I've been a casual fan of StarKid for years but then I watched Nerdy Prudes Must Die and it rewired my brain. I've spent the last couple months obsessing over everything Hatchetfield and it's thoroughly consumed me. So I decided to make this blog to talk to other Hatchetfield-obsessed people.
So hi! Please come yell at me about Hatchetfield and your favourite ships and your favourite characters and your headcanons and your theories and everything else. I'd love to chat!
I've had even more heartbreaking Ted thoughts that I need to share with you all. So, as we know, in Time Bastard, Ted was trying to get up the courage to confess his feelings to Jenny before he "passed out". The next morning, he wakes up to a letter from her, confessing her own feelings but thinking they're unreciprocated. Well, that's an easy fix. They're college students in 2004! They have cell phones. He just needs to call her. There's two possibilities for how that goes.
1. Jenny had her phone on her when she died so it got disintegrated along with her. Ted calls her and he gets that automated message about the number he's calling being out of service. God, was he that unimportant and disposable to her that she changed her phone number already? Did she actually love him or had she guessed his feelings and this was her idea of letting him down easy? She didn't give him another way to contact her so she obviously just wanted him out of her life.
2. Jenny didn't have her phone on her when she died so it survived somewhere. Ted calls her and it goes to voicemail. So, he leaves her a message telling her that he loves her too and she doesn't need to move to Clivesdale with Andy and please call him back, he loves her so much. Except she doesn't call him back that day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that. Days turn into weeks that turn into months and she still doesn't call him back. He confessed his feelings, told her he loves her and wants to be with her, and it didn't matter. His feelings weren't enough, he wasn't enough. She still moved to Clivesdale with Andy. So, why bother telling anyone that he loves them? It won't change anything.
Not Nick revealing in the backer only livestream how Grace originally managed to convince the police and framed the Homeless Man for Max's murder, and they were supposed to have him cameo in the show, just having him being dragged across the stage while yelling "It wasn't me, it was my brother!"
can we please talk about steph having a bigger body type than the rest of the cast & yet even in a show centred around the theme of bullying it's never so much as pointed out let alone mocked & she's universally regarded by other characters (and a large portion of the audience, from what i've seen including me) as cool and sexy. because it means a lot to me actually
god i love them and im obsessed with this image. in the time its taken me to draw this and render it i have come up with a full au for it, including having the great idea to not only ship Paul and Mark (for the au) BUT ALSO Ted. polycule. may elaborate later idk. i love it though i love this so much
Link to the poll I did for this!
"Paul wouldnt crossdress" Counter argument: i have a bomb
you know the part in npmd where ruth is getting nervous about the prank and steph gives her a little pep talk and ruth is like THIS IS THE NICEST ANYONE'S EVER BEEN TO ME! and steph just kind of recoils and she's like oh my god that's so sad. that's so so so sad. i'm doing the bare minimum here
that's paul matthews whenever ted calls him his "best friend". like what no i don't even like you man you're telling me I'M THE BEST YOU CAN DO-
Hi! Can I suggest something kinda dumb that's been in my head forever? Pete coming out to Ted as bi and being really nervous, and then Ted's like " oh cool me too. Wait you didn't know that?" And Pete's like "???"
Idk that's just really funny to me lol
First, anon, this idea is anything but dumb! Second, it would be my genuine pleasure! Bisexual brothers for the win tbh 😌
And forgive Pete for not being able to work this out with his incredible logic, it's the tism (and the anxiety) ((see: just like me fr))
"Ted… I've gotta tell you something…" Pete had been holding this back for a month or more, waiting on the right moment to just come out and say it. Part of him didn't even know what he was worried about, Ted had literally never judged him for anything before, why would this be so different? He was one of the most laid back people he knew, but there had to be a line somewhere, right? Maybe this would be the line, maybe Ted wouldn't be cool with it…
He found his brother on the sofa, halfway through some probably shit movie he wasn't even paying attention to. Swallowing back his nerves, he forced himself to breathe and rationalise the situation. No, he was not admitting to having committed a crime. No, he was not about to say he wanted to elope to another country with nothing but a girl and a dream… How bad could it really be?
Ted paused the movie, turned around, and raised an eyebrow. Pete was known for being a nervous wreck; he overthought like the best of them, and he'd set himself into more than enough spirals that were all decently hard to pull him back from. This was another one of those occassions, apparently. He looked tense, and there was something about the way he was avoiding looking at him that made him believe it wasn't just something interesting on the floor. "Uh, okay? What's up?" He asked, preparing himself for some long story that he'd have to deep dive through.
"I- uh…" Pete hesitated, drawing in a breath, and taking Ted up on the offer of the other side of the sofa. Even when he sat down, he was stiff as a board, worried that somehow this would go wrong. Eventually, he just decided to jump into the deep end and see what happened. "Fuck it. I'm… I'm into guys. And girls! Both! I'm… Bisexual. I might get a girlfriend one day, but- uh, maybe not, y'know..?"
It was silent for a few moments. Pete was starting to let those moments bleed out into eternity, thinking it better to absolve himself in the silence. It was better than rejection!
And then Ted hummed, breaking that precious silence like glass. Pete held his breath subtly, kneading his hands against the fabric of his trousers.
"… Cool."
But that wasn't the reaction he was expecting at all.
"Huh? That- that's it..? What, you're just cool with that?"
Just one word. The word 'cool'. He could forgive Ted for being vague at the best of times, but not right now. At least it didn't sound like a bad thing… He had prompted for more, though, and he was hoping that it was going to continue to be a good thing even with that much needed clarification.
Ted scoffed, vaguely amused. "What's your problem, kid? D'you think I was gonna judge you or whatever?"
"Uh… Yeah?"
For some reason, Ted was expecting it to be glaringly obvious that he was on his brother's side here. He thought he made it obvious enough, in any case… "Pete… Jesus…" He tried not to laugh- after all, this was probably serious for Pete, and he'd probably been thinking about how to say that for quite a while, knowing him. "I probably kissed more guys in college than you'll ever even get with. I'm the last person who's gonna judge you for swingin' both ways."
"What?"
"Yeah, man. Kissed 'em, hooked up with 'em… Hell, I even had a half serious relationship in high school with some poor kid, who pretty much had to dig a ditch just to bury his religious guilt. Sure that guy's got a wife now…" He paused, thinking about that. He'd seen him around- he was sure of it, the guy hadn't changed in the slightest- and there was always some woman with him. Well, repression did normally only lead to more repression…
He shrugged, waving a hand dismissively. "Ehh, you get my point. Good for you for working that one out for yourself, I guess, but there's literally nothing to be nervous about… Actually, I can't believe you didn't figure me out a long time ago, you're smart enough."
"You never said anything…"
"Didn't think I had to. People tend to figure that shit out eventually."
The signs were there, weren't they? Sometimes it was in the way Ted talked about his co-workers, or the knowing glances he'd shoot someone from across the way… Pete laughed. All of the signs had been right there the whole time, and here he was thinking Ted was going to judge him for liking guys… It was funny, now he thought about it, and it did make sense. He shook off some of the tension in his shoulders. "How- uh… How'd you figure it out?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"No, go on! I wanna know!"
Ted sighed, shaking his head. Sometimes it was hard for him to admit he was just as nerdy as his brother, once upon a time. He'd strayed so far from that path that nobody would believe him if he told them how he'd chosen to decorate his college dorm, or how much he made from selling his comic collection.
"… It was fucking Knight Rider. Hasselhoff."
Pete blinked. He said nothing for a while, expecting there to be a different answer, but Ted didn't look like he was going to say anything else. "Wait, are you serious?"
"I don't know what you were expecting me to say, honestly… Yeah, my answer is David fucking Hasselhoff. No, I'm not gonna tell you how many times I watched Knight Rider…"
i have so many thoughts about Nerdy Prudes Must Die and specifically the musical motifs used throughout. so buckle up, i want to talk. (theres a whole breakdown under the cut.)
so, if you didn't know already, Jeff Blim is a musical genius. and in the Hatchetfield universe, theres so many musical motifs that get used in every show. but there's one in particular that i don't know what to call it, but i'm gonna say it's 'the nerds' theme'. it's this one right here;
i've heard some call it Pete's theme, which is wrong. this specific melody is the theme of Pete, Richie, and Ruth's self worth and their inescapable tragedies. when we meet the three friends, it's very obvious that they see themselves at the bottom of the high school food chain. the nerds have accepted that they are worthless and will amount to nothing in school, because that is where society has placed them. it's as simple as Pete's song Cool As I Think I Am. he very literally does not see himself as valuable as the other students. but when that idea shifts from Cool As I Think I Am to Cool As She Thinks I Am, suddenly we have Pete realising his self worth, and the motif shows up;
and right after that, Pete is beat up in a parking lot by Max Jägerman. Pete's own self worth can only go so far when you have people like Max denying it constantly.
so now there's lyrics to this motif, and yes, Pete is the first one to sing it. But that doesn't make it any less Ruth and Richie's.
just like Pete, Richie finds his self worth in the acceptance from others. Once Max is gone and Richie makes friends with the football team, he realises how great it is to be alive. he realises that he deserves to be alive.
when Max comes to kill him, Richie justifies his self worth with the motif that returns for him this time, not Pete;
now they're not his final words, but Richie dies after declaring, "I'm Not A Loser". when he finally gets some self worth, he is murdered and never gets to fulfil that worth.
Ruth's self worth is a little different. she views her worthlessness as unfair. she believes that if she was different, she could be something great. unlike Pete and Richie, Ruth really shows that she has bigger dreams. Ruth wants to be the star of the show. she wishes to be appreciated, and her ungodly horniess can honestly be seen as a metaphor for wanting to be loved. Ruth sings about her self worth in the most Ruth way, with her own number in the BBQ Monologues.
the climax of the song (which Lauren kills, btw) the motif comes back again in the background. This time, it's for Ruth and her self worth;
does the fact that Ruth's version of the motif doesn't include the 'im not a loser' lyrics have to do with Ruth having more belief in herself? that she doesn't need to explain she isn't a loser because she knows she isn't a loser and deserves to have a chance in the spotlight? i sure as hell think so.
but Max kills her immediately after. he stops her from ever living out her big dreams of being a star.
the motif comes back again, obviously, in the reprise of Cool As I Think I Am;
the lyrics change this time around, and Pete sings 'you have to do it', which is him telling Steph that she has to be the one to kill him. despite Pete learning how to have self worth throughout this whole show, he still views himself as expendable. could this be justified with the fact that his two best friends just had their hopes and dreams shattered in death? probably. the point is, at some point during Max's killing spree, the death of his best friends, and the summoning of the Lords in Black, Pete has managed to convince himself that he's worthless again.
now. in the end, it feels like a happy ending due to the nature of The Best of You, but there are still a lot of loose ends to be explored. and on top of all that, the Nerds' motif comes back one last time;
because Grace kept the Black Book and continued to use it, and the Lords in Black are far from fair, i think Pete's torment and tragic narrative is not over by the end of NPMD.
so yeah. Pete, Richie, and Ruth are 'doomed by the narrative', as are most people in Hatchetfield. but these three characters are specifically doomed by their own self worth, and the narrative will never let them truly become their true selves.
and Jeff Blim wrote a banger melody to tell that story.
It's kinda bitterly amusing that Jenny's boyfriend and Charlotte's husband are both played by Jeff. Ted really is cursed to relive past events; tgwdlm is just him vibing in the background as Charlotte simps over her husband who just happens to look and (from Ted's perspective of Andy) act the same as the last dude he thinks the woman he loves chose over him
