes, almost like she’s trying one last time.
he shakes his head, “no”
hae sighs and then pauses for a long time before she speaks again.
“you’re really not going to change your mind, are you?”, she asks, her voice barely above a whisper now, completely defeated.
he looks at her and then-
“no”
and this time, it’s final.
by the time you and changbin get back to the lodge, the sky outside has already started to turn darker, the last soft orange light of sunset fading slowly behind the sea. you slip your shoes off by the door while changbin stretches his arms behind you with a tired groan.
“i think i walked enough for a whole month today”, he says.
you laugh softly, “oh, come on. we didn’t walk that much”
“whatever you say, princess”
he grins at you before heading towards the kitchen and grabbing water from the fridge. you both move to the living room and you sit on the sofa next to lily while yuna talks about something she saw earlier today, making everyone laugh, but your attention keeps slipping away because your eyes keep drifting towards the door.
han notices before anyone else does.
“you waiting for someone?”, he asks casually, although there’s a tiny smile tugging at his lips.
your eyes snap to him, “what? no”
“mmm, okay”, he hums.
“i’m just looking around”
“every thirty seconds?”
you roll your eyes, grabbing a cushion and throwing it at him while he laughs, but even then, your eyes keep moving towards the door.
still closed.
everyone is already there, and seungmin and hae are the last ones to arrive and it’s not really late, but it’s late enough for worry to slowly start to crawl under your skin. you think back to the way seungmin looked last night after your conversation outside the restaurant and then the way he looked this morning when he sat with you on your bed.
and then you think about him being on a date with dae and your stomach twists.
“you okay?”
you blink and turn to find chan looking at you from his seat.
“yeah”, you answer quickly, “just tired”
he is about to reply but before he can say anything, the door opens and every head turns to look at it at the same time. hae walks in first, already greeting everyone, bright and smiling, talking as she takes her shoes off.
but when you see seungmin, your chest tightens immediately. he follows behind her more slowly, one of his hands pushing his hair back as he steps inside and takes his shoes off. his face is calm, but not relaxed. his shoulders are tense and his expression is quieter than usual, more serious.
something happened, you can feel it instantly.
your eyes stay on him longer than they should and he looks up briefly, just enough for your gazes to meet for one small second and make something sharp twist inside you, because there’s frustration there, frustration and exhaustion.
“finally!”, minho says, “you two took forever”
hae laughs as she walks further inside, “sorry guys”
seungmin forces a small smile as he walks inside and sits down with all of you, but it doesn’t fully reach his eyes.
“how was the date?”, yeong asks.
hae drops onto the sofa next to her, “tiring but really good, it was amazing”
“tiring?”, han asks her.
hae turns to look at him, “you try doing couples yoga and tell me what you think”
the entire room bursts into laughter.
“couples yoga?”, minho nearly chokes.
“oh my god”, yuna laughs, covering her face.
hae laughs too but you barely hear any of it because your eyes are still on seungmin. he laughs quietly along with everyone else, but something about him feels distant, like his mind is somewhere else entirely, like he’s stuck in whatever happened during their date.
you want to ask him if he’s okay, you want to ask what happened, but not here, not in front of everyone. so instead, you stay quiet and watch him and every now and then, you catch him looking at you too.
you hear the distant voices of the rest, talking about their dates, but you’re not listening completely, your mind elsewhere too until you hear the doorbell and everyone groans at once.
“oh no”, han mutters, throwing his head back.
“another life changing envelope”, lily sighs.
chan gets up first, “i’ll get it”
you watch him walk towards the door but then your eyes move to seungmin again who is rubbing a hand over his face tiredly. your eyes meet again but this time he doesn’t look away immediately and for a moment, everything else fades away and there’s only you two in that room.
then chan comes back holding the now super familiar envelope.
“okay”, he says as he sits back down, already opening the envelope, “let’s see what we have now”
he unfolds the paper carefully and then starts to read.
‘participants, for the next date, the female participants will choose the person their ex will go on a date with’
“what?”, hae shouts.
“oh, i like where this is going”, lily says, smiling and looking at han who smiles back.
changbin laughs loudly, “oh god, this show is insane”
you blink slowly, your mind already trying to process what you just heard, that you’re gonna have to choose seungmin’s date, and that thought alone makes your stomach twist again, but before you can even look at hi, chan starts reading again.
‘before you make your choices, each ex-couple will have twenty minutes alone to talk and decide together if they want’
everyone stops laughing and talking at that, the surprise evident in your faces. your heart skips once and you see seungmin going completely still, because suddenly twenty minutes feel far too short and far too dangerous at the same time.
“shall we go now?”, minho is the first one to break the silence and stand up, everyone else following right after.
seungmin looks at you before he speaks softly, “come with me”
you nod before you can think too hard about it, “okay”
you follow him while everyone else starts splitting apart too. han and lily disappear towards the kitchen, minho and yeong go to the patio while yuna and changbin move to the dining room. hae and chan are the last ones to leave and you’re not really sure where they go to.
you and seungmin walk quietly down the hallway, none of you speaking yet. you follow him upstairs and down another smaller hallway until he stops in front of a door and opens it. he moves to let you walk in first, and then enters his room, closing the door behind him. you see his suitcase half open near the dresser and a hoodie thrown over the arm of the chair like he used to do when you lived together.
you don’t know why that detail affects you but it does.
“you can sit, you know”
you blink then look at him and find him sitting on his bed already, and you move to sit down beside him, leaving a little space between your bodies.
you look at him carefully, “you okay?”
“yeah”, he answers too quickly.
“you’re lying”
a small breath leaves him through his nose, his jaw tightening, but he doesn’t deny it and you don’t say anything else. you can see the frustration and exhaustion again on his face and you want to ask what happened and if it has anything to do with hae, but the thought alone makes something ugly twist in your stomach.
jealousy.
you hate it instantly because you have no right to feel it. he’s your ex, you came here broken up and you spent days getting closer to chan, you don’t get to sit there acting possessive now, but still-
you can’t stop thinking about them together.
you close your eyes and shake your head, trying to make that thought leave your mind and focus on the letter instead.
“so…”, you say quietly, “the next date… who do you want to go with?”
seungmin immediately shakes his head.
“you choose”
you frown, “seungmin”
“what?”
“we can talk about it, choose it together”
you stare at him in disbelief as a small sigh leaves him and he leans back slightly on his hands.
“i really don’t care who you pick”
his eyes finally meet yours again and for a second neither of you speak.
“but we can talk about it”
“we are talking about it, y/n”
you swallow before you start speaking again, “well…”, you try to sound casual even when your chest feels tight, “there’s lily… yuna… yeong… and hae”
at hae’s name, something changes in his expression and his eyes darken before he looks away. it’s quick but it’s enough for you to notice, enough for your stomach to twist harder. because now you’re sure that something happened earlier during their date and you hate how badly you want to know what it was and how much it bothers you, but you force yourself to keep speaking anyway.
“maybe hae?”, you press, trying to see if he will say something, “i mean, you two have gone on dates together already…”
seungmin turns his head to look at you and the look on his face makes you stop talking.
“you really think that’s what i want?”
your heartbeat stumbles slightly, “i- i didn’t say that, i-”
“how many times do i have to tell you?”
seungmin leans forward now, his elbows resting on his knees as he keeps looking at you,
“i told you yesterday”, he says, his voice lower now, “and i meant every word i said”
your chest hurts then, “seungmin…”
“no, listen to me”
his voice doesn’t rise, but it deepens, it becomes steadier.
“i’m here for you, y/n”, he says, and your heart starts beating louder as he continues talking, “i came here because of you and i’m still here because of you. i’m not interested in anyone else, and i don’t know how many times i have to say it before you fully believe me”
you look down quickly because it’s becoming too much, too overwhelming, and you don’t know how much you can take.
“i… i just thought that… maybe after today-”
“she didn’t change anything about my feelings for you”
his words come out instantly, fast and sure, like he needs you to understand that, like he needs you to believe him with everything you have. you stay quiet, your fingers twisting in your lap and seungmin watches you do it. his expression softens after that, like he realises how overwhelmed you are.
“you can choose whoever you want for me, y/n”, he says again, gentler now, “seriously. i’ll go on the date, and i’ll be polite. i’ll do whatever the show wants me to do”
he pauses and then speaks again.
“but none of it changes what i want”
your throat tightens painfully but still, you manage to push the words out.
“and what do you want?”
seungmin looks at you for so long it almost hurts, and then in a broken whisper, he answers softly.
“you”
your lips part but nothing comes out, you don’t even know what you would say, because your heart is too loud and your thoughts are even worse but then, a knock on the door interrupts everything.
“guys?”, yeong’s voice comes from the other side of the door, “the twenty minutes are up”
reality crashes back immediately and you look away first. seungmin closes his eyes for a brief second before exhaling softly through his nose, almost frustrated at the interruption.
“okay”, he says, his voice louder so yeong can hear him through the door, “ we’re coming”
silence follows again after yeong walks away. you still can’t look at him properly because everything feels wrong, so wrong. or maybe too right, you’re not even sure anymore. seungmin stands up and before you can even react properly, he reaches for your hand and his fingers wrap around yours firmly, naturally, like it’s something his body still remembers too well.
“come on”, he says quietly, his voice much softer now.
you let him pull you up from the bed, neither of you letting your hands go until you finally leave his room and your hand leaves his. the walk to the kitchen feels strangely silent despite the noise coming from there already. you can hear laughter, chairs moving and han and chan talking loudly about something, but it all feels distant compared to the storm inside your chest.
when you enter the kitchen, everyone is already sitting around the table and almost instinctively, everyone is sitting beside their ex, so you and seungmin sit together too. your shoulder brushes his when you sit down and you become hyperaware of him beside you - of his arm, of his knee, of his breathing, everything.
you look around and see some faces look relaxed and other don’t, while others are doing the same thing you’re doing, your eyes moving carefully reading everyone’s moods. your eyes meet chan’s and you hate the guilt that settles inside you when you see the softness in his eyes when he looks at you, because now everything feels different, too exposed.
yeong claps her hands together, “okay, let’s get this over with so we can start drinking”
a small laugh moves around the table but the tension never fully disappears. lily is the first one to go and she leans back in her chair and looks at han.
“well…”, she says with a grin, “for han’s date…”
han watches her carefully and then lily smiles.
“i’m gonna choose yuna”
yuna’s smile widens instantly as she looks at han and he looks back at her.
“get ready for the the best date of your life”, he tells her.
yuna shakes her head while laughing, but then they just look at each other with bright smiles on their faces and wide eyes, both of them excited and happy.
yeong goes next and she turns towards minho with a small smile on her face, “right, for minho’s date, i choose lily”
lily points at herself faking surprise, “another date with me? oh my, minho, i’m gonna start to think you’re actually interested in me”
“well, maybe i am”, minho says, smirking.
“you should be”, lily says, smirking too.
han groans loudly, “please stop flirting in front of me”
lily throws a napkin at him while everyone laughs at them. the next one is hae and the mood changes immediately, not much, but you feel it beside you when seungmin straightens slightly. hae looks down at the table and sighs before speaking, almost like it hurts her to even think about what she has to say.
“for chan’s date…”
her voice is calm but everyone knows what’s coming.
“y/n”
you look at chan without realising and you see him already looking at you, smiling - a real smile, warm and soft, like he’s genuinely happy. and without thinking about it, you smile back too but beside you, seungmin goes tense. you feel it immediately, how his posture changes, how his hand tightens against his own knee, how he looks down instead of at you or towards chan, how the tension around him suddenly feels sharper.
he doesn’t say anything though, not a single word.
then all eyes turn towards you and your throat tightens immediately, “i- i umm, for seungmin’s date, i…”
you swallow hard and your mind goes blank, because while you’re not exactly happy about this, one of the options feels more dangerous than anything else. just thinking about hae and what may have happened today makes your stomach twist painfully and you’re not sure you can take anymore of that.
you glance briefly towards lily and han notices, the understanding forming in his eyes before you even speak.
“i…”, you try again, your voice smaller than you wanted, “i choose lily”
lily blinks, “wait what?”, then she starts laughing loudly.
minho looks surprised at you and han points at you immediately, nearly falling sideways in his chair from how hard he’s laughing.
“no way”, he says between laughs, “you literally did the exact same thing he did”, he says pointing at seungmin now.
your face heats instantly and you can feel hae’s eyes on you, “shut up”
“you both picked the safest possible option!”
“you guys are unbelievable”, lily says, still laughing.
you risk a glance towards seungmin, and he’s still looking down, whatever you do, he won’t meet your eye, and you don’t know what to do anymore. but then it’s yuna’s turn and when you all turn to look at her, the atmosphere changes again because unlike everyone else, she looks genuinely distressed, almost on the edge of breaking down. she stares at the table for so long that even han stops laughing and seungmin looks at her.
“yuna?”, changbin says softly.
she presses her lips together hard and her fingers twist anxiously in her lap.
“i hate this”, she whispers suddenly.
nobody says anything and then she starts crying, her hands covering her face.
“oh my god…”
“hey”, han says gently now, “it’s okay”
but yuna shakes her head, “no, it’s not, because i’m gonna hurt him”
hurt who?
you look at changbin and see he’s looking at her carefully and patiently. then yuna suddenly looks at seungmin and what she says next makes you freeze.
“seungmin… forgive me, please”
your stomach drops and seungmin’s brows pull together slightly and then, yuna finally says it.
“for changbin’s date…”
she looks at you apologetically before she continues.
“i’m gonna say y/n”
your eyes widen and you genuinely don’t know how to react. because yes, you and changbin had gone on a date today but still, you didn’t expect this, not after everything else happening.
you slowly turn your head towards seungmin and the sight of him makes your chest break because he’s quietly unraveling beside you, even though the rest can’t see it. but you know him too well not to realise how he’s breaking down and falling apart while trying to keep it together, but it’s too much.
his jaw is tight, his fingers are curled against his knee and his breathing is slower now, like he’s trying too hard to even breathe. but worst of all, he still won’t look at you at all.
for a while, nobody really knows what to say or how to react, especially because yuna’s still crying. the tension sits there heavily between all of you, too awkward and thick, none of you wanting to be the first one to break the silence.
then han suddenly stands up and walks to the counter, “okay, i’m gonna get the drinks out now, this house has enough emotional damage already”
“speak for yourself”, minho says, laughing softly.
that breaks whatever heaviness had settled over the room, at least a little, and all of you start moving again after that. bottles and glasses appear on the table, and someone - yeong you think - puts music on low in the background. changbin places different snacks on the table and han starts making drinks like he’s suddenly the host of the entire show.
“why are you putting in that much alcohol?”, minho asks dryly as han nearly overfills one glass.
“because we need it today”, han says.
“do we need alcohol poisoning?”, yeong asks laughing.
“maybe”, han says.
you laugh quietly despite yourself and for a while, things become lighter, and it’s a bit easier to pretend that what has just happened has never happened at all.
the next couple of hours pass like that as everyone talks over each other constantly and stories start spilling out naturally after too many rounds of drinks to even remember. lily tells an embarrassing story about han nearly falling asleep in the taxi during a date once and han starts threatening her across the table.
“you promised you would never tell anyone that!”
“you literally started snoring there”, lily says, laughing so hard she starts to cry.
“i wasn’t sleeping”, han says.
“han, you were unconscious”
yuna laughs so hard she almost spilled her drink. yeong and hae start to talk about terrible first dates they've had before and changbin keeps interrupting them, making you all laugh.
“no, if someone took me hiking on a first date, i’d leave immediately”, changbin says.
“you don’t like hiking? i thought you went to the gym”, yeong says.
“i like going to the gym, i don’t like dying on the hills thank you very much”
“oh my god, you’re so dramatic”, hae says.
han ends up halfway laying across his chair - you’re not even sure how he does it - while lily and minho throw popcorn at him every time he interrupts someone. chan ends up telling a story about getting locked out of his apartment once at four in the morning wearing his pyjamas and somehow that turns into everyone confessing stupid things they’ve done while being exhausted.
and through all of it, you try to relax, you really try to, but you can’t fully. because seungmin is beside you the entire night, so close that your shoulders brush, so close that you notice every small thing and detail. and he keeps drinking, not recklessly or enough to lose control, but just enough that you notice him doing it constantly. enough that you can see the tension in him loosening in all the wrong ways.
his cheeks become flushed, his posture relaxes too much, his gaze lingers longer than usual whenever he tries to look at something. and unlike everyone else, laughing loudly and freely, there’s something sad about him tonight, like he’s trying very hard not to think too much which only makes it obvious that he is.
you notice the way he goes quieter whenever changbin speaks to you, the way his lips press together when chan looks at you too long, the way he stares down into his drink like he’s somewhere else entirely, the way he keeps fidgeting with his fingers. and every time you notice it, guilt twists harder inside your chest, because you think this is your fault.
at some point, hae is telling a story from university while everyone laughs around the table, but you barely hear it because seungmin reaches for another drink beside you and your eyes move to him immediately and then you lean closer to him.
“seungmin”
he turns his head to look at you and you see his eyes are softer now from the alcohol, but they’re also red and glassy, almost unfocused.
“hmm?”
“are you okay?”, you ask him.
he looks at you, trying to understand what you just asked him, then nods his head once.
“yeah”
but his voice is quieter than usual and you know him too well, too well to believe that answer. you watch him for another second before your eyes drop briefly to the glass still in his hand, then back to him.
you sigh, “come on”, you say softly.
his brows pull together, “what?”
“you’re coming with me”
a faint confused smile appears on his face, “where?”
“outside”
you reach for his hand before you can overthink it.
“fresh air”, you continue speaking, “now”
for the first time all night, something close to a real smile appears on his face and without arguing with you, he lets you pull him up. the moment you do this, han looks at you and asks you.
“where are you taking him?”
“outside”, you answer simply.
han narrows his eyes suspiciously at you and jokes, “bring him back alive”
“i’m literally right here”, seungmin mutters.
“well… barely”
everyone laughs at that, even seungmin lets out a quiet laugh under his breath, shaking his head as you guide him towards the door.
“don’t come back late!”, lily calls after you.
“yes, cinderella, we’ll be here before midnight”, seungmin complains softly beside you.
you leave the house, and the moment you step outside, seungmin looks at you and smiles again, dangerously soft, and your heart reacts instantly. the ocean breeze moves softly through the quiet neighbourhood, carrying the distant sound of waves somewhere not too far from you.
you both walk slowly down the path away from the lodge and at first, seungmin insists he can walk properly on his own without your help.
“i’m fine”, he says.
“seungmin, you almost walked into the wall two seconds ago”
“that wall moved”
you laugh despite yourself, “no, it didn’t”
“it did to me”
“you’re impossible”
“no”, he corrects seriously while pointing at himself, “i’m a bit drunk”
“a bit?”
“yeah”
you shake your head, smiling without meaning to. for a few more minutes, he keeps trying to walk normally beside you, his hands shoved into his pockets, his shoulder slightly hunched against the cold night air. however, his steps become slower eventually, less steady, and when he nearly stumbles against the uneven sidewalk, you instantly grab his arm.
“okay”, you sigh softly, “come here”
before he can protest properly, you move closer and slide your arm around his waist to steady him. the moment goes strangely quiet, because it’s familiar, painfully familiar. seungmin looks down at you for a second like he’s surprised you’re touching him this naturally again and then slowly, carefully in case you might think twice and move away from him, he wraps one arm around your shoulders.
and just like that, it feels like before. your chest tightens immediately because your bodies still remember each other too well, like the bad stuff never happened, like you two never let the other go.
you walk like that through the quiet streets of jeju, moving slowly under the warm streetlights while the wind brushes softly against your skin.
“that one looked at me weird that’s why i almost fell”
you burst out laughing, “yeah, okay”
“you never believe me, y/n!”, he says, sounding genuinely offended now.
“because you say things that don’t make sense”
“what? it makes total sense”
“seungmin, you’re drunk!”
“that’s not related”
you laugh harder, nearly leaning into him completely for balance now, and seungmin watches you laugh with the softest expression you’ve seen on him since the day you two broke up.
“remember that time in japan”, he says, his voice quieter now, “when you got mad at me because i laughed at your… wait, what was it? oh right! your seagull story?”
you groan immediately, “oh my god, no”
“you were so, so serious about it”
“because that animal stole my food”
“it was what? half a sandwich?”, he says, smirking at you.
“it attacked me, seungmin”
“yeah, and i defended you! and you just, screamed in front of like forty people”
“because i was scared”, you say laughing.
“you said it was evil”
“because it was”
he laughs again, much harder now, probably the hardest you’ve seen him since the show started. and seeing him, hearing him laughing like this with his head falling back, almost hurts you because you missed it, you miss it. you miss him and this easy version of you two, the version you once were before everything became painful.
“you’re still so dramatic, y/n”, he says when he stops laughing.
“you used to think it was cute”, you say.
“i still think it’s cute”
the words slip out naturally and both of you go quiet after that, but your heartbeat stumbles again, and you don’t know how many times that has happened today.
“wait”, he says, looking at you with bright drunk eyes now, “remember when we came to jeju the first time together?”
you immediately groan because you already know what story is coming.
“no”
“yes”
“seungmin”
“you cried because the fish touched your foot”
“it came out of nowhere”, you groan again trying to move away from him but he just pulls you closer to him.
“you grabbed me so hard i almost drowned”
“ugh, i hate you”
“no you don’t”
his answer comes quickly, playfully.
“no, i don’t”
yours comes much lower, you’re not even sure if he hears it or not, because he doesn’t say anything else.
the laughter softens slowly after that and the teasing fades little by little as you get closer to the lodge, and by the time you reach the porch, the mood has changed completely the same way the night has changed too - much quieter and colder, the first signs of the storm coming.
you stop near the wooden railing while seungmin stays close beside you, his arm still around your shoulders. the lights from inside glow softly through the windows, spilling across the wooden floor beneath your feet, and you can still hear faint laughter from inside.
but out here, it’s just you two, and seungmin has gone really quiet again. you turn your head towards him carefully and the moment you see his face properly again, your chest almost breaks, because his eyes look glassier now, and it’s not from the alcohol anymore. it’s from everything he’s been feeling all day, everything he’s been trying to hide.
he looks away quickly, his jaw tightening like he’s trying to keep everything inside, but you know him too well, you always did, and immediately, you know he’s about to break. you turn fully towards him before you can think too hard about it and gently grab his arm.
“seungmin”
he hums softly, his eyes somewhere else entirely.
you move closer to him, “what’s wrong?”
“nothing”, he says immediately.
the alcohol has loosened him enough that he can’t hide the cracks properly anymore. you can see it in the way his jaw keeps tightening, in the way he avoids your eyes now after spending the entire walk looking at you like you were the only thing keeping him standing.
“you’re lying to me”
“i’m not”, he says.
“you are”
he laughs softly at that, but the sound hurts too much to hear. it’s tired, completely exhausted and broken around the edges.
“i’m okay”
“no, seungmin, you’re not”
silence falls between you as the wind moves through his hair gently and then, he finally looks at you, but it’s only for a second, before he looks away again. but that’s when you completely know, because seungmin always looks away first when something hurts too much.
you step even closer, “seungmin”
his eyes close briefly at your voice.
“talk to me”, you say, almost begging.
“i am talking to you”
“no”, you whisper softly, “you’re hiding from me”
something in his expression changes then, not much, but it’s enough for you to see it, enough for the walls to crack open.
you keep searching his eyes with yours, patiently, refusing to let him run from you this time, and when he finally looks at you properly, it feels like breaking a door open with your bare hands and everything spills out at once.
fear.
love.
pain.
need.
he looks completely devastated and then, in the quietest voice you’ve ever heard from him, he asks you.
“have i lost you?”
your brows pull together immediately.
“what?”
the word leaves you almost breathlessly because you genuinely don’t understand. yesterday he told you he was going to fight for you, and hours ago he told you he came here only for you and that he wanted you, only you.
so why does he sound like this now?
why does he look like he’s already grieving you?
“seungmin, what are you talking about?”, you ask him.
he shakes his head once, his eyes glossy now.
“hae said…”, he swallows hard, “she kept saying i have to move on and that you and chan and that maybe i’m too late and-”
he cuts himself off sharply, his breathing uneven now, and your chest tightens painfully because you’ve never seen him like this.
“seungmin-”
“has chan taken you away from me?”
the question breaks something inside you instantly and his voice cracks completely after that.
“or changbin?”, he asks quietly, “is someone else gonna take you away from me while i just have to stand there and watch it happen again?”
“seungmin-”
“we already broke up once”, he says, louder now, his emotions spilling out faster than he can control them, “i already let you go once and that’s the worst mistake of my life, and i can’t-”
his breath shakes violently as he closes his eyes.
“i can’t do that again, y/n, i can’t”
your eyes burn immediately and when he looks at you again, you see he’s crying now, devastatingly falling apart right in front of you.
“please”, he whispers.
your heart shatters, you’re sure it breaks in a million pieces.
“please don’t leave me here stuck without you”
“seungmin-”
“i need you”, he says brokenly, “i know that sounds selfish and pathetic and maybe i shouldn’t say it but i don’t care anymore because i need you and i still love you, i never stopped loving you, and every single day in this house feels like i’m watching people pull you further and further away from me and i-”
his voice breaks completely and he starts sobbing, crying much harder now as you break down and you start crying too.
“seungmin-”
but he keeps going like he can’t stop now that he’s started.
“i see chan looking at you and he looks at you the way i do and it kills me because i understand why he does”, he says through his tears, “and now changbin chose you too and you have to go on those dates and-”
he presses the heels of his hands against his eyes desperately.
“i’m scared”, he admits finally.
the confession comes out so small it nearly destroys you.
“i’m scared i’m losing you again, y/n”
tears continue to spill down your cheeks and you keep saying his name softly, trying to calm him, trying to make him look at you, but he won’t. so you step forward and grab his face gently with both of your hands.
“seungmin”
he still doesn’t look up.
“look at me”
nothing.
your chest aches so badly you think it might split open.
“seungmin, please, look at me”
finally, slowly, he lifts his eyes to yours and the second he does, your entire world caves in. because he looks terrified, like loving you has always been the scariest thing he’s ever done, but even the idea of losing you is even worse.
you shake your head immediately, trying to calm yourself enough to speak, while your thumbs brush desperately against his wet cheeks as the tears keep coming down his face.
“seungmin, listen to me”
he watches you silently and then the words leave your lips before you can stop them.
“nobody could ever take me away from you, minnie”
the nickname slips out naturally, like muscle memory, like you’re home again. you don’t even realise you’ve said it, not until you see the way his entire expression changed as he looks at you.
“minnie”, he repeats softly.
the way he says it makes you want to cry harder but you try to keep yourself together for him. you stare at each other, close, too close, and suddenly everything else just stops - the wind, the ocean, the noise from inside the house, all of it just disappears.
you don’t notice his eyes dropping to your lips at first but that’s because yours have already done the same thing. your breathing turns shallow and so does his. you can feel his hands now, warm against your waist, pulling you closer to him slowly and carefully, like he’s terrified you’ll disappear if he moves too fast.
your fingers tremble slightly against his face.
you should stop this, you know you should, because he’s drunk and vulnerable, but then his forehead rests lightly against yours and your eyes close.
and god.
you missed this.
you missed him.
him breathing against you, his hands on you, the way your whole body reacts to him before your mind can even catch up - electric, that’s the only word you can use for it, everything feels completely electric.
you tilt your head a bit and so does he, your lips getting closer and closer, almost brushing once, barely there, it’s a breath more than a kiss, and then-
you hear the sound of the front door opening.
a/n: you have no idea how much i LOOOOOOOOVED writing seungmin finally breaking down and i NEEDED IT OMG
the library
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summary: four ex-couples are brought together to test whether love can end, restart or transform. you’re not sure which path is yours yet - closure, a new beginning or the courage to try again
< part 7 | part 9 >
you don’t remember exactly what time you fell asleep. you just remember getting to the house, changing into your pyjamas and then just lying in your bed, staring at the ceiling with the sound of the waves faint in the distance as your mind refused to quiet down. every time you closed your eyes, you saw seungmin again, standing in front of you, saying those words again and again.
“i’m gonna fight for you”
that sentence kept repeating in your head, mixing with everything else that was already there - the dates, the texts, chan, the past, the present.
at some point, exhaustion must have won because the next thing you see is the morning light slipping through the windows of your room, soft and warm, almost too peaceful for the storm still sitting inside your chest.
you sit up slowly on your bed, your hair a little messy, your thoughts still heavy and clouded, like they never really left during the night. the sound of the bathroom door opening pulls you out of it. lily walks out, already dressed, drying her hair lightly with a towel as she looks at you.
“oh, you’re awake”, she says, a smile forming on her lips.
you hum softly, stretching your arms a little, “mm, barely”
she laughs, walking further into the room before stopping near her bed, “how did you sleep?”
you let out a breath, leaning back on your hands, “not great”
she raises a brow, “let me guess… thinking too much?”
you give her a look and she grins.
“yeah, i thought so”
you laugh softly, shaking your head, then you look at her again, curiosity slipping in.
“lily, your video yesterday…”, you say, “were you nervous?”
she lets out a short laugh, dropping her towel onto the bed.
“of course i was nervous, especially because i had no idea they would just reveal everything like that”, she says, “but honestly? ours wasn’t that bad”
you smile a little, “yeah. you and han looked like you were having fun”
she nods, “we were. it was like two idiots talking about their past”
you laugh softly at that before she continues.
“and you?”, she asks you, her tone becoming a bit more quiet and serious.
you hesitate before you answer.
“it was…”, you start, searching for the right word, “complicated”
she watches you closely, then her expression slowly turns into something more playful.
“yeah, well”, she says, “i knew that one was coming”
you blink, “what?”
she crosses her arms, tilting her head, “you and seungmin”
“what do you mean you knew?”
she gives you a look like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“oh my god, y/n, the way he looks at you?”, she says, “please”
you frown faintly, “what way?”
she laughs again, shaking her head, “you’re kidding me”
“i’m not”, you insist.
lily steps closer, lowering her voice, “he looks at your like he forgets anyone else is in the room, especially when he thinks no one’s watching”
your breath catches before you can stop it.
“that’s not-”, you start, but the words don’t come out fully.
she just raises a brow, “it is”
you look away for a second, your fingers fidgeting with the edge of the sheets.
“i didn’t notice”, you mumble.
“well, that’s because you’re you”, she teases you.
you roll your eyes but there’s no real annoyance in it. before you can say anything else, there’s a knock on the door and both of you look up.
“come in”, lily says.
the door opens without hesitation and han steps in, already dressed and his hair slightly messy like he didn’t bother too much with it.
“good morning”, he says, walking in and dropping himself onto lily’s bed.
“morning”, you reply, smiling.
“what’s going on in here?”, he asks, looking between you both suspiciously.
lily doesn’t miss a beat, “we were just talking about the videos”
han’s eyes light up instantly, “oh?”
you already know where this is going.
“no”, you say quickly, sitting up straighter, “we’re not doing this”
“oh, we are doing this”, lily counters, grinning and sitting down next to han.
“of course we are”, han starts then turns fully towards her, “and what are we doing exactly?”
she gestures towards you like you’re the main topic of discussion.
“y/n and seungmin”, she says.
han lets out a small gasp, like everything suddenly makes sense.
“oh”, he nods, looking at you with way too much amusement, “yeah, that’s right, you two!”
you groan, covering your face for a second, “can you both not-”
“he literally couldn’t stop looking at you yesterday”, han cuts in, completely ignoring you.
you drop your hands, staring at him, “not you too, please”
“i have eyes”, he shrugs as he leans back on his hands, still watching you, “so, now that everything is out in the open, how does it feel?”
you hesitate for a second, the answer not as simple as it should be.
“i don’t know, it’s… it’s complicated”, you say again.
“yeah”, han says after a moment, “i can imagine”
before any of you speak again, another knock echoes through the room and all three of you turn towards the door.
“come in”, you say.
the door opens and you see seungmin standing there by the door, one hand still on the handle and the other holding a small paper bag. his eyes flicker around the room before landing on you and something burns in your chest.
“hi seungmin!, come in”, lily says, breaking the silence with a knowing smile.
“yeah, don’t just stand there”, han says, sitting up a little straighter on lily’s bed.
seungmin nods once, stepping inside and closing the door. he walks in slowly, like he’s not entirely sure where to go for a second, but then he moves towards you and sits on the edge of your bed, leaving just enough space between you to keep things safe. or maybe just enough space to make you notice it.
“i, uh…”, he starts, lifting the bag slightly, “i brought breakfast”
han leans forward, “for two?”
seungmin glares at him, “for everyone. it’s downstairs”
lily smiles, clearly enjoying the situation, “wow. how thoughtful”
“very thoughtful”, han says, dragging the words just enough to make it obvious he’s about to start teasing him.
seungmin lets out a small, shy laugh, scratching the back of his neck.
“it’s nothing”, he says.
“nothing? are you sure?”, lily asks, raising a brow.
“and did you buy breakfast for the people in your lodge? or is it only for this one because there’s a special someone here?”, han continues, raising a brow too.
you look at seungmin for a second, a small smile forming despite yourself when you see him looking away from everyone. he shrugs like it’s really not a big deal, but there’s a faint pink tint creeping up his neck.
“okay”, lily says, standing up, “we should go downstairs before everything gets cold”
han stands up too, stretching his arms over his head before looking at you with a playful grin.
“yeah, we’ll leave you two to… talk”, he says, dragging the last word.
you narrow your eyes, “han-”
but he’s already walking towards the door.
“oh, and y/n”, he adds casually as he opens it, looking back at you, “i’m ready whenever you want to leave for our date just so you know, since someone”, he gestures vaguely towards seungmin, "decided to take time out of my precious date with yuna just so i could have another date with you”
you turn and look at seungmin as he lets out a soft, embarrassed laugh, his gaze dropping for a second.
“i’m sorry”, he says quickly.
han’s expression shifts a little at that, the teasing disappearing completely.
“hey”, he says, “none needed”
seungmin looks up.
“i would’ve done the same”, han adds.
there’s a quiet understanding in that sentence and then, just as quickly, han turns to lily, “alright, let’s go before minho eats everything”
“hey!”, you hear minho saying from downstairs.
lily laughs, following han out, “oh, you definitely would, minho!”
the door closes behind them, leaving the room suddenly quieter, with just you and seungmin. neither of you mentions last night, neither of you needs to.
you look at the bag in his hands, “so… breakfast?”
he nods, like he’s grateful for the normalcy of it, and opens the bag, “i got your usual”, he says pulling out a cup and handing it to you.
“thank you”, you say.
“and…”, he continues, reaching back into the bag, “i also got you this”
he places a small wrapped pastry in your hand and you look at it for a second, then back at him.
“no way”, you say softly.
a small smile appears on his face as he looks at you, “yeah”
“you found these here?”, you ask him, already unwrapping it.
“they make them here too”, he says, “i saw them and thought of you”
your chest tightens at his words, “i thought they only made them in seoul”
“apparently not”, he says, “i remember how much you like them”
you look at him for a second longer than necessary before taking a bite, and it tastes exactly the same.
you close your eyes for a brief moment, a hum leaving your mouth as you smile, “okay… this is actually really good”
he looks at you, his expression so soft and warm it almost breaks you, “i’m glad you like it”
you take another bite, leaning back a bit, the coffee warm between your fingers.
“did you eat one?”, you ask him.
he shakes his head, “no”
you pause then hold the pastry out towards him, “try it”
he hesitates and then leans in, taking a bite from the piece you’re holding, then pulls back, chewing thoughtfully.
“okay”, he nods, “you’re right. it’s good”
you smile, “i’m always right”, you say, teasing him.
he throws his head back, laughing, “yeah, okay”
you continue eating as seungmin leans back, looking around the room before he looks at you again.
“do you remember…”, he starts, a small smile forming on his lips, “that café near the beach?”
you blink, thinking for a moment.
“the one with the blue doors?”, you ask.
his smile grows a little, “yeah”
you laugh, shaking your head, “you mean the one you made us walk thirty minutes for because you had to try their coffee?”
“the coffee was really good”, he says, sitting up a bit.
“meh, it was average”, you say immediately, a teasing look on your face.
he narrows his eyes, “okay, no, that’s just not true”
“it is”, you say, “you just don’t want to admit we walked all that way for nothing”
he laughs again, dropping his gaze for a second, “we didn’t walk for nothing”
you tilt your head, “oh?”
he shrugs lightly, a softer tone slipping into his voice, “the view was nice”
you watch him for a moment, “yeah…”, you say, quieter now, “it was”
a small silence settles then before seungmin looks at you and speaks again.
“and you got mad at me”
you gasp, “i did not”
“yes you did”, he says, amusement clear in his voice, “because i wouldn’t let you leave without trying the carrot cake”
your lips part slightly before you let out a small laugh, “oh my god”
“you remember now?”, he says, clearly pleased.
“i remember you forcing me to sit back down”, you correct him, “i was ready to go”
“and then?”, he asks.
you roll your eyes but there’s a smile tugging at your lips.
“and then it was actually good”, you admit.
“exactly”, he says, pointing at you, “so i was right”
“you got lucky”, you mumble, taking another bite of your pastry.
“yeah, i was very lucky”, he says, looking at you.
you look at him too and smile softly, “and then we stayed there for like… two more hours”
he nods his head, “yeah”
“doing nothing”
“talking”, he says,
you look at him, “talking, yeah”
there’s a brief pause as the memory settles between you. it feels close, too close maybe, but neither of you pulls away from it, you don’t want to. you take a small sip of your coffee, then look at him again.
“you still owe me a better café though”, you say, trying to shift the mood just enough.
he smiles, “then i’ll take you to one”
your heart skips a bit and even though you don’t answer right away, the smile on your lips says enough.
for a moment, it feels like nothing ever changed, and time passes without either of you really noticing, until he looks at the time on his phone.
“i should… go and get ready”, he says, though he doesn’t move right away.
you nod your head slowly, “yeah… me too”
but neither of you stands up and both of you sit there, like you are waiting for something, an excuse maybe, to stay there a little longer.
“i’ll see you tonight”, he says, his voice softer now.
“yeah”, you say, “tonight”
he nods once, finally standing up, though there’s a slight hesitation in his movement. he picks up the empty bag, looks at you one last time and then walks towards the door, leaving you in your room alone with your thoughts and your beating heart.
“han, what is that?”
“excuse me?”, he looks up from his wheel, offended, his hands covered in clay, “this is art”
you stare at the… thing in front of him, trying to figure out if it’s supposed to be a bowl, a vase or something that simply should not exist.
“seriously, what is that?”, you say, biting back a laugh.
“you don’t get it, y/n. it’s-”, he squints at it, trying to fix it with his fingers, which only makes it worse, “it’s abstract”
you lose it. a full laugh escapes you, loud and uncontrollable, your shoulders shaking as you try to keep your own piece from falling apart.
“hey! stop laughing!”, he says, though he’s laughing too.
“i can’t”, you say, crying from how much you’re laughing, “you just keep making it worse”
“what?”, he says, leaving a small streak of clay on his cheek without realising, “have you seen yours?”
you look at yours and-
yeah, it’s not much better.
“okay, mine is struggling a bit”, you say, trying to reshape it carefully, “but at least it still resembles a cup”
“yeah, well, if you say so…”, he mutters.
you gasp, “rude”
he grins and you shake your head, trying to focus again, pressing your fingers gently against the spinning clay.
“i think it’s getting better”, you say, more to yourself than to him.
“don’t jinx it”, he says.
you roll your eyes, “you’re the last person who should be giving advice right now”
he laughs and then you both go quiet, focusing again, the laughter fading into small smiles as you try to finish without completely ruining what’s left. after a few more careful movements, you finally pull your hands away.
“okay”, you say, studying it, “i think i’m done”
han looks at his, sighs, then shrugs, “mine is… done too”
“done or dead?”, you tease him.
“both”, he says, making you laugh again.
both of you stand up and carefully bring your pieces to the instructor and he takes them with a polite smile, clearly used to this kind of result.
“we’ll finish them and send them to the address you gave us before”, he tells you, “it will take a couple of days”
you look at your cup one more time before letting it go, “i hope it survives”
“yours will”, han says. nudging your shoulder lightly, “mine… probably not”
you laugh softly as you thank the instructor and step outside together and start walking to the restaurant you chose.
“okay”, han says as he stretches his arms, “that was fun”
“yeah, it really was”, you say.
he nods his head, still smiling as you continue walking down the street.
“i still can’t believe you called that thing art”, you say, laughing louder.
“it was art”, he insists, “you just didn’t get it”
“no one would get it”
“wow”, he places a hand over his chest, “you’re really hurting my feelings”
you laugh, shaking your head.
“come on”, he says, pointing ahead, “the restaurant's just there”
you follow his gaze and nod, continue walking side by side towards the restaurant. you walk in and then settle into your seats, still laughing from the pottery disaster. han pulls the menu closer, looking at it briefly before looking up at you.
“okay, serious question”, he says, resting his elbows on the table, “do you trust me to order for both of us?”
you narrow your eyes slightly, “should i?”
he grins, “no”
you laugh, shaking your head, “then i’m definitely ordering for myself”
“wow”, he says, pretending to be offended, “no faith at all”
“none”, you reply, smiling as you reach for the menu.
you both order soon after and when the waiter leaves, han leans back in his chair, watching you for a second.
“what?”, you ask him.
he shrugs, “nothing, i was just… thinking”
“that’s dangerous, you know?”
he laughs but it fades quicker than usual and then-
“can i ask you something?”, he asks you.
you pause for a second, sensing the change in his tone.
“yeah, of course”
he nods slowly, like he’s choosing his words carefully, “it’s about you… and seungmin”
your fingers still slightly against the edge of the table, “okay”, you say quietly.
“and chan”, he adds.
that makes you chest tighten a little but han just watches you, waiting, not pushing you to speak if you don’t feel comfortable.
“i just…”, he exhales softly, running a hand through his hair, “i’ve been thinking about it and…”
he pauses and then continues.
“i think seungmin and you are not over each other. and i don’t mean that in a bad way, please don’t take me wrong”, he continues quickly, leaning forward a bit, his tone gentle, “i just… it’s obvious. the way you look at each other or the way you talk”
you look down at the table, at your fingers tracing nothing.
“and chan…”, he adds after a second, his voice softer now, “i think he’s starting to fall for you”
that one hits differently and you look up at him this time, but he doesn’t look judgmental, not even a little. he looks honest.
“and i think…”, he continues, “the show is… messing with everything”
you let out a small breath.
“that’s one way to put it”, you murmur.
he smiles faintly.
“i mean it”, he says, “you’re put in a house with your ex, with new people who also dated each other, with emotions already there… and then you’re expected to just… figure everything out like it’s nothing”
you nod slowly.
“and maybe”, he adds, tilting his head a bit, “you felt something for chan too”
your eyes flicker for a second.
“maybe”, he shrugs gently, “because he was there and took care of you. he made things easier when everything was complicated, because the person that had always been there for you had to act like you weren’t there at all”
your chest tightens again.
“but it’s not the same”, he says, looking at you carefully, “not even close”
you don’t answer because you know what he means.
“and that doesn’t make you a bad person”, he adds quickly, softer now, almost like he’s worried you might think that, “it doesn’t make you a horrible person, it just means you’re human”
your eyes sting a little but you keep them steady, not wanting to cry there.
“it means you’re dealing with something that never really ended and left a space and someone walked into it before you had the chance to understand it was still there”, he says.
your lips press together for a second.
“i just don’t want you to feel guilty”, he says gently, “because you shouldn’t”
there’s a long pause after that. you take a breath, then another one, just processing what han had said. feeling, thinking, too much maybe. then you look at him and despite everything, you smile. a small smile at first, then a bit wider, your eyes filled with tears you’re trying not to let them fall.
“you know…”, you say, your voice trembling a bit, “this is a little too deep for you. who are you and what have you done with han?”
he laughs and leans back in his chair, “wow. i pour my heart out, give you life changing advice and this is what i get?”
you laugh softly, some of your tears falling.
“i just… i didn’t know you had all of this in you”
“i’m full of surprises”, he says.
“clearly”
he laughs and then points at you, “you’re welcome, by the way”
you smile again, softer now, “i didn’t say thank you”
“but i know you want to”, he says, smiling too.
you step out of the restaurant together, the soft hum of conversation and clinking glasses and dishes fading behind you as the door closes.
“okay”, han says, rolling his shoulders, “that was good. i needed that”
you look at him, a small smile on your lips, “yeah… me too”
“do you want me to walk you to the park? you’re meeting changbin there, right?”
“it’s okay”, you say, pointing down the street, “it’s really close. i’ll just walk”
he hesitates for a second, like he might insist, but then he just nods, “okay, have fun”
you smile, warmer this time, “thank you”
you watch him walk away for a second before turning in the opposite direction and then, you’re alone, so you start walking slowly with your hands tucked into your pockets, your steps automatic.
but your mind isn’t, it keeps going back to han’s words.
“you and seungmin are not over each other”
“chan is starting to fall for you”
you shake your head slightly, like you can physically push the thoughts away, but they don’t leave, they stay, lingering and confusing everything, and when you reach the park, they are still loud, still tangled.you barely notice the entrance at first, the trees opening up around you, the sound of leaves moving with the wind reaching you.
“hey!”
you blink, pulled back, and see changbin standing a few steps away, one of his hands raised, a small smile on his face.
“oh- hey”, you say quickly, walking over to him.
“you made it”, he says.
“yeah”, you nod your head, “it wasn’t far”
“i was actually thinking…”, he says, gesturing to the side, “ice cream?”
you follow his gaze and spot a small stand just a few steps away then smile.
“yeah, that sounds good”
you walk there together, order one ice cream for each and then start walking through the park, no rush in your steps.
“so, changbin”, you say, looking at him, “how did you and yuna meet?”
he smiles instantly, like the memory comes easily.
“she was modelling for one of my campaigns”, he says, “for my eyewear brand, you know”
you raise your eyebrows slightly, “oh, that’s actually really cool”
he shrugs, a bit shy despite the confidence in his voice, “yeah… i mean, she came in for the shoot and… i don’t know, we just clicked”
“just like that?”
“pretty much”, he laughs, “we started talking in between takes, then after the shoot and… yeah”
you nod and then he asks you.
“and seungmin and you?”
your steps slow a bit but you keep your gaze forward.
“we met through friends”, you say, “it was… very normal”
he hums softly, “sometimes normal is good”
you don’t answer that and instead, you take another bite of your ice cream, letting the silence sit for a moment as changbin keeps walking beside you.
“so”, he tries again after a bit, his tone lighter now, “what do you usually like to do? when you’re not… doing all of this?”
you smile faintly.
“i’m a writer, so i like reading”, you say, laughing, “and, well, writing, when i’m not stuck”
“writer’s block?”
“yeah”, you nod your head, “it’s been bad lately”
“i get that”, he says, “not the writing part, but like… being stuck in your own head”
he then asks about your hobbies, your favourite places, your favourite books, and just questions in general but part of you isn’t there. it’s still at the restaurant, in a conversation that won’t leave your mind, no matter what you do, no matter what changbin says.
he notices after a while, when you go quiet a bit too long after he asks you something as your gaze drifts somewhere far away.
“you okay?”, he asks you gently.
you blink, coming back, “yeah, sorry. just… thinking”
he nods, not offended or pushing you, “it must’ve been a deep conversation before this date”
you laugh softly, “yeah, something like that”
he looks at you again then smiles, “i’ll try to be entertaining enough to compete with your thoughts”
that makes you laugh, “i don’t think that’s possible right now”
“wow”, he says, laughing, “you really wound me, y/n”
you shake your head, smiling, “sorry, changbin”
you keep walking, the path slowly looping back around the park, the sun much lower now as time passes without you fully noticing. eventually, changbin, looks at his phone, then back at you.
“it’s almost dinner time”, he says, “we said we’d meet at my lodge, right?”
you nod your head, “yeah”
he gestures slightly towards the exit, “should we head back?”
you hesitate for just a second, your mind still somewhere else, then nod.
“yeah, let’s go”
you walk out of the park together - just you, changbin and your thoughts still tangled, still intertwined.
at the same time, on the other side of the island, far from the quiet park paths, seungmin steps out of the car and looks around, taking everything in - wide skies, endless blue stretching into the horizon, the waves crashing somewhere below like a constant rhythm, the air against his skin.
the academy sits on slightly higher ground, surrounded by greenery and wooden paths that lead towards a large open platform that overlooks the sea. hae steps out beside him, already smiling and looking at the view.
“isn’t it pretty?”, she says, turning in a small circle like she’s trying to take it all in at once.
“it is”, seungmin replies, nodding his head.
he means it, the place is beautiful and peaceful, but something about it doesn’t quite reach him. hae turns to him, her eyes bright.
“okay, so… don’t laugh, but…”, she says, already half-laughing herself, “we’re doing a couples yoga class”
seungmin blinks, “a… what?”
“couples yoga”, she repeats, “it’ll be fun”
he lets out a small breath, looking past her towards the open space again.
“right”, he says slowly, “fun”
hae nudges his arm, “come on, don’t make that face. you’ll like it”
he gives her a small, polite smile.
“yeah.. i’m sure i will”
they head inside to change, switching into more comfortable clothes. the space is quiet and calm, with soft music playing somewhere in the background. when they step back out, the instructor is already there - a woman with a gentle presence, her voice soft but clear as she greets them.
“welcome”, she says with a warm smile, “we’re gonna work outside today”
hae nods eagerly, already moving towards the platform and seungmin just follows her, walking slower. the open space is even more striking up close with wooden flooring under their feet and nothing but sea stretching out in front of them. the wind brushes lightly against their clothes, the sun warm but not overwhelming.
“okay”, the instructor says, “we’ll start with some individual stretches first”
that part is easy, just some simple poses, breathing, stretching. seungmin follows along without trouble, his movements completely controlled. hae on the other hand is fully into it, every movement precise, like she’s been waiting for this.
“okay, good”, the instructor says, “now we’ll move into partner poses”
seungmin’s eyes shift slightly at that and hae turns to him with a bright smile on her face.
“ready?”
he hesitates just a second before he nods his head, “y-yeah”
the first pose is simple enough - standing back to back, arms lifting in sync, breathing together. hae matches him easily, her movements confident and her energy light. seungmin follows, but there’s a stiffness to him now, a small distance.
then the poses change, more contact, more coordination, hands holding and balancing against each other.
“trust your partner”, the instructor says calmly, “let your weight rest with them”
hae leans into it without hesitation and seungmin catches her instinctively, but there’s a flicker in his expression, something tight and uncomfortable. he does what he’s supposed to do, but it doesn’t come naturally.
another pose, facing each other this time, with their hands linked as they lean back slowly. hae laughs softly when she wobbles for a second, gripping his hands tighter.
“don’t let me fall”, she says playfully.
“i won’t”, he says.
and he doesn’t, but his voice is quieter now and his eyes keep moving away from her. the instructor guides them through more positions, each one requiring more closeness, more awareness of each other’s bodies, their balance, their breathing.
hae thrives in it, completely engaged, enjoying every second of it.
but seungmin… doesn’t. he’s careful, respectful, but he’s distant. his mind drifts a bit, just enough for him to feel out of place in something that’s meant to feel connected, to bring people closer.
at one point, the instructor demonstrates a pose where one partner supports the other fully, lifting slightly, holding them steady.
“let’s try it”, hae says excited, already moving into position.
seungmin follows, positioning his hands where instructed.
“ready?”, she asks him.
he nods and then they try, the position working for a bit, until it doesn’t. she laughs again when she loses balance, grabbing onto him, pulling him closer more than necessary.
“okay, okay, maybe not that one”, she says, still smiling.
he lets out a small breath, stepping back, “yeah… maybe not”
the session continues, but for seungmin, times moves slower - each pose a bit more awkward than the last, each moment a reminder that he’s not fully there.
when the instructor finally brings them back to neutral positions, guiding them to sit and breathe, the tension in his shoulders eases a bit.
“and relax”, she says softly, “good work today”
hae claps her hands together, turning to seungmin.
“that was fun”, she says, her cheeks flushed but her smile still bright.
“yeah”, seungmin says, nodding his head.
but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, because while the place was beautiful and the moment was meant to feel connected to the other person, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he didn’t belong in it, not like this.
they change into their clothes again, and walk towards the car to leave and go to their lodge, but before they can enter, hae glances at the sky, then at her phone.
“it’s way too early to go back”
seungmin exhales quietly, already sensing where this is going.
“we could just head back and rest before we have dinner”, he suggests, casual and almost hopeful.
hae looks at him like that’s the most boring idea she’s ever heard.
“or”, she says, stepping closer, “we could go somewhere else and actually enjoy jeju”
he opens his mouth to reply, but she’s already reaching for his hand.
“come on”, she insists, her fingers wrapping around his without hesitation, “i saw a place on the way here and it looked really nice”
“hae-”, he starts, but she’s already pulling him along.
“just one drink”, she says over her shoulder, smiling, “you’ll survive”
he lets out a small breath but doesn’t pull his hand away. when they get to the place, it’s full of warm lights and soft music, really cozy and relaxing, with open windows letting the breeze in. they sit down across from each other as hae leans back studying him after they order.
“you know”, she starts, “i think i needed those days away”
seungmin looks up at her, “yeah?”
she nods her head, “yeah. i didn’t realise how much everything was getting to me until i stepped out of it, even though i had an idea”
he listens as she continues talking.
“being that house, seeing chan every day and all the memories and everything that came with it…”, she exhales, shaking her head, “it was too much for me”
seungmin nods slowly, “i get that”
“but leaving”, she continues, “putting some distance between me and all of that… it really helped me”
she looks at him again, tilting her head slightly.
“i feel much lighter”
there’s a small pause, then he says, “you do seem different since you came back”
hae’s lip curl into a smile.
“good different or bad different?”, she asks him, her tone light but there’s something else underneath it now.
seungmin hesitates for a second.
“i don’t know”, he admits honestly, “just… different”
she hums, leaning forward, resting her chin on her hand.
“i’ll take that as good”
he doesn’t argue.
their drinks arrive, and she takes a sip before speaking again, her gaze never really leaving seungmin,
“i think… i needed to move on”, she says.
seungmin’s fingers tighten slightly around his glass.
“from chan”, she adds, more clearly now, “from everything”
he nods once, “that makes sense”
“it does”, she agrees, a small smile playing on her lips, “and it feels… right”
she pauses for a moment, then she leans in just a little more.
“i want something new”
his eyes lift to meet hers.
“someone new”, she continues, her voice lower now, “someone that isn’t tied to the past”
the way she says it… it’s not just a general thought anymore, it’s directed, focused, aimed at something, or rather, aimed at someone.
“and you?”, she asks him.
seungmin doesn’t answer right away.
“i think it’s good for you”, he says instead, being careful, “if that’s what you want”
hae watches him closely.
“that’s not what i asked you, seungmin”
he exhales softly and looks away.
“i don’t know if that’s for me”
she tilts her head, a small frown forming.
“why not?”
he looks down at the table for a second before answering.
“because that’s not what i came here for”
she doesn’t let that sit.
“so you came here just for your ex?”, she asks, a hint of challenge in her tone now.
he looks back at her.
“i came here because there are things we have to figure out”
“and you think you will figure them out while she has my ex going after her?”, she counters quickly, “you’re stuck, seungmin”
he blinks at that.
“i’m not stuck”
hae lets out a soft laugh, but there’s an edge to it now.
“you are, though”
he doesn’t respond immediately and hae takes the opportunity to speak again.
“you’re holding onto something that’s already over, seungmin”, she continues, her voice softer again, but more pointed, “and you’re closing yourself off to everything else”
“that’s not-”, he starts.
“it is”, she cuts in gently, but firmly, “you’re not even giving yourself the chance to feel something new”
seungmin’s jaw tightens at her words.
“i don’t want to force something that isn’t there”
“and how would you know if it’s there”, she leans forward again, her voice dropping, “if you don’t even try?”
the tension shifts, grows.
“you could”, she adds, quieter now, almost teasing but not quite, “just let go a little”
his gaze stays on hers.
“you might be surprised, you know”
her fingers tap against the table, slow and deliberate.
“or…”, she tilts her head again, her tone softening, but there’s something undeniably flirtatious in the way she looks at him now, “maybe you’re just scared”
that makes something flicker in his expression.
“i’m not scared”, he says.
“then prove it”, she says, almost immediately.
silence falls between them as she watches him closely, waiting for him to say something, to do anything.
“is there any chance”, she asks after a moment, her voice quieter now but still as steady as before, “that you might change your mind? that you might consider letting y/n go?”
the question lingers in the air, the words heavy between them.
seungmin doesn’t look away this time, his gaze stays locked with hers as his fingers loosen slightly around his glass, and then-
“yes”
a/n: okay so... things are getting MESSY omg i need to calm down
the library
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ATEEZ Telling the Reader "I love you" for the First Time (Maknae Line).
What happens to Ateez members when they say the "L" word to the reader?
wc: 1607
tw: suggestive comments, implied smut, mentions of reader and Mingi having general anxiety,
a/n: I cut the post because it was so long. Enjoy ~
Concept Inspired by (x)
Hyung Line | Maknae Line
San was very keen on his physical health, so much so that it spilled into his hobbies. He has been dabbling in crochet lately, telling you it was an excellent activity for maintaining grip strength and hand-eye coordination. He’d look so cute puckering his lips and furrowing his brows while concentrating on his crafts, and so proud and catlike showing you the finished products.
You didn’t know how to crochet, but you could learn so that you could spend more time together. So when you came across a master crocheter who created ‘DIY Kits’ based on images sent to them, you hatched an idea: plushies of you, San, SANdeoki, and Byeol. San was unpacking his weekend bag during an individual scheduled trip when he noticed a small box in one of the zipper compartments. Upon further inspection, San noticed the box had a note from you attached: ‘open for a surprise…’ the note read. He did just that, and was of course, surprised, to see four small zipper bags full of yarn and instructions. ‘…for when you’re feeling lonely.’ San wanted to save the activity for after his schedule, so he shot a quick text to you, ‘I am surprised. Call later?’ And went about his day.
Later in the evening, your phone rang with a video call from San. “Hey baby!” His cheery voice rang through your ears, filling you with familiar comfort. “I really like your gift! I appreciate the idea of having tiny versions of our little family. I love the way you gift. I love you! But…I want to save it for us to do together…” he nervously trailed off the end of his thoughts, fidgeting off screen when he realized his slip up. “Like a date night when I get back?”
“Sannie, dear, I love you too.” You shared a quiet grin and stared into each others eyes. “And you’re so cute when you’re nervous!”
Mingi is a passionate musician who treats performances like pageants, but even after years of performing for hundreds of thousands of fans worldwide, sometimes he gets nervous and sometimes fear even creeps in. He’d developed grounding techniques over the years, like counting random objects or focusing on fun things he sees, but his favorite calming agent is you. When he's away, the thought of you and what you do for your community brings him peace. You selflessly switched jobs to be more flexible when traveling the globe. Working for a KPOP company has its perks, your favorite being that you’re so close to Mingi.
So, when sometime in the middle of the night, Mingi has a nightmare about his fans abandoning him, and worst of all, you abandoning him, your ‘Mingi Senses’ tingle and you instinctively wrap your arms around him, coaxing him to lie across your chest. You felt a couple of wayward tears touch your pajamas, and you began massaging Mingi’s scalp as if you were pulling the negative thoughts from his mind. “I’ll sit here as long as you need me to…” sometimes Mingi just needed a soundboard to bounce ideas around to clear his head, and you were prepared to listen.
“-Don’t leave me,” Mingi blurted. Your hands paused, but you nodded and returned to your light touches. “In my dream, there was no more ATINY and no more us…some newer, hotter Idol took you all away.” You hummed, not in agreement, but in acknowledgement of his emotions.
“I won't, Mingi.” You strained your neck to plant a kiss on Mingi’s temple, which seemed to knock a bit of the edge off. He loved how you could break his nervous walls down with your kind touch.
With a sigh, Mingi continued, “It’s like I know ATINY will always be there. But with you…sometimes I think you’ll find someone else…someone from where you’re from…”
“But I don’t want anyone else, I want you, Song Mingi.” That puts a smile on his face, and he continues with renewed vigor,
“…Then I remember that I, Mingi—” he dramatically points at his broad chest, “—am the only one who knows your favorite drink orders, how you like your bath water, and the books you keep re reading.” He twiddles with your pajama top, giving you boba eyes as he builds the nerve to finish his thought; “…and I’m … in love with you. I love you, yn.”
“I love you too, Mingi! Now come here and show me what else those gifted hands can do,” you kissed his cheek politely as you two wrestled impolitely beneath the sheets…
You knew he'd enjoy his next show. Even more so, since you'd be by his side. You were always by his side.
Wooyoung had texted you, "just showered. on my way!" roughly ten minutes ago, leaving you only minutes to spare. You both had careers that were demanding in their own right, so when you had date nights between commitments, oftentimes you stayed in and watched movies and played games. Tonight was one of those nights leading to a weekend staycation, but you had a surprise. Instead of wearing sweats and big tees, you'd be wearing matching pajamas. You giggled mischievously to yourself as you staged the pajamas on the coffee table near your favorite snacks and drinks.
You'd used Wooyoung's relationship with Chrome Hearts to order a custom couple's pajama set with their iconic crosses patterned around your initials. Wooyoung's was black with white and silver accents, and yours [favorite color] with [favorite color] accents. You took a "knolling" style photo of your setup, ensuring everything was laid out neatly on the table. Your attention to detail paid off, because when Wooyoung arrived, he told you it was beautiful.
"Of course, not as beautiful as you," he'd said with a wink.
"Or you, smooth operator," You taunted back. You let the flirty tension linger for a tad too long before you motioned at the table. "Anything interesting pop up at you?"
Wooyoung scans the table, touching his chisled jaw in an exaggerated display of thought. "Hm, maybe it's the pajamas?" He cooly reaches for the black set (as expected) but gasps when he sees the details. "Jung Wooyoung." He read aloud. "Jung YN." He ran his fingers over the English words and teared up at the hangul below it. "Jung YN." He repeated. Memories of your time together flooded his mind as he cried freely. Tears of happiness, of course, because your relationship was more than unconventional. He'd told you on your first official date that he'd be marrying you. The connection was so strong, and you couldn't lie; you were terrified of how quickly everything moved. It was too perfect. You jokingly called each other fiancées after you'd moved to Korea to be closer. Like the stereotypical celebrity, you thought he'd turn awful when you moved in together. But the pen never dropped. In a year, Wooyoung was the same as always. He loved you, he just never said it. He showed you.
"Jung YN." He said a third time, more stable this time. As the tears dried on his cheeks, he turned to face you. "The sets, they're amazing. Chrome Hearts, my favorite...You're always so thoughtful."
"Your mother taught me how to write my name correctly. All this time I'd been adding a syllable and changing the meaning!" You two shared a laugh before Wooyoung pulled you into a deep embrace. "I love you so, so very much, YN. When the time is right, you'll truly be YN Jung!" He gripped you tighter. "I'll never let you go, my love."
Grunting effortlessly, you choked out, "I love you too, Wooyoung, but you must let me go. You're crushing my tits!" He immediately let you go with a huff. "Right. Sorry! Can't mess those puppies up." He makes obscene honking hand motions as you giggle and squirm out of his grip.
Jongho is idly nibbling on a sweet slice of watermelon when he walks into your shared living room and stops in his tracks, nearly dropping his treat. You're humming a tune with no real cadence while you stretch your hips and lower back. Your eyes are closed while transitioning from the tadpole to the frog pose, and up to the cobra into a plank, and back to a downward dog.
Of course, Jongho noticed how beautiful you were like this: back arched, no makeup, hair pinned away from your face, and the two-piece athletic set he got you in your favorite color, but the last part is what did him in. You let out a long exhale and returned to the tadpole pose before a quick cat-cow transition, and you stood up. "Oh!" You were startled by Jongho's presence in the doorway and dropped your mat. "How long have you been there?"
"Since you were face down, ass up-" Jongho replied with a smirk as disposed of the watermelon rind and got closer.
"Jongho!" You playfully swatted at him.
"Seriously, I only caught the end. You're wearing the set I bought you, it looks great on you." He subconsciously touched your bare love handles as he spoke and punctuated his statement with a forehead kiss.
"Thank you, baby..."
"You look so at peace while you're stretching, I just had to stop and look. To admire you. I love seeing you relaxed... I love you."
With a glint in your eye, you sweetly kissed Jongho. "I love you, too, baby bear."
"OOOOH YOU WANT ME SO BAD!" Jongho chuckled as he swooped you off your feet and spun you around before pulling you towards the bedroom. "Let me show you how bad I want you too."
