My Back Hurts

♎♓♒ He/Him

[escuerzoresucitado]

[voltaspistol]

[hauntingofthehomoerratic]

Does anyone else unfortunately have the late 90s home decorating television show, Decorating Cents, vice gripped to their clit right now or just me?

[taur]

I deserve to have my dick played with like a joystick

[lilttlekingtrashmouth]

[taur]

tore the other bitch

[cafffine]

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

[rumplefuckingstiltzkin]

Ebeneezer in 1742 wakes with a start as for some reason he has put out his guttering candle by slapping atop it ith the palm of his hand. His hand is burned and his nightgown and cap are spattered with hot wax.

[cheaphalloweencostume]

you all hate the position i sleep in because you haven’t advanced to my level and you’re jealous of my mental acuity and caustic wit as well as being extremely good at sleeping

[cheaphalloweencostume]

[emptycontainer]

[maliciousindungeon]

[stonyponyofficial]

[powerbottombrucespringsteen]

It really is so funny how every pokedex entry for Gengar is how much it loves blood killing and bloody killing and then he just looks like this:

[alienestrangement]

.

[i-might-haveaproblem]

I'm pretty sure open portals are against OSHA regulations

[airandangels]

It took me a few moments to realise that these people are inside a warehouse type building and have opened a door to show the wild weather outside they are not in fact outside opening the door of their warehouse to show us the weather they are keeping inside

[marlynnofmany]

*taking notes for a fantasy story* They are now

[mqqqteor]

> mom spilled trace amount of curry powder on the floor

> cool ok ill sweep it up in a sec

> go to the bathroom, come back

> curry powder is suspiciously less

> cat is suspiciously yellow

[mqqqteor]

artistic recreation

[woamna]

Rule

[top1jesterquestfangirl]

This post is so funny to me. I watched it back on tiktok, and every single person in the comments section was just ripping into this guy. They were being so mean to Coleman over this, it was unreal. But every single other place it gets posted to people love this guy. Coleman, I hope you're seeing these reposts, we accept you as part of the LGBTC+ community.

[tauforged]

dear god please let our new baby octopus feel confident enough to move out of her corner hiding spot today while i’m on exhibits so i can see her properly for the first time amen

[tauforged]

she stuck out a single arm before changing her mind and deciding the rest of the tank is too scary, far too scary by far she is scared

[guiltycrunch]

[sphrenix-deactivated20231201]

[drinkyourjuiceshelby]

"Well who cares?"

[postfartumdepression]

I’m choking

[octoberloved]

[3000s]

why did she sign off with that

[musashi]

wghatever the fuck this genre of tweet is i cant fucking stop saying mein scheiss Hund as a vocal stim

[mystic-lilac]

As someone who knows a fair amount of German I’m trying to translate these tweets myself and Scheiß can also be used for fuck as well as shit so it can also be “my fucking dog Tank of Peace is drifting 200 nautical miles off the Colombian coast” is a whole new level of funny too me