into the hatchetverse

submissions open! header created by starshipranger7 other starkid sideblog: @tedlovesmusicals main blog: @diyvampyrism

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Ted: Y’know, we have a lot in common, Emma.

Emma: No we don’t.

Emma:

Emma: And don’t ever say that again.

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Ted: I could watch children fall off bikes all day, I don't give a shit about your kids.

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Grace: We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.

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Steph: Because it’s too complicated – it’s like algebra: Why you gotta go putting numbers and letters together? Why can't you just go fuck yourself?

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Max: nice onesie. does it come in men’s?

Richie: I think you come in men enough for all of us

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Bill: Ohh, I like Blinky. He was fun

Alice: Dad, he tried to kill us

Bill: I try not to remember the bad things about people.

Alice: That's all he tried to do, there were no good things!

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Paul: I apologize for saying "fuck" in front of you earlier.

Tim: You just said it again.

Paul: I am not a role model.

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Emma: I find that not killing people is very easy.

Prof. Hidgens: Well, we all have dry spells, kid.

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Richie: I can trust you, right?

Paul: Of course

Richie: You do seem to be the least disturbed out of everyone in the family.

Paul: What an almost sweet thing to say

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Officer Bailey: The first rule of gun safety is get the fuck out of my house.

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Trevor: HELP! I TOLD MOM I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!

Richie, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

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Incorrect Nerdy Prudes Must Die 7/?, nerdy prudes group chat plus bonus text

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Grace, thinking: How has he not noticed that I'm mad at him? We haven't talked in 20 minutes. What is he even thinking about?

Max, thinking: I could take a bear in a fight. Not like a grizzly bear, but like a black bear. Jump on its back, put it in a headlock. Done!

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Pete: You haven't been practicing your Polish, I can tell

Ted: Nie, nie jestem, widzisz. jestem w ciąży

Pete: You just told me you're pregnant

Richie: Congratulations!

Ruth: You're glowing

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Pete: Maybe the problem is you?

Ted: Oh, the problem is definitely me. Next question.

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Richie: I can say I know who fyodor dostoyevsky is because it makes me sound smart

Richie: have I read crime and punishment?

Richie: fuck no its boring

Richie: have I read animorphs?

Richie: yus yus yus yus yus

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[Ted driving Pete and Richie home from school]

Richie: What is your favorite wizard swear?

Pete: Is there any context to the question, Richie?

Richie: Of course not, Peter.

Pete: Ok...

Ted: I think I really like "fuck".