My Words Not My Pictures

He/Him and Manic

[grungy-texan]

Drowning my thoughts in music,

The melodies and beats are sympathetic.

Anger rises and sadness creeps,

Feeling out of place in a world that's always asleep.

I wonder if I will ever feel at home,

A one hundred percent agreement inside of my soul.

Gypsy blood runs deep, stinging every dormant movement.

Causes me to question my beliefs and who I want to be.

Depression aches, pushes me to collapse.

Anxiety picks at the open wounds, bleeding me dry.

CPTSD burns a hole through my eyes, reminding me everyone is the same.

Alters squirm, antsy to escape.

Somehow, I still manage to keep both feet on the ground.

I know I won't be here long, just a matter of time.

I know they won't hate me, for I was never meant to exist here with them.

PC Unknown

[grungy-texan]

A sense of security when you finally belong somewhere.

We live and learn from both mistakes we've made and other's.

If you need a sign to leave the awful situation you're in, this is it.

PC Unknown

[grungy-texan]

I wonder if you told your momma how you pushed me around.

I wonder if you told your daddy, how you manipulated me.

I wonder if you told your friends how you put your hands on me.

I wonder if you mentioned all those hateful words you spewed at me.

I wonder if you struggle to sleep at night because you replay what you said and did.

I wonder if you told anyone you threw your phone at me.

I wonder if you told anyone you screamed at me for hours, for days.

I wonder if anyone knows the reason I hit the wall was because you kept screaming at me to hit you.

I wonder if you said outloud that this is your fuck up.

I wonder if you remind yourself of those nights and days of conversations about needs, and remember how you ignored me.

I wonder who you talked to that was more important.

I wonder too many things some days.

Mostly, I wonder if it was all a dream and you faked the whole relationship.

I wonder if I will ever stop wondering.

I wonder how much truth you actually placed into this world.

I wonder if you'll ever change.

I wonder if you'll ever be able to give the same love you've been handed.

Now the world will know.

PC Unknown

[grungy-texan]

When we broke up, you shut off to me.

I told you I had to chase my dreams.

Small town living, slowed down time.

Satisfaction in working for what you need.

You told me marriage wasn't for you,

You wanted the Auntie life.

You told me we would remain close,

You only spew awful lies.

Those brown eyes are closed doors,

You hate me, but you hate yourself more.

One day you will wake, remembering what you lost.

When you call my phone, or send me that text,

You'll understand just what it costs.

Played with my heart, turning it to stone.

I washed up on the shore, and finally found my way home.

PC Unknown

[grungy-texan]

Some days I'm James Dean,

Classic and beautiful.

Others I belong with the greasers,

Tragic and pitiful.

Most days, I am one of the boys,

Selfishly inclined to constantly toy.

I wonder if it makes any sense,

Multiple people in one lonely heart.

Tonight, among all of the whispers in the room,

I looked and found, my answers waiting are bloom.

[grungy-texan]

You always wanted what you couldn't have,

And demons don't mix well with with kinfolk.

Evil awaits you at every turn you take,

Yet the Devil only lives to watch you learn.

From here on, your life is no longer yours,

A charitable ride with a hearse.

Decisions you make, whichever way you go,

You shall spend eternity, forever a part of my verse.

PC Unknown

[grungy-texan]

I could make bracelets from her beads of sweat,

I could rot beneath her sweet talk,

And she could fill the cavities of my body that decay when she touches me.

I could make castles from the grit of her teeth,

I could wait forever under the timer of her hourglass waist.

I could collapse into her gasp,

I could swim through her breath,

And make a home within her heart,

As the beat lulls me into a slumber.

PC Mine

[grungy-texan]

I feel weak.

Like I am loosing my mind.

Giving up slowly.

Not sure if I want to try anymore.

Feeling Lost.

PC Unknown

[grungy-texan]

Started classes this early March 2022.

Started to learn to love my thinking.

Started to adapt to my own habits and diversities.

Found pleasure in small things.

Found sanctuary in life.

Found love in patience.

Found hope in belief.

Time tests, only the best of us.

Treasure your small achievements,

Enjoy breakfast,

That walk,

That car ride,

Enjoy your moments.

Because they are just that,

Your Moments.

PC Unknown

[grungy-texan]

Emotions run deep.

Screaming just beneath the surface.

The violent urge to run away.

Find a place safe.

Something to chase.

Gypsy blood is what they call it.

The urge to always see what's over the hill.

Is running if it's your blood?

Or is it life you're trying to live.

PC Unknown

[grungy-texan]

I feel myself slipping away.

Losing grip on reality again.

Unlike last time,

This time doesn't hurt or sadden me.

Can't catch sleep,

Might as well sink.

No phone calls to make,

No letters to write.

Watch me fade away,

In front of your eyes.

PC Unknown

[grungy-texan]

Simplicity.

At its finest.

Silence.

Stillness.

A slight tug.

A gentle reel.

A captured fish.

A moment of healing.

A release.

A splash.

Silence.

Stillness.

Cast.

Breathe.

PC Unknown

[grungy-texan]

Its a cruel world these days.

Keep love in your sight,

Keep a pistol in your waistband.

Watch your steps,

Maintain your cover.

Keep yourself alive

Live to watch another die.

Memories made, are secrets kept

Yell as long as you want

The darkness has crept.

PC Unknown

[grungy-texan]

Don't keep yourself sad.

When it comes time to be happy,

You no longer remember the feeling..

And that's sad..

Take life with a grain of salt,

Being permanently fucked up isn't where you want to be.

Trust in your gut feeling,

Life will make its way for you.

PC Unknown

[grungy-texan]

The path to the underworld requires quite the foothold.

Do you think you can keep pace with the Devil?

Do you think you can keep pace with the Demons?

Close your eyes,

Make a wish.

Embrace the darkness,

Experience total bliss.

PC Unknown

[grungy-texan]

Love.

Bliss in its purest form.

Satisfaction.

Destiny.

Embrace it.

PC Unknown

[grungy-texan]

Life is full of simplicity, full of desire and want.

Life can be so beautiful if only we place ourselves in a moment of manifestation.

Instead of wanting to be something or someone, whether you want do something or have something;

Instead say you will.

You are.

You can.

Instead of defeating ourselves, and tearing down our aspirations;

Why not fight for our right to be as we are.

Fight for our right to manifest our dreams and desires.

You can't win unless you remind yourself of how far you've come.

Remind yourself of the things and struggles, even the happiness, you've been through.

You're still standing tall, holding on and wanting to be.

You just need to tell yourself you will do it, no more wanting to be better and wishing to do more.

It's time to do it and take back control.

PC Unknown