The Hills Are a' Rollin'

All Hail Pittsbeard 🤗

[time-traveling-hoodie]

‘watching shitty movies on youtube because of jpitts face’, a novel by me

[haveninthehills]

I've never read anything more true

[sentimentaldickpics]

Shout out to fanfiction for teaching me all the kinky shit that sex ed left out.

[fire-na-seaparks]

Amen, sister. Middle School sex ed teaches the kids that boys have boners and wet dreams. BUT NO MENTION OF GIRLS SEXUALITY! They are teaching girls if they’re on base 5 with their boyfriend: it’s all about the penis. He’s hot and ready to go. You - well, girls don’t feel hot and ready to go so if they do - it must be love. That’s when the bullshit thinking “He’s the one” kicks in - Because girls are taught in school they have no sexual life. Bring me a crusty sheet and we’ll talk.

YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN HORNY AS HELL AND YOU’RE GETTING THOSE NEEDS MEET. BUT, according to sex ed, girls don’t have sexual dreams or our own version of an erection and so on. We just don’t . So if you do, you are a shameful weirdo and you shd think about marrying 5th base guy right away cuz you in love, baby (and a weirdo so who else would ever marry you?)!

This really gets my hoo-has in a bunch. Proof that I’m a force for good: a very close female relative of mine, a very close relative, said at her wedding 20 years ago that I saved her life by having these very personal talks on this subject with her frequently thru her adolescence.

And that woman is the one and only ………..Melania Trump.

Just kidding. About Orange Slime’s Barbie. But all the rest is true. Too true. And 20 years later, we’re still peddling the same shit to girls.

Also as a married woman, some fan fiction has given me some tips to use and share. Thank you, fan fiction.

[haveninthehills]

Fan fiction is a thing to live by. Period. Cheers to all the authors for acing it every time!

[haveninthehills]

A collection of various items from FX's Justified displayed in The Kentucky Coal Mining Museum in Harlan Co. and I think one other location. My personal favorite is Baby face Pitts still dashingly handsome even in a mug-like photo. He's so young *tear* Nothing can bring down his level of beauty

[fire-na-seaparks]

Jacob Pitts & Amazon...

Studios sitting in a tree….

From Amazon Studios: Ayden Mayeri (New Girl) and Jacob Pitts (The Sinner) have been cast in recurring roles opposite Julia Roberts in HOMECOMING. Pitts will portray AJ, who is exploring several new business ventures.

@smiley-asylum , @haveninthehills @septmorn05, @chiefdeputyrachelbrooks , @alleyfire , @calihippie4 , @foreverfreo

[haveninthehills]

What?! Hitting it big time real quick!

They grow up so fast 😢

[fire-na-seaparks]

This is one of the many scenes, rendered classically, in the film “Eurotrip’ where Jacob Pitts’s Cooper says “This isn’t where I parked my car, “

He says it alot because a) sometimes Cooper doesn’t know where he’s parked his car b) Sometimes he uses the statement as a non sequitur to defuse awkward or weird situations or c) the film makers knew there was something about almost anything Jacob Pitts utters through his beautiful lips that is funny and/or sexy, even when he’s not naked and wearing angel wings and gripping his snausage.

[haveninthehills]

@fire-na-seaparks you beautiful human being, always setting my priorities straight ♡

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via mrbrianfirenzi)

[piccolina-mina]

Sneaky Pete doesn’t have a single nude lady to be found, but they gave us full frontal nudity courtesy of Jacob Pitts for no real reason. I didn’t need to see douchey Lance’s dick, tbh. But this is so refreshing.

[haveninthehills]

The reason was because it's Jacob Pitts. End of story.

[fire-na-seaparks]

This is just about the entirety of Jacob Pitts’s first of thirteen appearances as Lance Lord in Season 2 of Sneaky Pete . We don’t see him until the last five minutes of the 4th episode,“Maggie.”

That’s it, except there’s a very brief fuzzy opening long shot of Lance eating. This counts as appearance #1? I hope the remaining 12 episodes in which Lance appears are not as Pitts-i-ous as his Season 2 debut.

@foreverfreo @getoutofharlanalive @handawesome-actors @justified-resource @calihippie4 @haveninthehills @gingerwerk @aint-he-dreamy @marionarnold @eaw1982 @inane-rational @mia-liz @flashstewart22

[haveninthehills]

His beautiful face.

[fire-na-seaparks]

ALL THE NUDES THAT’S FIT FOR PITTS!

From IMDB “X-Ray” notes on this episode of Sneaky Pete (S02E08):

…..Jacob Pitts wanted to do the bathroom scene completely nude, without wearing a modesty pouch. When the team saw a full frontal shot of Jacob had made it into the rough cut, they sent Jacob the scene for review. Jacob and his girlfriend approved the version that’s seen in the episode.

What a fanciful story. There are two different versions of the last two gifs. I can’t decide which gives you a better view. The vid sucked again and I’m wondering if there’s s problem on this end. Naaah!

Wigs off to one of my best field operatives, Ms. @septmorn05. I don’t watch SP and I don’t do Facebook so I really appreciate my network of underground (but well paid) agents who leave no stone unturned, especially if it concerns Pitts’ penis.

[haveninthehills]

They're finally all realising how much we need things like this. Tho the "Jacob and his girlfriend" part broke my heart a little bit 😢

[fire-na-seaparks]

Jacob Pitts in that first scene of “The Novice” aka:“Crossroads” (2006).The movie showcases an incredible Pitts hair-do. (gif 1 and 2).

The film begins with a flashback: a young man’s crisis of faith and his struggle with the idea of becoming a celibate priest are at odds with the raging hard-on he’s battling to hide in front of his (men?posse?bookclub?) and the indigenous women who just trying to get the laundry done and screw around for a little bit.

[haveninthehills]

The hair, guys. He's too beautiful

[fire-na-seaparks]

Jacob Pitts will explain the difference between Resting Bitch Face (RBF) and Arresting Pitts Face (APF)…at a later time.

When you find out, tell me. When he Timsplained it to me, I couldn’t concentrate because I’d stopped breathing.

If you want to determine which of the above gifs is Mr. Pitts displaying RBF or APF, you need to first study the bullsh*t fascinating research that the charlatans scientists at Noldus Industries have uncovered. And they have an online RBF meter!

I submitted head shots of Tim Gutterson, Loki, Kit Walker and Tate Langdon to the RBF-metor, and their surprising results are here.

Once you’re into Noldus world, you can submit to the RBF meter or read the Noldus blog (like a creepy minor car accident) or just look around and realize these people could squash you like a bug.

[haveninthehills]

Perfection.

[fire-na-seaparks]

Jacob Pitts as Peter Pekorius in the 2006 film “Crossroads” (aka:“The Novice”). The girl is uncredited.

Peter (Jacob Pitts) is deciding whether he can lead a celibate life to join the ministry. The scene, and above is just a tiny part, appears before the title.

IMHO, the movie has nothing going for it except for the scene above, that JP is in almost every scene and you get to see him flirt and then kiss Amy Acker at the end of the movie.

I also object to the choice of Peter’s last name. Most of the plot concerns Peter’s penis and what it’s going to be doing for the next 70 years. So his last name is “Pekorius”. You know, Pekorius = “pecker” and “curious”.

I apologize for using the word “pecker”. Of course, penis is the correct term but they didn’t name him Peter “Peenorius”.

[fire-na-seaparks]

The Pacific: S1E4 It’s Hoosier’s coffee vs Leckie’s mouth in an epic battle of The Coping Mechanisms; probably the only entertainment available on December of 1943 in the Pacific theatre of war, somewhere near the Solomon Islands. According to history books, Leckie lost.

[fire-na-seaparks]

@thepacificstandardblog @hoosiersblanket @iwanthoosier @iwanthoosierrrrr @hbowarrior

@hbowarshows

[fire-na-seaparks]

Tim Gutterson has no more fucks to give.

[fire-na-seaparks]

MY FAIR HOOSIER

What do Hoosier Smith from The Pacific and Eliza Doolittle from My Fair Lady have in common?

As you can see, they both like to yell out no-no words in crowds.

[fire-na-seaparks]

@hbowarrior @hoosiersblanket @iwanthoosier @space-otter @randomactthings @bachaboska @barruda22 @mia-liz

[fire-na-seaparks]

Jacob Pitts will be appearing in only 13 of the 20 episodes of second season “Sneaky Pete.” This is wrong.

Shockingly wrong.*

* quote from “The Women” by Clare Booth Luce who was very witty but then turned out to be a bad sort, didn’t she?

[fire-na-seaparks]

He’s in our pitts!

Properly punctuated, that would be:

HE’S IN! OUR PITTS!

Jacob Pitts returns for Season Two of “Sneaky Pitt” Season 2. Thousands cheer!

Starring: Giovanni Ribisi, Marin Ireland Supporting actors Shane McRae, Libe Barer, Peter Gerety, Margo Martindale, Michael Drayer………WAIT FOR IT……………Jacob Pitts! TA DA!!!!! and some other people.