Bruce: we will continue to utilize the Batmobile, of course. But we needed an upgrade and we got one. Introducing-
Bruce [pause-for-dramatic-effect Wayne]: the Bat-tank
Dick:
Jason:
Tim:
Steph:
Cass:
Damian:
Duke: fine, I'll say it- that's just an armored minivan
Bruce: what? It's not-
Jason: It has sliding doors
Bruce: for efficiency and convenience-
Dick: i think it's neat! But... yeah, not really a tank
Steph: very spacious, yet very compact, very on brand for a mom with 6-9 kids
Bruce: it has all of the features and capabilities of the Batmobile-
Damian: Father, I for one admire your priority, practicality is far more important than being fashionable.
Bruce: i, wha- It very clearly has lasers and it's bullet-proof! How is that unfashionabl- I know my brand!
Tim: aww, enough cup holders for the whole family, very thoughtful, Bruce
Bruce: The Bat-tank WILL strike fear into the enemies of Gotham!
Jason: our enemies will see us speeding at 700mph and assume you're late to your kid's soccer game
Bruce: Okay! Okay, so we needed a family car, but this isn't-
Cass: Recital
Bruce: *gasp* OH, we're going to be late for Cass's dance recital, everyone in the van!
Dick: I thought it was a tank-
Bruce, glaring: Cass gets shotgun since she's the only one who respects the Bat-tank!
Cass: yes... very scary *pats Bruce's arm affectionately*
Bruce: Hurry up, everyone! Duke, the backseats unfold if you press the button underneath-
Duke: yeah I know how minivans work
Bruce: It's not-
Bruce:
Bruce: oh no.
Dick: there's the moment of realization we were waiting for
Bruce, whispering: It IS a minivan.
Tim: can we go to Bat Burger after this?
Damian: Seconded
Jason: yes thank fuck I'm starving
Dick: Language! Here, little D, you can sit by me
Steph: ugh, why do I have to sit in the middle?
Duke: this thing comes with chargers, right, Bruce?
Bruce: I'm... I'm a minivan mom.
Cass, smiling: Our minivan mom
