[hatefilledsuggestions]

It’s so exhausting how those who purposely hurt you see themselves as the victim and YOU as the villain. Just so that they don’t feel bad about hurting YOU. So they don’t have to feel any guilt about fucking YOU over. Like, get the fuck over yourself.

[hatefilledsuggestions]

If you’re going to go out of your way to do things that hurt people on purpose at LEAST take credit for it.

[hatefilledsuggestions]

How about you “forgiveness” my cock and fucking balls

[hatefilledsuggestions]

“You have to forgive them for hurting you to forgive yourself and heal and move on”

No, actually. I did nothing wrong so I have no reason to seek forgiveness. And why should the person who feels there’s absolutely nothing wrong with what they’ve done get to be forgiven?

Forgiveness is NOT needed to heal and move on. Shut the fuck up and stop trying to guilt victims into thinking their hurt meant nothing or that they did something wrong to deserve what happened to them.

Some people do NOT deserve forgiveness.

[nikish-l]

[hatefilledsuggestions]

I can be a VERY pessimistic person and say some pretty depressing and defeatist things, but this I just refuse to agree with and I'll tell you why.

Yes, my trauma pains me regularly. The hurt doesn't leave, I have constant flashbacks, and it literally disables me from existing like a regular person. I have nightmares reliving the trauma that can cripple me for weeks to where I can't even leave my bed. There are things in my life I am just incapable of ever doing because of the trauma and it leaves me feeling like less than a person, if a person at all. It's haunting, its damaging, and it again, it fucking HURTS.

HOWEVER.

Without memory I would never be able to recall any times that were comforting. The few moments I felt ok. The few people that made me feel safe, happy, loved. Though those times were short lived and likely will never happen to me again, I'm glad they happened. I'm glad I can remember them.

Life is already so painful, even just the day to day, I NEED to be able to remember the times when things weren't so bad to keep going, to keep living even though it hurts. Maybe someday, just maybe, things might be like that again. I know they might not, but the possibility keeps me moving.

Spite also keeps me going. Knowing that I wont quit, I won't give up and let my abusers win. I will keep going just to spit in their faces and piss on their graves. Remembering what they did to me will keep me moving and motivate me to keep creating and continue to try my best to thrive despite all of the bullshit going on these days.

Remembering those awful people also prevents me from entering into those same situations. Helps me help others who are in or about to be in those situations. Keeps me learning, recognizing patterns in others, and helps me to protect myself and people I care about.

And on top of that, memory keeps those I loved alive. Pets, family, friends. I have lost so much, so many. And while the thought of losing them hurts so bad, and knowing I will never be able to see them again is so painful, at least I can sit and recall what they looked like. See their face, hear their voice, feel their touch. Memory is what keeps them alive. And I'm grateful I can remember those wonderful individuals because without them my life would feel so empty and wasted.

Memory can be painful but we can't call it a punishment. There's nothing else on this planet worth living for. It's the only gift we have in life and I'm so grateful for the memories I have (that aren't related to my trauma of course).

For example, and please humor me, I want you to remember a time, a place, where you felt safe, even if it was just for a single fleeting moment. Picture it as vividly as you can in your mind. Imagine you are standing, or sitting, or whatever you were doing. Look around. Observe. Smell the smells, taste the tastes, hear the sounds of when you are. Play it back for yourself. Then, revel in it. Place yourself there and just BE there. Tell me that memory is a punishment. It can't be when you're able to do things like this whenever you want, and nobody can stop you.

Your thoughts and your memory are the only things that are truly yours and untouchable by others.

[hatefilledsuggestions]

Who needs friends when you can have an abundance of acquaintances that you care about as if they’re friends but without giving them the power to hurt you 💖

[hatefilledsuggestions]

Oh that’s self isolation?

Cool, it works 👍

[hatefilledsuggestions]

Who needs friends when you can have an abundance of acquaintances that you care about as if they’re friends but without giving them the power to hurt you 💖

[mosspapi]

If I have to hear the words "perseverance" or "resilience" one more fucking time I am going to stab someone

[mosspapi]

I don't WANT to "push through it"! I don't WANT everything to be hard and painful and unfun! I don't WANT to always be expected to do the hard things, the painful things, the difficult things! I don't WANT to have to go thru every single day as if existing is such a monumental difficult excruciating challenge, I want some things in my life to be fucking easy! AND THATS NOT A FUCKING FLAW!!! I shouldn't have to suffer all day, every single day!!!

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

-Bylthe baird, if my body could speak

[hatefilledsuggestions]

You share with them your trauma bc you trust them. And even then, all they do is compare whatever semi negative life experience they have to it as if it’s some kind of competition. Then when you have a falling out, your trauma is their new kink 🤔

[hatefilledsuggestions]

Real telling when your friends who “empathized” with your CSA trauma turn p*dophile apologist after your friendship falls apart 🤨

[everybody-wants-me-dead]

[desultory-suggestions]

You are not a bad person for struggling with jealousy, hatred, disgust, or any other emotions we perceive as ugly. You are allowed to feel. 

[hatefilledsuggestions]

I've been looking at your posts for a while, and though you haven't posted anything recently I suppose I wanted to make a confession of sorts because maybe it might be something that means something to someone else. But I suspect I could have BPD, and even if I don't I know my RSD can get pretty severe. I ended up cutting off an ex-friend for talking about ghosting some of my other friends. They would joke and say it was their NPD, but the vents they made after the fallout of us leaving (and when they were talking bad about my friends beforehand which was the reason I left) they had said something to the effect of "I don't like you anymore but I still want you around". But being their friend felt like to keep their interest everything had to be about what they liked at any given time. They regularly put out boundaries second or last to whichever person was keeping their main focus at the time, even if the people they put on the forefront were actively hurting us. The regular shit-talking about things other people did, that they also did was a regular occurrence. We were their friends for a long time, we saw them get into relationships and then complain about their partners. When I did cut them off, I lost friends who were also friends of theirs. That was what hurt the most about leaving. I wanted to keep those friends before they decided they didn't want to be mine anymore, the reason being was because I hurt my ex-friend's feelings. One of them I didn't get the chance to tell my side of the story, the other I poured my heart out with the details. The biggest summary of this that maybe you could put on your blog that might be meaningful to someone is: If you cut someone out of your life, consider cutting out people close to them as well. Not only will those people potentially open you up to more hurt, but there's a chance no matter what you say, they will put the hurt feelings of the ones that hurt you or the people you care about over the ones that were hurting first. It's not worth explaining everything that hurt you, to be blamed for not communicating and fixing things because you were never a priority to any of those people, and your hurt comes second to enabling someone else.

I'm sorry that happened to you, I've had similar things happen and its never easy.

You're absolutely right too. Sometimes cutting off one person means cutting off the people who they surround themselves with.

It sucks, but a lot of people are inherently selfish and only care about what they want to care about, never really thinking about anything outside of themself.

From what you've said, it doesn't sound like you're that kind of person.

I hope things get better for you, and that you find people who will think about you and treat you as a person.

Take care :)

[flame-fllower]

[bpd-chimere]

Can't stop thinking about how it's so easy for them to not talk to me, yet I become physically ill at even the idea of not having them around

[hatefilledsuggestions]

I’m something people use until they don’t need me anymore. Not something people love for long.

[hatefilledsuggestions]

Imagine being a lying manipulative piece of shit and saying it’s “mean” to be an abuse victim