Demon Boy of Neverland Pt.5 (Humor)
Description: Baelfire is Peter's new therapist. Their therapeutic session will inspire Pan to give up the Thinking Log and upgrade to a Thinking Tree.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I am just writing fanfiction to soothe my soul.
Demon Boy of Neverland: Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.5
Several days had passed since Felix started his mission to gain Y/N's trust. Pan had made himself scarce from Y/N, and despite her best efforts, she couldn't help but think of him and of their --ehem-- their most intimate moment together...especially of Pan pinning her to the floor.
"Oh, damn it all!," Y/N unintentionally shouted out. Her cheeks were flushed red.
Felix, startled, looked up at Y/N's frustrated expression and asked, "What's wrong?"
Y/N gritted her teeth, clutching at the bars of the cage wall until her knuckles turned white, and sent the most ferocious glare to Felix as she said tightly, "You. Are. CHEATING!"
Felix, maintaining a poker face, said, "No. I am not."
"Yes! Yes you are!," Y/N angrily insisted. She pointed at the three cards that laid upside down before Felix and continued, "For the last four games, I have followed the Lady, but you cheat!"
"No, I would never," Felix persisted, suppressing a smile, "Stop accusing others and just admit that your embittered words are those of a sore loser."
"....What did you just say to me?," Y/N questioned in a low, ominous tone.
Felix, quite careless, said casually, "I said: Just admit that you're a sore loser."
Felix, the poor fellow, didn't note the fact that Y/N was holding something behind her back, a weapon that would bring even Pan to his knees. She brought it forth, concealed from Felix and with a dart of her hand to his neck, she struck him down....
....down into a laughing, curled up mass on the forest floor. Y/N smirked evilly as she brandished the pink flamingo feather. She stroked his neck with the feather several times more, sending him into a stomach-aching fit of laughter.
Y/N immediately searched his sleeves thoroughly, patting up and down his abdomen until she saw the Lady card tucked into the hood of his cloak.
"Aha! A liar and a cheater," she exclaimed, plucking the card from him, "For the last four games, I win by default. So grovel before me and beg for forgiveness, you cheating prick!"
She then continued tickling his neck with the feather until tears ran out of his eyes, with him yelling, "Mercy! Mercy!."
And all the while, deep within the jungle, Pan witnessed it all.
Y/N continuously tickled Felix, a joyous smile upon her face, completely unaware of Pan's burning glare of jealousy directed at the two; his fists balled up and trembling, hatred swelling in his heart toward his supposedly most loyal Lost Boy.
Pan waved his hand and poofed himself out of there.
"Hey, hey! What are you doing here? This is private property!," a voice exclaimed aloud indignantly.
Pan turned around and saw that a person sat on his Thinking Log, a raw slab of meat speared and roasting on a spit over a fire before him.
"Private property my arse! That Thinking Log and I go a long way back before you were born, Baelfire," Pan emphasized, stepping near to the glowing embers of the fire.
"Oh shit--," Baelfire said to himself before looking up to the intimidating figure of Peter Pan.
Baelfire, internally wracking from nervousness, babbled on, "Pan? I-It's you! Long time no see! How long has it been? A decade? Centuries? Gods, you haven't aged a day! What cream do you use? Anyways, I-I thought that you were one of the Lost Boys---"
"You could've recognized the footsteps of your beloved ruler," Pan interjected, taking a step closer to Bae.
Balefire, quite adamant about saving his behind, rattled on, "Oh, really Pan, your skin! Flawless! You gotta tell me what cream you use. And your hair! Did Tiger Lily trim it? It really brings out the greenness in your eyes. Do--do you wanna hear a joke?"
Pan just looked at Baelfire with a blank expression.
"O-Okay...," Baelfire tensely said, taking his silence as acquiescence. "Wh-What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?"
"He says, 'Baelfire, run. Run like hell. I have the power to rip the shadow out of you and make it into one of my many tortured minions'," Pan said, a sadistic grin accompanying all that he said.
"Slavery. Nice, but, uhm, uh, that--that's not what he actually said. He...said: 'Ay Matey'," Baelfire corrected in a mumbling sort of way, fiddling his fingers together.
"Baelfire, get off my Thinking Log."
Baelfire complied, quickly seating himself on a nearby stump.
"Do you want to hear another joke?," Baelfire asked, following Peter with his eyes as the uncrowned king of Neverland laid flat on his back onto his Thinking Log.
Taking Pan's faraway stare into the distance above him as acquiescence, Baelfire asked: "What did the beaver say to the tree?"
For a few moments, Pan didn't respond. Baelfire kept his eye on Pan and was cautiously turning the meat over the fire when Pan suddenly bursted out, "I've been gone a few days and now, what? She's feeling him up and giving him smiles? She's supposed to be feeling me up! And Felix---"
Pan abruptly stood up and paced back and forth before Baelfire, who was biting on a sliver of cooked meat and watching Peter avidly.
"Felix, that traitor! I taught him how to play Follow the Lady! How dare he use it to get closer to my mutton pie!"
Baelfire tilted his head to the side with a perplexed look at the word 'mutton pie'.
"Look, Pan, you're a great guy. A great catch! Compared to you, Felix is nothing. He's dirt!," Baelfire encouragingly said, knowing full well he's kissing ass in order to avoid getting the shadow ripped out of him.
"But in Y/N's eyes, I'm dirt."
"You don't know that. Come here, tell me why you think so," Baelfire beckoned to Peter, patting on the Thinking Log. Pan complied and laid flat on his back onto the Thinking Log once more.
Baelfire steepled his fingers, elbows on his knees as he leaned forward toward Pan.
Peter inhaled and exhaled as he said, "Well, she calls me names."
"What kind of names?" Bae inquired, taking up a bark of wood and a stick with a burnt tip.
"Weird names. It's kind of hurtful. She calls me 'Green Devil', 'Evil Broccoli', 'Demon Boy'--I swear, her mutton addiction is getting to her brains."
"Hmm, so, is that why you referred to Y/N as 'Mutton Pie'?," Bae asked with a raised brow.
Baelfire pencilled the words 'Has Weird Pet Names' and 'Is In a Potential Love Triangle', onto the piece of bark. Next, Bae asked, "If you wanted Y/N to 'feel you up', why don't you just rip out Felix's shadow? Problem solved! And he's replaceable! Right?....right?"
Peter fiddled with his thumbs as he said, "Well, I won't rip the shadow out of my most loyal Lost Boy. Felix is the only one willing to call me 'Milord'. I also assigned him to gain Y/N's trust. Her trust in him is essential if we're to pull off our little scheme."
"A scheme that doesn't concern you," Pan emphasized, narrowing his eyes as he faced Baelfire. Bae nodded and wrote onto the bark of wood: 'Secretive' and 'Has Trust Issues.'
"Instead of being dramatic and making everything complicated, why don't you just tell her how you feel?"
Pan scoffed and said, "Are you mad? I kidnapped her. 'Tell her how I feel'? Bae, I'm beginning to doubt your usefulness to me as a guide."
"How am I supposed to know that you kidnapped that girl? You didn't say!," Bae bursted out defensively. He continued on bitterly with an equally bitter look, "It's not like you drop by for a cup of tea once a year. It's been a decade since we've seen each other last and when you actually take the time to chat with an old acquaintance, it's to cry to me about girl problems."
Baelfire scribbled the words 'Scared of Admitting His Feelings', with a finishing flourish onto the bark of wood.
"Hey, what are you writing down?," Pan inquired, straining to read from the bark of wood.
Bae quickly snatched the bark from view and said, "Now, about Y/N. How close to her would you say both of you are?"
Pan remained silent for a few minutes, fiddling his thumbs until Bae pressed on by saying, "Well?"
"Oh, sod off! You're taking advantage of my vulnerability. Despicable," Pan said with a disappointed shake of his head. "For that, I ought to feed you to the mermaids."
"Ah, so you're-- ehem -- closer to her than she is with Felix," Baelfire deduced, writing onto the bark of wood 'Lovers?'.
Unintentionally flushing red in both cheeks, Pan exclaimed aloud: "I didn't say that!"
"You didn't need to. You implied it."
"Absurd! Are you trying to make a fool out of me?," Pan slowly questioned with a menacing look in his narrowed eyes. "If you are, then I'm sure your shadow will do me more service than yourself."
"Ther-there's no need for that!," Bae defended, forcing out a nervous laugh. In an attempt to divert Pan's displeasure onto Felix, Baelfire continued, "Besides, shouldn't you be spending your time winning Y/N back from Felix? Or--or instead of scheming with Felix, why don't you scheme against him?"
"Win Y/N back? Scheme against Felix?," Pan exclaimed aloud as though the very thought had never occurred to him. After a few moments of furrowing his eyebrows in thought and thoughtfully gazing up into the sky, Pan abruptly sat up straight, an evil grin adorning his damnably good-looking face. Sinister, indeed.
"Baelfire, you may be annoyingly nosy, but the things you spout out when it comes to saving your arse. Inspired," Pan said as he stood up to leave.
"Wh-What did I say?," Baelfire asked, perplexed, as Pan walked past him.
"You said, 'Peter Pan Never Fails'. Sounds quote-worthy, right? Oh, and Baelfire, you can keep the Thinking Log. I'm upgrading it to a Thinking Tree."
"What? A Thinking Tree? 'Peter Pan Never Fails'? I never said that!"
But Pan already poofed out of there. Baelfire settled himself back onto the Thinking Log and sat in contemplation for awhile.
Finally, Bae said aloud to himself,"'Peter Pan Never Fails'....It does sound quote-worthy."
Felix had been gone for awhile, but after dozens of minutes of eagerly waiting, he came back, a piece of paper in hand. Y/N looked up at him expectantly.
"I'm to take you out of your cage," Felix informed her with a blank expression.
"Pissing break again? I went an hour ago."
"No. You are to wash yourself in the lake," Felix informed, handing the note over to Y/N.
She opened it. It read: 'You're starting to smell, mutton pie. -Sincerely Your Beloved Broccoli.'
"That perverted bastard," Y/N said to herself, crumpling the note angrily.
areudirty
stormborns
pixelskylines
jacobvanloon
2087
blakekathryn
gracieabrams
romaincrisis
