[guinea-pig-008]

mithi • she/they • 17 • incoming 1st yr bsc psych • reblog studyblr @guinea-pig-004 • main @ramblingsfromthytruly

goals • cbse bio improvement exam to increase percentage (28/july) • uni & iat prep simultaneously (starting aug) • scholarship for sem 1 sgpa • start iiser bs-ms (but don't beat myself up too much if i don't make it, i'll just continue this course)

[csny]

everymorning: i think im about to die. i think im going to die. im actually going to die. this is it. im going to die. im going to die immediately.

every single night: lock in. OK. Lock In. Change your Life. I love you. Lock in. This is going to be big. I’m going to change the world. Ready? I love you. Lock in. I have an idea. Lock in.

[koiagain]

Stop saying “do it scared” i do everything scared I sleep scared Boy i’ll kill u

[paraskeinia]

"pip...pip...pip...peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

-Ray's biology textbook (they were describing an ECG machine help)

[nyxscave]

Learning used to be so much fun. I'd read encyclopedias during meals when I was a kid, solve math problems bc it felt good being the only one in my class who could do it, finish fiction books in a day.

Then academic trauma happened. Being 'the smart one' suddenly meant pressure to be better, be perfect, have the grades and the test scores and the medals to prove it. And now I'm an adult and doing a master's and still feel like the dumbest, most inferior person in this uni. Studying is so painful and I get fucking hives at the 20-min mark.

I hate seeing myself as the victim of all that shit bc all the procrastination and anxiety feels like it's only my fault. But what the fuck. Why would they do that to someone who somehow enjoyed learning. Was it worth it? If I put all my success in a can and weight it against that person's own shame and past trauma, will I ever be normal about this again?

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

went 2 my college campus 4 the 1st time this is insane im starting in less than a month holy shittttt

[guinea-pig-004]

study updates @guinea-pig-008

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

gimme 3 years to be able 2 say that i can speak 5 languages

[aamtreeanalogy]

don't ask a man his height, a woman her age, and a 12th grader "so what plans next?"

[sobcat]

forgiving myself today, locking in tomorrow

[guinea-pig-004]

ok so now i have gotten admission in a private college - that mainly has made its name in btech ("tier 1.5/2") - for a non btech course (heck its non pure science). options for this course specifically r limited but i have gotten one of the best options i think. but... i wanna try writing iat again (for any iiser. lol iisc isn't even an option since i had pcb) next year, i'll have been done with my first year at this priv cllg by then. why not take a drop u might ask? well if i fail my second attempt (or decide to quit half way through and just go the long way route to what i want post grad) then at least i've already completed my first year of uni and can now be even more determined in my efforts in this line. but iiser is a way better option to go the path of pure science research that i either way wanna pursue (and i can through the course i will start in august too. though it'll make my options more limited probably and most definitely 2-4 times more expensive in the long run but well there was a reason this was my last plan). so ig i'm just asking for more opinions on if i should in fact try my best for one year studying for iat exam (while also studying for the course i am in - this college does not take academics lightly either from what i've heard and i really need to put in the work to be on the top of my batch to also get their scholarship tuition refund). i'll essentially have to be studying for two entirely different sets of subjects with zero overlap practically everyday and be good at both of them. is it worth it for this one year? i think i actually made up my mind while writing out all this but i'll still let it out into the void...

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

in another life im studying linguistics