i think a lot of the fandom portrayal of hayden as an inherently bad friend who doesn’t actually care about what’s best for shane is kinda odd and not really supported by canon. it’s fine to dislike him, but i think the idea that shane needs to wake up in unrivaled and realise hayden was evil all along and that he needs to make better friends is very disingenuous and robs shane of his own autonomy. this position seems to stem from this characterisation of shane that is delicate and naive, where he is incapable of understanding when he is being mistreated. shane does not let himself get walked over half as much as this fandom seems to think he does. when things fall apart in montreal, he leaves. shane is SO picky about who he allows close to him. hayden is one of shane’s support systems and he’s definitely not perfect but shane is a grown up capable of deciding who he wants in his life.
there’s this narrative that hayden is consistently pushing shane to cheat and that he provides no support for shane’s sexuality, which is just, like, not what happens? it’s totally fine to think hayden’s perspective on ilya is unfair, but a lot of the arguments about ilya not actually being mean to hayden and hayden being arbitrarily mean to ilya ignore the fact that ilya goes out of his way to antagonise hayden consistently. ilya really doesn’t go for the ‘hey we should actually be nicer to each other for shane’s sake’ approach at all lol. i’ve seen the analysis that ilya goes for superficial cuts (hayden is a terrible hockey player) while hayden goes for deeper cuts (ilya isn’t good enough for shane) and i agree that hayden is wrong for the things he says. however, a lot of people are holding hayden to a standard that’s just not realistic. is he a perfect friend? absolutely not. but does he have to be? ilya and shane both do cruel things to each other throughout the series because they are flawed and multifaceted. so is hayden. hayden doesn’t have the same perspective on ilya as shane or the audience does. hayden has his own world-view and opinions. in real life, when our friends are dating people we perceive to be assholes, we hold grudges against them and dislike them, even when our friend tells us they’re not really like that.
people say that jj is framed as being supportive of shane while hayden isn’t, and that’s so strange to me because outside of his relationship with ilya, hayden is shown as being completely supportive of shane’s sexuality. he only ever pushes back on the ilya part of the equation, which is exactly what jj does as well. both of them are just as supportive as the other.
additionally, a lot of people cannot forgive hayden for the fanmail incident, which is hilarious to me because shane and ilya aren’t mad at hayden for it, and yes, hayden should have watched the video before he sent it but it also occurred under such a specific set of circumstances. hayden could not have reasonably predicated that at the exact moment he was filming his fanmail, shane and ilya would leave the house directly into the window behind him and kiss.
i also think a lot of the pushback about hayden having a lot of kids and jackie being a WAG is a huge instance of people holding hayden to an unrealistic standard. he is a hockey player. he is a stereotypical hockey play with a WAG and a bunch of kids and despite that, he is there for shane. that is his function in the story. it is unrealistic to expect every single person in shane’s life, which revolves around hockey, which we are literally told over and over again in this series is homophobic and misogynistic, is going to be perfect when it comes to homophobia and misogyny. it just isn’t. hayden telling arthur nail polish is for girls is bad. however, he changes his mind when confronted about it. hayden IS progressive for hockey standards, and it’s so fascinating to me when people who are fans of real life hockey players criticise hayden over traits that are almost definitely shared by the hockey players they love.
ultimately shane is an adult with autonomy who can, and does, stand up for ilya against the things hayden says, and shane loves hayden. shane is allowed to have and love flawed, imperfect friends. jj and hayden both support shane when it matters, and shane forgives them. we don’t need to strip shane of his autonomy to choose the people in his life. i understand why people don’t like hayden, and i don’t think people should have to, but it’s a disservice to shane to act like hayden is a terrible person that shane is just too blind to see.
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