Why is this the type of humor I enjoy
who did this
Monterey Bay Aquarium

Love Begins

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Keni
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@haileybears
Why is this the type of humor I enjoy
who did this
I can’t believe that the government is watching our every move and yet they refused to warn me that I was about to walk into a Panera where THREE of my exes were working together.
Hey, the government? You could’ve texted me. You’ve got GPS; they’ve got their jobs on Facebook; I know you know we dated. You knew, you have the technology, and you just let me walk in there, make eye contact with them, and walk out without ordering anything. Fuck you. I hate this country.
plus our planet is literally dying, why would anyone want to raise kids in this hell?
Spread the word.
My psych teacher has a poster in her classroom that says “Everytime you call your boyfriend ‘Daddy,’ Sigmund Freud’s ghost grows a little bit stronger,” and if that isn't threatening, then I don’t know what is.
SLOW THE FUCK DOWN.
please watch brooklyn 99
so my uncle is a priest and apparently can’t deny when i ask him to bless something so i now have a blessed laptop, blessed loaf of bread, and blessed underwear.
i just asked him to bless this post and he did
This post is officially the most holy post on Tumblr. Use it to banish sins from your dashboard.
all bugs can be organized into one of three categories: homies, chillers, and haters. hornets and wasps are haters. mosquitos are haters. most spiders are homies cuz they eat shitty bugs, some spiders are chillers cuz they dont really do anything, but also some spiders are haters because they’ll kill you. learn to tell the difference. bees are homies but they become haters if you fuck with them. most beetles are chillers but if they’re the kind of beetle that flies really fast at your face then they’re haters.
Tiny dirty stray kitten hanging out at the bottom of our stairs since yesterday. There are a lot of self-reliant ferals around our apartment, but this little thing was dirty & covered in burrs. We gave it some chicken but couldn’t catch it. I think it may have wandered over from the outdoor cat hoarder colony down the street; that house is awful & we saw kittens there last week.
This morning the downstairs neighbor managed to grab it for us, and I put it on this cozy towel & started combing and picking the burrs & sticks out of its fur. It calmed down immediately and has been chilling here with me in the kitchen ever since. Got a vet appointment in an hour to get my little buddy cleaned up & checked out. I hope it isn’t too sick; I think it might have a cold.
If we can, we are probably going to keep her.
What a difference a day makes! Took this little guy to the vet, got the fleas and dirt washed off him, got some antibiotics for a slight cold, but he is otherwise fine. Kneading and purring up a storm, eating a lot and being heart-crushingly adorable.
We have named this glorious creature Nux.
A little over a month later and Nux is growing into a very long and floppy shoulder cat!
Oh my god!!!!
i’m so happy for this cat i hope nux knows im proud of him
I just told him!
I cried
when u love her but all she want from u is some eggos
my biggest pet peeve is when I call a boy pretty and about six people have their necks swivel all the way around on their shoulders exorcist style just to tell me that boys aren’t pretty they’re handsome