I’ll try to explain. content warning for mentions of sexual violence.
First: it isn’t about access to women’s spaces, notice how OP literally said “I don’t want to be in women’s spaces”. It’s about being able to talk about sexism and the violence of the patriarchy as things that effect you personally.
But wait… don’t trans women also experience sexism and the violence of the patriarchy? Yes, yes they very much do.
But here’s the thing: when it comes to this, the experiences of trans men and trans women are not polar opposites. You can’t mirror every statement about trans women and apply it to trans men because that’s not how reality works. The patriarchy casts a wide net and targets anyone it sees as not man enough.
Got a womb? No reproductive rights for you no matter how you identify. Are you a trans woman? Well, no reproductive rights for you either.
Got a vagina? Then you’re a target for all kinds of sexual violence no matter how you identify. Are you a trans woman? Then you’re a target too.
Not a cis man? I guess you must suck at computers and science and cars because only cisgender men can be taken serious when speaking about this. And we certainly don’t have a job for you.
As you can see, sexism often targets cis women, trans women, trans men and non-binary people, basically anyone who isn’t a cisgender man.
Statistics prove what a lot of trans men are saying: Asked about recent experiences of sexual violence, trans men who are early in transition and transmasculine people who do not transition report equal or more experiences of sexual violence than cis women (while trans women report far more experience of sexual violence than both). We also see a decrease in things like job opportunities for trans men during transition. There is no instant privilege being handed out the moment they identify as men.
Some trans men reach a point in their transition where they are seen by society as male most of the time and they - as well as outside observers - can notice that privilege ticking up. Coworkers take them more seriously as they speak. Walking home at 4 AM doesn’t feel scary. They’ve acquired male privilege based on the condition that they never speak about being trans. Which is a nasty precarious situation a lot of the time.
Often there is also the condition that trans men should over-perform masculinity (which unfortunately results in some trans men becoming really sexist jerks out of a survival attempt. which is BAD and should be shut down, but it still comes from a different place than the behavior of cis sexist jerks.)
It’s important that trans men recognize how their privilege works because ignoring it can result in a lot of really shitty behavior. Simple example: The IT guy comes to fix the computers at work and only wants to speak to you and not your female coworker. That’s sexism. You’re supposed to shut that guy down and tell them to respect your female coworker right fucking now. But if you don’t recognize that male privilege impacts you, you won’t act. So yeah, it’s important for trans men to recognize what male privilege they have.
But when that is simplified to “you have all the male privilege the moment you identify as a man” or “your past experiences of violence under the patriarchy do not matter”, you deny a lot of how sexism really works, and the result can be violent as trans men lose the support system they had while very much still being a target of patriarchal violence.
Trans women often experience the violence of the patriarchy long before they identify themselves as women, as they grow up soaked in messages about how inferior women are and see the worst of misogyny as it manifests in men-only spaces. And when trans women start presenting femininity, the violence of the patriarchy follows immediately.
No slow process for them. Sexism targets those it sees as ‘not man enough’ and as far as the patriarchy is concerned, trans women are the worst sort of ‘not-men’ because the existence of trans women exposes the fact that being born with a specific genital shape doesn’t make you a man and that there might even be something desirable about being a woman. That frightens cis men and untangles the patriarchy, so trans women get all the worst of sexism immediately.
But the experiences of trans men are not a polar opposite of that, they’re a different process in which sexism launches an extra intense assault against their person when they come out as trans and only slowly impacts them less during transition. And the potential trauma sexism has caused in their life endures.
You can’t mirror statements about trans women and apply them to trans men. They’re not opposite experiences.
The patriarchy targets violence at everyone is sees as not man enough, it’s an exclusion based system.
Male privilege that trans men experience is acquired slowly and precariously. Many continue to experience sexism for a long time as well as carrying past trauma with them. As such, they have reason to talk about how sexism and the patriarchy impacts them personally.
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