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[h-3770]

i just made this account. i’m posting this as a sort of introduction and i hope to find people who are similar to me.

i’m a young adult (18-21) and i’m disabled. i have chronic pain and chronic fatigue as well as dysphagia as my post notable symptoms. i’m not multiple medications that are necessary to regulate my systemic issues.

i live in an abusive household and i’m chronically stressed. i suffer from disordered eating and i suffered from self harm.

i was into reality shifting, subliminals, affirmations and nonduality for a really long time. i respect those beliefs, but i no longer believe in them because they didn’t work for me.

due to suffering i intend to end my life in the most peaceful way possible at some point. maybe not immediately. i feel like weight loss and self harm are coping mechanisms and they’re only holding me back, but i feel like the end is inevitable. i have a plan for when that time comes.

i just want to see if there is anyone similar to me.

[maneatered]

"S*IcIdE iS a PeRmAnEnT sOlUtIoN tO a TeMpOrArY pRoBlEm"

Meanwhile:

[h-3770]

i wish something would really come and kill me right now. i wish i had an axe or something. i wish i was at the top of a high building and i could jump and my brain could just splatter all over concrete. that’s the only thing that could cure my pain.

[h-3770]

i really just want to end my life.

this world just isn’t for me. i’ve known that as a child—and i tried to kill myself. ever since i was 13-15 years old, i searched for spiritualized ways out of it—reality shifting, law of assumption, subliminal videos. i know i can’t live like this, so i searched for ways to change reality. but it never worked. eventually i had to come to the realization that it was never real in the first place.

the fundamental issue still persists. i can’t live in reality. i just really wish i was dead. i wish i didn’t have to exist at all.