Side blog for BLs which i started watching Xmas 2023. You can talk to me here. I'll reblog and comment from this blog. I will follow from j-in-the-north. I am HoH, queer she/her old adult. Big supporter of artists, writers, gif makers, and creators. I'm following all the BL tags I can find. I welcome asks, conversations, and messages and even take recommendations for BL shows to watch. Hate or unkindness will be ignored/blocked. I also take recommendations for deaf or hard of hearing shows, but especially queer content. 💜 and I'm obsessed with kisses
Tom Phollowat and Jab Penpatch! These two play so many QL dads so why not have them play dads together and truly give me my old man yaoi and elder queer guidance. Let them be married! Let them have a child together! They're always on my screen! Give me more. It'd be amazing!
Okay, but what is that music sound they use in Thai BLs. I don't even know how to describe it. But it's in Me and Thee in the first episode on Iqiyi at 41:00 for 12 seconds. I want to know more about that. Who composed it? Is there more of it? Why is it in so many BLs. I'm sure I've heard it in others. I'll be honest I'm always a little sad it doesn't come with a whole song.
Help needed - Selling art/fanart originals and prints to raise emergency funds
I've been going back and forth on whether to make this post, and acting like everything's okay when it's really not. Truthfully, I need some help. My checking account was finally overdrawn this week and my savings have been completely depleted over the past few months.
Unfortunately, my mother had to have emergency surgery followed by a 2-week recovery period in the hospital in March and I've had several visits to the ER and doctor because of heart palpitations caused by my previously undiagnosed Graves' disease. While managing her care and mine with the steady increase of the cost of living, my finances have taken a very serious hit. I've been trying my best to stay afloat, but I've truly reached my limit.
So in an effort to raise some money and hopefully give myself some breathing room, I'm reopening my online shop after 7 years and fully liquidating my art/fanart originals and prints.
I know times are hard for many of us, so I understand if you can't afford to buy anything from my shop or donate. If that's the case, please reblog this post so that it can reach those who might be able to help. My hope is to raise at least $3000 to cover bills next month and have some left over for emergencies. Thank you in advance 🩵
Art/Print Shop - direct links to Prints // Originals
- mostly drawings/paintings of BTS & SHINee with a few other kpop idols/artists/actors in the mix)
- price breakdown for originals: $20 hourly wage x # of hours spent on piece + $10 for materials = total price
Ko-fi (donation link)
Paypal (donation link)
Cashapp: $ermiteart
Thank you so much to everyone who's donated, ordered, and reblogged. Having 10% of my goal ($305/$3000) covered in 2 days is insane. I seriously appreciate all that you've done 🩷
I am currently helping a friend who is doing research on the Latin American Thai BL community, and I thought I'd try luck here since I know there are quite a few of us.
If you could help us, all you have to do is answer a short survey here: https://forms.gle/vNo5Zu76wU89Btik9
If you're not from Latin America, you can help by reblogging this so we can maybe reach more people.
¡Se buscan fans latinoamericanes del BL!
Actualmente, estoy ayudando a una amiga que está realizando una investigación sobre la comunidad de BL tailandés latinoamericana, y pensé en probar suerte aquí, ya que sé que somos bastantes.
Tan solo es cuestión de contestar el formulario en la liga de arriba y nos estaría ayudando muchísimo.
Pride Month Tag Game 🌈🏳️🌈
See Your Love Edition
RED: HELLO.
ORANGE: FRUIT
YELLOW: THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME.
GREEN: SIGN LANGUAGE IS ANOTHER KIND OF LANGUAGE. IT'S YOUR LANGUAGE.
BLUE: SHE KNOWS I LIKE YOU.
VIOLET: PLEASE. THANK YOU. I'M SORRY.
"So what if I'm effeminate?": ‘Apo Wachirakon,’ the gorgeous star of the boy band ‘DICE,’ who wants to inspire LGBTQ+ youth to chase their dreams and be themselves.
Apo Wachirakon Raksuwan: "So what if I'm effeminate? As long as I'm happy."
"Me being myself allows others to be themselves too—exactly as they are."
The true essence of 'Apo-Wachirakon Raksuwan,' an idol from the boy group 'DICE,' has sparked fire and inspired young people who have dreams but haven't yet dared to fully be themselves. He has given them the courage to dream, to act, and to embrace who they are. Apo shared with us that a truly heartwarming moment was when younger fans walked up to tell him that he was the artist who gave them the courage to break through certain boundaries—whether with their families, schools, or society. Being an example that helps people believe their true selves are always valuable is deeply meaningful. It makes him feel like he is truly living up to the title of an "idol."
Apo wants to speak up loudly for the LGBTQ+ community and normalize the presence of effeminate members in boy groups. He believes it isn't wrong; it is completely normal for individuals to have diverse and unique characters.
Apo has loved singing and dancing since childhood and started auditioning at the age of 13. He was rejected by some agencies for not being "masculine" enough. When it came time to audition for the boy group survival show 789SURVIVAL by SONRAY MUSIC, he was so afraid of rejection that he didn't dare show his feminine side. That was until the agency explicitly told him they liked him just the way he was and didn't want him to change. That unlocked everything for Apo, showing him that there is still a space where he can be himself while chasing his dreams.
Apo used to fear that being himself would make him stick out like a sore thumb in DICE, but his bandmates always boosted his confidence, constantly reassuring him that they love and understand who he is. Because of this, he considers DICE his true safe space.
Apo admits that expressing femininity is sometimes viewed negatively, especially when comments label him as "too extra" or "over-the-top." However, he believes that as long as he surrounds himself with people who see his value, he will be like a flower planted in the right pot, continuing to grow beautifully.
Apo absolutely loves it when people call him "Khon Suay Kha" (Beautiful Girl) or "P'Khon Suay" (Beautiful Sister)! And the one thing he absolutely cannot live without—to the point it's become his 33rd organ—is his "dolly eyes" makeup, because it makes him feel beautiful and 100% himself.
This is 'Apo,' one of the seven individuals from Mirror Thailand’s project, "So what if I'm effeminate?: Feminine Energy - Redefining Strength." This project embraces the power of femininity for Pride 2026, because embracing femininity is never wrong—and for some, it is the ultimate "happiness" of getting to shine by simply being themselves.
Interview Q&A
Q: If you had to complete the sentence "So what if I'm effeminate?…", how would you finish it?
A: I would say, "So what if I'm effeminate? As long as I'm happy." I feel like expressing my femininity and being this way brings me happiness whenever I do what I want to do and get to be 100% who I want to be. Happiness itself is probably the best definition for the phrase 'expressing femininity.'
Q: What was childhood like for young Apo, or the 'baby' that fans adore?
A: I was a very bright, cheerful child. My home was wrapped in love, and I was allowed to be 100% myself. That’s the best part about my family—they accepted me for who I am. My dad supported me 100%. Even though he could be strict sometimes, he actually liked me wearing high heels! He might say "don't do this or that," but he’d also tell me to put on lotion and take care of my skin, saying, "You don't need to go play football with the boys, it'll ruin your skin" (laughs). I was really nurtured growing up.
Because I grew up in such a supportive family, it took some adjusting when I had to face society outside. Throughout my life, I had never felt pressured about my identity at home. But as I grew up, I understood the world better—that I would meet all kinds of people, and the world is much bigger than just me, my parents, and my grandparents. So I had to deal with those emerging feelings, gradually learning to understand that pressure and live with it. I had to figure out why I felt pressured and how to coexist with it.
Q: How much did those worries and pressures affect your mindset as a kid dreaming of becoming an artist?
A: I’ve loved singing and dancing since I was little. I tried to chase this dream from a very young age and got really serious around 13 or 14 when I started auditioning and entering dance competitions. Before entering 789SURVIVAL, I lived my life entirely as myself. But once I got serious about this dream, I started feeling like maybe I needed to tone myself down to fit into the box of what the entertainment industry expected. I started being fed the narrative that being effeminate would make things harder—like it would be harder to sell jobs, or that there wouldn't be many roles for me in movies or series. Conforming to tradition seemed to bring in more work. Once that thought got stuck in my head, I thought, Okay, do I need to suppress a part of myself? I was miserable during that period.
Q: Is that why you chose to audition with a song by EXO instead of a female artist you actually liked?
A: Yes, exactly! (laughs) I was so scared. I thought if this was my only shot at doing what I’ve wanted to do my whole life, and if it was my last chance, then I should act more masculine just to get my foot in the door. But then again, if you aren't being yourself, nothing good ever comes out of it. It was the same with choosing to dance to EXO that day. I might have added my own flair to the dance, but the song itself wasn't 100% me. They kept making me dance until I finally brought out the song I actually liked.
It was like the executives could see right through me, realizing I wasn't being myself. Because what they saw in front of them didn't match my Instagram at all. On Instagram, I was dancing like my hips were breaking, but in person, I was so stiff and tense. They were like, "Hmm… can you give us a girl group song?" I was like, "Okay, yes sir" (I was still saying 'krub' back then). So I played FEARLESS by LE SSERAFIM. Even then, I didn't dance at 100% because I was stiff and hadn't prepared to do a female choreo. Usually, when I dance at home, I don't care about anyone because no one is watching. But when it's an audition, dancing to a girl group song made me a bit tense because we rarely got opportunities to do so. But once I did it, it unlocked everything. At the very least, I got to smile before going home. Even if it wasn't 100% perfect, that was what I had been searching for my whole life: being in a space where people appreciate me for who I am. Whether I got chosen or not, I got that one smile. I checked it off in my heart that this place was a green light. If they called back, I’d confirm. And if they didn't, that was fine too, because at least I knew there was still a space in Thailand that gave opportunities to people like me. My eyes completely lit up when they let me dance.
Q: How did you feel when you got the call saying you passed the audition?
A: When they contacted me, I was shocked. I had been through quite a lot of auditions before and never got called back. But with this one, it felt like all my hard work had finally paid off. After the excitement settled, the next step was training with a lot of boys. So I straight-up asked them, "Do I need to fake being manly?" I asked beforehand because I was a rookie and didn't know how to conduct myself. I asked them directly how I should behave if I joined. They told me, "Just be yourself. We chose you because we want you as you are, we don't want you to be like anyone else." I was like, Oh! This is exactly what I need. Even though there were tons of guys, at that moment, I was the only lady there! (Apo claps for himself)
At that time, I just felt so happy to get the opportunity. They saw my talent and my true identity, which was amazing because it meant we could work together easily. We didn't have to find a middle ground where they compromise and I compromise to meet in the center. No, I could be myself in every single aspect, which is fabulous! Ultimately, I think if we do what we love but can't be ourselves, we won't be truly happy. To do something perfectly, it has to be something you love and a place where you can be yourself.
Q: Do you think the fear of expressing femininity in the T-Pop idol industry stems from the lack of representation in the media?
A: If you're asking whether the hesitation to show femininity in T-Pop comes from a lack of representation, I think that might be true. We used to see artists from the older generations who still had to stay inside the box. If you were in a boy group, you had to be manly. I remembered that image. During the time I was chasing my dream, there weren't many images of people like me. But the person I deeply look up to is P’PP (PP Krit). Honestly, he is way ahead of his time. He dared to do things when Thailand hadn't broken those barriers yet. Back when people didn't quite get Y-series (BL series), P'PP dared to stand out. That is beautiful, and that’s what makes him such a role model. Even though I felt fear and pressure about being myself as a T-Pop idol, I still had P’PP as a guiding light, giving me the courage to step out and try.
Back then, in my mind, there wasn't really a space for people like me to showcase their true talents. The country still needs to provide more spaces for the LGBTQ+ community to show what they can do.
Q: Since debuting as a member of DICE, you’ve become an 'idol' to many people yourself. How proud do you feel knowing you are an inspiration to others?
A: Wow, it comes from both fans and younger trainees. Some people have come up to tell me they’ve been following me for a long time and look up to me as their idol in various ways. When I went on the 'DICE Busking Tour' across 15 provinces in Thailand, a young fan walked up to me and said that because of me, they found the courage to break down walls with their family and at school. It’s like me being myself allows others to be themselves too—exactly as they are. It’s deeply moving. I never thought that one day I would be an example for so many people.
Q: Aside from just expressing yourself, many people praise you for being an idol who proudly speaks about being LGBTQ+. How has being a voice here unlocked things for you?
A: Honestly, I feel like if I have a platform or a megaphone big enough, why wouldn't I use it? So I might as well just say it out loud that I am LGBTQ+. I believe being a public figure means being a role model. If someone looks up to me, they might take the things they like about me and adapt them to their own lives. It’s the influence of wanting to follow someone you like. Just like how I want to come out and support the community, this should create a ripple effect that gives others the courage to do the same.
Q: Fans call you 'Khon Suay' (Beautiful). Do you fully embrace this compliment? And if you had to rate your own beauty, what score would you give yourself?
A: To be honest, I love it. I love it sooooo much! But there was a phase where I was a bit hung up on the phrase "so handsome" whenever someone complimented me like that. Lately, I've loosened up on that word. I feel like I can be anything. Some days, I actually want to be handsome too (laughs). Confusing, right? But I feel like I want to be a handsome girl—it’s cool. I can be both handsome and beautiful.
The reason I used to be stuck on the word "handsome" was because some people complimented me with an appreciative attitude like, Wow, this kid can be handsome too, while others said it just to make me feel a certain way. You can feel the difference. But if I'm being honest, I prefer to be a beautiful older sister.
In DICE, no one has ever questioned who I am; they are always ready to support me. Once they knew I wasn't fond of the word "handsome," they became careful not to use it with me. Or if an outsider says it, my bandmates will immediately chime in saying, "Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!" It’s so sweet. On days when I lack confidence, everyone can sense it. If I feel like I'm not looking very pretty that day, they'll support me and tell me it's okay, that I can be confident. Having people like this around is amazing. It's like giving each other a booster shot—you boost me, I boost you. We exist to support one another.
In reality, though, I’d only give my beauty a score of 7 out of 10 because I’m not very confident in my looks. It’s probably a normal human thing to find flaws in our own bodies, which makes me feel insecure at times. There are days when I think, Wow, I'm so pretty, but other days I'm like, Ugh, why did I do my makeup like this today? On insecure days, I tend to compare myself to conventional beauty standards, thinking, Oh, that's what's popular? Ugh, that's not me. Oh no, who's going to like me?
Q: Looking at today, do you think the perception of expressing femininity has changed?
A: I think femininity is still viewed in both negative and positive ways. There will always be people who think we are "too much," too extra, wearing too much makeup, or dressing too flamboyantly. Some people think the way I am doesn't fit DICE. But I only let those thoughts bother me for a split second because I love doing this, so I don't care much anymore. I understand we can't change other people. We can't change the minds of people who are incredibly stubborn in their beliefs. All I can do is keep focusing on doing good work. If I obsess over those messages, it might affect my job. So, I just SWIPE UP (just like DICE's song title—go stream it, everyone!).
On the other hand, for those who see it positively, they don't question me at all. It really depends on the person. Some see it as bad simply because they don't understand it or haven't accepted it yet. That's all. Before this, I used to question my own identity too. I worried that being too much of myself would make me drift away from the group, that our directions might not align, or that my friends would have to blend themselves in to make the group cohesive when they might actually want a different genre of music. I had a period where I felt quite uneasy. But when I asked my bandmates, everyone told me it was completely fine and that I was just overthinking it. They never felt that having me in the group was an issue, which made me feel so much better.
I once tweeted on X that being in T-Pop while getting to be this much of myself brings the ultimate happiness. If I had debuted in a place that wasn't this open-minded, I might not be happy at all. But here I am in T-Pop, widely recognized as Apo from DICE. To me, that’s everything. It's so okay, so happy.
Q: Do you think trying to be someone else just for societal acceptance creates toxicity in one's life?
A: It creates a lot of toxicity because it's exhausting. Not being yourself is inherently tiring. No matter what you try to achieve through it, the effort itself is just pure exhaustion. I don't want anyone to have to try to be someone else because there's no happiness in it. You'll constantly ask yourself, When will it ever be enough? because you'll just keep wanting to be this person or that person, and you'll get exhausted with yourself.
Sometimes we forget to appreciate ourselves. For me, encouraging myself might not come in words, but rather in the feeling of looking in the mirror, seeing who is in there, and appreciating the person standing in front of me. I think that’s enough. When I open my bedroom door, I have a huge mirror right there. I’ll look at it and go, Yep, beautiful.
Q: If you could reclaim the power of femininity for society, what loud message would you want to send through this channel?
A: Getting to be yourself or discovering your true identity is the most valuable thing. I believe that if we are in the right environment, it will allow us to grow strong and be 100% ourselves. Sometimes a flower just needs to be in the right pot, with people who know how to plant it and keep it alive for a very long time.
Q: Is there anything you'd like to say for Pride Month?
A: I see everyone becoming much more active during Pride Month, and it makes me happy every time to see that people truly still care about it. And it shouldn't just be this month—in daily life, if we learn to live with diverse people and respect each person's identity, it would be fabulous. We would live in a society where you get to be you, I get to be me, and both sides accept one another. I think Thailand still needs to pay even more attention to diversity because there are still many people who don't understand the unique differences everyone has. If Thailand is full of mutual understanding and respect, it will be a much more livable country.
For instance, when people are careless with their words, thinking it’s no big deal—that is actually the main culprit that destroys someone's confidence or identity. It is incredibly important to think carefully before speaking because it can truly hurt the listener's feelings and have a long-term impact if they encounter it repeatedly.
On the legal side, though, I am so glad we now have marriage equality. It covers some things that are incredibly vital, like medical surgeries. If you are all alone and have no one else, at least having a marriage certificate registered with your partner grants them the right to give medical consent for your treatment. This is so important. Sometimes if you're all alone and there's no one to sign for you, what are you supposed to do? So, I love that Thailand has marriage equality now (claps).
Q: Now that we have marriage equality, do you want to get married?
A: I do! I really do, to be completely honest. Getting married is my second biggest dream right after being an idol. I'm just waiting for the right time. Having a life partner is another chapter where we get to look after each other; it's really sweet. But right now, I'm focusing on work first (laughs). Answering like a true celebrity here: I want to get married, but I'm waiting until I'm ready. The right person might not come at a time when I'm this busy with work. So for now, let's just work!
I had this friend who suddenly disappeared from my life after I’d crossed an unspoken boundary.
I’d known him since infancy, really, but by middle school something changed. That early crush led me to take things too far. We were never the same.
It was easy to blame myself. I had done something wrong, after all. But there was also something ‘wrong’ about me that I was eager to hate.
The silence and regret that followed offered my shame a bone to crystallize around. It was proof of my failure to be a ‘good’ person, that imaginary person the world wanted me to be.
And I was one of the lucky ones. I didn’t grow up with teachings of a vengeful god or parents who I ever thought would disown me.
Still, my broken adolescent friendship haunted me. I’d suddenly cut out a friend group the year after. When other friends abruptly left in cycles during college, it felt like the appropriate retribution from the universe.
The shame was no longer bound to queerness. I felt happy about how openly gay I had become. But the original sin still echoed. I pushed people away and kept them at a distance while aching to have friendships like everyone else seemed to have.
At the bottom of my heart, I fell into that habitual belief: I was guilty and still needed to serve out my punishment. The wounds were dealt too far in the past for any amends or apologies to reach them.
The closet makes queer people vulnerable to shame. Growing up, parts of themselves are kept in the dark, and they can’t talk out the mistakes they’ve made. Their problems and love can tangle in the shadows.
You can hope for days when no one grows up in that darkness and work on your self-compassion. The mistakes you made won’t go away. You’ll still want to say sorry some days. I promise you’re not alone.
