follow @tirfpikachu and my substack for more tirf thinkpieces! and pls check out my youtube & tumblr community.
#ponderings (my writing)
@picmixing (personal diary rambles)
@pokegyns (collab blog with fellow nuancefems)
wanna support my activism...? here's my kofi. i am also always looking for more creative staff. if you can do art, writing, research, blogging, graphic design, or anything at all lmk <3
more info about my activism below u_u
tirf = trans-inclusive radical feminism.
if you face tangible misogyny irl, i care about your pov on feminist issues! and i care very much about anti-trans oppression as well in general. as a detrans woman with reverse dysphoria i am never uncritical, but i refuse to add to transphobia and gncphobia. i love fellow gnc people very dearly, trans included.
i tend to use ofab/omab with o meaning observed, since afab/amab terminology is typically for intersex experiences, but i will use whatever language reaches people the most in certain posts.
manhood & womanhood are not always the same as maleness & femaleness imo. trans experiences are complex. gayness is wonderful, including exclusive same-agab/sex attraction like transfem4omab, transmasc4transmasc, and any kind of atypical experiences someone has that leads to them risking homophobia in the world. if you don't risk tangible bigotry experience irl of homophobia or misogyny, please be a good ally and don't talk over those who do. same thing if you don't risk tangible transphobia or gncphobia etc.
cis/bio/non-trans women, transmasc people, transfem people and intersex folks are all oppressed under the patriarchy in unique ways, especially if they're gay/bi as well. being a nuancefem means exploring every single side of this, and not putting one experience as inherently worse than another. it's all about what the specific person is actually experiencing. you can be oppressed on one axis and privileged on another; all of us are both in some way or another, and we all need to speak up on our experiences and boost voices of those going through things we aren't. i am against creepy "cotton ceiling" rhetoric, misogyny, homophobia and detrans stigma in trans activist spaces, and against racism, intersexism, genuine transphobia and ableism in radfem spaces. i boost the voices of misogyny-affected people of all kinds on this rad-leaning feminism blog. my experiences as a gnc woman in a wheelchair who had chronic dysphoric for 13+ years affects my feminism very deeply. i love my trans gyns <33 i know the struggle, and i will fight against trans stigma tooth and nail. i am also post-gender without being trans, and i believe more cis women should be! gender is fake, we should all be free to express ourselves under the heteropatriarchy however we want to.
as an ex-camgirl who was traumatized and exploited in the industry, i am very critical of the sex industry but care deeply for those who must rely on it to survive. selling access to your body is risky. you can never take back those pictures/videos/acts, and disgusting cis men can share those around even if you quit, and often will weaponize those against you even years later, possibly ruining your chances at future work or personal relationships and irl reputation. your consent cannot be removed. the internet will most likely keep those forever and old creeps with disgusting ideas of female/ofab people & transfemmes will get off to it. it is not a safe industry. so many videos out there are genuine sexual abuse and coercion. no porn site is ethical. i am critical of the industry, not its victims and the people who use it to survive. i want a better world for us all. please reach out if you're in it and trying to get out, or out of it and still traumatized. it's not your fault that your consent was purchased. you deserved better.
btw, reblogs aren't an endorsement of every reply in the post or the op of the post. i tag any potential misgendering in other people's replies to insightful posts - often the op will have deleted their blog, and only a shitty reply remains... so i reblog to use it in later writing - as misgendering cw. i'm reblogging less and less content like that, but i used to rb a bunch early on when i needed more topics to dissect. so be careful scrolling too far, especially if you're trans!!
It’s possible you’re thinking about this one too hard. You’re cool you’re smart you have so much more going on than a situationship. You’re far too grown to be heartbroken over someone who apparently only liked you for sex and called you stupid all the time. Wishing you the best though seriously
Thank you so much 🫶
I feel so neurotic right now and so embarrassed... last night I texted my ex and begged her to come back and everything eugh. Now today I have to backtrack and take it all back. Super awkward.
I think my meltdown makes sense though.
She constantly berated me, mocked me, half-joked she was better than me bc she had a big job and went to uni, had anger shutdowns when I inconvenienced her... very rarely said comforting words or compliments, even singing dumb shit like "Stupid Laayyy~ Lay is stupiddd~~ Lay is the woooorst I'm the best she's the worst" ALL THE TIMEEEEEEE
I'm realizing now that after 6ish months of that behavior - she acted shy & normal the first 2 months, I was her first relationship - it made my self-esteem and sense of self go down the drain. I desperately tried to "earn" her respect. I did everything for a quick "smart girl" reply.
She didn't allow me to talk abt any positive future between us. She kept joking about us breaking up and how she wanted to be my ex-wife, even after acting all clingy and loveydovey. And now she demoted me from girlfriend to "girl she's dating exclusively" because I'm on medical leave for my wrist injuries.
I feel like my sense of self-worth is in pieces. And now there's all the shame of having crawled back and begged her to date me casually again. She got mad and said she'll think about it.
I'm surprised that she didn't mention this, but it's not only the men in the affected zone of the conflict who take advantage of these women, it's the men who are working for the very charitable humanitarian agencies she's referring to that send people in to the zone of conflict in order to "help." multiple men who work for charities that went into Haiti after the earthquake were caught routinely refusing to give women the food and water that was meant to be freely provided unless they exchanged sexual favors for it. this also happened to mothers who were forced to let themselves be raped not only for their survival but bc the men in question were withholding these resources from their babies as well.
haiti is not the only place this has happened by a long shot, just one particular example that is at the forefront of my mind. the "helpers" can't be trusted either when they're men.
Its also near impossible to solve, because if your answer is to just send female aid workers, well then you're putting those women in danger of being raped and murdered by the men they were sent to help.
I guess you could set up two different systems, where men give out resources to men and boys, while women give out resources to women and girls but from within a guarded compound?
force all the charity workers to wear vests with a camera that has to constantly record so they can be hold accountable.
men only behave bc they fear the social n legal consequences, in natural disasters that whole system falls down. they gotta know theyre being watched n cant do whatever they wanna do. thats the only solution i can think of
"Same sex marriage isn't important because all the rights associated with marriage should be things you can access without getting married" ok well you're not fighting for that either. So.
I was VERY DUMB and texted my ex begging for her back
SOOOOO EMBARRASSING
Now she's saying I should talk to a friend we have in common - the one who was supposed to bring my ex's stuff to her - and that she also wants to have a talk with that friend and make her decision
The reason trans men are denied acknowledgement of their connection to womanhood is because if we acknowledge that all women [and those afab] have something in common. We get too close to the idea of sex based oppression and biological sex actually having a meaning. Which is evil terf rhetoric and must be destroyed at all costs.
Gf nicknaming you “stupid” sounds uhh. Evil slightly!
Stupid Lay was her #1 nickname for me... she would even sing it. Still unpacking all that. It felt Different tm when a hot butch was saying it to me. Eugh. All red flags became gay flags in my mind, I feel so dumb
A lot of radfems equate being rude, insufferable, and unempathetic as a strength simply because men do it. At that point you're just a hypocrite who has lost any moral high ground you claimed to be standing on beforehand.
I find there's a tendency to want women to be deconstructed in every way, and quickly. With less consideration for those who still have a long way to go, it pisses me off because we're so far removed from the norms that it's ridiculous to allow ourselves such demands. If I see a woman questioning things, fighting against an aspect of the patriarchy, I support her, period. If I see a woman becoming radicalized in her misandry, I'll support her even if she still gets her nails done, etc. This militant purity tires me; we can't allow ourselves this, and especially turning away from women who don't conform to these demands breaks the bond of sisterhood and abandons them. For example, I have a friend who I see becoming increasingly radicalized, gaining confidence, and starting to strongly criticize patriarchal sexuality... which she has with her boyfriend. I'm never going to abandon her because, "OMG, how embarrassing, you call yourself a misandrist but you're dating a guy!" Yes, it's a contradiction, and I tease her about it from time to time when she sees the problem, but I'm there for her and I always will be, and she's infinitely more feminist than 90% of women in general. And no, I would never think she's illegitimate to call herself a radical feminist or to talk about these topics WTF. She's taught me so much, too; we develop our thinking together.
And it's so hypocritical, too. It's implied that this demand is directed at women who have the freedom to make these choices, privileged white Western women, but the implication is implicit and completely idiotic when you consider the issue of women in a universal way, as we do. There is so much internalized misogyny among women all over the world, and not all of them have this freedom. My grandmother said horrible things to me and considers marital rape normal... she was married at 14. And beyond inequalities, there are invisible inequalities and prisons, like the disturbed relationship with our bodies following trauma. It was very difficult for me to accept my body hair because of this (I don't want to elaborate at all), and it's thanks to the women who let their body hair grow and who didn't turn their backs on me and despise me (even though I was already talking about radical feminism and criticizing this dictate of hair removal and even the discourse of choice feminism that wants us to believe that both aspects have the same implications—yes, I was contradictory, and yes, I was ashamed) that today, it's been more than two years since I stopped removing my body hair, and I don't even question it anymore. So yeah, maybe it would be cooler to accept women with their weaknesses as long as they are aware of the problem and fight to free themselves from it, I don't know.
“women shouldn’t be able to get abortions because it was their choice to have sex” so we should refuse treatment for people with lung cancer because it was their choice to smoke. “not all people with lung cancer smoked though” yEAH AND NOT ALL WOMEN WHO ARE PREGNANT WILLINGLY HAD SEX YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
Even if someone did consent to sex, condoms break, accidents happen. Human children should never be a punishment for sex. Children should be a blessing to those who want them, not a burden on those who are forced to keep them.
