ttylxox

22 | i write sometimes | heeseung's #1 pookie-ba-dookie <3

[heeology]

𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 !!

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*i am allowed not to answer any req if i do not wish; i do not have guidelines atm, so i will lyk if it is smth i am okay w writing* *be nice or i block :)*

[heeology]

how i looked checking my phone and waking up to see the news abt heeseung:

didn't read all of the post, went through the five stages of grief, then realized he's going solo

[heeology]

omg you're back i'm so happy !!!! hope you're doing well 🫶

ahh tysm lol !! i'm hoping to be inspired to start writing smth else soon but i think i am doing pretty well rn, ty <3 i hope you are also doing well and i'm happy to be back, too ❤️

[heeology]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑡˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ | p.sh

synopsis → after a not-so-well interview for a nearby coffee shop you applied to, you were surprised to see you got the job offer. despite what you may have expected, being a barista isn’t as easy going as you initially thought it would be. your manager isn’t really one to be enthusiastic when lending a helping hand, and no matter how many times you try to get on his good side, you can tell he would much rather sketch in his sketchbook (or even mop the floors) than engage in a conversation with you. one of the only times he does interact with you is to help you not make horrible latte art, but little did you know, being so bad at something could end up paying off so well.

feat. → liz (ive), hyunwoo (xikers)

genre → romance, college au, strangers (and a hint of enemies) to lovers

pairing → barista&artmajor!sunghoon x fem!reader

warnings → none!!

w.c. → 12.7k

a/n → ik it’s been a while since i’ve posted smth, but it’s been hard getting inspiration to actually write. i started this fic a while ago (a little over a month ago) and i planned on having it finished in maybe a week and then i just…gave up. I only got the motivation to finish it today and i’m rlly glad i did. thx for reading and i hope you enjoy(ed) !!

!!DO NOT COPY OR REPOST!!

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Do people still bring resumes to interviews? You weren’t exactly sure, but nonetheless, you printed yours out and bought one of those folders with the clear plastic page in the front to put it in. It may be a bit formal, but this coffee shop is quite nice. A mix of a rustic and modern aesthetic, loomed with plants, and open sunlight through big windows; almost as if it was a botanical garden turned into a cafe. Your foot tapped softly against the wood floor, a failed attempt to try and calm your nerves as you look around while in your seat by one of the windows. The smell of coffee brewing, caramel, and pastries serves as a great distraction to your racing mind until you see–who you presume—to be the manager from his professional and stoic demeanor. 

You stand up, thinking he would take you somewhere else for the interview, but are surprised when he just sits in front of you, not even shaking your hand. You slowly sit back down, clearing your throat as he looks at you with one of the most uninterested expressions you’ve ever seen on a person. However, you won’t lie: he’s stunning. Fair skin, moles looking as though they were intricately placed by an angel themself, broad shoulders, even his facial proportions are perfect; is he even real? He crosses his arms, his gaze not wavering.

“Are you here for the interview?” he asks in a tone that sounds as though you are inconveniencing him.

“Yes- Yes, I am.” you say as you sit up straighter, snapping out of your daze. You look away a bit, trying not to get too embarrassed, and you pass him your resume on the table with a smile.

He eyes the resume, looking down at it for a split second before looking back at you. No expression changes whatsoever, which is starting to unsettle you. You shift a bit in your seat, and if it wasn’t for the soft noise of the chair moving a bit, you could have sworn you heard him sigh. He uncrosses his arms, sitting up a bit more in his chair. He pushes your resume back towards you before resting his elbows on the table, clasping his hands together, the sleeves of his white button up pushed up and past his forearms. 

“You didn’t need to bring a copy of your resume, I have it on file. That’s what online applications are for.” he says in the same tone with a hint of scrutiny.

You swallow and laugh nervously, trying to relieve the tension of the atmosphere, while also trying not to let yourself want to curl up and die. “Oh, um…right, of course.” you say, softly.

This time, you do hear his sigh as he takes a pen from his apron and grabs the clipboard that you had failed to notice was on the table. “Your resume says you have customer service experience and that your past job was in retail; how do you plan to adjust to the shift in environments? Or better yet, how will your experience in retail help you with this job in the food industry?” he asks, and you can’t quite tell if he’s just being professional or simply doesn’t care.

“Well, I know the two have different sets of responsibility, but-”

“Yes, which is why I asked the question.”

You sit there for a second, stunned. You haven’t done an interview in a while, but is this how they’re conducted now or is this guy just an ass? You try not to let it bother you as you swallow again. “As I was saying, experience in customer experience-”

“Experience in customer experience?” he raises an eyebrow and clicks his pen as he starts writing. “Not exactly a coherent or well-thought sentence.”

“Regardless,” you say in the most cheerful tone you can manage, “I believe I will be able to apply my knowledge on customer experience to this job, even with the change in responsibilities. I know what is to be expected of the position and have been able to handle tasks, and meet goals, as well as expectations at my previous job wonderfully; my references listed can attest to that. Customer experience is universal, and I am confident that I will be able to provide and accommodate a pleasant experience for the customers here.”

He continues writing, as if he wasn’t even listening in the first place. He is quiet for a moment and then clicks his pen, flipping the page on the clipboard. You sit there awkwardly as you wait for him to ask another question. “Shall I…tell you about myself, perhaps?” you offer, hoping he’ll see this as a sign of initiative or something.

“I don’t believe in asking that question. Or asking what your strengths and weaknesses are. This isn’t your first job, so there’s no need to coddle you with those types of questions, what I would rather know is what your work ethic is like since you have experience. Why are you leaving your previous job?”

You aren’t sure how to respond. Well, you know the answer, but you aren’t sure how to respond to him. Did you do something wrong on your application? Did you sit at the wrong table or something else absolutely mundane to tick him off? Clearly not since this was the one that had the clipboard. “Truthfully, I want to work in a different environment; I want to gain experience from different jobs, and this one is one that I felt I would be able to do well after going over the job description.”

“Doesn’t exactly paint you as a reliable employee.” you hear him mutter. You actually have to hold back from scoffing as he keeps writing on his stupid clipboard. “This position requires you to work behind the register, serving and making some of the pastries, making drinks–of course–, as well as cleaning the tables, displays, floors, etc. Besides working behind the register, what aspects would you say you are confident in or could properly execute?”

You give him a sarcastic smile, trying not to make it too obvious, “I was expected to clean up displays and racks at my previous job; organizing the product, dusting–”

“This isn’t a custodial job, any experience with baking? Drink making? Even if it was volunteer work, as a hobby, anything?” he says without sparing you a glance, reading his clipboard.

Did he not just talk about cleaning as one of the expectations? Seriously, what is his problem? “I’ve made boxed cake, brownies, and cookies from a mix. And when I was in High School, I made coffee from the coffee pot in my kitchen.” you reply, curtly. 

He doesn’t respond, writing some more on his paper. “Reliability?” is all he asks.

“Like, what days I can work?” you ask, not sure what he is specifically asking.

“No.” he says flatly, “How was your reliability at your old job?”

“I wasn’t ever late, I clocked in around ten minutes before my shift, I gave at least a month’s notice on days I would not be able to work, I rarely called out, I always worked my scheduled days, I-”

He holds up his pen, cutting you off, and then continues writing. He doesn’t say anything and you frown, taking a guess that he only did that to stop you from talking. “Your resume says you’re in college, how will this affect your reliability?”

“Well, I only have a year left, and my schedule remains consistent. I will give ample notice on any changes that may be made, but relatively, I like to keep my class schedule the same.”

He doesn’t interrupt or say anything, he just keeps writing. He clicks his pen, tapping it against the clipboard for a second before flipping the page again. Maybe a minute passes before he speaks again, “Do you prefer tasks with teamwork or completing them independently?”

You think for a moment, “Both. I mean that honestly. I know there are going to be certain tasks that are expected to be done independently to show what I am capable of doing, what responsibilities I can handle that way you can determine if I could take on any other challenges–”

“I don’t need you explaining why I ask certain questions, I know why.”

You feel your smile twitch, just slightly, in annoyance. “I don’t mind either. If I feel I can handle a project or assignment on my own, I will complete it. If not, then I have the resources to work with a team and complete the project with help as well as have the opportunity to learn from others.”

He writes, in a much shorter span of time, before clicking his pen and finally looking up at you. “Thank you for coming in.” he says, almost as if he was forced to say it, before standing up and walking away, pushing the chair in before he does. You sit there for a moment, dumbfounded, looking around a bit, wondering if anyone else just bared witness to this fiasco of an interview. You get up, pushing the chair in, taking your resume and walking to the door, throwing it in the trash before you leave.

-

𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐭, 

𝐖𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐣𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫! 𝐖𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐟𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞. 𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭, 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐖𝐞𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐭 𝟏𝟎 𝐚.𝐦. 𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫, 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐥 𝐮𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞: 

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠!

You had to re-read the email again because you couldn’t believe it the first three times you’ve looked it over. You could’ve sworn the interview was a disaster and now this? You weren’t entirely sure if you were going to accept, afterall, the manager seemed like a dick. But, this job pays four dollars more than your current job, which would honestly help a lot. So, in the end, you decide to give it a try. You respond to the email, accepting the offer and soon enough, Wednesday rolls around.

You step back into the coffee shop, it surprisingly not being too busy, before walking over to the counter. You smile a bit at the girl behind the counter and she smiles back.

“Hi, welcome in, what can I get for you today? We have a new lavender tea and latte with lavender foam art if you are interested in trying either of those this morning.” she greets.

“I’m actually here for training?” you say, not meaning to sound uncertain, “It starts at ten, but I came in a bit early anyway.”

“Oh!” she smiles a bit more, genuinely looking happy to see you. “Sunghoon told us someone new would be starting today. I’m Liz,” she says, pointing to her name tag and laughing softly, “But let me take you to his office.” Liz says as she steps out from behind the counter.

“Thank you.” you say, softly, happy that there is someone so nice here. She leads you towards the back and then stops in front of a door that reads: 𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿 | 𝗦𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗻 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗸

“Good luck. He can be a little tough” she whispers before walking away.

You let out a soft sigh, mentally preparing for having to deal with someone so difficult so early in the morning, and then knock on his door. You don’t hear anything, so you knock again, and a long moment of silence passes, so you raise your hand to knock again.

“Are you coming in or just going to continue to knock?” you hear him say from behind the door.

You roll your eyes and open the door, “May I come in?” you ask as you peer inside.

“Obviously.” he says in that same tone. You put on the best smile you can before stepping inside and closing the door behind you. You walk over to take a seat in front of his desk and he looks at you like you have something on your face. “I suppose we should review the dress code first.” he says as though he expected you to know the handbook cover to cover. 

You look down at your outfit, which you thought was appropriate: a nice sweater with some jeans and clean sneakers. This was a barista gig, afterall, so you assumed this was okay. “Is this not appropriate–?”

“The dress code is either button ups or blouses in: white, black, or beige. Slacks or fitted jeans in the same colors. You may wear skirts, in the same colors, and they must be knee length or no shorter than an inch from your knee. Black shoes of any kind; no open toe shoes, however. Hair must be tied up and gloves must be worn when handling or preparing food. I will give you a pass this time since it is your first day, but next time, you will be expected to dress accordingly.” he says as he shuffles through some papers on his desk.

“That is…wow…” you say, kind of surprised by the strictness of the dress code at a coffee shop, well, besides the gloves, of course. 

“Is that going to be a problem?” he peers up at you.

“No– no, not at all.” you say quickly.

“Good. You’ll have to go through the training on the computer, fill out and sign some forms electronically, and then if you finish with some time to spare, we will start some basic training. I will also give you paper copies of the forms to take home as well as your name tag and a copy of the handbook.”

You nod a bit, staying quiet; honestly not wanting to somehow tick him off in any way. He stops rummaging through the papers on his desk and looks at you. He just…stares at you for a long moment. Not looking you up and down, just looking into your eyes, meeting your gaze. Surprisingly, you don’t find yourself shifting uncomfortably in your seat. It helps a little that he’s attractive and his eyes are pretty, but still, you can feel how cold his gaze is despite it.

“Nothing to add?” he asks.

You open your mouth a bit to answer, but then find yourself stumped. “I look forward to it.” is what you feel is most appropriate to say. 

Silence and a stern gaze, that’s all he responds with. Then, he gives a short nod and looks back at his papers. “Aprons are also a part of the uniform, we don’t have specific ones, you just grab one and use it, but I know the others have their preferences.” he says, the last part somewhat under his breath.

You nod in response. “I’ve talked to Liz, she seems sweet.”

“She’s often late.”

You’re not sure how to respond to that. “Oh…” is all you say in response.

He pauses, “But, yes, the customers like her.” he says, sounding as though he isn’t even sure he wants to admit that he knows that (or acknowledges it). He rummages some more and then finally looks up before standing from his seat. “Alright, I’ll take you to the computer in the backroom and you can fill out the forms there.” And to your surprise, you see him extend his hand, “Welcome.” he says plainly.

You smile a bit, maybe starting to think he’s warming up to you, and you take his hand in yours, shaking it. His hand is soft despite the calluses on his upper palm. He continues to look you in the eye, and yet somehow, this time it looks a bit softer, as if having your hand in his allowed a wave of calm to wash over him. But, it’s gone just as quickly as it comes, almost like once he realized how he felt, he had to stop it. He lets go of your hand and clears his throat.

“Happy to be here.” you say, softly.

He only nods in response, and you swear you see the tips of his ears turn a light shade of pink, but you brush it off, figuring that maybe it’s just the lighting making it look that way.

-

It hasn’t exactly been an easy adjustment, to say the least. You mainly do closings on the days you can work, since Sunghoon has said that the openings are full. You don’t mind, but he has used this as an opportunity to criticize you on your cleaning techniques. To be fair, he trained you on what was expected, and yet, you can never seem to do it right. You warm the scones wrong, you make the matcha too strong, you burn the coffee beans, you don’t clean the utensils properly, you don’t mop the floors correctly. Anything and everything. 

You keep asking him how to do it correctly, and when he shows you (begrudgingly), you always have a confused look on your face because you could’ve sworn that’s how you were doing it in the first place. “Don’t act so surprised.” is all he would say whenever he saw you with that expression each and every time he would correct you. Which, to your dismay, was every single one of your shifts since he’s had to work closings with you to make sure you are fitting in just fine.

“He’s just like that,” one of your co-workers–Hyunwoo–says to you whenever Sunghoon has particularly been on your ass (which is almost every shift). “Although, I will say, you’ve gotten the hang of a lot of it so far. Just don’t take it to heart, it’s only been a month since you started.” he tries to reassure you while he steams some milk for a customer’s order.

You scoff softly, “And a long month it’s been.” you mutter as you put a lid on a tea, calling out the customer’s name at the counter, and telling them to have a good day. You go back to the register, him finishing the order with a soft laugh at your comment.

“He’s not a terrible boss.” he says before calling out the order and handing the cup and saucer to the customer with a smile.

“He’s just a terrible person.” you mumble under your breath.

He just smiles a bit and goes to stand at the register next to you. He shrugs, “He’s just that type of person, you know, tough exterior.”

“I think he’s just a douche–”

“Anyone in particular you’re talking about?” you hear Sunghoon ask behind you. You close your eyes, hoping you were just hearing things or maybe even that he’ll just go away if you pretend he’s not there. “Since you want to have ‘potty language’ on the floor, maybe you could take it to the actual restroom.” he says before rolling over a mop and bucket to you. 

You look at him, kind of an almost pleading look, but he just crosses his arms and looks back at you with that same unamused expression. You sigh, taking the handle of the mop and turning to roll it over to the bathroom. Hyunwoo looks at you sympathetically with a small smile as you walk away.

“She was talking about this guy in her class–” Hyunwoo tries to say to him.

“I know who she was talking about.” Sunghoon cuts him off before starting to walk back to his office, telling another employee to fill your spot while you clean the bathrooms.

-

The soft slosh of the mop and occasional sound of you ringing it out in the bucket fills the empty space of the coffee shop. The lights are dimmed and the usual bustle of customers and sounds of the coffee maker are done for the night as you and Sunghoon close. You can’t help but look at him occasionally; you feel you should apologize, but you’re not sure how. Afterall, it doesn’t always bode well when your manager overhears you calling them a douche. 

You slide the mop back and forth on the floor, just watching him sit at one of the tables with his sketchbook on the table as he scribbles with his pencil. So, each time you stop mopping to try and say something, you instead hear the scratch of his pencil against the paper, disrupting your thoughts entirely. That’s all he’s been doing since the shop closed and he’s left you to do all of the cleaning thus far. You finish mopping, putting it away in the storage closet before wiping down the tables. You were two tables away from where he was sitting before he closed his sketchbook and stood up; as if your nearby presence is more than enough to annoy him. You watch him as you wipe down the table and he looks at the floor before pointing to a spot.

“You need to make sure you’re mopping under the tables entirely; customers sometimes spill or leave crumbs on the floor and ants are the last thing we need.” he critiques.

You look at the spot he was pointing to. “I did mop under all of the tables–”

“And I’m telling you to do it again.” he says before going to sit back at the table and continuing to sketch.

You bite the inside of your cheek, mumbling a string of insults as quietly as you can, while you go to the storage closet to get the mop. You mop the floor, again, before putting it back. Meanwhile, he wasn’t even paying attention to make sure you were doing what he said, just simply working on whatever he was doing in his sketchbook.

“Better?” you ask, trying not to sound as annoyed as you were.

He doesn’t even glance up at you, “Much.” he replies shortly while closing his sketchbook. He gets up to finish wiping down the other tables you didn’t get to.

You start taking the chairs and flipping them upside down before resting them on the tabletops. He starts to do the same until you both meet in the middle. You want to say something, an apology might be the way to go, and you figure this is your only chance to possibly have him listen to you.

“You draw a lot.” is what you end up saying. Not exactly what you had in mind, but maybe some casual conversation is a good way to start out and then you can work your way up to an apology once the mood lightens.

He doesn’t answer at first. “How perceptive.” is all he mutters back.

You bite your tongue, “Is that your major? Art? Or maybe Art History–?”

“Yes.” is all he says back, cutting your questions short.

You nod a bit and he quickly finishes his side of cleaning up the chairs. “My major is English.” you say, trying to get him to say something more back. He just grunts in response. “Some people say it’s boring or a major that doesn’t lead to anything, but I love some of the courses I take. Like, World Literature, for example. I loved reading some of Li Po’s poetry and some Epics, like the Odyssey–”

“Did you make sure to clean the dishes in the sink? Did you clean out the pastry warmer?” he asks as though you weren’t saying anything in the first place. “Any excess crumbs could just heat up and smoke during the next use.”

“Yes, I cleaned it.” you reply in the same astute tone he uses, sighing softly as you finish putting the chairs on the tables. You walk to the registers, starting to close one of them. He says to leave the registers for last since he considers it to be the easiest task to finish. As you count the money, you figure he went back to his office–like usual–and you would be closing both registers yourself. You finish closing them after a short while and then go to his office to turn in the money. 

He checks your count, writing it down and putting the money into a locked box. “You may clock out.” is all he says before sitting at his desk.

You don’t need to be told twice before leaving his office, taking off your apron, and hanging it in the backroom where the others are. You grab your stuff and hesitate while walking towards the door. You decide to walk back to his office, knocking twice, before opening the door. He doesn’t look up at you.

“Goodnight.” you say quietly, not wanting to startle him or anything.

“Is that what you came to say?” he asks, not paying any attention.

“Yes.” you say as if it was obvious. He stops and looks up at you. It’s quiet, and you feel like his gaze is on you for hours, as if he has you trapped. “And I want to say I’m sorry.” you add, wondering if that is what he was waiting to hear from you.

“Ah.” he says before looking back at whatever he was doing on his desk. “So that is what you really came to do; clear your conscience. Well, no need to worry, I’ve heard some former employees call me worse.”

“Former?” you ask, suddenly a little worried about the future of your job (if he lets you keep it).

“Yes, former. As in: people who used to work here. Past tense–”

“I know.” you say, this time, cutting him off. This makes him look up at you, and you swear you can see the tiniest flicker of surprise cross his face. “I wanted to apologize because I felt bad. Yes, it was incredibly unprofessional of me to say that, especially while on the floor, and I apologize for that. But I also wanted to apologize because I didn’t want to upset you; I didn’t mean to. I was just upset and I let it get the better of me. So, sure, I came here to clear my conscience if that’s the pessimistic way you want to look at it, but at least I can say I tried. And I also came to say goodnight because of common courtesy.” you say before leaving his office and closing the door behind you. As you walk towards the front door, you expect him to maybe come out and say something, but to no surprise at all: he doesn’t.

-

“Why do you keep doing it like that?” Sunghoon asks as though he is genuinely dumbfounded by your actions. 

He’s teaching you the basics on latte art since that’s the area you’ve been struggling with the most since you’ve started. You figured each time a customer asks for a latte with one of the specific designs the baristas are supposed to learn, that you could just bribe Hyunwoo to do it with the promise of sneaking him some chocolate chips from the kitchen. You knew that couldn’t last forever, but you were hoping. You try again, moving the pitcher to try and aerate the milk with the steam wand.

“No. Not like that.” he comes over to you and takes the pitcher from you, pouring the failed attempt down the drain. He pours more milk into the pitcher and hands it back to you. “Don’t submerge the wand first, you need to introduce the heat to the milk and create a thin layer of foam, first.” 

You take the pitcher, doing as he says, but the wand has gotten too hot, making a hissing sound, startling you. Before you can, he reacts quickly, taking your hand with the pitcher in his as he moves it away from the machine. You look at him, but his focus is on the machine, letting go of your hand as he tries to fix it. It was short-lived, but you felt the tingle of excitement in your stomach from his touch. You feel a small smile creep onto your lips as you chuckle softly. He looks at you from the corner of his eyes before finishing with the machine.

“You find this funny?” he asks, sounding a bit exasperated.

You shrug as you dump out the milk. “I guess I’m just trying to find the joy in making mistakes.”

“What a ridiculous mindset.” he mutters. “The milk needs to reach around one hundred and fifty degrees fahrenheit and expands about twenty to thirty percent–”

“Am I supposed to figure out how to measure that off of the top of my head? Is there a chart with a frowny face to a smiley face on what the milk should look like that I need to follow?”

He turns to look at you, utterly unamused. You smile a bit, slightly laughing at your own joke, and he turns to look away from you. “Yes,” he mutters quietly, “It’s actually a coffee cup.” he says, sounding as though he wasn’t even making a joke at all. This makes you smile wider.

“Oh, okay, got it.” you say, trying to contain your excitement that he even responded to your joke with a joke. He hands you another pitcher and you take it, following through with the instructions he gave you. You try to create a thin layer of foam as you carefully watch the pitcher. “Am I doing it right? Is this good enough?” you ask, still watching the milk.

He doesn’t respond at first, which doesn’t seem off to you, you figure he’s just coming up with another critique to give you. Instead, however, he is lost in watching you concentrate. The way your gaze flicks a little between the wand and the milk, how you grip and hold the pitcher, just the way you seem so interested in what you’re doing; it captivates him entirely. You feel his hand softly move over yours, your breath hitching softly, while he guides the pitcher up a bit, submerging the wand. You can’t help but simply stare at his hand on top of yours, how he softly grips it, delicately directing your movements, and you swear, his thumb gently rubs back and forth over the side of your hand.

“You usually want to wait three to five seconds for the milk to aerate. That’s usually for lattes. Five to ten seconds for a cappuccino. Then, eight seconds for the milk to steam, like so.” he says softly, his body close beside you while he moves your hand just a bit more before letting go, his touch lingering on your hand. He clears his throat and you take the milk away from the wand. “Then,” he grabs the cup with the latte ready and you hand him the pitcher, “hold it just slightly above the latte at a slightly elevated position,” you watch as he demonstrates each action following what he is saying, “lowering it slightly while it starts to fill and be sure to keep the tip close, making sure it remains smooth and…there.” he finishes the design of the leaf. You nod your head. “Understand?” he asks as he sets the cup and pitcher down.

“I’ll definitely have to practice, but yes, I think I understand the basic concept.”

“Okay,” he motions to the machine, “Practice.” he crosses his arm and leans against the counter behind him.

You let out a short breath and start, making sure to remember his instructions. Once he doesn’t make any comments about the way you prepare the milk, you take that as a good sign. You try to make a tulip, having seen Hyunwoo do it, you felt it might be the easiest for you to try. You bite the bottom corner of your cheek as you concentrate, your eyebrows knitting together just slightly. The warm glow from the lights above the register casts down upon you delicately, almost as if it’s a spotlight, mimicking your soft and careful movements. He finds himself knitting his eyebrows together a bit, as well, confused as to what he should be focusing on: your work or you. It doesn’t turn out how you expect, not even close, and you set down the pitcher and the cup, looking up at him.

“Done?” you say, not sounding sure considering it’s not very good.

He comes over to look at it more closely. “It’s not a completely terrible leaf.” he says.

This, you will gladly take considering it is the nicest thing he’s said to you since you’ve started working here. “Yes, a leaf.” you say, trying to convince yourself (and him) that it was the choice of design you were going for.

“We can work on this more some other time; we’re out of this milk.” he says as he rinses and recycles the milk jug. You nod a bit, grateful he gave you this lesson anyway, which he said was only because your latte art skills were ‘below adequate’ and that the milk was expiring tomorrow, anyway. “You may go, I will close the registers.”

Your eyebrows raise a bit in surprise. “Really?” you ask, a small smile on your face.

He glances at you before clearing his throat and looking back at the register. He gives a soft hum in response and you go to grab your stuff. You walk over to the door and open it a bit before looking back at him. “Thank you, for the lessons and letting me go…” you look at the clock, “Three minutes early.”

He just hums again. You nod a bit and open the door more to leave.

“Goodnight.” he says in a flat tone.

You smile, “Goodnight.” you say back before leaving, the bell above the door chiming on your way out.

-

“Does he always come in on his days off?” you whisper to Liz as you both wash some of the mugs while the morning rush subsides. 

Today was one of the rare days he schedules you to work the opening shift, which you were happy about because now you can work a shift with Liz, who you’ve become close to. She shrugs her shoulders.

“Is he sitting in the right corner table by the flowers?” she whispers back.

You quickly peer over your shoulder and then turn back to the sink. “Yeah.”

“He’s probably just working on something for his art school, he sometimes comes here to do that. And so he can keep an eye on everyone.”

“Why not work on it at home or something?”

She shrugs, “I guess he likes to take the opportunity to get his free drink and pastry. He’s just been doing that since before I started working here, so don’t worry if you think he’s doing it to watch you.” You nod and finish washing the mugs and other utensils, drying your hands. “Although, I will say, he usually comes later when it’s less busy, so I was a little surprised to see he was here during the rush.”

You hum softly in response. “What does he usually order?”

“Just an iced americano and croissant. He’s quite plain–” she starts, but you don’t pay much attention, already preparing his order. She dries her hands and laughs softly, a hint of nervousness in her tone. “Um, I know you might be wanting to get on his good side, but trust me when I say: he doesn’t like to be disturbed, especially when he’s working on his art.”

“It’s not disturbing if I bring him something he’s going to get.” Possibly.

“Well, maybe, but–” she starts, but you already make your way over to him with the coffee and the croissant on a plate.

You set the coffee and plate down gently onto the table, accidentally peeking to see what he’s drawing. You barely make out what could possibly be a portrait of someone before he closes his sketchbook.

“What are you doing?” he asks, irritated.

“Oh, I just came to bring you your coffee and croissant. Liz told me what you usually get–”

“Did she also tell you I don’t like being bothered? I figured that would come across as something you would have picked up on by now, but perhaps I was too generous with what to assume in regards to what you can and can’t figure out.”

You just look at him, “I made it so you wouldn’t have to stop working and just have it readily available, but I forgot, you’re allergic to acts of kindness.”

He glances at the coffee and croissant, then back up at you. He’s quiet for a long moment and you worry you may have been too snarky with your boss. “Thank you.” he mumbles before taking a sip of his coffee.

You beam proudly, a bit. “You’re welcome.” you say as your eye catches the flowers around where he sits. “Are these marigolds?”

“Yes.” he mutters, “May I continue my work or are there more questions you would like to waste my time with?”

“How come you always sit here? Liz says you do.”

He sighs, “I suppose you have more questions to bother me with.” he mutters, annoyed. “It’s private and quiet. That’s why. And if you have more unnecessary questions to ask me, consider this eating into your break.”

“Right, well, good luck with your work.” you say before turning to head back towards the registers. He’s quiet for the few steps you take, and then you hear him sigh.

“The color suggests they represent creativity.” he says quickly, not wanting to say anything at all.

You turn around to look at the flowers and him, but he’s already focused on working in his sketchbook again. “Superstitious?”

“Not in the slightest.” he says in his usual tone, his pencil scratching against the paper.

“And yet you sit in the corner with the flowers that represent creativity?” you say with a hint of teasing.

“Among other things.” he mumbles, but you notice the tips of his ears turning pink, and you smile softly.

“Well, hopefully it works.” you say before going back over to Liz. She looks at you in complete shock.

“You still work here?” she asks, and you know she’s joking, but a part of her sounds actually surprised.

“Ha, ha.” you say as you stand behind the register, her next to you.

“No, no, seriously. He never talks to anyone, especially when he’s working on his art.”

You shrug, “To be honest, I’m surprised, too. Although, he did insult my intelligence.”

“Well, he does that to everyone.” she says, laughing softly, and you laugh as well.

As you laugh, you glance over at him, thinking maybe you saw him already looking at you. But, he just sits up straighter, and continues to draw.

-

“This is the third customer today that has wanted their latte remade because the art ‘didn’t look good’. You’ve been here for three months, you honestly mean to tell me you haven’t improved on any of the designs?” Sunghoon asks, crossing his arms as he watches you working on the decorations for some of the Belgium waffles.

You sigh and continue to dip a corner of the waffles into the chocolate. “I’ve been practicing. I’ve even had Hyunwoo help me–”

“You’ve been bothering a co-worker to help you with something you should be at least decent at by now?”

“Well, you’re not exactly the easiest person to approach for help.” you mumble.

He doesn’t say anything before letting out a sigh. “Are there any designs in particular you’re not confident in? Are there any that you are?”

“Not…particularly.”

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. You think you hear him mutter the word ‘hopeless’ before you feel him ushering you over to the latte machine.

“Alright, I am going to teach you some of the basic designs: a leaf, a heart, and a tulip.”

“Sure, seems easy enough.” you say, somewhat sarcastic.

“If you prefer, you can find another job if this one is too complicated for you.” he replies, and you can’t tell whether or not he’s joking. Your eyes widen a bit and you stand a bit straighter.

“Alright, fine, message received.”

He lets out a hum and starts making a latte and steaming milk. “A leaf: This one is probably the easiest one to master first; a good base design. Once you learn how this one works, you can apply it to the other designs.” You walk over to watch as he holds the pitcher over the cup. “You’re going to start with making a circle near the base of the latte, just slowly pouring the crema. Then bring the spout a little closer as you gently zig-zag the design towards the top, and then,” he trails off as you watch him bring the spout down in a line, finishing the leaf. “Done.” he says simply.

You nod a bit and watch him scoop out the design with a spoon. “There’s still enough milk left in the pitcher, so you may try.” he says as he hands it to you.

You take the pitcher and do as he said. You pour enough to make a circle, following by doing a zig-zag motion going up to the top of the cup. He watches closely, gently placing his hand over yours as he slows your zig-zag motion.

“A little slower, and,” he gently pushes your hand to lower the spout a bit. “Just a little lower.” he keeps his hand over yours to make sure you’re doing it right, but he stops applying pressure, his hand simply resting on top of yours. You make the line down the middle, and the leaf is a little awkward, but it’s much better than any of your previous attempts. You look up a bit, seeing a small smile on his face and your hand suddenly feels warm from his touch.

“Better?” you ask and watch the smile disappear before he looks up at you, taking away his hand.

“To an extent, yes.” he replies, taking the cup and pitcher. He prepares another latte and some more milk in order to show you the other design. “So, the heart,” he clears his throat a bit as he hands you the pitcher once he steams the milk. “This one is a little trickier and will be much easier if I just help you directly.”

You nod and he places hand over yours that holds the cup and his other hand over yours that holds the pitcher. Your breath hitches softly, and he hears it, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “So…what, um, what do we do?” you ask softly.

“First, you’ll start pouring in the crema until the cup becomes fuller. Then,” he tips your hand with the cup a bit while he brings the spout a bit closer to the cup. “It will naturally start to move the crema once you tip the cup at an angle and once it circulates enough while the cup becomes fuller, just pull the spout away a bit to thin the stream and pull it down.” he says as he moves your hands gently, his grip firm yet delicate. His touch lingers as he continues to hold your hands and you look up at him, just realizing you weren’t entirely paying attention to what he was saying.

“Mhm.” is all you manage to reply with and he nods a bit, letting go.

A customer comes over to order and Sunghoon turns to them before looking over his shoulder. “Practice that one and I’ll see how you do after I help them.” he says before walking away. 

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding and try your best to focus on practicing what he just taught you. Well, what you were at least paying attention to. He glances at you every so often while making the customer’s order, watching as you concentrate and work carefully. He looks away, poking his tongue in the side of his cheek to stop himself from smiling, before returning to his usual demeanor and giving the customer their drink. He walks back over to you and you look up at him, smiling proudly.

“It looks good, right?” you ask. 

Your heart was decent, not a terrible first attempt (but not great), and he was about to say so. However, your smile makes him hesitate and he swallows before nodding. “Yes. …good.” he chokes out the compliment, but you’re too proud to notice. “Alright, last design: the tulip.” he says, shaking his head before taking the cup and pitcher from your hands and preparing to teach you the last design.

“This one isn’t too hard, it’s just a few circles on top of each other. So,” he holds the latte and pitcher, filling it with the milk before bringing the spout closer to the lip of the cup that he tilts. “Just make one circle, pull back slightly and make another on top of it, this thins the previous circle, and do this a few more times, making the next one smaller and then pull through it to make the tulips.” he says before setting them down. “Easy enough, yes?”

“Actually, yes.” you say with a slight nod. Before he can tell you to, you start prepping in order to practice the design, but as you make your first circle, he softly puts his hands over yours again.

“Tilt the cup a little more and make sure both hands are steady; you’re shaking a bit.” he says softly, almost like a whisper.

You suddenly become aware of how close he’s standing to you. You try to focus on making the design, but as you become hyper aware of his proximity, it’s almost as if you can feel his soft breath scatter along your face.

“These latte art lessons kind of feel like an excuse for you to hold my hands.” you say, trying to ease your racing heart by making a light-hearted joke (even if you aren’t currently aware of who you’re making the joke to). His hands tense before letting go of yours. You finish the design and set the cup down. “Is it okay…?” you ask, looking up at him and realizing he has a slight flush over his cheeks.

It was actually the best design you’ve done thus far, but his mind is too occupied with what you said and it shows. 

“I’m sorry, I was making a joke. I didn’t mean to misinterpret you helping me. I was just…It was a stupid thing to say.”

He clears his throat, his cheeks turning a bit pinker. “This is the best design you’ve done out of the three.” he says, acting as if you didn’t make the joke at all.

You look at him, slightly stunned. “Oh…great.”

He nods a bit. “Right. Well. Hopefully this has helped.” he says before making his way back to his office, moving quickly as his face flushes even more.

-

You’ve become used to the quiet during closings with Sunghoon, but this time, it felt different. He hasn’t made an effort to talk to you since the joke you made, and although he never really went out of his way to talk to you at all, this time seemed off. He still sat at one of the tables, working in his sketchbook, while you mopped the floor. As you mop, you try to think of something to say, and every time you look up at him, he looks back down at his sketchbook. 

“You’re not sitting at the table with the marigolds.” you say, trying to at least break the ice.

He doesn’t respond for a moment, but he doesn’t look annoyed by you talking like he normally does, he looks as though he doesn’t want to reveal something. “It’s dark in that corner, so, I can’t really see my work.” he replies nonchalantly.

You nod a bit and then raise an eyebrow. “Couldn’t you just turn on the lights over the table in the back?”

“That would be a waste of electricity.”

Well, you couldn’t really argue with that. “But, you don’t pay the electricity bill, would the owner really notice?”

He stops drawing. “Are you really suggesting I turn on the light at the table with the marigolds for my own selfish benefit simply because you assume that it would go unnoticed?”

You shrug. “I mean, I know it’s not a big deal–”

“That it is not.”

“But I was just curious as to why you sit there during the day and then at that table,” you say as you point at the one he is currently sitting at–the one you just realized he sits at every night during closing–right in the center of the shop, “During closing?”

“Are you telling me you pay attention to where I sit?”

“I’m telling you I’ve noticed where you’ve sat.”

He grins a bit, but then quickly hides it. He goes back to drawing. “I told you: I’m not superstitious.”

“And yet you sit at the two same tables.”

He lets out a scoff, which almost sounds like it was about to be a laugh, before looking back up at you. “I am just sitting at a table, working on pieces for my class exhibit.”

“A class exhibit?” you ask with intrigue. “Like, an art showing at your school or just specifically your class?”

“It’s just for our class, but it’s being held at my school.” he quickly stops talking and goes back to drawing. “It’s not important.” he clears his throat. “Finish mopping.”

“Woah, woah, wait. You’re having a school event, which I’m assuming you’ve been working on since I’ve started here, and you’re not promoting it?”

“What exactly is there to promote?” he looks up at you. “It’s an event that my class is expected to invite friends or family to, not some charity event.”

“Have you invited any of your friends?”

He looks away. “It’s not important.”

“The event’s not important or the fact that you may or may not have invited your friends is not important?”

“Would you like the answer to that question or would you like to keep your job?”

You go back to mopping. “Point taken.”

-

“Shit.” you mutter to yourself. Liz offered to give you a ride home tonight since the bus gave notice that it was going to be having last stops earlier this week. Unfortunately, she just texted you that she won’t be able to make it tonight. It was almost ten, and even though you lived a few minutes away (if traveling in a vehicle), the nights during fall were starting to get cooler and you didn’t prepare for a walk home. You sigh, grabbing your bag, and as you walk to the door: you see the few drops of rain fall against the windows of the coffee shop. “No fucking wa-”, but you’re cut off by the sudden downpour of rain. You groan, an instant frown appearing on your face.

“You’re still here?” he asks in a tone that doesn’t sound as though he actually cares.

“It’s raining.” you reply solemnly.

“What gave that away?” he asks sarcastically as he grabs his things, slinging his backpack over his back and grabbing his umbrella.

You glare back at him and sigh. “Well, I wish I was given a heads up that the universe hates me, that way, I could’ve brought an umbrella.” 

“Is Liz not picking you up?” he asks, genuinely sounding curious this time.

“No.” you answer, slightly wondering how he knew she has been picking you up this week since he typically leaves after you. “She said she couldn’t make it tonight. And the last bus left at eight.”

“How unfortunate. Well, after you.” he says as he opens the door.

You roll your eyes, walking outside, shoving your bag under your shirt so it won’t get as wet from the rain. You hear him lock the door and you let out another annoyed sigh before stepping out from under the awning. To your surprise, no rain was falling onto you. You look up, confused considering it was still pouring and you see the rain instead falling onto a clear umbrella. You turn your head, seeing Sunghoon standing under the umbrella beside you. You open your mouth to speak, but he beats you to it.

“I’m not letting you walk home alone in the rain.” he says simply.

You feel your breath hitch softly as you swallow a lump in your throat, your gaze lingering on him. He was standing close, considering the umbrella wasn’t that big, and you felt his knuckles brush against your shoulder. Your heart was beating out of your chest, and you wondered if he could hear it over the rain hitting the umbrella and sidewalk. He was standing there as though your proximity didn’t matter, but truthfully, he was wondering the same thing as you all while holding his breath.

“You don’t have to.” you say so softly, you almost barely hear yourself say it. 

His jaw clenches, knees almost buckling at your tone. “Uh-huh.” he chokes out. He clears his throat, facing forward. “Lead the way.” he says quickly.

You nod and start walking, him following beside you. Neither of you speak for a while, not sure what to say. 

“Do you live nearby?” you both end up asking at the same time. You laugh softly and he grips the handle of the umbrella tighter.

“I live about fifteen blocks away. Not too far, but–”

“Not exactly close.” he mutters. “So, around a thirty minute walk ahead of us?”

“It takes about seven minutes for a bus ride.”

“Are we on a bus?” he asks rhetorically.

You keep your mouth shut. Then, you let out a huff and cross your arms. “I never asked you to walk with me.” you (slightly) snap. A part of you was annoyed with him. Annoyed he made you close this week even though you explained the situation with the bus schedule. Annoyed he was throwing a fit about walking you home when you didn’t ask him to. Annoyed that he was being so annoying and you kind of wanted to kiss him. What?! “You know what? I’ll walk home by myself.” you mutter, walking faster and stepping out from under the umbrella, the rain falling harshly onto you, starting to soak your clothes and hair. 

You feel him tug you back to him, back under the safety of the umbrella, and you look up at him. Your wet self pressed against his chest, his hand on the small of your back, and he meets your gaze, looking down at you. His nose barely brushes against yours as he stands quiet, however, his gaze says it all. You don’t speak, worried that if you do, then the moment will end. You aren’t sure how much time passes before he finally speaks.

“I’ll walk with you.” he says simply, as if he isn’t holding back the urge to pull you just a bit closer for his lips to meet yours.

“Okay.” you say, giving in easily.

He swallows and you move a bit, standing beside him again as you both continue the walk to your home. It grows quiet again, the rain letting up only slightly. You shiver a bit, the cold from the rain that soaked you feeling as though it’s seeping into your bones, he notices, glancing at you from the corner of his eye. 

“Hold this.” he says, handing you the umbrella. You raise an eyebrow and he maneuvers his backpack so he can take off his jacket. He drapes his jacket over your shoulders and takes back the umbrella as he puts back on his backpack. “Put it on.” he directs.

You were about to protest, but oblige nonetheless, enjoying the warmth it instantly brings. You hear him sigh and he hands you the umbrella again before zipping up the jacket for you. You become flustered and unable to meet his gaze.

“Thanks.” you say softly, but he doesn’t look at you, him knowing if he does, he won’t be able to stop from kissing you. He nods curtly and takes back the umbrella before you both continue walking.

The rest of the walk is silent, but not the typical silence that normally occurs between the two of you. This felt different, more comforting. As you approach your apartment building after the somewhat pleasant thirty minute walk, you step under the awning, him closing the umbrella and standing under it with you.

“Thank you.” you say again.

He doesn’t respond for a moment, and if you weren’t paying such close attention, you wouldn’t have noticed his eyes flitting softly over the features of your face. The way your hair curves over your face, barely dried from being soaked by the rain earlier. How you look in his jacket.

“I don’t regret it.” he says.

You’re taken aback a bit from his response, expecting a ‘you’re welcome’ or a sarcastic ‘no problem’ before him walking away and leaving at that. You nod a bit in response and give him a small smile.

“Goodnight.” you whisper.

He shivers, and you can’t tell if it’s from the way you said it or the cold.

“Goodnight.” he replies, softly. He doesn’t say any more, turning and opening his umbrella before walking away.

You forgot about giving him back his jacket or even bringing up when he wants you to give it back to him. And lucky for him, you forgot he owns a car.

-

“Were you able to get home okay? I am so sorry, I didn’t know it was going to rain last night.” Liz says apologetically as she puts on her apron after clocking in.

You shake your head. “It’s not your fault. And yes, I did.”

“That’s good, and I’m still really sorry.” she says apologetically, gently touching your arm.

“Really, Liz, it’s okay. I…had an umbrella.”

“Oh, that’s good. At least you were prepared.” You nodded in response, finishing an order before calling out the customer’s name at the counter. “Oh, and Sunghoon wanted you to go to the kitchen and finish prepping the next batch of croissants.” she says as she takes over your spot at the register. 

You walk back into the kitchen, re-tying back your hair before putting on your gloves. You grab the slabs of croissant dough from the refrigerator, it now being ready to cut and shape. As you unwrap the plastic covering the dough, you hear the door open. You glance up, seeing Sunghoon walk in. He doesn’t say anything, putting on gloves and walking over to the counter you are working on, grabbing a slab of the dough and unwrapping it as well.

“Good afternoon.” he says before he starts cutting the dough, not glancing at you at all.

“Good…afternoon.” you reply, looking at his hands. Not because they’re pretty (which you would be a fool to deny), but rather because you wanted to mimic what he was doing. You cut the dough like he does, albeit, much slower than him. He takes a piece, holding it in the air as his other hand softly stretches it by dragging the piece down, the dough becoming longer. He sets it back down once satisfied and starts to roll it into a croissant. “You make it look easy.” you say, holding the dough up, trying to stretch it.

He finally glances at you, watching how you work the dough. “You get used to it.” he says, keeping focus on what you’re doing. You hear him let out a tut before he stands behind you, wrapping his arms around for his hand to meet yours. “You have to work a little quickly while being gentle. You don’t want the butter to melt from the dough, and even the heat from your hands, no matter if they’re warm or not, all works against you.” He engulfs your hands in his, one hand helping you keep the dough steady in the air, the other slowly guiding your hand to gently stretch the dough.

He’s quiet, his breath softly grazing along your ear. “See? It is easy.” he whispers, sending chills down your spine. He moves away, grabbing the other slabs you got from the fridge, putting them back inside. “And don’t take out any that you aren’t currently working on. They’ll melt and ruin all of the preparation that went into kneading and folding the butter into the dough.” he says in a somewhat strict tone, completely contrasting from his gentle whispers just moments before. He continues to work on his pieces and you work on yours in silence for a bit.

“Do they look okay?” you ask, finishing your first batch. He glances at it, before grabbing another slab from a fridge and then placing the trays with the ones you just shaped into the oven.

“They weren’t exponentially terrible.” he mutters with a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“They were that good?” you ask, excitedly. “How sweet.”

He laughs softly and cuts the next slab. “Here, stretch this piece like I showed you and then I can help you shape it.”

You nod, working the dough like he demonstrated before. The lingering feeling of his hands on yours sending tingles along your fingers and skin. You set the piece down, and look over at him. He tries to hide the smile that creeps onto his face, looking down as pink softly tints his ears. He walks to be behind you, taking your hands in his again.

“Just roll the dough tightly from this end, not the pointed end first, like this,” he says softly, moving your hands with his as he speaks. “Then, make sure you tuck the tip under, curve the ends a bit so it makes a crescent. That’s optional, it’s okay not to do that every time, but just for the sake of showing you, that’s how you do it.” Or, for the sake of holding your hands more. “Done. See?” he lets go and steps back a bit. “Finish the rest of that one and I’ll work on a different one.”

“Thanks.” you say with a small smile as you look at him over your shoulder before placing the finished croissant on the baking tray and moving on to shape the next one. He smiles back, although you don’t notice, as he sets another slab on the counter. “Do you…teach everyone like that?” you ask, hesitantly.

He doesn’t answer for a moment, a small smirk on his face, “If it’s helpful and produces the proper result, maybe I will.” he replies.

“So I’m just the guinea pig?”

He laughs softly and shakes his head. “I don’t think anyone will be as good a student as you.”

You smile at that, feeling somewhat proud. “So, you haven’t taught anyone like this?”

He looks up at you and you turn your head to look back at him. “Only you.”

-

Closing with Sunghoon hasn’t been miserable since he walked you home that night. He still tends to quietly sketch at the same table each night, but he hasn’t made you do mundane tasks each night like he used to. Besides, he was quieter than usual, and Hyunwoo said it was because his class exhibit was coming up. You wondered why he didn’t tell you, but he was taking the next few days off, so instead, you were closing with another co-worker, to which Sunghoon (begrudgingly) left you in charge.

However, on one of the nights you were supposed to close, Liz switched her shift with you so you could open. You asked her why, to which she responded with: “You deserve a break”. As odd as you may have found it, you didn’t want to pass up a free night off.

“Later!” you call out to Hyunwoo, who was finishing warming a pastry for a customer.

“Enjoy your night!” he calls back, taking the pastry out and putting it on a plate. “Have fun!” he says before walking to the counter, out of earshot. 

You furrow your eyebrows a bit, assuming he most likely just meant have fun with the rest of your night. You take off your apron, hanging it up, before grabbing your things from your cubby. A slip of paper falls to the floor and you crouch down to pick it, flipping it over to read: Art Exhibition: Wednesday November 3rd @ 5 p.m. | Academy of Arts Lecture Hall D, Classroom 502 on a sheet of crumpled pale yellow paper. 

Originally, you were planning on simply staying in, just watching mindless content as you lazily lounged around, but you found yourself on the bus heading downtown to the college campus to attend an art exhibition. As you stepped off of the bus and walked the block to the school, you walked in circles for about the first fifteen minutes after five, then asked for directions, got lost a little more, and finally, twenty-five minutes later, you found the lecture hall and classroom. 

You walked inside, expecting it to be fairly empty, but saw many (who you presumed to be) friends and family of the students in the class. It looked much more professional than you originally thought it would be: light classical music playing in the background to set the mood, food catered and being passed out to the guests, works of art littering the classroom on nice displays, hands holding champagne flutes as people discuss and share their work. Your eyes scan the room until they land on Sunghoon who is dressed nicely with a black ribbed knit half-zip sweater, black slacks, and black dress shoes to match. It even seems he trimmed his hair, it styled with a small part that exposes his forehead, him smiling and laughing softly as he pushes his rimless glasses up the bridge of his nose a bit. 

You feel yourself shiver, his voice sounding rich and deep as he talks, even if he is across the room from you. You make your way over to him, feeling underdressed in your work clothes, it not occurring to you to go home and change into something nicer; the only thought running through your mind at the time that you had to be here. He sees you, his eyes lingering on you as if you aren’t wearing a white blouse, black pants, and black flats. Your hair may be down, but it’s not like he hasn’t seen you wear something like this a hundred times since you started working at the coffee shop almost a year ago. And yet, to him, you were the best dressed person there.

“Hi.” he whispers.

“Hey.” you whisper back with a small smile.

“How did you…?” You hold out the flyer that was in your cubby. He takes it, his fingers brushing against your knuckles (possibly on purpose) as he takes the paper. He smiles a bit and sets it on the desk behind him. “I didn’t leave this for you.”

“I didn’t figure that you did.” you reply, not once your gaze wavering from each other.

“I scheduled you to close.”

“Did you not want me to come?”

“I didn’t think you would.”

“Is that why you didn’t invite me?”

“That’s not why.”

“How come?”

“Is anyone at the shop?”

“Liz switched shifts with me.”

“I see.”

“Are you going to show me what you’ve been working on since I started working there?”

“Did you come straight from work?”

“Sunghoon.” 

“Fine.”

He lets out a reluctant sigh before turning to the side a bit. You look at the wall, seeing a few paintings hanging from the wall along with some sketches hanging beside them. The collection is titled Heliotrope with a scripture below it: My eyes follow no matter where you lead, body turned towards you like a heliotrope in the sun; at first afraid to touch, expecting to burn, yet brave enough to endure the pain just to feel you beneath my fingertips; instead, I was met with warmth and softness unlike any other; you, my sun, may I be doomed to an eternity of bathing in your warmth, prepared to gaze at nothing more, damned for all eternity; I shall except it with open arms.

As you look up at his work, you see heliotropes, varying in vibrant purples, shaped as a person, highlights adorning the silhouette, making it seem as though the figure glows. One sketch includes a hand shape made from heliotropes intertwining fingers with a thick and rough hand colored in with charcoal. You gaze at them all, smiling to yourself as you see one with the heliotrope figure holding a leaf, another of it being watered by rain, and another of it sitting across a table with the rest of the background in complete darkness with something resting on the table.

“Heliotropes?” you ask, still looking at his art.

“Yes.” he replies, not exactly answering your question, but knowing he understands what you’re asking, just choosing not to answer it.

“How come?” you ask, trying to coax a more specific answer from him.

“Did you read the scripture?”

“I did.”

“Then you should know.” he replies directly.

His hands are behind his back as he looks at his work with you, occasionally glancing at you from the corner of his eye.

“Beautiful.” you say, simply, honestly meaning it.

“Thank you.” he accepts the compliment.

“What inspired you?” you ask, finally turning to look at him.

He looks at his work for a moment longer before finally turning to face you. “My sun.” he replies softly.

“Your sun?”

“In Greek mythology, a water nymph–whose name was Clytie–fell in love with the Sun God, Helios. She loved him passionately, but he fell in love with a princess, thus not reciprocating her feelings. Rejected and envious, Clytie informed Leucothoe’s, the princess’s, father and enraged by the information, he buried the princess alive. Clytie was now hopeful that with Leucothoe gone, Helios would reciprocate her love, but her actions only drove him further away. She spent her last days, sitting on the ground, gazing up at the sun until she withered away. The Gods pitied her, reincarnating her into a heliotrope, a flower that always faces towards the sun, letting her always gaze upon her love, no matter him not loving her back.”

“So, you used heliotropes to symbolize your ‘sun’?”

“Yes.”

“Do you feel she doesn’t reciprocate your love?”

“She?”

“He?”

“She.” he corrects.

You nudge his shoulder, laughing softly. “She doesn’t feel the same?”

“I doubt she does.”

“Do you love her?”

“It’s not about whether or not I love her or whether or not she loves me back.”

“Why is she always seen from a distance in your paintings and sketches?”

“That is how I see her.”

“You feel she is unattainable.”

“Not necessarily.”

“Then why are you never with her?”

“I am, just from afar.”

“Stalker?”

He laughs softly, “No. I don’t need to be close to her to feel happy.”

“She just needs to be nearby?”

“As long as I face her, no matter how far from me she is, I feel her warmth; like a sun.”

“That’s why she’s your sun? Because she makes you feel warm, not because you feel she doesn’t reciprocate your love?”

“It doesn’t matter whether or not I love her or whether or not she loves me back.”

“You’ve said that twice: ‘whether or not she loves me back’. So, you do love her.”

He grins a bit and looks back at his work. “It’s too early to tell.”

“You feel this strongly for her that you based such important work on her.”

“It’s not about the grade I receive on my work for this project.” he turns to face you, “I was in a rut, I couldn’t think of what to do for this assignment. I felt an immense amount of pressure that I unnecessarily put on myself that I almost wanted to quit; I was more afraid of failing than trying at all. But then, she inspired me. From the moment I saw her, she made all of that go away. So, any chance I got, I would sketch her, and then the idea came to me and so,” he gestures to his work, “I made these.”

“I thought it wasn’t about the grade.”

“It’s not.”

“Then what is it about?”

“Figuring out how I feel.”

“How do you feel?”

“The same.”

“The same as…?”

He faces you again. “The first day I saw her.”

You stare at him for a moment. “Has she seen it yet?”

“I didn’t plan for her to.”

“Has she?”

“Perhaps.”

“Is she here tonight?”

“I didn’t invite her.”

“So, she hasn’t seen it.”

“She has.”

Silence.

“And?”

Silence.

“And?” you repeat.

Silence.

“And…I want to kiss her.”

Silence.

“Does she want to kiss me?”

“Perhaps.” you whisper.

Silence.

“Are you going to?”

“Perhaps.” he whispers.

You didn’t even notice his hand softly caressing your cheek with his knuckles, gently brushing over your skin, sending tingles down your neck through your chest, erupting butterflies in your stomach. He leans in, parting his lips just barely, his eyes flitting between your own slightly parted lips and your half-lidded eyes. His thumb tenderly strokes your cheek and as you part your lips more to speak, he gently presses his lips to yours.

Your bottom lip slots between his, him tugging you closer, his grip on your cheek tightening just a bit while his lips move with yours. Your fingers find their way to his sweater, tugging and gripping it softly while you suck and release his top lip and he does the same with your bottom one. He tilts his head to the side, his breath scattering over your lips as he exhales a gentle breath before latching his lips to yours again. You both move in tandem, slowly, taking your time to let your lips linger on each other before barely parting them and connecting them together again. 

He breaks the kiss slowly, letting your bottom lip stay between his for a moment as both of your eyes flutter open. His glasses are fogged a bit and you laugh. His cheeks blush pink as he wipes them clean and adjusts them on the bridge of his nose.

“So…heliotropes represent unrequited love?”

He laughs a bit at your change in topic. “Eternal love and devotion.”

“For a girl you’ve known for almost a year?”

“For a girl I’ve known for almost a year.”

-

Normally, sitting by the window on a particularly sunny day wouldn’t be your first choice for when taking your break. However, for some reason, it didn’t bother you as much anymore. Having the light shining softly on your face, it warming your body slightly, enveloping you in a rich softness. You feel a presence beside you, turning your head to see Sunghoon. He sets a book on the table. You look at it and smile.

“The Odyssey?”

“You mentioned you liked it.”

“Yeah, around the time I first started here.”

“So?”

“So, you remembered?”

“Of course.”

‘Of course.’ You smile at that. You hear him set something else on the table and you look to see what it is.

“A latte?” you ask, looking at the cup, smiling with your gaze locked on the foam heart on the top.

“For you to drink while you read on your break.”

You look back at him. “Thank you.” you whisper.

He leans in, just about to kiss your lips, looking down at them with such temptation before his eyelashes flutter and he meets your gaze just as you look up from his lips yourself.

“See you in fifteen.” he says with a wink as he pulls away and walks back over to the counter. Jerk, you think as you open your book, inside: a pressed heliotrope along with a written message saying ‘For my sun: to an eternity of looking’. You try to hold back a lovesick smile, glancing over your shoulder to look back at him, only to find him already looking at you, the same lovesick smile proudly on his face.

[heeology]

enhypen as community characters

i've been rewatching community and suddenly got this idea as i was working on a new fic. so...this prob a little too niche for the audience i've (somewhat) developed, but i thought it was a fun idea anyway. my "analysis" is really just some surface level stuff and meant to be taken lightly anyway; it was just something i randomly came up with and def makes more sense if you've seen the show (iykyk). enjoy !!

ENHYPEN X COMMUNITY

Heeseung → Jeff

~~For those who haven't seen Community, Jeff is the hot one of the group. In the show, it's mentioned a lot how he's the rugged, cool, mean but nice to those who he's close to guy, that's basically his character in a nutshell. So, ASIDE from the fact that Heeseung is hot and Jeff is known as "the hot one", they're both the unspoken leader of the group. That being said, I know Jungwon is the actual leader, so I could have put him and Jeff together for that reason, but I see more similarities between Jeff and Heeseung. For instance, Jeff always gives speeches at the end of a conflict the group goes through to bring them back together, how he's the one the group turns to for advice and settling disputes, and it reminded me a lot of how Heeseung was treated in I-LAND. How he was seen as the 'ace' and always asked for help, like when Taki needed his help in leading the Fake Love team; he's kind of the unspoken leader (in that sense). As for being seen as 'the cool ones' of the group, it's just mentioned a lot either by Ni-ki or in I-LAND or in EN-O'CLOCK when they have those editor comments or something in the subtitles about how anything Heeseung does, he makes it cool, which is basically how the group kind of treats some of the things Jeff does and explains how he gets away with a lot (especially by the Dean of the shcool). But for both, there is always more to them than just their looks, you may be intrigued just based on their appearances, but grow to like them even more once you get to know them. Oh-- and Jeff is the one who brought the group together, kind of like the jokes people make about Heeseung choosing the members throughout I-LAND in their moments where he "knew" they were going to debut with him.

Jay → Shirley

~~Shirley's character is a single mom, a Christian, who is sweet yet tough. Which might make you wonder: why did I choose her as Jay's parallel? Well, both are good at cooking, which in the episode where there are six different timelines introduced in the show, the group made a promise not to eat Shirley's baked goods in order not to feed her idea that she needs to make them things in order to be liked. And later in the series, she teams with Pierce to start her own sandwich shop that she wants to start in the Greendale Community College cafeteria. I guess my explanation didn't help too much, but Jay takes care of the group in a lot of ways, much like Shirley. One of them by always being the one to step up and make the meals during EN-O'CLOCK. He's expressed his love for culinary, and I'm fairly certain he said he would have been a chef if he wasn't an idol, much like how Shirley wants to own her own business combined with her love for cooking, but for now, she attends the community college in the show. They both bring a sense of comfort and kindness as well as warmth to the group while also sometimes expressing their competitive natures. I wouldn't call them both underdogs, but definitely both are secret weapons. She also gives funny quips sometimes and that reminds me of when he would make dad jokes.

Jake → Troy

~~Troy and Abed are a packaged deal, so I knew when I thought about who would be who, they would have to be an iconic duo in the group while simultaneously (somewhat) accurately representing the character I paired them with. So, for Troy, he's the loveable, goofy, semi-airhead jock revealed to be softie. He often engages in antics with his best friend in the group, Abed, and I just saw Jake fitting into the lighthearted nature of Troy's character. How easy it is for him to make friends and his natural charm he has, kind of similar to how Troy is. Just overall outgoing and down to do anything fun or silly. They both seem to find the childlike wonder in a lot of things, (which I am basing a lot on from all of those cute edits of him, like him saying M&M's or him with the LEGOS), that's mainly the vibe I get the similarities from. Both are just cute and sweet and loveable while also feeding comedic relief to the groups they're in. And both have proven to hone a lot more than meets the eye. Like, Jake being voted as the 'most improved' in I-LAND and winning the benefit and Troy having a secret natural ability for plumbing and air conditioning repair (again, it makes more sense if you've seen the show), but trust me, they give off the same vibe.

Sunghoon → Abed

~~It was between him and Ni-ki for Abed (it was always Jake for Troy), but I ultimately landed on Sunghoon. Abed is Troy's other half in the show and vice versa. Abed's character reveals early on that he has ASD (specifically, I think Jeff mentions Asperger's more specifically, but I don't think they ever officially confirmed it to be that specifically). Besides me choosing to put Sunghoon as Abed because of the relationship dynamic between him and Jake and Troy and Abed, I felt they have some things in common as well. Both are usually reserved, but find solace and comfort in their groups, especially being able to find a best friend in the group, one they connect with so well. Although they may seem distant and cold on the outside, they show they care in their own ways that may not always be obvious to others, but to those they're closest to, they know. They're also more comfortable in engaging in antics with their other halves and find it easier to be themselves around them (as well as the group as a whole).

Sunoo → Annie

~~This one was another easy for me to choose. Annie is a know-it-all, bubbly, empathetic girl who is the youngest one if the group and is, in turn, seen as the sweet one who can do no wrong. Which, in my opinion, a lot of fans see Sunoo as the bubbly sweet one who can do no wrong as well. But, what made me choose them as a pairing was actually the princess treatment they both receive from the group. Annie finds it easy to get her way simply by just being pretty and saying 'please' and Sunoo usually has the members treat him with special care. Like when they make sure he's eating well, always making sure he's included in conversations and the games, the compilations of members literally giggling and kicking his feet whenever he does anything. Yeah, this one makes sense and is the one I'm most confident about.

Jungwon → Britta

~~Unfortunately, this is where the cookie crumbles. I say that because after deciding (some more confident than others) on the other members' characters, it was down to two more choices, and so I ultimately decided to put Britta for Jungwon. Brita is that one person who preaches for activism, but only contributes to make themselves look better and is characterized as 'that one girl who finds a problem with everything' or 'the one girl who brings feminism into everything'. For the record, this show started in 2009, so of course they found it funny to have a female character be the 'annoying feminist'. But what made me choose Britta for Jungwon is that both are natural leaders. Britta can rally people together (even if they make fun of her while she does it), but she knows what she wants and she makes sure that she gets it. She has a good heart and there are moments where she puts others first, like Jungwon does for his group. Britta makes an effort to do what's right for the group members and always tries to do what's right. I think both Britta and Jungwon don't care what people think and stick up for people when they need it. They don't take shit (which Jungwon has especially proven during the dating rumor incident). Both Jungwon and Britta have fun in their own way and their quirks always make their group laugh.

Ni-ki → Pierce

~~Now, for those who have seen the show, you might find this to be rude because Pierce isn't necessarily the best character. And I will admit, this is kind of how things lined up since Ni-ki was the last member to be paired and Pierce was the last character. I also see the irony in how Ni-ki is the youngest member of his group and Pierce is the oldest in his. But, I think they have some similarities. Pierce looks up to Jeff and wants to be cool like him and there are all sorts of compilations of Ni-ki finding anything Heeseung does to be cool and seeing him as an 'older brother'. Pierce has his moments of character development and just wants to find a place in the group, who he considers to be his family. In that one EN-O'CLOCK episode where Ni-ki gave the rest of the member carnations because he feels that they are his family. They both try to appear as tough and people that are too independent for soft and mushy feelings, but both just had to grow up too fast (not defending Pierce for his actions 98% of the time). Also, Pierce mentioned in one of the episodes how Annie is his favorite, and so putting Ni-ki as Pierce while having Sunoo as Annie just made sense.

All in all, I recommend watching the show. If you like shows like The Office or Parks and Recreation or any show that has random (yet cohesive) plots, this is the show for you. (also, i didn't proofread this, so whoops).

[heeology]

i can't runaway | l.hs

~~booting up~~ ~~now playing -- track 04:

<<<prev. track (03)

title credit/song inspo → "i can't runaway" - SEVENTEEN “If the remains of us dissolve, will my heart feel at ease? It doesn't stop any day”; “Because we were too beautiful to be left behind”; “Until all of your memories are erased, I can't run away”

synopsis → you’ve moved on, but he hasn’t. well, you at least thought you had, but once you’re about to make the biggest commitment of your life, you can’t help but feel a sense of uneasiness. especially when the man of your dreams is only a few feet away.

genre → angst, heartbreak, ex lovers, drabble

pairing → nonidol!heeseung x fem!reader

warnings → none !!

w.c. → 516

!!DO NOT COPY OR REPOST!!

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-

This isn’t quite how you imagined for things to turn out. You always envisioned someone else standing in front of you, reciting their vows to you, holding your hand as they look lovingly into your eyes while you stand at the altar. There was always another name you thought you would be hearing the officiant say as they ask if they take you as their lawfully wedded wife, and yet, you find yourself in a completely opposite situation. You didn’t think much about just how much you would have longed to have him in this position until this very day, until you saw him on this very day. Planning your wedding was always something he and you had wanted to do together, and he knew this.

All of those late night talks, his fingers softly playing with your hair as he looked at you like his whole world revolved around you, tangled in sheets draped over your naked bodies, softly speaking to you about a future that is no longer going to happen, broken promises that seemed so seemed so set in stone at the time. Neither of you expected to be where you are today. You, in the dress you dreamed of marrying him in, with another man standing in front of you, and him on the groom's side of the altar. He almost wants to laugh at the irony of how things turned out, and yet, neither you or Heeseung take the chance to say anything when the officiant asks if anyone has any objections. 

When he does, you find yourself flicking your gaze over to Heeseung, who already has his eyes on you. You look away and back at the man you are currently promising your love and devotion to. Heeseung never looks away from you for the entirety of the ceremony, watching how you smile, how you speak, how you say the vows he always expected to hear from you said to someone else. He almost didn’t come, but decided to anyway, just so he could at least see how you would have looked if things ended up differently. It felt strange, at first, almost as though he was invited to the wedding he and you had planned so many times, talked about so many times, dreamt about. But he didn’t stop you, and you didn’t object.

The ceremony carrying on just confirms you were making the right decision, to yourself, at least. This is how things turned out. You had always believed that things happen for a reason. There is a reason why you said yes to someone else, why you were with someone else, why someone else wanted to marry you, and you sought comfort in these thoughts. Things happen for a reason. And yet, you can’t help but find the cruel irony of Heeseung being in your line of sight throughout the whole ceremony. Things happen for a reason, you tell yourself once again. But, possibly, Heeseung being here, your gaze always searching for him when it should be focused on someone else, is for a reason as well.

[heeology]

FERAL I AM GOING FERAL 👹👹👹👹👹i saw these on twitter and almost damn near combusted oh my lord PLS ONE CHANCE-🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

[heeology]

I have a request for a fic where both Jake and reader are starting their freshman year of college and jake is applying to be in a frat, but to be accepted the brothers in the frat make a bet with him to make the reader sleep with him ….

a/n -> omg i was literally thinking abt writing a jake fic (which i'll get to soon) and then this pops up lmao. but your mind...lord, this is such a good idea. anyway, tysm for being my first request !! it means a lot lol and i rlly hope you enjoy this :)) then, just in general, if you also sent me a request, i promise i have seen it !! i just work five days a week now, so i don't rlly have a lot of time to sit and write, but i promise i am working on them and will release them when i can 💕

are you down or what? | s.jy

pairing -> futurefratboy!jake x fem!reader

genre -> college au, best friends (alludes) to fwb

warnings -> MDNI, smut, drinking, cursing, mention of weed (no drug use tho)

w.c. -> 7.3k

!!DO NOT COPY OR REPOST!!

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Going to college is already scary enough, moving to college is even scarier. You wouldn’t categorize yourself as the “outgoing type” and you had pretty much figured your college experience would be dull and stressful; Junior year of high school pretty much prepped you for that. Luckily (depending on how you see it) for you, Jake is the complete opposite. He loved extra-curriculars, joining clubs, joining sports teams, and always made honor roll; essentially, he loved making new friends, trying new things. Everyone adored him and he had practically a long line of people waiting to be his friend. If only they knew they just had to be allergic to any sort of social activity and he would’ve immediately taken them under his wing. He’s always tried to have you venture out of your comfort zone, and sometimes, it worked. This time, however, you honestly didn’t see yourself branching out alongside him. Which both bummed you out and seemed as if it was inevitable. 

Who knew that the kid you met at your fifth grade honor roll assembly and pizza party would be the one you ended up applying to colleges with, let alone plan on going to the same college with? Well, actually, you and Jake didn’t quite get along at first, it was your moms that became best friends well before the two of you did. But, thankfully, both of your moms showed up to the honor roll assembly and brought the two of you together. Even if at first he would try to make conversation with you and you would just nod your head in response, too shy to actually say anything back. At first, he thought you hated him and at the time, you thought he was annoying, but somehow you both came to find these qualities about each other endearing. There were a lot of times you were grateful to have met him and have him as your best friend.

But when he brought up the topic of a fraternity mixer while he was helping–well, more like he was the only one working–assemble an IKEA storage unit for your dorm room as you both sat on your floor, you automatically rolled your eyes. You weren’t surprised in the slightest that one of the first things he wanted to do since you guys got to college was join a frat; it’s like he was born for this, and you mean it in the least douchey way possible. 

“Come on, it’s just like, some mixer; nothing major. I really want you to come. Please?” he says as he drags out the “e” at the end. 

You roll your eyes again and let out a huff, handing him the screwdriver to which he rolls his eyes in return and takes it. “It’s only been a week and you’re already rushing a frat?”

“What? Think I’m not good enough for them?” he asks, joking as he continues to assemble the storage unit for you. You knew he was perfect for this sort of thing, you swear, he was already breezing through it as a pledge, or at least he was making it seem like it. Besides, you’re pretty sure that he is even mistaken as a member already around campus. “It’s not even going to be that bad. Plus, there’s going to be free booze and hella cute chicks, so there’s that to look forward to.” he says as he grins to himself.

“Gross,” you mumble, “it’s not really sounding like there’s anything for me at this dumb thing.”

He chuckles a little. “What? You mean the thought of hanging out with a bunch of sweaty dudes playing beer pong doesn’t sound enticing?”

You shudder, “You’re not really selling your case here, pal.”

He laughs. “C’moooonnnnn,” he whines, playfully bumping his shoulder with yours, “I promise you’ll have fun. And if not, then we’ll just leave after an hour and get some food. Sound good?”

You think for a moment before letting out a huff, “Fine. But if you even leave me alone for a second with those…heathens, then I will never speak to you again.” you say, half joking, half serious.

“You’re acting like these dudes are all terrible people; they’re not the spawn on Satan, y’know.” he says as he can sense the hesitance and apprehension in your voice. “I promise I won’t leave you and I’ll hold your hand the whole time.” he says as he coos and then laughs to himself.

“Dear god.” you mutter, rolling your eyes again, which only makes him chuckle.

“I’m just kidding. But seriously, you’re coming. Who knows, it could be a funny story later on.”

“Right. I bet it’ll elicit all sorts of chuckles.” you say, sarcastically.

He laughs again, shaking his head slightly as he focuses on working on the IKEA product. He shrugs his shoulders. “Maybe you’ll even meet someone there. Imagine if you fell in love with one of the frat dudes.” he laughs at his own thought. 

You scoff, “Ew.”

“I know, right? How mortifying, you fall in love with some muscular, frat boy named Chad.” he shivers, “Scary.” he says, teasing you.

You laugh, “Shut up.”

He chuckles softly and then stops working to look at you. “But seriously, will you please come with me? It would be nice having you there, and it will be our first college party together, how can you possibly pass that up?” he says as he pouts slightly, giving you his best “puppy dog eyes”.

You roll your eyes and playfully shove his shoulder, “Ew, fine! Stop doing that.”

He laughs and grins, “You are the best friend I could ever ask for!” he says, acting overly enthusiastic as he hugs you tightly, ruffles your hair, then kisses your cheek. “We’re gonna have so much fun, you’ll see.”

“Bleh,” you jokingly whine as you wipe your cheek, “yeah, yeah. Just finish my storage thing.”

He rolls his eyes, “Yes ma’am.” he says as he continues working for a few more minutes. He finishes working on the storage unit, turning it upright and smiling proudly. “What would you do without me, honestly? BOOM!” he says as he smacks it lightly, “There it is, built by yours truly; you’re welcome.” he says with a smug grin.

“Alright, alright, calm down.” you say as you laugh a bit. You stand up, rolling it over to a corner in your dorm room.

Jake follows your lead, standing up as well. “Here, I can even help you pick out something to wear for the party. I was thinking of wearing a Polo-”

You turn to him and grimace, “Dear god, you’re already becoming one of them.”

He laughs and scoffs, “Hey, I make Polo’s look hot, don’t even try to act like I don’t. Besides, if I wear a short sleeved one, it will totally show off my muscles.” he says as he flexes a bit, grinning. You roll your eyes and pretend to gag and he laughs and stops flexing before nudging your arm. “Shut up.” he mumbles and turns to look at your closet. “Do you still have that dress you wore to that grad party we went to over the summer?”

“I mean, I think.” you say as you walk over to your closet rummaging inside it (even if there isn’t much room to rummage through).

You were kind of surprised to hear him talk about a dress you wore almost two months ago, but you didn’t think too much about it. You suppose maybe he only did because it was the first dress you wore in a while, so maybe he just subconsciously remembered about it. He glances at you as you look for the dress. He was secretly grateful you didn’t tease him for remembering about it, but he just thought you looked pretty in it. Not that you aren’t pretty all the time just…that time…he shakes his head to himself; it’s just a pretty dress.

He crosses his arms and peers over your shoulder, looking into what clothes you have in your closet as well. “What about that white top?” he asks, pointing out a white, low-cut tank top that is discarded to the side of the closet. “Wear that with a nice skirt or something; that’d look good.”

You glance at it and laugh, “I wear that to bed when it’s too hot. I am not wearing that to the party; my boobs will literally be spilling out of it.”

He pauses for a moment before speaking again. “And that’s a bad thing because…?” He grins, giving you a quick wink which results in you punching his shoulder. He laughs and rubs his shoulder. “Kidding, kidding! But seriously, pick out something. You’ll look amazing in whatever you choose.” he shrugs casually. You roll your eyes and keep rummaging through your closet, suddenly hating every article of clothing you own. He leans against the wall next to your closet, “I swear to god, I can never understand why girls sometimes take so long to pick out what they wear. It’s like, how hard can it be to choose something quickly and then wear it?”

“Jesus, fine, you pick out something, then.” you say as you walk over to your bed, laying on it. “You’re the one who wants me to go, anyway.”

Jake smiles mischievously, walking over to your closet and looking through your clothes. “Do you have those tight, high-waisted jeans? The ones you wore last weekend?”

You raise an eyebrow. Is he talking about the ones you wore to the brunch your mom took you out to with him and his mom? You laugh. “Probably. My mom bought them, so she probably snuck them in there somewhere.” you don’t even realize you’re smiling a bit to yourself, a part of you secretly liking that he remembered them; maybe you looked better than you thought. “Aren’t skinny jeans, like, out or whatever?”

Jake shrugs. “All I know is your ass looked good.” he says as he spots them after looking through some of your bottoms. He grabs them and tosses them at you, the jeans hitting your stomach, causing you to let out a small “oomph”. “And pair it with that white tank top. For your shoes…” he shrugs, “maybe your Doc Martens or something casual. That’ll look good.” he says as he looks at you, nodding his head in satisfaction. “There. Done. And it only took, like, two minutes. See? It wasn’t even hard.” he jokes.

“You chose, quite literally, the most basic outfit known to man.”

“Oh, come on, it’s not even that bad. Besides, you’ll pull it off, anyway.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “I’ll wear the pants and the shoes, but I am not wearing my “booby” shirt, you perv.”

“Oh, c’mon. You know you like to show it off sometimes.” he says, grinning as he wiggles his eyebrows before laughing softly. “Just wear it, please? For me?” he jokes in a playfully flirty tone. “Plus, I need some sort of eye candy when we go to this thing.”

You scoff, playfully. “Ohhhhh, I see what this is.” you say as you sit up on your bed. “You’re hoping if you bring a hot girl to the mixer, you’ll have an automatic in with these frat fuckers, right?”

The tips of Jake’s ears turn slightly red and he scoffs, looking away before looking back at you. “What? No, that’s not the reason. Not the entire reason, anyway.” he says, laughing slightly to hide his embarrassment. “It’ll just be nice to go with you, okay?”

“Uh-huh, suuuurrrreeee.”

He laughs before going to sit beside you on your bed. “Okay, fine, fine, you got me. I did want to bring a hot girl so it'd be easier to get in with the frat. But that's not the whole reason! I also wanted to go with my best friend since we haven't really hung out this week because of classes. And I knew I'd need at least one sane person to keep me in check. Or, at least, as sane as you can get." he teases, wearing that stupid giddy grin of his he gets whenever he feels he said something hilarious. 

You scoff, playfully, “Watch it.” you warn.

He laughs, “Sorry, sorry. I meant a perfectly sane, normal human who doesn’t listen to musicals in her spare time.”

You nudge his arm, “Hey! That was middle school me, back off.”

He laughs again, “I’m messing with you. But seriously, I am glad that you’re coming. It’ll be way more fun with you there.” he smiles that typical charming smile he does, not because he knows he looks good doing it, but because he just does anyway. “I really do appreciate you. Especially since you’re ‘sacrificing’ your sanity to be surrounded by these frat guys.”

“Soon, you’ll be one of them.” you shudder, “I’ll have to start writing my obituary for you.”

“Oh, come on, we’re not all that bad. I'm sure there's at least a few decent guys there that aren't complete douchebags. They're just...eccentric." he jokes, "This mixer will be a great chance for me to maybe get an in with the career path I wanna take plus if I leave a good impression with the frat guys, maybe I won’t have to be a pledge for much longer."

“‘We’re’? Oh my god, you’re already clumping yourself together with them!” you say in fake horror.

“Oh my god, you’re right.” he says in the same tone with a shocked expression. “I’m turning into one of them without even realizing it! Quick, snap me out of it!” he says, laughing slightly. 

You shrug, “Gladly.” you say before punching his shoulder. It honestly hurts your knuckles, but you decide to keep that to yourself and ignore the pins and needles shooting through your hand.

He frowns and looks at you with an “i’m not mad, just disappointed look” which causes you to burst out laughing. “You know, you’ve got a mean right hook. Who knows, you might be the one joining the frat.” he says, rubbing his shoulder a little before wrapping his hand over your knuckles, squeezing it a little. He knows you probably hurt your hand a bit, so he hopes this makes your hand feel a little better before letting go. 

“I’d rather die.” you say in such a serious manner, he can’t tell whether you’re joking or not, but he laughs nonetheless. 

“Just get dressed. I’ll come get you later, okay?” he says as he gets off of your bed.

You groan, “Fine. But I hope you know, you are throwing me to the wolves by making me wear this outfit.”

He laughs and opens your door. “Have to let them know I’m there with the best-looking, smartest, and funniest girl at the party somehow.” he says with a wink.

You roll your eyes and cross your arms. “You’re lucky flattery works with me.” you mutter.

He grins, “What can I say? I know you so well, babe.” he says before nodding his head as a goodbye and walking out of your dorm room, closing the door behind him.

-

Against your will (and your own regard for fashion), you wore what Jake had picked out for you. He smirks a bit as he looks at you after opening your door when he knocks around a few hours later. He looks you up and down, and you notice how his gaze lingered a little longer on your chest before meeting your eyes. You cross your arms, unintentionally pushing your chest a little together, he scoffs as his tongue pokes the inside of his cheek.

“Yeah…I’m for sure getting into this frat.” he says, mainly saying it to himself, but you would be lying if it didn’t give you a little bit of an ego boost.

“Pipe down, it’s literally the most basic outfit known to man.”

“But you make it look hot…real hot.” he grins.

You roll your eyes and shove his shoulder. “Don’t even.” you mumble as you walk out of your dorm room, closing and locking the door behind you. 

He laughs softly as you start walking to the frat house, which is just around a block away. As you step outside, you shiver a bit from the cold and you frown at the fact that you didn’t bring a jacket, but you honestly felt too lazy to turn around and go back to grab one. He notices (and since he wasn’t wearing one either), he opts for putting his arm around your shoulders, pulling you a bit closer. 

“You have to admit, this is a little exciting. I mean, it’s our first college party and I’ll make it my mission to make it memorable.”

He honestly means that; he genuinely wants you to have a good time. He knows how you would rather be spending your time right now, just laying in your bed as you watch some show you’ve seen a thousand times, but he wants to break you out of that. Not that he has any problem with you being more introverted or wants to mold you into something he wants you to be, he has a more…specific reason than that. Your smile. As you two walk, he smiles to himself just thinking about it. How, whenever he sees you smiling this certain way–like you’re smiling for the first time–it’s like time stops; like you’re the only thing of importance in that very moment because nothing else matters, nothing else could possibly compare to how special and beautiful you look in those moments. It makes him feel giddy and the first time he ever saw you smile like that, he knew he had to do whatever it took to make it happen again. 

“Maybe for you, but if it smells like B.O. and weed, I am so out of there.”

He laughs and covers his mouth, his laugh coming out louder than he expected it to. He runs that hand through his hair and turns his head to look at you. “I feel like you have some underlying stereotypes about frat boys.”

“And until this party proves me otherwise, it’ll stay that way.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

“Then you’re on your own once you join their cult.”

He chuckles softly and shakes his head a bit. “I’m not going to become some buff incel just because I want to join this fraternity.”

You knew that. Well, you were hoping that would be the case. But this is different. This is college. Dramatic, maybe, but you were afraid the two of you would split apart and although you have other friends, he’s the one you’ve had for years. He knows everything about you and has seen you through all of your phases and vice versa. You just feel this looming anxiety that him joining this fraternity will be the first step in the direction of you two no longer being friends; that you’ll just become people you pass by on your way to class. You don’t want to tell him this, though, you’re not really ready to have a discussion (which may turn into an argument) about this just yet. You feel terrible for wanting this, but you’re secretly hoping he doesn’t get in. Not because you don’t want him to branch out and experience his own things in college, well, maybe a little. Maybe you’re selfish. Or maybe you’re saving him from turning into a douche. At least, that’s what you’ll tell yourself to feel better about hoping he doesn’t get in. It’s just because you want him to not forget about you. You’re not as outgoing as him, so what if he starts to find you to be boring? The thought made you frown.

-

Ten minutes. It’s been ten minutes and this party is already making you feel like you’re being suffocated from the amount of people at this thing, all of whom already seem to be drunk. Once you and Jake got here, you could already tell you were going to hate every lousy minute you had to spend at this party. Especially since there have already been a few people who’ve had their eyes on you for a little longer than you wanted. You tried to make this situation a positive, trying to just relax and have fun as you see Jake greeting the many people he already knows. It’s only been a week since the semester started and he already knew at least twenty people here (yes, you counted). He introduced you to everyone he’s greeted, though, he didn’t want to make you feel left out. He could see you were a little uncomfortable, probably just because it was crowded and loud, so he decided to take you to the kitchen, getting the two of you some drinks. 

He smiles warmly, “We can dance if you want, or we can just talk, drink, get wasted, and judge people. Up to you.” he says, nudging your arm.

You smile a little and playfully roll your eyes. “I know that’s now what you want to do.”

“But it’s what you want to do.”

You look at him for a moment and before you say anything back, you hear a loud, booming voice calling Jake over. You both look and see some of the frat brothers laughing and motioning for him to come over as they yell at him like he’s some football player on the team they love. You glance at Jake. 

“Please go so they stop.”

He laughs and nods, walking over to them. You take another sip of your drink and then you see someone you met in one of your classes. They notice you and wave and you wave back before going over to talk with them.

Jake walks over to the group of four of the frat boys and greets them, dapping them up. One of them motions their head towards you, “So…who’s she?” he asks, crossing his arms as he grins. The others nod their heads and Jake turns to glance at you before looking at them.

He shrugs, smiling shyly, “She’s my best friend-”

“She rushing Delta Theta Zow?” another one asks.

Jake shakes his head, “Nah, sororities aren’t her thing.”

“Too bad, she’s hot.”

Jake feels himself frown slightly at that. Sure, his intention was to hopefully have them think you’re hot so they would be more inclined to go easier on him when hazing, maybe even just decide to let him in if he could prove he knew some hot girls despite how shallow that sounds. It’s just the way he said it, the way they’re looking at you, that makes him feel sick. 

“Tell you what, Jakey, you let us…get to know her, and who knows, you might just be exactly who we’re looking for.” one of them suggests.

Jake feels all of the blood suddenly drain out of his body and the frat brother grins, nudging another one. “Or, tell you what.” he says, putting his arm around Jake, “You sleep with her and you may just be one of the newest members of Alpha Omega Phi. Sound like a deal?”

“You want me to…”

“Fuck her.”

Well, there goes his chances of joining this frat, which surprisingly, is one of the more tame options out of the other ones. This one has great connections to people in the field of computer science and engineering, which is what he desperately wants to achieve. This could give him a big head start…but he can’t just use you.

He chuckles nervously, “I don’t know…she’s not like that-”

“Too bad,” the frat brother says as he takes his arm off of Jake, “We thought you would’ve fit right in with us.” the others nod their heads in agreement.

Jake thinks for a moment. “...alright…fine.”

The four of them cheer, which ignites cheers from other party goers, making Jake look around and find it a bit strange that they hold that kind of power. 

“You can use Bradley’s room, he could use some sort of action on that bed.” one of them teases and the others laugh. Jake nods his head, trying to laugh along and then they shove him to go over to you. Jake quickly walks over to you, setting his drink on the counter and grabs your arm. 

“The hell-?” you say as he quickly drags you upstairs into a bedroom and he closes the door behind the two of you, looking at you kind of panicked. “What the hell is your problem-”

“They want me to fuck you.”

You feel yourself freeze, all of your muscles tensing up at what just came out of his mouth. Was he being serious? “...deadass?”

“Deadass.”

“Damn…” you mutter, him releasing your arm from his grip. “So…”

He shrugs, “So…” he repeats.

“Guess you’re not getting into this frat.”

He looks at you for a moment, “So, this is like…a for sure thing.”

You raise an eyebrow, “Dude, I’m not having sex with you so you can join a frat.”

“Come on,” he pleads, using his puppy dog eyes again. To be honest, he knew you would say no for obvious reasons, but this was important to him. Sure, you’re important to him, too, which is kind of why he also figured you would be okay with doing this as a favor. “this is really important, I have to get into this frat. I could get an upper hand with some major companies I want to work for once we graduate. Please?” he clasps his hands together, “Just do me this one favor.”

“Fucking me is not a favor.”

“Well, it’s also not a punishment-”

You scoff, shoving his shoulder lightly and he laughs softly. It goes quiet for a moment between the two of you and he looks at you, expecting, wanting you to change your mind.

“How would they know, anyway? Can’t we just, like, pretend to have had sex? You know, like that scene in Easy A.” you suggest.

“In what?”

“Oh my god, we have to add that to our list of movies to watch, it has Emma Stone, so you already know it’s going to be good-”

“Okay, okay, yeah we can watch it later. Are you going to let me fuck you or what?”

You groan, “Can’t I just give you my panties or something and then you can wave them around and brag about it? Actually, don’t do that.”

“Look, this frat is made up of guys in business, engineering, chemistry, and physics majors, they’re not stupid. They’ll know, trust me, and I really don’t want to have to deal with any more hazing because I’m pretty sure it’s just going to keep getting worse and I would actually like to survive my first few weeks of college.”

“Or…you could just not join.”

He frowns, “You know how much this means to me.” You sigh. Yes, you thought this was stupid, but you also weren’t dumb enough to not realize how joining this frat could actually help him in the future. You saw the superficialness of it all and you knew he wasn’t dumb enough to see past it either, but Jake has worked really hard and besides, you would be lying if you said you saw this as a worst case scenario. “Please?” he asks, anticipating your answer.

You sigh again, “Fine.”

He smiles, “God, yes, thank you so much.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“I’ll make you feel so fucking good.” he says. You thought you should take it as a joke, but he says it with a more serious tone before he hooks his fingers through the loop of your jeans, pulling you closer as he leans in, kissing you. 

You were a little surprised by him just going for it so suddenly, but you close your eyes and kiss him back. His hand travels up to your waist, holding onto it as his other hand moves to the side of your face, cupping it as he pulls you closer, his fingers slightly tangling with your hair. He tilts his head, slipping his tongue past your lips, sending shivers down your spine as it slides over your own. He kisses you with a sort of hunger, not expecting to be kissing you with so much intensity, but once his lips met yours, it’s like a switch went off for him and he can’t help himself from wanting you more and more. 

He guides the two of you over to the bed as you continue to kiss, him grunting softly as his eyebrows furrow together, feeling himself getting hard from just kissing you. He parts from your lips, having you both gasp for air before he pushes your hair aside, feeling his long, thin fingers brush past your neck before being replaced with his soft, plump lips. He leaves open mouthed kisses along the side of your neck before turning you around, your ass pressing against his hard on, making him moan softly into your ear from the contact, his precum leaking and staining his underwear and pants. You tease him, grinding against him slightly which makes him bite your neck softly as he continues kissing along the side of it, down to your shoulder. He grips your hips tightly, stopping your movements and you feel his lips and hot breath brush against your ear.

“Don’t play with me.” he whispers, gently nibbling on your earlobe before pulling away. His hands slip to the button of your jeans, undoing it and slowly zipping down the zipper. He pushes your jeans down just slightly, a little past your ass and he feels like he’s going to pass out from his fingertips gently grazing the edge of your underwear alone. He kisses your neck again, his left hand going to your neck, gently gripping it as he moves your head to the side to give him more room. That action alone almost makes you moan, but you just gasp softly as his right hand slips its fingers past your waistband, finally feeling them push against you. He moans at the feeling of you already being so wet and he coats his fingers in your arousal, making a mess in your panties. 

He uses his middle and ring finger to press and circle your clit, causing you to gasp and close your eyes, your head falling back against his shoulder and he pulls away from your neck, breathing slightly heavily. He turns his head to look at you, leaving gentle kisses on the side of your face as he moves his fingers down, pushing them inside of you. From the way your lips part and you let out the softest moan, your eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly, he can feel himself almost cum at the sight alone. He pushes his fingers in and out of you, his thumb rubbing your clit and he leaves a kiss against your ear.

“That’s right, baby, you like this, hm? Fuck, you’re so wet, do you want me to just fuck you now?” he whispers against your ear, knowing he, himself, wants nothing more than to do just that. He fingers you faster, curling them against your walls as the pads of his fingers reach areas you can’t. You moan louder, feeling your legs shake and he smirks. “I bet you taste so good.” he whispers and he pulls his fingers out of you and your panties. “Open.” he demands and you open your mouth, slightly sticking out your tongue and he puts his fingers into your mouth. You lick them as he shoves them a little deeper and then pulls them out, sliding the mixture of your spit and arousal on your bottom lip before he turns your head and kisses you, wanting to taste you. He licks your lip, he sucks your tongue, anything he can just to have you on his lips. He moans softly and pulls away, a string of saliva connecting your lips before breaking. He’s decided he needs more.

He runs his hand along your back, slightly pushing you so you bend over the bed. You can feel your heartbeat against the comforter of the bed. He pulls your jeans down to your ankles, biting his bottom lip as he grins at the full view of your ass on display. His eyes look over how soaked your panties are, feeling a sense of pride knowing he did it. He gently squeezes and kisses one side of your ass, playfully biting it and then realizes he likes the idea of him marking you like this. He bites it a little harder, you moaning and whining at the feeling, your fingers gripping onto the bed sheet. He grins, kissing his teeth marks before he pulls down your underwear, feeling as though he is looking at the gates of heaven itself, his eyes locking onto your pussy. He mumbles something to himself that you can’t hear, but you suddenly feel his tongue slide slowly along and in between your folds. Your mouth opens as you moan, feeling yourself clenching around nothing and he chuckles softly, licking his lips.

He can feel his cock twitch in his pants, more warm precum sticking to his thigh and underwear. He goes back in for more, low groans and moans coming deeply from his throat as he buries his face into your swollen pussy, covering his face in your slick. “You taste so fucking good.” he says with a raspy voice, the vibrations feeling as though they travel throughout your whole body as you moan, feeling his tongue lick feverishly. You feel yourself drool at how he spreads your legs more, his nose and tongue all pressing into you more, him hooking his arms under your thighs, his hands resting and squeezing your ass, raising your hips slightly as he licks and sucks your clit. His nose rubs between your swollen folds as you moan louder, gripping the sheets tighter. 

He licks faster, making out with your cunt as his tongue slips in and out of you. You let out a long moan, feeling as if your knees buckle, cumming all over his tongue, lips, chin, and nose. He moans into your pussy, licking up all of your release and he pulls away, looking at your glistening pussy, rubbing his fingers between your slit, spreading the mixture of his spit and your cum all over. His tongue licks his lips clean, reaching down to lick the part of his chin it can reach and he lets out a low groan, relishing in your taste. You whine as he gives a soft slap to your pussy, licking his fingers clean before using it to collect your cum from the rest of his face and licking that up as well. 

He flips you over, leaning down to kiss you again and you kiss him back eagerly, wrapping your arms around his neck. His hands roam along the sides of your body, his right one moving up to your chest and groping your breast through your shirt, you moan and whine as he squeezes it tightly, palming and kneading it as he starts to kiss you roughly. His breaths are heavy and before he even knows what he’s doing, he rips your shirt open, his patience dwindling with each second that passes. He kisses down your throat and buries his face between your breasts, kneading them as he kisses between them. He squeezes and pushes them together, licking across them and switching between each one to leave kisses on. He pulls down the cups of the bra, your nipples hardening more from the sudden cold air hitting them as your breathing becomes shallow and you moan with how he is handling you. 

He flicks his tongue over your nipple, sucking and gently tugging at it with his teeth. His tongue swirls around your nipple, his hand squeezing the breast to fill more of his mouth as saliva runs down his chin. He moves and does the same with the other one and your chest rises and falls, moans escaping your lips. Your hand moves and tugs at his shirt, pulling the fabric up and he notices, moving away from you as he takes it off quickly. You feel yourself get even wetter at the sight of his toned arms and abs, looking over every curve of his upper body and he grins. He takes your hand and places it on his abs, moving it over them slowly and you both moan quietly to yourselves. He lets go of your hand and slides off his shoes, you taking the initiative to do the same. You both undress the rest of yourselves quickly and you feel yourself stop in your tracks when you see his long, thick cock slap against his abdomen. You clench around nothing as your eyes look over each vein, biting your bottom lip. 

You reach out, using your finger to slide it over his tip, collecting the precum. His breath gets caught in his throat as he watches you, as you also collect the precum from the side of his thigh. You bring your fingers to your lips, licking them slowly as you look up at him. He watches you intently, his eyes shifting from your fingers, to your tongue, to your lips, to your eyes. You let out a soft moan as you taste him, licking your fingers clean and he reaches out, his hand grabbing your chin and lifting your head up to look at him more. He looks down at you, grinning before kissing you, tasting him on your tongue; that fact alone made him feel proud. He pushes you back against the bed, positioning himself between your legs. He kisses your temple muttering a “thank you” before pushing himself into you. 

Your back arches slightly at the feeling, the pressure between your legs, the way that your walls mold and clench around his cock makes your head spin. You can feel the ridges of the veins in his cock grazing against them, making you clench tighter. He grits his teeth, cursing under his breath as he pushes himself fully into you. He moans and whines a little at the overwhelming feeling of you around him. His forehead rests on yours as he catches his breath, his hands wandering down the sides of your waist to your hips, gripping them tightly as he holds back the urge to cum. He thrusts slowly, sliding in and out of you, subtle squelching noises of your wetness coating his cock. This sound alone, however, causes him to go faster, moans spilling from your lips as the bed creaks harshly, the headboard hitting the wall. His grip becomes tighter and he clenches his jaw, letting out short breaths as he pulls away, watching your tits bounce with each thrust. He reaches and grabs one, playing with your nipple and fondling the breast, his eyes rolling back a bit as he moans. He fucks into you harder and faster, his hips meeting yours quickly, his balls slapping against your ass, the sound of your skin slapping, your moans becoming increasingly louder as your cunt swallows his cock each time he thrusts into it, his soft whines with short moans, and your arousal spreading between your thighs while getting on his drives him wild. 

He pulls out and you gasp at the empty feeling. He grabs your hips and flips you over, pushing your ass up and spreading your legs, sliding himself back in, pounding into you harder and faster. You moan–almost screaming–at the sudden change of pace, your face buried into the mattress as your body shakes. He moans, gripping your ass tightly as he uses that to keep him steady while he fucks you. You moan and scream his name into the mattress, making him moan in return. He grabs a handful of your hair, pulling your head up from the mattress, making you moan and gasp.

“Scream it now.” he demands, fucking you deeper, his other hand reaching to rub circles on your clit hard and fast.

Your eyes roll back a bit and you comply, screaming his name, letting out a lewd moan afterwards as pleasure overtakes your body, your orgasm crashing down. You clench tightly around him, repeating his name over and over as you cum. That was all he needed and until now, he never realized that’s all he wanted. He thrusts harshly a few more times, going back to gripping your hips before moaning your name and pulling out. He pumps his cock a few times and flips you back over, you just giving in because your mind was blank at the moment. He moves up and moans deeply as he cums on your breasts, watching as the pearly white liquid spills on your nipples and the soft flesh, feeling warm and sticky on your skin.

He lets out a breath he seemed to be holding and kisses you. You kiss him back, sloppily, before he pulls away, moving to your chest. He kisses your nipples, a little bit of his cum on his lips before he licks it off. He uses his pointer and middle fingers to spread the cum around your nipples in a slow, circular motion, making you shiver. He smiles, and collects his cum onto his fingers off of your breasts. You open your mouth and he chuckles softly, sticking his fingers in your mouth as you suck and lick them.

“So good…so pretty…” he whispers to you. 

You blush a little and he pulls his fingers out. He moves off of you and you both just take some time to catch your breath. You sit up and you both look at each other before bursting out into laughter. You both calm down after a moment before getting up to put on your clothes, but after you put on everything but your shirt is when you realize you can’t. 

You glare at him, “Genius, what the hell am I supposed to wear?” you ask, holding up your ripped shirt.

He laughs sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, “Damn, my bad.” he looks around and then he takes off his shirt, handing it to you. You raise an eyebrow and take it, putting it on. He walks to the closet and just grabs a shirt from there, putting it on. “I’ll give it back later.” he says, to which you laugh. 

You both walk out of the room, seeing two of the frat boys Jake was talking to earlier. They smile smugly and whistle, cheering a bit and you roll your eyes. They give a thumbs up to Jake and he smiles a bit awkwardly before leaning to whisper in your ear, “Let’s get out of here.” You both walk silently as you leave the party. After a moment, he speaks, “Thanks…by the way…and I’ll buy you a new shirt and…I definitely owe you one.”

“You better get into this frat, I swear to God.”

He laughs, “Damn right.” he says as he nudges your arm and you nudge back. “So, how can I make this up to you?”

You think for a moment and then shrug. “It wasn’t all that bad.”

He scoffs, “Gee, thanks.”

You laugh, “You know what I mean.”

He smirks and looks at you. “You know…you look even hotter in my shirt.”

You roll your eyes and laugh. “What a random thing to say.”

He shrugs, “Maybe…we could do this again.”

You look at him, quiet for a moment. “...very funny.”

“I’m serious.” he says as he looks back at you. He smiles a bit and wraps his arm around your shoulder. “Are you down or what?”

[heeology]

I just want to say… that the ‘I want nobody but you’ fic was EVERYTHING!!! I LOVE ANGST SO MUCH AND THE FACT THAT IT WAS MOSTLY ANGST BUT STILL HAD A HAPPY ENDING WAS AMAZING 🥰🥰I can’t wait to read more of your work!!

tysm <33 i'm so glad ppl are actually enjoying it bc i was worried it was too long and nobody would want to read it lol

[heeology]

BROO THE I WANT NOBODY BUT YOU FIC IS SOOOO AHHHHXGKXGXGXBXXHX YOU ATE THAT SHIT UP ONGGG AS ALWAYSSS *chef’s kiss*

*giggling and kicking my feet* tysm, love <33 🤭🤭🤭

[heeology]

i want nobody but you | p.sh

synopsis → you and sunghoon have known each other your whole lives and although you've both dealt with jokes from classmates since elementary school on how you two would end up together, that never ended up happening; you two would brush it off and then move on. you never really thought about pursuing something with him romantically, especially since you like things with a more casual approach. but once sunghoon's girlfriend becomes a part of the picture, you can't help but feel these feelings consume you. being the way you are, however, you managed to push them down and you at least thought you got over them until you realize maybe they never left at all. or even worse: they were always there.

feat. → yujin (ive) & sungchan (riize)

genre → college au, friends to somewhat enemies to lovers, romance, smut, angst (eh, ig), slowburn (ig? srry lmao)

pairing → nonidol!sunghoon x fem!reader

warnings → MDNI, smoking !! (reader and sunghoon both smoke), drinking, cursing, mention(s?) of death, mention of hookups, reader is called and referred to (sometimes self referred to) as a: slut/whore; slutshaming, !! potential sh reference (pinching/hitting self; dk if that counts, but it's not mentioned after) !!, mentions of sex (obvi)

w.c. → 22.7k

a/n → long time no see lol. lmk if u would be interested in seeing some pics i took at the enha concert i went to :)) (i won't do vids because i was screaming like a baboon lmao) p.s. bear w me bc ik this is a long one, but i feel like i owe you all since i've been gone for practically a century, but pls give it a chance, i'm on my knees begging bc this took 3 days

disclaimer !! → i don’t ship any idols i portray as dating in this story irl nor do i have the intent to portray anyone in this story in a negative light, this is just for creative purposes, babes <3; this is all just fiction, take it lightly pls and thx

!!DO NOT COPY OR REPOST!!

-

-

-

Today has been a long day. You groan as you take a seat on a bench somewhere near the lecture hall you just left and you close your eyes as you lean back against it. You had originally thought your senior year of high school was torturous, but being a senior in college was far worse. Your eyebrows furrow a bit when you feel the weight of the bench shift a bit, meaning someone has taken a seat beside you. Your eyes open a bit and you turn your head to see Sunghoon next to you. A sigh escapes your lips and you turn your head away, closing your eyes again. 

Sunghoon sits there for a moment, looking at you. Lately, you two haven’t hung out as much and although he admittedly forgot to text you for the past week and half, you were still his best friend. He could argue, though, that “the phone works both ways”, so you’re not exactly innocent either. He’s seen you around campus, hanging out with some members of the basketball team, mainly the captain: Sungchan. You didn’t seem bothered by the lack of contact between the two of you, either, so it didn’t bother him or make him feel guilty that you haven’t hung out in just a few days. No…not at all.

“Nice to see you, too.” he mumbles. You stay quiet, honestly close to falling asleep on the bench, especially with the warm breeze that is gently blowing. He narrows his eyes a bit and leans back against the bench. He does the same as you, closing his eyes as he relaxes, but he frowns to himself. “You and Sungchan seem to be close.” he says, not really even understanding why he brought it up in the first place. 

This piques your interest. “What about him.” you say rather than ask, still keeping your eyes closed.

Sunghoon shrugs, still not really sure why he cares who you hang out with or how often or who they are or…anything like that. Maybe it upsets him to think about the fact that you might replace him with someone cooler as your best friend; maybe he was too lame for you. How juvenile, he thought to himself. But that’s what it felt like, to him, at least. “Nothing. I’ve just seen you guys hanging out a lot, that’s all.” Sunghoon replies.

“How would you know that; we haven’t really hung out or talked lately.” you reply, not meaning to sound snarky, but it most likely came across that way.

Sunghoon scoffs softly. “I have eyes; I can still see who you talk to.”

You open your eyes a bit and turn your head to look at him. “Stalker.” you tease. 

Sunghoon opens his eyes, almost as if he can feel you looking at him and he rolls them, not amused. “Am not…I’m just trying to start a conversation or whatever.”

“About the people I talk to?”

Sunghoon shrugs. “About anything…” It stays quiet for a moment. “It’s just been a while since we’ve talked.”

“And whose fault is that?” You ask, rhetorically.

Sunghoon frowns. “Well, I’ve just been busy-”

You scoff, “Yeah. I know.” You reply dryly.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Just that that’s what you always say whenever we don’t talk to each other for a while. Like, I get it, you’re dating Yujin, big whoop.”

You’ve considered the possibility that he has just been busy with schoolwork, but no matter how many times you would give him the benefit of the doubt, it always ended up being because he was hanging out with Yujin. You weren’t really mad, per say, just annoyed. Severely annoyed. But what could you do? Ever since they started dating freshman year, you’ve felt like you were on the backburner. Which, again, you can’t really be upset about that. Afterall, she’s his girlfriend, whether you liked it or not. There is nothing wrong with her, you two got along fine, even if you don’t really talk or are even friends. You don’t hate her, not for any valid reasons, anyway. Still, despite how many people you know, Sunghoon is your only real friend and always has been. But it’s times like these when it feels like he means more to you than you mean to him.

“She’s my girlfriend.” He says, matter-of-factly.

You roll your eyes at his statement. “I know that,” you retort with annoyance, “you only ever bring it up every chance you get.”

“You seriously can’t be annoyed that I spend time with my own girlfriend.” He responds with the same tone.

Sometimes, Sunghoon gets caught up in things. Like being with Yujin, for example. He’ll be with her and then it just slips his mind to respond to a text of yours or to ask if you want to do something, he can’t help it. He knows that he’s your best friend and he’s certain that you’re his, too. Sure, Yujin means a lot to him, but you mean more, whether he would admit that or not. He just wants to make everything balanced, for everything to work out. But a part of him feels like something has been off since he started dating Yujin. Sure, he’s had other girlfriends, but never one for longer than a few months. This relationship is important to him. What if Yujin is the one? He can’t screw it up and he’s afraid to, so he makes sure to spend as much time with her as he can. He thought you would understand, but apparently not.

You’ve met Sunghoon’s other girlfriends, none of which bothered you as much as Yujin. Maybe because this one seems more serious. Maybe because she seems more important to him. The thought makes your stomach curdle. This whole situation makes your stomach curdle. You shouldn’t care so much, but you do. You hate that. “Whatever.” you reply, honestly not having thought of anything better to respond with. What were you supposed to say to that? Of course you understood, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.

“Besides, like I said, you and Sungchan have been hanging out a lot recently. Don’t act like you’ve never blown me off to hang out with him.” Sunghoon says.

“Barely.”

“Not barely. A lot. ‘Oh, Sungchan invited me to his basketball game to watch’, ‘Oh, Sungchan invited me to a party,’ ‘Oh, Sungchan wants to hook up’, ‘Oh, Sungchan this and Sungchan that’.” Sunghoon mocks, annoyed.

You frown. “Why do you care? You’ve got a girlfriend, so just hang out with her instead.”

Sunghoon frowns as well. “That’s not the point. The point is that you ditch me just the same to hang out with a guy who you’re not even dating. You don’t talk to me sometimes when you’re with him or another guy, so why are you so upset that I do the same with Yujin, who I’m actually dating?”

“Stop rubbing in the fact that you’re dating someone. Good for you, who gives a shit? So what if I do the same? It’s only because you do it first!” you argue back. You grab your backpack and stand up as you put it on. You start walking away from him and he watches you as you leave.

“Great talk!” he calls out to you in a sarcastic manner.

He didn’t mean to make you upset or try to “rub his relationship” in your face, he would never try to intentionally make you upset. So, why did he care? He doesn’t, it’s as simple as that. Maybe you doing the same thing to him with Sungchan bothered him a little. Maybe you wanting to spend your time instead with someone else you’re not even dating bothered him a little. But it’s not like he actually cared or anything. He knows he can’t tell you what to do or who to see, so why does he care? He knows he blew you off, so why didn’t he just apologize? Why did he bring up Sungchan in the first place? Sunghoon sits on the bench for a moment, rethinking things. Why was he acting like you were ignoring him when it was kind of the other way around? He sighs and closes his eyes again. He’ll figure it out later.

-

You let out a long yawn as the dim glow from your computer screen shines on your face. It’s three in the morning, and sure, you have a class tomorrow, but you can’t sleep and figure you can just skip your lecture anyway. Even if your brightness was all the way down, it still hurt your eyes every so often, so you would close them to make them feel better while you listened to the show you were watching. You hear your phone ding and your eyes open, your hand reaching for your phone to see the text.

“are you awake?” Sunghoon texts.

He knows you are. You almost always are, which is why he knew you would see the message. Although, he did anticipate the idea of you ignoring him. You were good at things like that, things that required a stubborn attitude. He didn’t mind your stubbornness, though. He didn’t mind anything when it came to you. He waited a bit, sitting in the darkness with just the light of his phone screen, his thumb gently tapping it so it doesn’t automatically turn off as he waits for you to text back. 

“yeah.” you text back.

It took you a few minutes and in all honesty, you almost didn’t respond. But you missed him, which even if he asks directly, you would deny. You wonder if he missed you too, but you shake that thought away.

“still pissy?”

This makes you laugh a little. Yes, you were, but you still found it a little funny.

“shut up.” you text back.

“wanna hang out?”

You sigh. Now he wants to? It takes you a while to reply with anything as you just stare at his message.

“can u bring the usual?” you reply.

He smiles at your text. “duh” he texts back.

You smile a bit, looking forward to actually hanging out with him. The whole argument was dumb anyway and you just wanted your best friend back. And after a while of waiting, you hear a knock on your dorm room door. You get up from your bed and unlock it, opening it as you step outside. He smiles softly when he sees you and you smile a bit back. You both quietly leave your dorm building before going outside and sitting on the curb. He sets the plastic bag he was carrying between you two and opens a bottle of beer before handing it to you. You take it and he opens his own, both of you taking a sip as a cool breeze blows softly. 

“Sorry about earlier,” he says quietly, “and for not talking to you for a week. I just got caught up with Yujin, you know?”

You take another drink, not really interested in discussing this anymore. “It’s fine.”

“I also wasn’t trying to rub her and I into your face and make you feel bad or anything, it’s just…” he trails off. It’s silent for a moment as you both drink. “This week has been shitty.” he mumbles.

“Amen to that.” you reply. He chuckles softly and you both clink your bottles before smiling and taking another drink.

“How’s your love life going, anyway?” he asks, genuinely curious.

Sure, there were other things he wanted to talk about, could talk about, but this is what slipped out of his mouth first. He was actually curious, he truly wants to know. He just wants to see you happy. 

You shrug, “The same; just hook ups.”

He looks at you for a moment. That’s it? You’ve been hooking up with people since the beginning of high school. Sure, you’ve dated some guys before, but they were all assholes; Sunghoon never liked them. He couldn’t stand them, to put it plainly. You deserve better, and he knows that. But he also knows you’re not into relationships. You like things to be simple and direct. But when it comes to how you feel, he knew you weren’t very expressive with that. Only when it comes to getting what you want. He kind of admires that about you.

“So…no one in particular? You just kind of…go after who you think is the hottest?”

You grin, “Something like that.” you take a sip, “So…how are things going with Yujin?”

You honestly hate that you asked. Why would you? Why would you want to hear about that? Surely, things must be going wonderfully if he’s so wrapped up in all that is her. But you’re still friends. It’s normal to ask these kinds of questions, right? Maybe he won’t really say much anyway and you’ll be a good friend for even asking. That’s what you’re hoping for, at least.

"Well... things have been kind of weird. She's been acting kinda distant recently; I don't know how else to explain it. She just seems really bored all the time. Like, the sex is good but it just seems like she's not into me anymore or something." he replies.

You give him a weird look as he brings up the topic of sex with Yujin. Gross. Just...Gross.

“Describing sex with your ‘girlfriend’ as good is never a good thing.” you say as you laugh a bit, taking a sip. 

Sunghoon scoffs a bit. Why did it seem like you were happy to hear that? It irritated him a bit, but he brushed it off. “Well, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s more like…it’s become something that’s routine.”

“Yeah, that’s probably not a good sign.”

Sunghoon sighs. "I know... it's just so weird though. I mean, we've been together for so long, and she's never been the type to get bored like this. It just sucks. I'm worried if something happened between us that's making her not want to be with me anymore."

You look at him for a moment as he drinks. You hate seeing him upset and you know that Yujin means a lot to him, especially since this is his first big relationship. You frown a bit as you drink. “Have you asked her?” you take another sip, “Aren’t people in relationships supposed to communicate and shit?”

"Yeah, I asked her and she said everything was fine, but like... I don't know. I just have a feeling that she's not telling me something, and I've tried asking her multiple times, but every time, she always says everything's fine." he takes another drink. “That’s pretty much what I’ve been spending last week doing, just…trying to fix what may not even be broken.” he mumbles.

You feel bad now for getting upset at him for blowing you off. It makes sense and you just got defensive again, not really knowing what he was doing. You sit there for a moment, not really sure what to say. Sunghoon didn’t mind the silence, though. He was trying to focus on Yujin and figure out why things feel this way when maybe, they aren’t even that way at all. Maybe it’s him. He isn’t sure, but he is sure that he already feels a million times better being with you, even if it is just sitting next to each other on a curb in silence.

“Do you cum?” you ask.

Sunghoon chokes on his beer a little, hitting his chest a bit as he coughs. He looks at you, not expecting your question at all, and as for you, well, you weren’t really expecting to ask it. It kind of just…came out. Your initial thought process was to ask more about his feelings on things in the relationship, seeming more like a routine, but it kind of led to you wondering if he even cums. In your defense, you thought that if he doesn’t, then maybe the relationship is going downhill. You look at him, as if what you asked was totally normal, taking another sip of your beer. He looks back at you, seeming to have processed what you asked.

“...yeah, pretty much every time.”

“Does she?”

Again, not something you really want to know, but you do want to help him.

“...sometimes, but most of the time she doesn’t.”

You suck air through your teeth, “Uh-oh.”

“It’s not a big deal, you know, so what if sometimes we don’t? It’s not about that, it’s just about…connecting or whatever.” he mumbles as he takes a sip.

“So, then what? Do you guys just like…do it yourself?”

“Yeah, so?”

You laugh. You can’t help it, it’s just too funny. Not his obvious pain with his relationship kind of going south, but the fact that he finds this to be normal. You at least found that funny.

“What’s so funny?” he asks, pissed off, but also slightly embarrassed.

“Dude, I'm not a relationship expert, but like...shouldn't people who have sex, I don't know, finish every time? I mean, I have never really had that happen often with any of the guys I hook up with, but hey, what do I know.” 

"Well... I guess, but it's not a big deal to me. As long as she enjoys it, that's what's important. And, it's not like it happens all the time. Sometimes she does finish, but it's just... well, not as often as I would hope..." he takes another sip.

You roll your eyes to yourself. Kind of out of instinct. If you’re going to be frank, you don’t give a damn about her.

You shrug, “I don’t know,” you take another sip, “you say you don’t cum sometimes, how come?”

“I don’t know…it just happens?”

You shake your head, “Nah, there’s a reason.”

“But the reason is dumb and I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” he takes another sip.

“Do you think she’s hot?”

What a stupid question. You wish you didn’t ask it. Why would you want to hear him talk about yet again how hot he thinks she is. It makes your blood boil and you would rather bash yourself over the head with your beer bottle than hear him talk about how perfect she is. But, there is a small, small part of you hoping for a certain answer. Only a small part.

“Of course I do.” he replies, simply.

“So, then, what’s the problem?”

“Sometimes I have a hard time finishing, happy? Jesus…” he mumbles as he drinks some more.

You roll your eyes. You’ve known each other your whole lives, you know when he’s lying.

“Mmm,” you take another sip, “no, you see, sometimes when I hook up with guys, I suddenly don't feel attracted to them, so then sometimes I don't finish. So do you just like sometimes not like her or something?”

He shakes his head, "No, I'm always attracted to her. But... sometimes I have a hard time finishing, and I don't know why that is."

“What do you think about?” you ask, kind of quietly.

A part of you didn’t want to ask that, besides, this conversation was becoming weird. But that small, small part of you was so desperately hoping for a certain answer. Fucked up? Yeah, most definitely, but that didn’t seem to stop you.

“About what?” he asks, actually clueless.

“When you’re having sex, what do you think about?” you ask again, taking a sip of your beer.

“...about her, that’s what you’re supposed to do, so,” he trails off, “Sometimes I…think about other things...” he answers, blushing a bit.

“Like what?”

“Just…random stuff. Why do you want to know anyway?” he asks, getting slightly defensive.

“Maybe that's what's distracting you. I don't know, spice things up with her or something. Or have an actual conversation with her about how you feel or whatever.” you mutter as you finish your beer.

He takes another sip of his beer. “Why are you acting like some sort of relationship counselor? You’ve never even really been in a relationship yourself.”

Maybe he wanted to piss you off with what he said, but only so you could back off. “Spice things up”? Yujin and him are fine, he’s deciding that right here, right now. He doesn’t want your help with this or to even discuss it anymore with you. It feels weird. Besides, he doesn’t want you to think that he’s…not good at sex. Not for any other reasons, just that…he doesn’t want you to think that about him.

You set your bottle down and look at him. “Because you’re my friend? I don’t know. Why do you care?” You hold your hand out, wanting him to hand the cigarettes he brought while your other hand digs into your sweatpants pocket for your lighter.

He reaches into the bag and hands them to you, knowing full well you could have grabbed them yourself, yet he still obliged. “So, in all of your hooking up, have you ever had feelings for anyone you hooked up with? And not those bullshit feelings for your douchebag exes, like actual feelings. Or have they all just been hookups?” he asks, hoping to change the subject.

You open the pack, “Hookups.”

“Every single one?”

“Mhm.” you answer, taking one out and putting it into your mouth, lighting it as you take a drag.

“So you’ve never fallen in love with anyone you’ve hooked up with?”

You laugh, “Fallen in love? How stupid.” you say as you take another drag.

“Okay, love might be a strong word, but like, have you never developed feelings for any of the people you’ve hooked up with?” he asks, finishing his beer.

“Nah.”

"Right, right. So, you're just all about hookups then, and that's cool, no shame or anything; I get it. But you've never felt even just a little bit of loneliness from it?" he asks as he sets his bottle down. You ignore his question, taking another drag. He knows by your reaction that he’s said something that bothers you. Whenever anything is mentioned that may reveal how you truly feel, you just block it off and move on. He sighs, not too sure why he bothered asking since you always ignore these types of topics. Sometimes, he wished you wouldn’t. He wished you would be more open with him. It feels like he can talk to you about anything and everything, even if sometimes he doesn’t want to, but he does anyway because you…well, you’re you. "I mean, it's gotta get kinda boring... always hooking up, never really connecting with anyone. Unless you don't care about that kind of thing."

“Love is stupid.” you reply flatly.

What a groundbreaking opinion. Truly, nobody has ever felt or thought the same thing. Great stuff. Sunghoon sighs at your answer, not really getting why you won’t just tell him. He wants you to. He can’t really explain why. It doesn’t have to do with wanting to get some satisfaction out of helping you or changing you, but rather, sometimes he feels like he knows nothing about you. You’re important to him, more than you could possibly understand, but still, sometimes, you seem so distant; like a stranger. He just wants to know that you trust him.

“So, just because love hasn’t exactly worked out in your life, you think love is stupid? I don’t really think that’s fair…just because your ex boyfriends were assholes doesn’t mean that true love doesn’t exist.”

For some reason, him talking about true love pisses you off. It pisses you off greatly. You can feel your skin crawl and anger boiling up inside you, so you take a drag from your cigarette, blowing out the smoke, wishing it was something else you were getting rid of.

“It’s not about them.” you take another drag, “Do you love Yujin?”

You think you know the answer already. No, you know the answer indefinitely. There is only one answer. Why would he have spent the past three–almost four years–dating her if he didn’t? You think about all the times he talked about her when they first started dating. You try not to, but your mind recalls all the details, how he said them, what he said, how he looked while he was talking. It made you sick.

His heart sinks a little when you ask the question. He stares at you for a moment, not responding to your question right away. He takes a long deep breath before he answers, “Yes.” You sit silent. You heard his answer, but you don’t want to acknowledge it. You take another drag from your cigarette, a longer one this time, blowing out the smoke slowly as you tap some of the tobacco from the butt of it off. “Do you…not believe me?” he asks, watching you. He can tell something is on your mind, you’re just having trouble saying it. He’s not asking to be snarky or anything, he asks in more of a gentle tone, just wanting you to open up or at least just say something remotely close to how you feel.

“No, I do.” you answer quietly. For some reason, it hurts to say that. It’s true, though; you do believe him…unfortunately.

Silence consumes the both of you, just sitting on the curb as time passes. Crickets chirp softly in the distance and the subtle burn of the tobacco from your cigarette fills it a bit, but not enough. He stares at you, both annoyed and concerned. 

“Then what is it? Are you trying to say there’s something wrong with my relationship?” he asks, suddenly defensive. Even he, himself, doesn’t know why he’s suddenly so defensive about it, especially since he brought up the issue earlier, but he doesn’t like thinking that you think there is something wrong.

“Jesus, it’s not like that.” you respond, knowing full and well it is like that.

“Then spit it out; what are you trying to say?”

“Shut up.”

You take another drag and he rolls his eyes, annoyed. “You know, you’re so annoying sometimes.”

“So are you.”

“Yeah, I know, but you’re worse.”

You take another drag, genuinely wanting him to shut up, or for things to be normal. Or better yet, for things not to be complicated. “Go cry about it to your girlfriend.”

“Screw you.”

“Ditto.”

“Whatever.” he says, pissed off.

“Yeah, whatever.” you mumble as you take another drag.

He continues to look at you, pissed off at how you don’t seem to care about anything. He used to like that a lot about you, how you never cared about what people thought and are able to brush anything off. Maybe “used to” is a bit strong, he still likes that about you, but for right now, it’s incredibly infuriating. 

“You know, I’ve noticed that you always avoid giving direct answers to questions. Maybe that’s why you’re so scared of commitment; Not willing to really speak your mind out of fear of hurting someone’s feelings or your own.” he says, hoping this would piss you off enough to just say how you feel.

You roll your eyes, “Shut up.” you say as you continue smoking your cigarette.

“No, I won't shut up. In fact, I'm gonna keep talking because this is one of the rare occasions where we’re actually having a serious conversation and not just talking about petty stuff.”

You roll your eyes again. “I don’t want to.” you reply, simply.

“Too bad. because I am really curious about it. So, I’m just gonna keep asking questions. Like, have you ever experienced real heartbreak before? Because you seem like the type that just throws people away and moves on with no remorse.” You become quiet. Sure, you weren’t answering before, well, barely, anyway. But this time, you feel like you’re shrinking. That type of quiet. The type of quiet you become when you feel like you got caught and you don’t want to admit to what you did. You just smoke your cigarette. “And you don’t just avoid answering questions about your romantic life, either. You do the same thing when it comes to family, friends, and anyone else. You just push people away and never actually let anyone get to know the real you.” 

“You know the real me.” you say, looking at him. In all honesty, you were insulted. He was seriously telling you that he “doesn’t know the real you” after you guys have been friends since you were two years old? What does that say about your friendship?

“No, I really don’t. All I know about you is the surface layer stuff that you’re willing to share, but I don't actually know you. No one does. Because you never let anyone get close enough.” he says as he looks you directly in the eyes, meaning every word he says. Well, maybe not every word, but it is how he feels. He doesn’t want you to get frustrated, but if that’s what it takes for you to finally say how you feel, then so be it. You do feel yourself getting frustrated and you look away, taking another drag. “And don’t deny it, ‘cause you know it’s true. You just push people away and never let yourself be vulnerable, ‘cause if you did, then they could use that vulnerability against you. And god forbid anybody ever find out about your deepest insecurities-” 

“Shut the fuck up.” you say, feeling anger seethe out of you. He sits there, somewhat stunned by your response. Not exactly that you became angry, but more so that he actually got a reaction out of you. He watches you as you put your cigarette out and stand up. “I’m going back to my room.” you mutter. 

He stands up. “Seriously?” he says as he sees you start to walk away. He scoffs. “You’re just going to leave? Like that? Whatever.” he mumbles as he grabs the pack of cigarettes you put back into the bag (the pack he specifically bought for you and always buys whenever you guys hang out like this). He opens it and grabs one, lighting it as he sees you turn around. You walk back over to him and snatch the pack of cigarettes from his hand. “The hell?” he asks, annoyed, as he tries to grab it back.

You hold it out of his reach. “You don’t even like red Marlboros.” you say, almost tempted to take the one out of his mouth, too just to spite him.

“Give it back.” he says sternly as he takes a small drag from the one in his mouth, holding it between his fingers as he glares at you.

“No.”

“It’s my pack of cigarettes.”

“That you bought for me.”

“And I want it back.”

“Well, tough shit, I’m not giving it back.”

“Give it.” he says as he holds out his hand. You ignore him and turn around, starting to walk away. He takes another drag, grimacing because you’re right, he doesn’t like this brand, but he’s only doing this to spite you. He gets even more pissed off just seeing you walk away. “Why are you always such a pain in the ass?”

“Could ask you the same thing.” you yell back.

He quickly puts out the cigarette and puts the bottles into the bag before catching up to you. “I'm not the one who’s always being super mean and acting all mysterious about everything. Like, what’s with all the attitude and snarky comments? You’ve been extra shitty lately.”

“Fuck you.”

He scoffs, “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You know, you’re being shitty, you just don’t wanna admit it.”

You stop walking and turn to look at him, throwing the pack at him. “Then go away.”

He grits his teeth and grabs the pack from the ground. He looks at you, “Whatever. I'm leaving. But just know, one of these days, you’re going to actually push someone away for good.”

“Hopefully it’s you.” you say as you cross your arms.

“Yeah, me too. Because I am so fed up with your bullshit.”

“Great. Go away.”

He rolls his eyes and walks past you, his arm bumping into yours purposefully as he heads back to his dorm.

-

As Sunghoon makes his way to his lecture, he sees Yujin in the distance talking to some of her friends. He thinks about your conversation last night. He had hopes of confiding in you a bit more about how he felt, but of course that’s not the way things panned out. He had no time to focus on that, even if he was feeling even worse now that he possibly lost his best friend for good. Shit…did he really lose you for good? He feels his blood run cold, but he’s trying to forget it and focus on her. She’s his girlfriend, he has to remember that. He walks up to her, smiling a bit. She looks at him.

“Oh…hey.” she says softly.

“Hey…can we talk for a minute?” She nods her head and stands still. Sunghoon glances at her friends and then looks back at her. “...in private?” Yujin glances at her friends before following Sunghoon over into the library, taking a seat at a table near one of the back bookshelves, a little bit of space between the two of them. “Is there a reason you’ve been acting like this lately? Do you not…want to be with me anymore?” Sunghoon asks, just getting straight to the point.

Yujin is quiet for a moment. “Everything is fine.” she says.

He crosses his arms, feeling himself getting frustrated. Why can’t people just be direct like you? Yeah, you’re not really direct with your feelings, but you are when it comes to anything else. “Are you sure? Because you've been really distant. We haven't been talking as often, you barely want to spend time with me... and it feels like you're avoiding being intimate with me, too. I had to almost beg you to spend time with me last week. Is there really nothing? Are you sure everything is fine?” Yujin listens and stays quiet. Sunghoon sighs. "You know, couples are supposed to communicate and shit, right? If something is bothering you, just come out and say it." Sure, he took a page from your book with what you said last night and perhaps some of what you said rang true after all, but he’s not really looking to give you a “you were right” moment at this time.

“You being friends with her bothers me.” Yujin says as she crosses her arms.

Sunghoon freezes for a moment, taken aback by her response. “...are you being serious?” he asks, not totally sure if she’s just messing with him.

“You hang out with her more than me to the point that I had to ask you to stop texting her whenever we would hang out and you always say you’re “just best friends”, but I don’t believe you. Do you have feelings for her?”

“Do YOU think I have feelings for her?” Sunghoon asks, becoming defensive while also avoiding answering her question directly. 

“Yes.” she answers, simply.

“What, do you think I’ll dump you for her or something?”

"She's a slut. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it. I don't care if you guys are close, I'm worried she is going to make a move on you and then you break up with me just for her to use you once and then ruin you; She's bad news." Yujin says.

He feels his jaw drop a bit at what she says. Did she seriously just say that? And so boldly? He feels himself become upset about the way she talks about you. He wants to defend you, he always has, but he frowns. What if this leads to Yujin breaking up with him? You did say last night that you two were done with each other, so why does it matter? He doesn’t agree with Yujin, but he wants to save this relationship…

“You really think I'm that naive? That I'd fall for a girl like her? Just because we’re close friends doesn’t mean I automatically get feelings for her and forget about you. You know I'm smart enough to not get mixed up with someone like her.” he says, feeling like his heart is breaking as he says it. He wants Yujin to feel reassured, but after saying this…it doesn’t feel worth it.

“So you agree.” Yujin says.

Sunghoon sits there, feeling like he’s about to throw up. Why is this so hard? Why can’t he just say ‘yes’ and move on? Why can’t he be happy with Yujin? He just nods his head. “I wouldn’t fall for someone like her.” he says extremely quietly, almost as if he never wanted those words to leave his mouth. But they did and it was too late.

Yujin smiles, satisfied by his answer. She leans in and kisses his lips quickly, “I believe you.” she says softly.

Sunghoon hesitates, not glad that she believes him. Not glad that she said those things about you. Not glad that he said those things about you. He’s just not happy. He gives her a small smile and kisses her cheek quickly. “I’m glad.”

-

You are sitting on a bench, scrolling through your phone as you wait for your next lecture to start soon. Sunghoon sees you as he exits his lecture hall and his gaze lingers on you for a moment. He sighs to himself a bit, feeling like he was being pulled in two different directions. The more he thinks about it, he feels as though Yujin was giving him an ultimatum to choose you or her. If she said it outright, there isn’t a cell in his body that would hesitate to choose you. He thinks back to his conversation with Yujin in the library and he feels sick; he knows he did something wrong. 

He walks over to you and takes a seat next to you, just wanting to make up and move on. To his surprise, however, you get up immediately and take your bag before walking away. He sits there, confused, but figures you’re still upset about the argument last night. He gets up and he follows you before catching up and gently grabbing your arm, but you end up taking it away and start walking again. He bites the inside of his cheek before stepping in front of you, “Why are you walking away from me?”

“Get away from me.”

“No.” he said as quickly as the words left your mouth.

You look at him, feeling your eyes sting, hot tears wanting to form, but you blink them away. “You should probably go find your girlfriend, you wouldn’t want to be seen hanging out with a slut like me, right?” you ask rhetorically.

“Hey-,” he cuts you off, frowning instantly when you call yourself that. “Stop it…you know I don’t see you that way.”

“That’s a fucking lie; I heard you talking to Yujin. Or are you surprised about that too since you were in the library and someone like me couldn’t possibly be in a place like that.” you say as you cross your arms, swallowing as if that will help mask your clear frustration.

“...what?” he asks quietly, freezing as he realizes what you’re saying.

“I heard you. I heard you agree with her when she called me a slut. I heard you say you "would never be stupid to fall for someone like me". Well, fuck you. Go be with your perfect girlfriend, asshole.” you say before you push past him, swallowing again, but this time to stop yourself from crying.

“Wait-” he tries to grab your arm again, but you pull it away and keep walking. He feels his heart sink as he watches you walk away. The world felt as if it just collapsed. He feels like he’s sinking and as he watches you become further from him, he feels like he’s lost everything. He’s holding his breath, not necessarily realizing he is, almost as if he exhales, he’s not sure he has the strength to take another breath knowing he’s hurt you; he doesn’t deserve to.

-

Everything moves in slow motion, all voices muffled, as Sunghoon feels himself being dragged inside of a party by Yujin. He can hear and see her laughing and talking with her friends as they walk inside the loud and crowded atmosphere, but he feels as if he’s hollow. He stands there like a zombie as Yujin talks and greets some of her friends. He’s not sure how it happened, especially since it was almost midnight and he honestly just wanted to go to sleep, but he somehow ended up here. His eyes felt heavy as they looked around the room, but he subconsciously stood up straighter when his eyes landed on you. It was like he had been resuscitated, his heart beating rapidly as he sees you and then he sees him.

Sunghoon rolls his eyes, noticing how Sungchan was standing closely to you, how his eyes scanned every inch of your body with some stupid, smug smirk on his face. Sunghoon rolled his eyes again and grimaced at the sight. He sees how you whisper something into his ear, Sungchan grinning as he places his hand on your hip. Suddenly, Sunghoon’s heart stopped again as his gaze fixates on his hand. His hand grips Yujin’s tightly as he clenches his jaw and his other hand curls into a fist, his fingernails digging into the palm of his hand. His breathing becomes heavy as he sees you smile, smile in a way he’s never had you smile at him before as your hand caresses Sungchan’s cheek while you clearly flirt back with him. Sunghoon was livid. He feels like an extra in his own life as he watches you fall for someone like that.

“Baby…?” Yujin asks, loosening her hand and taking it away from him since he was practically cutting off her circulation.

“I’m fine.” he mumbles, hints of anger and annoyance clear in his tone. He doesn’t look at her as he answers and she catches on.

She looks to where his gaze is and then she looks back at him, upset. “Why are you looking at her?” she asks as she crosses her arms. “You told me you don’t have feelings for her. I’m your girlfriend, not her.”

“Stop, Yujin, it’s not like that…” he mumbles, annoyed as he keeps looking at you and Sungchan. He watches as Sungchan puts his arm around your waist and he feels like the air has just been knocked out of him. His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek as he glares at the two of you, wanting nothing more than to shove him off of you.

Yujin scoffs, “I don’t even see how you could have feelings for a slut like her.” she mumbles, taking a sip of a drink her friend brought for her. Sunghoon keeps his attention on you. How Sungchan keeps you close, whispers in your ear to make you giggle and you indulge in it, how he touches you, and how he looks at you as if he’s some sick animal that wants to devour you. “Did you even hear me?” Yujin asks, pissed off.

“Yeah, I heard you.” Sunghoon mumbles as he continues watching the two of you.

Yujin glares at him and then grabs his hand, dragging him away from her friends. Sunghoon just goes along with it and as Yujin starts dragging him upstairs, Sungchan leas in and kisses you. Sunghoon’s eyes widen as he continues going upstairs with Yujin, her dragging him into an empty bedroom and closes the door behind them. Sunghoon feels like all thoughts had escaped him when he saw that and he stands there with only one thing on his mind: you.

“Let’s have sex.” Yujin says as she looks at him.

Sunghoon snaps out of it and looks at her, feeling like this is his first time seeing her tonight. He looks at her in confusion, not wanting to since he only has you on his mind, but he doesn’t want to upset her any further, so he nods his head. Yujin pulls him towards her and kisses him. He hesitates, feeling himself grimace, but he tries to ignore it and kiss her back. He doesn’t want to be up here with her, he wants to be down there with you. As they continue to kiss, Yujin begins to undress herself and Sunghoon feels himself tense up. He tries to forget about you and focus on her, thinking maybe helping her undress would help, but it doesn’t. Not even a little bit. 

Yujin moves them over to the bed as she keeps kissing him and he sits there, partially kissing her back and also sitting stiff as a board. He knows this is supposed to be hot for him, having a practically naked girl on him, but he only finds himself wishing it was you. Yujin kisses down his neck as she takes off his shirt and he feels like he’s zoning out, not moving a muscle. Yujin moves her hands along his chest and down his body and then stops kissing him as she looks at him.

“You’re not even hard.” she says as she frowns. Sunghoon just stares at her, not necessarily surprised, but he still feels bad. "What the hell do you even like about her? She's a fucking whore who opens her legs for any and every guy. She has nothing else to offer besides her fucking pussy, which probably is already stretched beyond repair." Yujin says, angry. "She's nothing! She's not even special and yet she always gets any guy she wants. Well, why does she get you too?" Yujin tears up. "I'M your girlfriend, not her! Do you even love me?" Yujin asks, frustrated.

Sunghoon knows her anger is justified and he feels awful for feeling like he wants her to be you instead. As he watches and hears her say all of these things, he feels bad for treating her like this, but he also becomes angry at listening to what she’s saying about you. He feels bad for saying it feels like he doesn’t know you, because he does, and he knows you’re nothing like who she says you are.

“Answer me!” Yujin yells.

“I do love you.” Sunghoon says quickly.

“...do you love her?”

He stays quiet. Does he love you? He doesn’t know how to answer that. He knows he cares about you more than anyone else, he knows that even when you two fight, he would never want anyone else but you to be by his side, he knows that you’re the only one who gets him, he knows he likes making you smile and laugh and sometimes when you look at him, he feels like he can just look back at you forever. But is that love? Then, what is it he feels for Yujin? Does he love you and not her? How come he never realized it before? Did he always feel this way?

"Why the hell did you even ask me out? Why did you even ask me to be your girlfriend if all this time, you've wanted her? If all this time you've been in love with her?" Yujin asks, furious.

What is he supposed to say? Has he always been in love with you? He thinks for a moment. He thinks about why he asked her out in the first place, about a week after you hooked up with some guy after you two just started college. Was that the reason? Was it because he just wanted something and he knows deep down, you don’t want the same, so he found it somewhere else? You…everything has always been about you, his whole world has always revolved around you.

Yujin gets up and gets dressed. "If you want to be with her so badly, fine. But just know, she's still a whore. She'll just use you and then toss you aside." Yujin says as she finishes getting dressed. "But by all means, go sleep with that slut. We're done." Yujin says as she leaves the room.

Sunghoon sits on the bed in silence. Just great. Now, he doesn’t have a girlfriend and worst of all, he still can’t have you. He sits there for a moment longer before getting up and putting back on his shirt. Screw this party, he shouldn’t have come anyway. He walks out of the bedroom and goes downstairs, feeling like his mind is in a different place as he walks outside. He stops and notices you sitting on the curb, smoking a cigarette. He feels relieved, not seeing you in Sungchan’s arms, and for a split second, he wishes he could just walk over and take you into his, but he pushes that thought away and just decides to take a seat beside you on the curb instead. You scoot away a bit from him, silence looming over the two of you and he feels even worse. 

“You shouldn’t be sitting here, you know. Your girlfriend might get pissy.” you mumble as you exhale some smoke.

“I’m not with Yujin anymore.”

You pause for a moment, “...I saw you two go upstairs.”

“She just…got upset that I couldn’t get hard. I just had so many thoughts running through my mind…” he trails off, not wanting to ramble on about it.

“Whatever.” you say as you take another drag.

“I wish I never asked her out.” he says before taking a deep breath, feeling like he said something he didn’t even realize he was keeping a secret, not even from himself.

“Why are you telling me this? In case you forgot, I am not your friend anymore. Not after what you and her said about me this morning.” You take another drag, “It's one thing for her to call me a slut, I don't care about her, but you? You agreed with her. You made fun of me. You're supposed to be my best friend and you say I'm a slut and then that you aren't "stupid" enough to date "someone like me"?  Fuck you, honestly. I was so pissed when I heard that. I know we fought the other night, but I never thought you would say that shit about me.” You take another drag. “So stop talking to me about your problems like we're still friends. You want nothing to do with "someone like me"? Well, then, you got it.”

Sunghoon stays silent, feeling as if everything around him is crumbling. You’re sitting maybe a foot away from him, but he feels like you’re on the other side of the planet. “I’m sorry.” he says softly, feeling ashamed to have talked about you like that.

You shake your head and continue smoking. “Whatever.”

“I miss you.” he says suddenly. “And, I shouldn’t have said any of that this morning. I was trying to reassure Yujin at your expense and…that was a big fuck up by me. None of what I said was worth any pain I’ve caused you.”

“Well, I don’t miss you. I don’t even care.”

Sunghoon stays quiet for a moment. “I have to fix this. Not because I feel like it will make me feel better to know I said sorry, because that doesn’t fix anything; that doesn’t make you feel better. I want to fix this because, even if you don’t believe me, I value our friendship more than anything in the world.”

You scoff and don’t reply, blinking away your tears as you continue smoking. “I don’t need you. Think what you want about me, I don’t give a fuck.”

“Hey…” he says tentatively as he notices you blinking away tears. He feels like he got punched in the gut and hates himself for knowing he’s the one that caused you to feel this way. “I know I hurt you…a lot.” he admits. He doesn’t know if you would want to listen to anything else he has to say, but he wants nothing more than for everything to go back to normal. To have you back. To just have you look at him. Anything.

You scoff, “You? As if.” you say as you put out your cigarette. “Don’t flatter yourself. Like I care about your opinion.” you say as you stand up. “I don’t need your pity and I don’t need your friendship. I don’t need you.” you say as you walk away and back into the party.

He doesn’t hesitate to follow you, not wanting to let you go. He can’t. He can’t bear the thought of you actually not being a part of his life, not for one goddamn second. He tries to catch up to you, but he stops in his tracks when he sees you go back over to Sungchan. It feels as though time has stopped and he was cursed with having to watch you be with him for the rest of his life. You whisper something to Sungchan, prompting him to grin and put his hands on your waist. Sunghoon feels like he’s about to collapse as he watches Sungchan whisper something back to you before taking your hand and leading you upstairs. He wants to do something, take you away from him, tell you that you mean so much more and are so much more than whatever Sungchan thinks about you. How you mean everything to him and watching you walk upstairs with some other guy feels as though you are taking away every piece of Sunghoon, breaking him apart. But he doesn’t and an hour passes before you walk back downstairs with Sungchan, his arm around your waist.

Sungchan whispers something in your ear before letting you go and walking over to his friends, all of them laughing and teasing him. You just walk back out of the party, feeling sick to your stomach; as if you just made the biggest mistake of your life; shame. As you walk down the sidewalk, the night suddenly feels much colder than before. You take out your cigarettes and start smoking another one. Sunghoon follows and catches up, “Can I have one?” he asks, not knowing what else to say, but wanting to say something. You stay quiet, but eventually extend the one you were smoking to him. You stop walking as he takes it, taking a drag as he stands beside you. 

You hold out your hand, wanting it back and after he takes another inhale from it, he exchanges it back. You take another drag, staying quiet, as you extend it back to him. He takes it as you two share the cigarette and he hands it back to you, almost wanting to just hold your hand instead. You take a long drag, holding the smoke for a while before slowly exhaling. “...you were right.” you say quietly as you hold the cigarette out for him. “It is lonely.”

He takes the cigarette, feeling hopeful that this is the beginning of an honest conversation, and relieved that you’re opening up. He hands it back to you, “Are you lonely? Do you miss having a relationship?” he asks, softly, wanting to make sure he’s being cautious so he doesn’t hurt you again.

“Not the ones I used to be in, no. Those guys were…well, you know.”

“Yeah…” he mumbles. You sigh and take a seat on the curb. He follows suit, seeing if you’ll say something else, but deciding to break the silence. “So…what kind of guy do you want?” he asks, deep down hoping for a certain answer. 

You don’t answer him and instead, ignore his question. In all honesty, you don’t know. Well, you do, but you’re too scared to admit it. “You were also right about me being a slut.”

“I-I didn’t mean it-”

“You know it, everybody else knows it…and I always knew it.” You take your cigarette back and take a drag. “Hearing you say it sucked, though, but I know it’s the truth.”

“I shouldn’t have said it. I was so caught up in trying to make Yujin feel better and fix things between us when it wasn’t worth it. Not when it came at your expense.”

“I know.”

“I should’ve still stuck up for you. It didn’t matter if she was my girlfriend, you don’t deserve to be talked about like that.”

You shrug and hand him the cigarette, lighting a new one for yourself to smoke. “I don’t care anymore. Hooking up with Sungchan just now made me realize it. Seeing and hearing his friends tease him for it…” you take a long drag, “I knew that’s what I am.”

He does the same and looks at you. “Did you want to hook up with him?”

“No.”

“Then, why did you do it?” You ignore his question and keep smoking. “Hey…” he says softly. He knows you’re avoiding his question, but he wants to hear what you have to say.

“What happened with you and Yujin tonight?” you ask, wanting to change the subject.

“Just…an argument.”

“About…?”

“That’s not important.”

“You wanted to tell me all about it earlier. You said something about you not getting hard and regretting asking her out. What the hell happened? I thought you loved her or whatever.” you mumble as you inhale more smoke, a part of you hoping it chokes you.

“I do love her. But I guess…it meant something different to her. She wanted things from me I couldn’t do.”

“Like what.”

“Like…her not wanting us to be friends anymore.”

You scoff before continuing to smoke. “You should’ve chosen her.”

Sunghoon raises an eyebrow as he takes a drag. “You think I shouldn't have chosen my friend who's been with me through thick and thin over someone who was basically controlling who I talked to?”

“She was just controlling that you don't talk to me. Can't blame her, she probably thought I would try to sleep with you or something. Besides, since when did us being friends for so long suddenly matter? It didn't when you agreed with her about me being a slut.”

“It matters to me.” He says, feeling his heart sink a little at your words. It seemed like you didn’t think your friendship meant anything. He takes another drag and sighs quietly before continuing. “You’re my best friend. I care about you more than anyone else.” You stay silent as you continue to smoke. “Do you really think I don’t care about you?” he asks, softly. You just keep smoking, not really sure how to answer. He sighs to himself as he does the same and his mind wanders to thinking about you and Sungchan again. He rolls his eyes to himself as he tries to push those thoughts out of his head.

“You asked me if I ever felt heartbreak when we fought that night, talking about if that’s why I have commitment issues or whatever.” you say as you take another drag. “Yeah…I have.”

“Was the heartbreak from…” he let’s the question linger in the air for a moment, “a relationship?” You shake your head. “So…what was it from then? Who broke your heart?”

You stay silent for a moment, just smoking “...i didn't realize I fell in love with him until he got a girlfriend, well, his first serious girlfriend. At first, I didn't really care, but then…” you go quiet for a moment as you keep looking ahead, not at him. “The way he talked about her, would smile a certain way when he was with her, like he's never smiled at me before...laughing at jokes they shared...seeing him kiss her, hold her hand…” you take another drag, “holding her hand..” you repeat, like you’re lost in thought. “It's something so stupid and simple, but I've never had a guy hold my hand romantically...but he held hers and I remember feeling like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't do a damn thing but suddenly wish I was his girlfriend instead. And then I realized. I loved him.” you take another drag, “I loved him and he was in love with someone else.”

He stayed quiet the whole time you talked. He took in every single word. He took in how you said every single word, how you looked as you spoke. He felt his heart break for you. The way you talked about it was nothing like he’s ever heard you talk about; so…innocent. “Did you ever try to tell him how you felt?”

You stay quiet for a moment as you swallow. “I almost did. One time. I just felt so tired from pretending and I didn't want to just hookup with anyone anymore. I wanted to be his more than anything in the world. I almost told him and then…” you take another drag from your cigarette. “He started telling me about how he finally had sex with his girlfriend. How hot she is. How he had never seen anyone so beautiful. How he couldn't believe he was so lucky to be dating her. Fuck-” you pinch your thigh to stop yourself from crying as you take another drag. “I felt so...gross. I had never had a guy say that about me, never had a guy be proud to be with me, but the way he talked about her and everything he was saying...I knew he would laugh in my face if I, just some slut, was in love with him; he would feel grossed out or whatever. No matter how close I thought we were, I knew right then and there I would never be like her. Never like the girl he wanted.” you take another drag, “So I didn't say anything.”

Sunghoon stayed quiet again, feeling awful. He hated that you thought about yourself that way. He hated that other people had made you feel that…him included. He hated this guy, especially, for making you feel this way. What a piece of shit. You deserve nothing but the best and this guy pulls this bullshit with you? He was about ready to punch him in the face. “And you’re still friends with him? After he did all of this to you?”

“He’s all I’ve ever had.”

“He’s not all you have, though. What about me?” he asks, intending to make something positive out of this all. He just wants you to know how precious you are to him because he cares about you so much. 

This, doesn’t help whatsoever, and you feel like you’re about to burst into tears. You can’t tell if he’s the idiot or if you are; maybe the latter. But when he says that, you just feel like sobbing, curling up into a ball, and dying right then and there. You pinch your thigh again, to prevent yourself from crying because you absolutely loathe it.

He notices and immediately puts his hand on yours to stop you. He hates seeing you like this and he looks at you, not wanting you to suppress this anymore.

His hand on yours, however, makes you feel even worse. Worse because it makes your stomach do flips and you can feel your heart beat faster. Worse because you know it only carries the connotation of a friend comforting a friend…nothing more. You pull your hand away and continue smoking.

He doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t try to take your hand back. It hurts him to see you pull yourself away. He just wants to make you feel better, feel safe, feel loved. Feel nothing but happiness because that’s all you deserve. But you don’t. He wants to give you everything, and so, he tries again to comfort you. He reaches for your hand, gently taking it into his, it enveloping yours as he holds it as if it is the most delicate thing on earth.

“Don’t.” you whisper, taking your hand away.

You didn’t want to. God, you didn’t want to. His hand felt like silk against yours, but you felt like you didn’t deserve it. Compared to his, your hand was like felt, worth far less than his. You didn’t want him to hold your hand, not like this. You wanted it to mean something, have some sort of value. Not for comfort. Not because he’s your best friend. Not because he felt bad. But because he loved you. Because he wanted to hold your hand and be proud as he held it. Because he wanted to claim you as is. Because you wanted to be his.

He lets go of your hand and stays silent for a moment. It was as if a part of him died inside as you pulled away your hand. All the thoughts that he was having a few seconds ago were replaced by sadness. His hands tightened into fists from the frustration of being unable to comfort you or take away your sadness. He wanted so desperately to try again, but he knew that there was nothing he could do right now. Slowly, he takes another drag of his cigarette, and you do the same with yours.

“Did you cry whenever he would talk about his girlfriend like that? Did you cry anytime he complimented her?”

You don’t answer for a while. “Yeah. When he told me he loved her, I cried later. After that, I pretended like I didn't care. And for a while, it worked. I would just hook up with guys and I would still talk and hang out with him because he didn't treat me like what everyone else saw me as. He never did. And that's one of the reasons I fell in love with him, I guess, but then sometimes...he would start talking about her and then I just...felt worse. At some point, I just kind of felt numb about it, especially after he told me about the first time they had sex. He talked about it like it was so special...like she was so special...and I just decided then and there I couldn't love him. So, I just pretended and after a while, I thought I didn't love him anymore, but one night, he started talking about how he couldn't lose his girlfriend, how he wanted to make things with her work and I felt that same feeling again, like I was going to be sick. Then, I heard him say what he really thought about me and that was the last time I cried about him.”

“What did he say about you? Did he insult you?” he asks as he feels himself becoming angry, wondering what this jerk could’ve possibly said about you to make you feel this way. But, you don’t answer, you just remain quiet and that made him want to punch this guy even more. “Do you miss him?” he asks, quietly.

“...i miss being oblivious to the fact that I love him.”

He feels his heart drop when you say that. You still love him? He swallows, feeling like he’s choking and as if all of the oxygen has been sucked out of the atmosphere. “So…you do love him. You’re still in love with him?” Once you ignore him again, the answer is clear. “You do still love him…” he mumbles. Anger courses through his veins because you’re in love with someone so fucking awful. How could you give all of yourself to someone who is too blind to see how much you’re worth? How much you mean and value you provide to the meaning of life it’s goddamn self? He watches as you continue smoking. “So, you mean to tell me, after everything he’s done to you, you still love him?”

“He doesn’t know.”

“He doesn’t know you’re in love with him?”

“I told you, I never told him.”

This doesn’t help him feel any less bad for you. Some douche was out and about being happy and in love while you suffer on the sidelines? “Are you ever going to tell him?”

You shake your head as you look down. How could you? Especially since you’re delivering this whole pathetic monologue and he still isn’t taking any goddamn hint. 

“Is it because he’s still with his girlfriend?”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” you say as you finish your cigarette.

He becomes frustrated, “Is he?”

“No.”

“So, they broke up.” You ignore his question once more. He waits a few seconds before speaking up again, “I’m taking that as a ‘yes’ then.”

“Why does it matter? Why do you care?”

“Why do I care?” he asks as if this question has the most obvious answer. He scoffs and takes another drag out of frustration. “Because I’m your best friend, dumbass.”

This only makes you frown as you pinch your thigh again to stop the tears threatening to fall. He frowns as well when he sees this and reaches his hand over again. “Stop.” he says as he grabs your hand. You look down at your hands and you take yours away again. He feels a lump form in his throat when you pull your hand away as a pit of sadness just keeps growing and growing in his stomach. “Why are you doing that? …do you honestly think I don’t care about you?” You just keep staring ahead of you, not looking at him once. He takes another drag and sighs. “Have I ever given you a reason for you to think that I don’t care? Have I hurt you like that guy did?”

His questions make you stay silent for a long time. You wish that you could just disappear. Or that you could go back in time and stop yourself from having these stupid feelings. Or…that you never met him in the first place. Maybe then things would be easier. Better.

“Just…answer me.” he says, pleading, almost. He wants you to understand that he is here for you, he always will be and nothing is going to get in the way of that anymore. He wants this to be clear, so he tries to hold your hand again to show his support, but you take it away once he does.

“Are you pretending or are you actually this clueless?” you ask, becoming frustrated, your voice having a hint of pain in it.

His stomach tightened when you rejected him once more. He doesn’t look at you, suddenly afraid to see your expression. He doesn’t know what to do, how to make you feel better. He stays silent for a moment and continues smoking. “Pretending about what?” he asks. You become increasingly frustrated and pinch your thigh again. He notices and grabs your hand again, “Stop.” he says sternly, but you pull your hand away. 

“Jesus, you’re the guy.”

He feels himself freeze. “What the hell do you mean ‘I’m the guy’?”

“Are you dense?” you raise an eyebrow. “You’re the guy I’ve been talking about this whole damn time!”

“...i’m the guy?” he asks, completely stunned. You let out a huff of frustration and stand up, walking away. He doesn’t hesitate to stand up and go after you. He grabs your arm to stop you. “Wait, you can’t just leave…”

You keep pinching your thigh, a part of you believing it will wake you up from this nightmare as you avoid his gaze. You take your arm away from his grip. “Just forget it.”

“No. You just said I’m the guy, right? The one you’re in love with?” He asks, all of his focus on you. You ignore his question and turn around, walking away. He groans and he moves in front of you, stopping you. “You love me?” But you just avoid his gaze and don’t answer his question. He sighs, “I’m not letting you leave until you tell me.”

“No.”

He frowns. “Look at me.” he whispers. “Please…” he moves closer to you. “Do you love me?”

“Why does it matter?”

“You tell me. Why doesn’t it matter?”

You punch your thigh harshly a few times as you finally look at him. Your breath hitches as tears well in your eyes, despite you trying to ignore them. “Because I’m just a slut.”

He grabs your hand and stops you. He feels panicked, not knowing what to do or say. He doesn’t want you to cry or punish yourself. “Stop it. Stop with that bullshit. You’re not a slut, don’t you dare ever call yourself that.”

“You said it yourself. You agree with everyone else. I know you don't feel the same. I know you'll never talk about me the way you talk about Yujin or see me the way you see her. I know you said you guys broke up, but so what? I know what I am and I know that's all I'll ever be.”

He feels tears prick his own eyes as he listens to you. He shakes his head, “Stop that. Stop saying that I’ll never feel the same. Stop saying that you’re just a slut.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter! It matters to me. You’re not just “some slut”. You’re my best friend.”

You frown as you feel the urge to cry become stronger. You take your hand away and you pinch your thigh again, just wanting the tears to go away. What he said made you feel awful. It’s not what you wanted to hear. You didn’t want to be just that…and he just kept reminding you that that’s all you are. “...do you honestly think that makes me feel better?”

He frowns, “Fine. Maybe it doesn’t make you feel better. But it should. Because it’s the fucking truth.”

“Are you even thinking about what I told you? Are you even thinking about how you're the guy I've been talking about? How every time you talked about Yujin, every time I saw you hold her hand, how you talked about her when you told me about the first time you guys had sex, that I just wanted to curl up and die? You don't get it. You calling me your best friend doesn't make me feel any fucking better. It makes me feel worse than when people call me a slut. But I don't want you to stand here and try to make me feel better, because if you think telling me you care about me because I'm your 'best friend' is going to make me feel better, then you haven't listened to a damn thing I've said.”

He stares at you sympathetically. He stares at you as he realizes just how badly he’s broken your heart. As he realizes he broke your heart. 

“I don't want to be your best friend. I don't want you to tell me I'm your best friend.” You keep pinching your thigh harder, but tears roll down your cheeks anyway. “I wanted it to be me.” you say as you cry even though you keep pinching harder. “I wanted to hold your hand romantically. I wanted you to smile at me the way you did with her. I wanted you to talk about me the way you talked about her.” Your breath hitches as you cry and pinch your thigh harder, your nails digging into your skin. “I wanted to be special to you. I wanted you to tell me you love me. I wanted to be your girlfriend...more than anything in the world.” You cry harder even though you try not to and you dig your nails more into your thigh.

He’s never seen you cry. Not when you broke your arm, not when your pet goldfish died, not when your first boyfriend broke up with you, not even when you get incredibly frustrated. He has never seen you cry. But he hates it. He doesn’t want to see you so sad, so hurt, in so much pain…and he hated it even more because he–the one person you loved more than anything else–was the one who was making you feel this way. He pulls you into him, hugging you tightly, just wanting to take your pain away, just wanting you to…feel loved. But you push him away and wipe your tears, and he notices the imprints from your nails on your thighs. He doesn’t even realize it, but he reaches his hand out and gently touches the marks as he looks at them. He touches the ridges softly and your skin feels so smooth to him, so precious, but you push his hand away. His eyes travel up to meet yours and he sees you’ve stopped crying.

“Why wouldn’t you just have told me how you felt?” he asks, quietly.

“For starters, you had a girlfriend. The other reason: it doesn’t matter.”

“What if I never got with Yujin? What if I was single the whole time?”

“I didn’t realize I loved you until you started dating her…”

“Why her? I’ve dated other girls before, so why her?”

You shrug, “She’s the only one you really seemed to be serious about…the only one you told you loved. Besides…I’m not some sort of homewrecker.”

“I wish you told me.” he whispers. “You were never going to tell me?”

“No.”

“So, you were just hoping I would never find out?”

“Yes.”

“So, you were just going to keep that secret for the rest of your life?”

“Yeah.”

“So, you were just going to live with that pain forever?”

“Are you going to keep asking the same question?”

“I just want to know…” he says as if he’s desperate. “Why…why would you not tell me?”

“Because you were with Yujin! Because you kept telling me how much you loved her! How pretty you thought she was, how happy you were to be with her, how smart and kind and funny and fucking perfect you thought she was! You were happy. You were happy with someone who wasn't me and although that killed me, you were happy. I couldn't do that to you.” you say as your voice breaks.

“So that justified you suffering in silence? Why would you rather see me happy while you were in pain?”

You look at him like the answer was obvious. How does he not get it? You stare at him as you remain quiet, looking at him as if it’s your last time. “Because I love you.” you say, softly.

He feels like you’re looking at him as if he is the most special person to walk on earth. He swallows out of nervousness as he realizes you gave him your heart completely. “You love me so much that you were willing to put yourself through hell just to see me be happy?” He doesn’t feel worthy of that…but you seem to think he is. You love him.

“Wouldn’t you have done the same for Yujin?”

You don’t want to hear him answer this. You don’t want to know, but you feel like he doesn’t understand. You feel like you keep repeating yourself and he’s relishing in it. 

He doesn’t know how to answer. Would he? Hearing how you describe your love for him, he realizes what he felt for Yujin maybe wasn’t love. Maybe it was comfort. Or security. Or the fact that someone wanted to be with him so seriously. Maybe he did love her, but…not the way you love him. This sounds like love. This sounds like what he was supposed to feel. “Yes…” he says, not really sure if that’s true. He wants to believe he loves her. He wants to believe he didn’t waste almost four years on something that ends up meaning absolutely nothing. He has to love her.

“Then you get it.”

“Did you just hope we would break up one day so you and I would get together?”

You sigh, “You still don't get it. I know you don't feel the same way. I know I am not the type of girl you want to be with. I'm not the type of girl any guy wants to be with seriously.”

How could you say that about yourself? Sunghoon doesn’t believe any of that, not for a single fucking second. “That isn’t true. You’re smart, kind, funny, and pretty.”

“Stop.”

“No. It’s true. Everything I just said is true. You think no guy would be able to fall in love with you, but they would. You would make an awesome girlfriend.” he tries to reassure you.

You don’t want any guy.

“You’re not making me feel better.”

“What am I supposed to do, then? Agree with the bullshit you’re saying about yourself? Because that’s not fucking happening.”

“What I want you to say…you can’t.”

“Try me. Tell me.”

You just look at him. He doesn’t get it. He isn’t saying it because he doesn’t feel the same. This realization makes you feel like you’re crumpling. You look at him, defeated. If you have to tell him, you know he would only say it to make you feel better, not because he actually wants to. That. That’s what hurts the most. He would say it because you’re his best friend…but you don’t want to be.

“...are you going to try and get back together with Yujin?”

He pauses. He thinks about it for a second. “Right now…I don’t know. I guess a part of me wants to try still. Does that make me shitty?” He’s not sure why he does. Yujin is the first girl he’s ever told he loved…and he doesn’t say it often. Maybe he’s like you, in a way. He doesn’t really like saying stuff like that. It felt weird when he said it. But he thinks that’s just because he’s never said it before. 

“Why would I?”

“I feel like an asshole for even considering it after everything you’ve told me-”

“She’s the one you love.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” he says, truthfully. He just needs to think. He just needs one damn second to think.

“Then let me make it clear: be with her. From my perspective, she's the one you want. What I told you, how I so stupidly cried in front of you, that doesn't matter. I told you this earlier: you should've chosen her. So just, make up with her tomorrow or whatever and be with her.” you swallow. “...but I can't be your friend.”

He sees you giving up. He hears it. He hates it. His mind is running a thousand miles per minute, he can’t fucking think and it’s pissing him off. “It’s not that easy. I can’t just ‘choose’ between the two of you. I’m confused, I just…I want to be with whoever makes me happy.”

He’s always been happy with you. Sure, you two fought, but you always got over it. You make him happy. So goddamn happy. But he’s scared. He just gave nearly four years of his life to Yujin…what if it’s because he does love her? 

“That’s her.”

“How are you so sure it’s not you?”

“I know.”

He groans in frustration. “So, I have to choose between the two of you?”

You. He chooses you. He’s not sure about the rest of it, but all he knows is that he chooses you. Four years with Yujin doesn’t compare to the years you and him have had together. Nothing else matters. You. Just you.

“Just be with her.”

“What if I want to be with you?”

He hasn’t thought about it. Maybe he chooses you only as a best friend. What if he doesn’t choose you for love? …does he love you? He recalls the teasing from classmates when you guys were younger, but he's never really given any thought to it possibly becoming real. Does he love you the same way he loves Yujin? Does he even love Yujin? He doesn’t know…he just doesn’t know.

“You don’t.”

“And what makes you so sure that I choose Yujin over you? What makes you so sure you’re ‘not enough’ for me?”

“...because you would’ve chosen me first.”

“I can still choose you.”

You sigh, “You're making this complicated. You know she's the one you love, stop feeling bad for me like I'm some lost puppy and just admit it. I don't want your pity and I certainly don't want you to say you ‘choose me’ because you're confusing your pity for feelings. Stop saying I'm this great girl and stop saying any guy would be lucky to have me, that makes me feel worse. So just make up with Yujin and get back with her. Reassure her that you love her because you do and tell her I won't be a problem anymore because you and I aren't anything anymore. Problem solved.”

Is this really what you believed? Is this really what you thought? He just needed some time, he can’t think. He doesn’t know what to think anymore. You were speaking as if it was impossible for him to love you, but what if he does? How is he supposed to know? How did he know with Yujin? He’s questioning whether he even loved her since he can’t even compare how he feels about you with whatever he felt with her. He just knows it’s stronger. But stronger in what way? He sees how you’re looking at him and he realizes the only way for him to succeed in making you feel better–which is what he truly wants–is to just listen to you. He doesn’t want to. But he wants to see you be happy, even if it means he isn’t.

“Are you really sure this is what you want me to do?” he barely asks, the words leaving his mouth without any fervor, as if he never wanted to utter them in the first place. As if he doesn’t want to hear your answer; see you walk out of his life.

You don’t answer him. You just look at him before walking past him. You hold your breath, knowing that once you exhale, you’re going to start sobbing. You felt so lonely. So lonely. You’ve always had him…and then you lost him to Yujin…and now, you’ve lost him for good.

He doesn’t turn around to look at you as you walk away, because he knows if he does, he will run after you and that clearly isn’t what you want. You want to let him go, at least that’s how he understands it. He doesn’t want that. He wants you. He knows that much, he knows he needs you. He’s not sure how things will look without you now. He never thought it would be like this, but here he is. …why does this feel so much worse than when Yujin walked away from him? Why does this hurt more than his actual breakup? The reason is one he doesn’t want to admit. He realizes the answer and he refuses to let it grow to fruition. He doesn’t know why it took him until now to figure it out, but he’ll realize that later. He wanted time…now, he’s got it.

-

Deja vu. That’s what this all feels like. Here Sunghoon was, again, at another stupid frat party around midnight. Here he was, again, with Yujin. He took your advice, he decided to apologize and get back together with her, and these past few months without you have felt like torture. Even using torture to describe it seems too dull. He has thought about nothing but you. He’s heard around campus about people you’ve hooked up with, but he doesn’t feed into it. As he stands here with Yujin at this godforsaken party, all he can feel is regret. He leans against a wall as Yujin talks with her friends and he practically chugs his drink. He doesn’t even want to leave the party because he doesn't think it's worth to waste any of his wants on anything but you. You make up all of his desires and he wants nothing more than for you to be back into his life. He finishes the rest of his drink and to his surprise, he does see you. He stands up straighter as he looks at you, but feels like his insides are on fire when he realizes you’re making out with Sungchan. On the couch. On the couch, you are making out with Sungchan. On the couch, Sungchan is running his hands along your hips and waist. On the couch, you let him. 

You would be lying if you said you didn’t miss Sunghoon. A part of you went missing the night you walked away from him. You’ve seen him around campus with Yujin and eventually, it finally felt like you were over it all. Over him. You wouldn’t say you’ve been getting around quite frequently, but you won’t lie when you say that you did get with some guys to help get over him. It didn’t work. But you won’t admit to that. To you, at least, you’re over it. Over him. Sungchan helped a bit with some of the lonely nights, but you two aren’t anything serious. He’s not into that sort of thing and, hey, neither are you…so this is fine. He doesn’t lie to you about how he feels or what he wants and for that, you’re grateful. Although, you do have to admit, making out with him feels boring. Being with him feels boring. It’s not fun like it used to be…and even then, you aren’t completely sure it was even fun in the first place. Whatever, you’ll get into it at some point.

Sunghoon watches, now it really feels like deja vu. Is he dreaming? Or…is this him getting a second chance? Is this when he can finally pull you away from Sungchan and be there for you? Finally tell you how he feels? How he felt the whole time…? Suddenly, his spirits are slightly lifted, that is, until Yujin crosses her arms and scoffs before shoving him. Sunghoon is surprised and turns his attention towards her. Some people look at them, but Yujin doesn’t care, she just looks at Sunghoon, furious.

“Do you even want me to be your girlfriend?”

Maybe honesty wouldn’t be best right now. “I do…”

“Then stop looking at her.”

“Let’s…not make a scene.” he says, trying to calm her down.

“Just be honest for once: do you love me or her?”

He doesn’t know how to answer. He knows his answer, he’s had months to figure it out. But…you made yourself clear. You were done with each other. He sighs. “Can I get a moment to figure it out?” he asks, honestly a bit surprised he didn’t just cave and reassure her.

Yujin frowns and scoffs. “Let me ask you this, then. Do you wish that you were making out with her?”

He looks back at you and Sungchan, seeing him whisper something to you and you giggling before he kisses you again. He looks back at Yujin. “Yeah.” he swallows, gathering all of his courage. “But, that sounds…awful. It’s like you want me to admit I regret getting back together with you or something-”

“Do you?”

“Yes.” he answers without hesitation. He feels all of his muscles tense up. Did he really just say that? Well…it’s the truth, but he never thought he would say it. He feels…better.

Yujin quickly squashes that by slapping him, “We’re done.” she says before storming out, her friends following. Sure, the slap hurt, but as Sunghoon looks back at you and Sungchan…the pain from the slap seems so insignificant in comparison.

You decide to tell Sungchan you’re getting a drink, so you get up from the couch and go into the kitchen. You pour yourself a drink and once you do, you walk to the backyard and take a seat on the patio. 

Sunghoon figures you want to be alone…but finds himself following you outside anyway. He walks over to you cautiously. You and him have spoken consistently for practically your whole lives, but he finds himself struggling to even say a simple sentence or ask a question. The time you’ve spent apart was multiple days…too many fucking days in his opinion. He can’t stand it. “Can I sit here?” he asks, referencing the spot beside you. You shrug as you take a sip of your drink. He feels relieved, baby steps, right? He takes a seat beside you and thinks for a moment on how to keep the conversation going. “So…what were you telling Sungchan?” …has he lost the ability to socialize or something because why was this the question he asks? He bites his bottom lip a bit in frustration at himself.

“Spying on me?” you tease as you extend your cup, offering him some.

Sunghoon chuckles softly and shakes his head. Hearing your voice for the first time in months makes him remember just how much he’s missed you. He feels like everything in his life is restored and he smiles a bit. “You guys were all over each other on the couch, is it really weird for me to wonder?”

You shrug, “I mean, just typical flirting and dirty talk or whatever. Why?”

He feels his breath catch in his throat. “Dirty talk”?...what the fuck? “Um…no reason…I guess I was just…curious or something.” he mumbles.

“Are you here with Yujin?” you ask as you take another sip of your drink.

He shakes his head. “Well, not anymore. She broke up with me so…I’m alone now.” he realizes how that might’ve come off. “Alone here now…not…me alone altogether…or anything.” he cringes and looks away from you, feeling completely stupid. 

“What? Why did she break up with you?”

“She…saw me…looking at you and Sungchan…so she broke up with me.” he says, not really wanting to say the other stuff from the argument. You laugh in response and he frowns. “Don’t laugh.”

You nudge his shoulder, “It’s okay. If she broke up with you for that dumb of a reason, her loss.” You say as you take another sip.

He smiles slightly. It feels like old times. It feels like he has you back. It feels like you want him back. “Yeah, you’re probably right. It’s probably best I don’t have her constantly being suspicious about me and you.”

“Especially since we haven’t talked in months.”

He feels caught off guard by your blunt statement. Sure, it’s true…but it sounds like you didn’t miss him. “Yeah…we haven’t talked in a while.” You just take another sip of your drink and he looks back at you. “I’ve missed you.” He waited for you to say something back, but you didn’t. “I’ve um…missed talking to you like before. Like, before…everything got complicated and stuff-”

“I know what you meant.”

He nods his head a bit, everything now feeling awkward. “So…what have you been up to? Anything interesting happen?”

“Nope.”

“Really? Nothing? Nothing at all?”

“Yup” you say as you take another drink.

“So…for the past few months, you’ve done absolutely nothing interesting?” he asks, his tone being more lighthearted and joking to try and diffuse the tension.

“No offense, but I’m not really looking to ‘catch up’ with you.”

Sunghoon feels his heart stop for a moment, but he tries to play it off. “Okay, ouch.” he laughs nervously, “So you’re not even remotely interested in talking with me?”

You shrug, “I dunno. These past few months without you, I’ve kinda just been doing my own thing, I guess.”

Your response left him feeling worthless. Like, he didn’t even mean a single thing to you before. Which, he knows isn’t true…but you sound like you mean it. “So, you haven’t missed me at all? Not even talking to me?”

“At first, yeah. But don’t worry, I’m not in love with you anymore.”

“...you’re not…in love with me anymore…?” he asks as he feels his blood run cold. You just shake your head and continue drinking from your cup. His heart sinks immediately. He feels small; insignificant. His mind jumps back to Sungchan and he frowns. “Are you in love with him now?”

“Him?”

“Sungchan.”

“Eh,” you shrug, “we’re not dating, just casual, I guess.”

“So, you’re not exclusive with him?”

“No.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah.”

He feels himself growing jealous and frustrated. How could you give yourself to someone who doesn’t love you? Sunghoon feels upset, realizing he unintentionally did the same thing, but still, not to this extent. He knows you. He knows you don’t want this…hopefully. But he sure as hell knows that you don’t deserve this. 

“That’s ridiculous. How can you be committed to this?”

“I’m not committed.”

He groans, “That’s…not what I meant. What do you two even get out of this?”

You shrug, “Why do you care? I get you’re a relationship guy even though you’ve only been serious with one girl, but don’t shit on me and what I choose to do.”

The way you spoke got under his skin. “I care because I happen to care about the people around me. In case you haven’t noticed, I care about you.” But you just roll your eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes. I’m being serious. Why do you feel like this isn’t worth talking about?”

“Because we aren’t friends. We aren’t anything. I don’t need your input.”

It feels like you’ve slapped him in the face, and this time, it fucking stings. “What do you mean we aren’t friends? We grew up together, how the hell are we not friends?”

“Are you stupid?”

“Am I stupid?” he asks, offended and frustrated. He was starting to lose his patience. “No. I’m not. I still consider you as my friend. We grew up together, went to the same schools, hung out every damn day, how is none of that relevant?”

“We haven’t spoken in months.”

“So what?” he asks, feeling as though your friendship suddenly means less than nothing to you, somehow.

“I told you that night that I wasn’t going to be your friend anymore.”

He freezes. He knows. He also knows you don’t just say shit without it meaning anything. He knows you aren’t friends anymore, but he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want you to be nothing to each other. He thought that if, maybe, he admitted he still sees you as his friend, you would admit the same. But you don’t. And now he feels that same empty feeling. “So…you’re just fine with letting us go without a second thought?”

You look at him, “Do you not remember anything from that night? Of course if fucking hurt; I was in love with you.”

“So it does matter.”

You sigh, “It doesn’t matter anymore; that was a long time ago.” you say as you take another sip.

He looks at you for a moment, feeling like his heart has become a punching bag and you were just taking any hit you could. Was this really the same person he grew up with? That he… “How could it not matter anymore? We used to mean the world to each other…how can that just…be…over?”

You look at him, “Because I had to get over you.”

“It’s not that easy. I spent everyday thinking about you. Everyday.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you!” He thought your question was so redundant, he honestly didn’t even realize what he said at first. 

“But…” you sit there, stunned. He finally said what you wanted him to say for so long, even if it was with a frustrated tone, still…it counted. “What about Yujin?”

“She…she doesn’t matter. You do. She always suspected I was in love with you-”

“Well, this is news to me.”

He deadpans. “Are you being fucking serious? I get I never said it before, but…” he pauses; he sees what you mean. “Okay…but…you never once thought it was possible that I love you?”

“No. Because that night when I told you that I was in love with you, you just kept saying I was your best friend. You’re so full of it.”

“I’m not full of it! I just…for fucks sake, I just didn’t know. I thought…I don’t know, I thought maybe for you it was just passing, or something, I don’t know what I thought I just…I don’t know.”

“Right. So as I stood there, crying my eyes out as I told you how much I loved you, you thought it was one sided.” you say as you roll your eyes.

“I…” he feels like he did that night, like he can’t think. “I just didn’t know, maybe something was holding me back, I don’t know.”

“I know why.”

He looks at you, relieved, thankful that you understand what he means. “You do?”

“Of course you didn’t want to admit to that. How embarrassing for you to have a crush on one of the school’s biggest sluts.”

He frowns. “That’s not what I mean. You honestly think it’s embarrassing for me to like you?”

“Exactly. And you knew that. I don’t blame you, no guy wants their girlfriend to be a whore.” You take another sip of your drink and you look at him. “Look, I’m not mad. I got over it and I honestly don’t care anymore. I know what I am and I know that until we graduate, that’s all I’ll probably be. But it doesn’t matter. Yujin breaking up with you not too long ago was dumb, you’re a really great guy, but you’ll find someone else.” You take another sip,  “I should probably head back in and find Sungchan.”

He felt anger wash over him. Not because you don’t believe him about being in love with you. Not because you were going to Sungchan. But because of the fact that you believe the things you say about yourself. You’re so special, so goddamn special, and Sunghoon is so scared as he realizes he may be too late.

“And what if I don’t want to find someone else? What if I don’t want anyone else but you?”

You look at him for a moment. “Do you remember how you would talk about Yujin with me? You may not remember everything you said, but I remember it all and I remember how you looked as you said it. You talked about her like she was the most special and most beautiful girl in the world. You had this smile that you only had with her…” you pause for a moment, “You may say you have feelings for me…but they're not like the ones you had for her, and that’s okay. I don’t want you to feel bad because you deserve to be happy, but you also deserve to find another girl that makes you talk and feel that same way…and I know that’s not me.”

You’re so wrong. You’re so fucking wrong and it was pissing him off. He wishes he just figured this out earlier. He wishes that he asked you out instead. He wishes that he told you he loves you that night. He wishes he kissed you. He wishes he held you and didn’t let go. He swallows, “You remember everything I said?” he asks, slightly surprised to hear that. Honestly, he doesn’t even remember what he said. Not anymore.

“Of course I do…I wanted nothing more than for it to be me.” you say quietly as you take a sip and sigh. “But like I said, water under the bridge.”

He feels tears begin to form. “Why did we have to grow apart? Why didn’t you just talk to me? Just one damn word. Something. I didn’t want to lose you.”

“I can’t be your friend.”

“Why not?”

You look at him for a long moment, just staying quiet. “...I’m only going to say this once…but if I stayed your friend, I would just keep hurting myself…I would still love you.”

He stays quiet for a while. Even the loud music and chatter from the people inside seemed to drown out as he looked at you; you’re all that matters; you’re all that deserves his attention. “...did it hurt when we would talk everyday?”

You sigh softly and shake your head. “Not until you started dating Yujin. Before that, everything was fine. But once she happened…it hurt like hell.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I told you. I couldn’t do that to you, you were happy.”

“I would have wanted to know. I would have wanted to be there for you…”

You laugh a little, “No, that’s weird.” You shake your head and still laugh a little, “It’s fine, I’m over it.” 

“It’s not weird. It’s not okay for you to act like everything is fine.” he says, softly.

“Why are you trying to rehash this? There’s no point. Or do you like to hear about how I used to love you and it gives you some sort of ego boost or something?” you ask, not wanting to dive back into this…not again. He shakes his head, but he sighs. What is the point? You aren’t believing him and you’ve said it yourself…you’re over him. You stand up and his eyes follow you, “I’m gonna go find Sungchan. Later.” you say, not really meaning the ‘later’ part, but nonetheless, you walk away and all he can do is watch you leave…again.

He heads back into the party, wanting to find solace in getting batshit drunk or something, but he continues to torture himself by watching you dance with Sungchan. His eyes only focus on you, sure, he’s jealous and pissed off that you’re with Sungchan, but he only sees you. Sees how you move and he finds himself wishing you were dancing with him. 

Sungchan pulls you closer, just whispering sweet nothings in your ear and you feel his hands grab your ass. You giggle a little and try to enjoy your time with him as he starts kissing your neck. You laugh softly as you dance with him and, unfortunately for Sunghoon, he’s bearing witness to it all. His hand practically crushes his red solo cup as fury ignites within him when he watches what Sungchan is doing. That should be him. Not that he would be so…vulgar with his actions, but it should still be him instead. He sees Sungchan whisper something to you as he takes your hand and starts taking you upstairs. 

As he watched the two of you making your way upstairs, his whole body shook and trembled in rage. Every step that the two of you took together enraged him. He hated the way you casually held his hand and how he casually walked you up the stairs. He hated how he acted as if he had every right to touch you like that. He hated the fact that you were both so comfortable with one another at this point. He hated the fact that he was leading you away to his room…

You were so focused on following Sungchan, you were surprised to feel a tug on your other hand once you reached the top of the stairs. Both Sungchan and you stop and you turn to see Sunghoon holding your other hand. 

Sunghoon felt at ease, like he was grounded when he felt your hand in his. This made him more confident as he tugged you towards him, wanting you away from Sungchan. This pisses Sungchan off and he scoffs as he looks at Sunghoon. 

“The hell?” Sungchan says, not in the mood for any games. He tugs the hand he was holding, pulling you back towards him, but you find yourself only focused on Sunghoon as your heart starts to beat faster.

Sunghoon pulls you back towards him, his grip on your hand tightening. “Back off.” he says as he glares at Sungchan. 

“You back off.” Sungchan says as he tugs you back towards him.

Sunghoon realized that you were just being tugged around, so he stopped, but he kept holding your hand. “Let go of her.”

“You let go of her.” He looks at you, “Who the hell is this guy?” Sungchan asks, annoyed.

“Someone who actually loves her instead of using her.”

You look at Sunghoon, surprised to hear him say that. Sure, he said he loved you earlier…but this time when he said it, he said it like it was what he meant to say; what he wanted to say.

Sungchan laughs. “You love her?”

Sunghoon glares at him. “Yes. I love her. Now back off.”

Sungchan scoffs and puts his arm around you. “Tell you what, bud, you can have her when I’m done.” Sungchan winks as he pulls you towards him.

Sunghoon feels enraged. This asshole was acting so entitled, acting like he won this argument when Sunghoon knew damn well he wasn’t giving up. The fact that he had the nerve to call him “bud” too made Sunghoon want to throw him down the flight of fucking stairs. How he treated you was disgusting, talking about you like that in front of you. Sunghoon tugged you towards him one last time and Sungchan rolled his eyes. 

“Whatever.” Sungchan looks at you, “You know where my room is.” he says as he winks at you before walking away.

Sunghoon grimaces as Sungchan leaves, but feels better once he’s gone. The whole time, you were just looking at Sunghoon and you feel as though your heart is beating out of your chest as he holds your hand. After what he said. After all of this. He meets your gaze and he looks at you in a much more gentle manner. 

“You deserve so much more…” he whispers, his breath lightly brushing along your face since you’re so close together. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry-”

“Stop.”

“No.” he says as he lets go of your hand and uses it instead to gently cup your face. “I wasn’t lying. You are all I’ve thought about for these past few months and you’re all I can ever think about. I’ve missed you every single damn second of the day and I’m sorry I was too scared to say it all before. I love you. And all this time, I’ve just thought about what you mean to me and the answer is everything; you mean everything to me. ...that seems like such a vague thing to say now that I say it out loud.” he chuckles softly, “But everything means nothing if you’re not with me. Eating, sleeping, breathing, blinking, are all pointless if I can’t spend one goddamn second with you. I’m not embarrassed of you and I only realized that night when you left that I’ve always been in love with you. Always. What I felt with Yujin is all meaningless when I compare it to how I feel about you. I love you. It was never her. Not for even a millisecond. You asked me if I would put myself through pain just to see her happy and I told you yes. I lied. I thought that was what I would do, but I realized I actually did that with you. I let you walk away because that’s what you wanted. I didn’t want that, god-” he takes a sharp inhale as he rests his forehead on yours, “It’s always been you…and I’m so sorry I never said it until now. I’m so sorry I put you through all of that shit. I’m so sorry, but please…” he whispers as he looks into your eyes, all of his focus only on you. “I love you.”

You feel your breath hitch slightly and you feel so tempted just to kiss him, but you hold yourself back. You smile a little bit and pull away slightly, feeling relieved. “...I need to smoke. You want one?” you ask as you take his hand, going into an empty bedroom. 

He closes the door behind the two of you as you walk over and sit on the bed, opening the window beside it. He sits beside you as you take out your pack and he smiles a bit. “Yeah, I do.” he says as you hand him one. He watches as you light yours and then you light his for him. You both sit silently for a moment as you smoke, it being a comfortable silence until he speaks. “Thank you.” he says, mainly for lighting his cigarette, but he does want it to apply to you not leaving him again.

“I forgive you.” you say after a moment.

“You do?” he asks as he takes a drag and looks at you.

“Yeah.” you say as you take another drag yourself. “But you’ve got to get better at saying how you feel.” you tease.

He scoffs playfully and nudges your arm. “Says you.” he mumbles as he continues to smoke.

You laugh softly and shrug. “We’ll work on it.” you say before exhaling your smoke and he nods his head a bit as you both look out of the window for a moment. You glance at him and inhale from your cigarette before gently pulling him towards you. He turns his head to look at you and you kiss him gently, shotgunning the smoke slowly into his mouth.

His eyes widen a bit as his heart beats rapidly. He closes his eyes as he inhales, letting the smoke slowly fill his lungs while he leans forward to kiss you back, indulging in the feeling of your lips on his even if it wasn’t an actual kiss. After blowing out the smoke, you break the kiss and watch as he exhales the smoke. He does it slowly, feeling as though his lips are tingling, begging to meet yours again. He smirks a bit after he exhales all of the smoke and looks at you. “Damn…that was good.” he whispers as he blushes a bit.

You grin, taking another drag, “I’ve missed you.”

He takes a drag as well as smiles softly. “I’ve missed you, too.” It goes quiet, but this time, a comfortable silence as you two smoke. He blows some smoke out of the window and looks back at you. “Do you think…we could give this another shot?”

You follow suit and blow some smoke out of the window before looking at him. “Our friendship or…something more this time?”

“Something more. Both, hopefully.” he smirks a bit as he says this, taking another drag.

You smirk a little back and chuckle softly, “I really want that.”

“So do I.” he whispers as his eyes lock onto yours. He smiles softly, “We’re going to be official.”

He reaches for your hand and carefully interlaces his fingers with yours. You take another drag as you smile shyly. “Good…” you say, softly.

Your fingers seem to fit with his perfectly; everything about you is perfect and it was things like this that make him realize it all the more. You hold hands as you smoke silently, both feeling a fluttering excitement in your stomachs as your relationship dynamic shifts to one that you both have been longing for before you even realized it yourselves. He glances at you as he exhales some smoke.

“Good? Wow…I was expecting some more passion out of that.” he teases, gently squeezing your hand.

You laugh before finishing your cigarette and putting it out. You turn your body a bit to face him, “What about…fucking incredible?”

He laughs loudly at your new choice of phrasing. He calms down after a moment, “That’s more like it.” he says with a grin before smoking his cigarette again. His gaze lingers on you as he watches you smile at his reaction. Stunning. He leans in, letting go of your hand, placing his left hand beside you on the bed as his lips meet yours, kissing you. 

You don’t waste a single second, kissing him back immediately as your hand makes its way to the back of his head, your fingers threading with his hair as you push yourself slightly forward, pressing your lips against his more. He inhales sharply as he moves his left arm around your waist, pulling you closer, desperately. He puts out his cigarette and discards it, using his other arm to wrap around you as well as he pulls you onto his lap. You part your legs, straddling his lap as you grin a bit into the kiss, both of your hands using their fingers to gently tug on the ends of his soft hair. You feel yourself fill with excitement, the fact that this is really happening after every inch of your body has desired this exact moment makes you feel restless. 

Sunghoon runs his hands up and down your thighs, squeezing them gently, before moving them up to your hips, and then your waist. His hands suddenly felt so big against your skin, his fingers sending shivers throughout your whole body anywhere they touch. He opens his mouth slightly more and you take this as a sign to slip your tongue into it. He grins, this time, and he pulls you closer to him by gripping your waist; your bodies now pressed tightly against each other. He moves his hands to cup your face and you move yours to rest against his chest, your fingers tightly gripping his shirt in an attempt to somehow kiss him deeper. His tongue glides across yours as he kisses you with increasing desperation. The need for you grows every second that passes, he has to kiss every inch of you, he has to make you his, he has to make you feel loved; the only thoughts devouring his mind at this very moment consisted of nothing but you and his need to ensure you only ever want him. 

The kiss becomes sloppy, both of your lips becoming covered in one another, and you feel yourself craving more. So much more. You bite his bottom lip a little, testing to see if this will make him decide to take initiative, resulting in him gasping softly and releasing a low moan. He liked it. He liked it a lot. He moves his hands back to your waist, pushing you down against his lap and his jaw loosens a bit as he loses his breath, feeling you finally press against his erection. You moan softly, enjoying the feeling of some sort of contact where you desperately needed it the most and it felt so good knowing he wanted you just as much as you wanted him. He couldn’t take it anymore, he had to have you. 

One of his hands grips your thigh and his other arm goes back to wrapping around your waist as he picks you up a bit and lays you back against the bed, not once breaking the kiss; at this point, kissing you has become his oxygen supply. Feeling your hands on him is the only thing keeping him alive. His lips part from yours only to kiss along your jaw, just below your ear, and down to your neck. You gasp softly and your eyelids flutter closed as you relish in the feeling of his soft lips kissing your skin. He takes one of his hands and uses it to move some of your hair out of the way, placing it on the back of your head, pulling your hair softly to move your head back so he has more room to work with on your neck. You let out a soft moan, feeling him leave open mouthed kisses on every single inch of your skin, him making sure he doesn’t miss a single spot. 

He opens his eyes a bit and looks at you, to see how he’s making you feel. He watches as your lips part slightly as you take in small gasps of air, as if he leaves you utterly breathless; you’ve never looked more beautiful. He watches to see what spot of your neck when he kisses it that you seem to like the most. Once he gets to a certain spot and watches you bite your bottom lip a bit, he smirks slightly against your skin and sucks gently on the area. His tongue laps the spot a bit as he sucks and nibbles on it; this was his spot now. You moan softly and you feel your breath slightly catch in your throat as he leaves a hickey. He leaves a few soft pecks on the spot a little after he’s left his mark and he smiles a bit to himself. 

You feel the warmth of his body pull away from yours and your eyes open as you look at him. The moon shined a bit through the window, the light falling beautifully on him as he looked at you with a slightly flushed face. He looked back at you, seeing you laying on this bed, all for him, he felt like he was going crazy. He sits on his knees between your legs as his hands run along your thighs; he just keeps looking at you, admiring all of you. You lay there, looking at him, feeling your body become hot as he looks at you through hooded eyes, as if you leave him in a trance. Your breathing picks up in speed as he runs his hands painfully slow along your thighs and as much as you want to pull him back towards you, you feel as though you’re frozen. 

He takes a slow, deep breath, as his left hand travels up to gently take your right hand. He holds it up softly, separating your fingers with his as he loosely holds your hand, his gaze now focusing on your hands. He raises your hand up and leans in, raising it to his mouth. He softly plants his lips on your fingertips, kissing them softly, up to your knuckles, trailing his lips to the back of your hand, then gently turning it to kiss along the palm of your hand. He closes his eyes as he kisses down your arm--slowly--and gently lays your arm back at your side as he kisses up to your shoulder. His hands move to the hem of your short dress, slowly sliding it up, you raising your hips to help him, and he stops, leaving it bunched around your waist as he goes back to kissing along your shoulder. He gently pushes the strap of your dress down your shoulder as he focuses on kissing your body, moving along your collarbone. He breathes deeply, pushing the other strap out of the way as he leaves open mouthed kisses on your left shoulder, down your arm, his hands gently holding it up as he kisses up to your wrist. You watch him, feeling as if your body is constantly shivering, still dressed (albeit, your dress is pushed up), yet feeling completely exposed. His hand envelopes over your left hand as he kisses your palm like he cherishes your entire being, the way he looks is as if he’s wanted to do this his whole life. 

He kisses your fingers, knuckles, and fingertips, opening his eyes slowly as he lets go of your arm gently. He moves his hands back to your waist, pulling your dress up more and you sit up, realizing your body is shaking, and he kisses your forehead before pulling your dress off carefully, like he’s afraid if he does it too fast, you’ll break. He lets the dress fall to the ground, the fabric hitting the hard wood floor just as softly as he lets it go. It’s as if the room is silent, no muffled music from downstairs, no rolling of tires from the occasional cars passing on the streets, no soft wind hitting the curtains, nothing except the quiet breaths escaping from his and your lips. He feels his erection become even more painfully hard as he looks at you, and he swallows, honestly trying not to let out a moan just at the sight of you. His breath stifles a little as he places his hand on the small of your back, steadying you as he leans back in, kissing the top of your chest. He feels himself growing more desperate, desperate to feel every inch of your skin on his lips, on his fingertips. 

He breathes in sharply as he presses his face more into your chest, his lips sloppily kissing along your chest as his need for you grows. His tongue trails along your skin and he shudders, his hands becoming shaky as he holds your waist, all his focus practically on making out with your chest. A low moan elicits from him and from the way he was kissing your chest with such desperation made you moan softly in response, one of your bra straps falling a little off your shoulder from his movements. It’s as if he senses it and just decides to unclasp your bra, still trying to let it slide off of you slowly and hold himself back, but once he sees you take it off, your bare chest exposed, he feels himself get so close to cumming in his pants. He gently lays you back on the bed, wasting no time, however, to wrap his lips around one of your nipples. Your breath hitches and you moan as he releases his desperation. Kissing, sucking, and fondling your breasts, small whimpers coming from him as he feels elated to finally be doing this. Spit covers your chest almost instantly as he licks and sucks, kneading your breasts, moaning as the soft flesh squeezes and molds beneath his hands. And it’s only until he feels his breathing becoming quick, his dick aching in his pants, is when he stops. He pulls away slightly, his hair slightly covering his eyes as he stares at them, his trembling fingers squeezing and spreading his spit along them, his thumbs pressing and circling your nipples, and you feel as if ripples just went throughout your entire body.

You gently push his hair away from his face and he goes back to kissing along your stomach, down to your panties. You can feel momentarily the thin layer of sweat covering his forehead when you push his hair away, running your fingers through his locks and he whines softly against your skin, his hands gripping your sides and finally moving to the edge of your panties. You wait in anticipation, expecting him to take them off, so you raise your hips slightly, but he pulls away. You pout–only slightly–as you look at him with a confused expression. He smiles sweetly, as if he’s not the one that caused you to quite literally soak through your panties. He’s noticed, god, he’s noticed, but it takes everything in him not to behave like some animal. So, with that, he moves his hands down to your feet, slowly taking off your shoes for you before setting them on the ground. He moves back a little, leaning down to kiss along your leg, stopping at your knee, before moving to do the same thing to the other leg, but this time, he kisses up your thigh, leaving open mouthed kisses on the inner part of your thigh, gently nipping at your skin, and up to your hip. He gazes at you through his eyelashes as he moves to kiss along the other thigh, closing his eyes as he moans deeply against your skin, his tongue running along your skin.

He takes in a shaky, deep breath, and you feel your whole body become stiff once you feel his warm breath scatter so deliciously on your core. He gently places his hand over your sopping panties and your breath hitches, your whole body feeling grateful for some sort of contact. His brows furrowed as he slowly rubs his middle finger along your clothed slit, a low groan escaping his lips as he feels even more of your wetness seep through the fabric as he pushes into it. His mind feels hazy; he has to taste you. He takes his hand away, licking his middle finger and he feels as if his whole body exploded. He moans quietly to himself, before gripping your thighs and sticking his tongue out, licking a slow, long stripe between your clothed folds to your clit. Your eyes roll back as you gasp and moan. His fingers dig into the skin of your thighs as he feels himself lose all sense of sanity. He wanted nothing more than to take his time, but fuck, he can’t do it anymore. 

His lips instantly latch around your clothed clit, sucking and lapping his tongue as he starts to subconsciously rut his hips against the mattress. His saliva soaks your panties entirely as he presses his tongue more firmly, causing you to moan louder, gasping, as your hand makes its way to his hair, your fingers tangling in it. He moans and pulls away only a little before diving back in, pushing your panties to the side with his face as he makes out between your folds. His jaw is working overtime, his tongue lapping and picking up as much of you as you can give, His nose bumps against your clit as he loses himself in your taste, eating you out like a madman. He groans and moans into you, his hip movements stuttering as he licks all the way back up to your clit, moving his right hand off of your thigh before pushing his middle and ring finger into you, making sure to rub them between your folds before he does. He sucks and licks your clit, moaning and whimpering as he pushes his fingers in and out of you, not stopping until his knuckles prevent him. 

You moan his name, gripping his hair, pushing his face against your clit more as your legs shake and you cum, moaning his name. He whimpers and the way you taste sends him over the edge as he feels himself cum in his pants, his jaw falling slack a bit, and he pulls his fingers out, desperate to lick them clean. You let go of his hair, trying to catch your breath and he sits up, his face slick and covered in you, and he tugs your panties off. You look at him, watching as he undresses himself and you feel your body become light as he reveals more and more of himself to you. His bare chest, his abs, god, his biceps, you were about ready to start touching yourself at the sight, desperate for him, but you managed to stay put. 

He feels his ego boost a little bit, watching how you look at him, examining his body as if he is some work of art. He’s going to give you everything he knows you deserve and that thought alone makes him smirk. You notice as he takes off his underwear the wet patch from his prior release, making you grin a bit. He finally lets his cock out, it still being painfully hard despite him having cummed already, and you gaze at it. You feel yourself clench around nothing, wanting him so desperately to fill you up and he sees it. He smiles innocently, as if you both aren’t completely naked and horny before he grabs a cigarette and lights it. He takes a drag as he spreads the precum spilling from his tip all along his length and you watch his every movement, honestly feeling your mouth water at the sight. You sit up and he motions his head to the window as the cigarette sits between his lips. 

You turn and face the window, propping your forearms against the windowsill as you look outside, the cool breeze honestly feeling nice against your flushed, hot skin. You feel his presence shift behind you as he takes another drag. He sighs softly, looking at yourself propped like this, he places his free hand on your hip, lining himself up with you. He moves that hand and gently brushes your hair softly to the side, exposing your back entirely, and you turn your head a bit to look back at him. He exhales some smoke and meets your gaze, gently brushing his fingers along your cheek. 

“Relax…” he says before leaning to whisper in your ear, “and don’t be afraid to let the neighborhood know my name.” he says before kissing your cheek. 

You feel your body shudder at his words and he holds the cigarette between his lips as he uses one hand to hold your hip, the other gripping his cock before he slides it up and down, teasingly, between your folds. You gasp softly and he smirks, pushing his tip against your clit and he hisses a little, more precum leaking from his tip. He guides his cock into you, needing to quickly grab his cigarette from his mouth due to his jaw falling slack as he bottoms out into you. Your fingers grip the edge of the windowsill, your jaw dropping as you feel him finally giving you what you want. You moan and become breathless. He takes another drag from his cigarette before moving his hand from your hip to your shoulder as he pulls his hips away and then thrusts himself back into you entirely.

He filled you up perfectly, and he was damn ready to cum just from the way it felt like you perfectly fit around him. So warm and so fucking wet. He thrusts in and out of you a few times, groaning as you moan, sounds of you coating his cock more and more each time he goes in and out of you. He takes a shaky inhale from his cigarette, his eyes rolling back a bit as he thrusts a bit faster, before taking the cigarette out of his mouth, gripping the back of your head, a handful of your hair between his fingers, as he pulls you up and turns your head towards him. You moan and whine looking at him as he kisses you, shotgunning you this time as he keeps a steady pace of thrusting into you. You felt like you were going to choke, but you inhale what he exhales and as he pulls away, you turn back and lean your forearms against the windowsill as you blow out the smoke, gasping afterwards and moaning his name.

“Good girl,” he groans and puts the cigarette out, putting both of his hands on your hips, thrusting faster. “Such a good girl.” 

You moan at his praise and breathe quickly as all you can do is let out strings of long moans as you feel his cock press into you over and over, him somehow hitting every area that makes your knees weak and mind hazy. His fingers dig into your skin as his hips rapidly pound and slap against your ass, the sound of skin slapping becoming louder and louder. You moan his name loudly, and as a reward, he pushes further, you feeling his tip brush against your cervix and you gasp, moaning his name lewdly. He grunts, the way you just moaned his name almost made him cum automatically. 

“Louder, sweetheart, come on.”

You gasp for air as he fucks you so goddamn good, and you try to arch your lower back a bit so he can go deeper. You moan his name as many times as he wants, whatever it takes for him to rut in and out of you faster, to which he obliged. His breathing becomes heavy and your legs shake as you throw your head back a bit, your jaw dropping as you let out a long moan, cum spreading all over his cock. He grunts and whimpers, wrapping his arms around your waist as his brows knit together, him leaning down and kissing your shoulder as he pumps you full of cum, a low moan coming from him and onto your shoulder. He moans your name softly as he lets out a few more shallow thrusts, making sure he gives you every last drop. You feel yourself shiver as the warm liquid pushes into you and you whine a little. 

After a moment of him holding you close and staying inside of you, he kisses your shoulder softly again before pulling out and pulling away. He lays back onto the bed and you shudder as you feel his and your cum spilling out of you and trailing slowly down your inner thigh. He opens his arms a bit and you go to him, letting out a sigh as you rest your head on his chest and feeling content when his arms wrap around you. His hand slowly moves up and down your back before he kisses the top of your head. It’s silent for a while as you both lay there.

“So…we’re a thing now?” you ask, partly joking, but part of you was seriously asking.

He looks down at you and scoffs playfully. “After all of this, you still don’t get it?” he chuckles softly. “I want nobody but you.”

[heeology]

are you ever going to make a part two to ‘bad dream’?

omg i remember seeing someone wanted a part 2. i'm honestly not sure if I will, but if I do end up having inspo for it, then yeah I will definitely do that; i've just been really busy with work and school so I haven't had time to write literally anything; i'm hoping to get around to writing at least something during my vacation in two weeks.

[heeology]

please, please (special) | y.jw

synopsis → once heeseung introduced you to his friends, jungwon can’t seem to get you out of his mind; you invade his dreams, his thoughts; you consume all of his attention. of course he feels guilty, but once his birthday rolls around, there is only one thing he wants from you and heeseung. what exactly would that be? well, to lose his virginity to you, obviously. afterall, what the birthday boy wants, he gets.

feat. → heeseung (enhypen) (srry everyone, he’s on the sidelines for this one, lol)

genre → smut

pairing → inexperienced!jungwon x heeseung's!gf

warnings → MDNI

w.c. → 3k

a/n → lmk if you want a pt. 2 for heeseung lol

!!DO NOT COPY OR REPOST!!

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It’s a little awkward in Jungwon’s bedroom at the moment. He sits on his bed, looking up a little at you and Heeseung who are standing at the base of it, taken aback by the request he just made. When you thought about what to give him for your birthday, the last thing you would have expected him to say is “you”. You turn to Heeseung, shrugging your shoulders, but Heeseung doesn’t look back at you, his eyes are completely fixated on Jungwon making the boy on the bed clear his throat while fixing his posture, not wanting to meet Heeseung’s gaze. You roll your eyes and look back at Jungwon.

“Are you sure this is what you really want?” you ask, still a little in shock.

Jungwon shyly nods his head as he cracks his knuckles, ears turning red from looking at you and having you finally know how he feels.

“I want my first time to be special…” he whispers, trailing off as he gets lost in your eyes.

“It can’t be special with anyone else? Why my girlfriend?” Heeseung asks, clearly pissed off, snapping Jungwon out of his daze.

“I just…trust her,” he lies, eyes flicking from looking at you back at Heeseung, “I need practice…for when I actually get a girlfriend.” 

“Watch some porn.” Heeseung mumbles, making you snicker.

Jungwon’s face becomes red from embarrassment; there is no going back from this and he just dug himself into a major hole.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles while looking down, “just forget I said anything.”

Heeseung groans and leans his head back. You exchange glances with each other and Heeseung rolls his eyes before motioning his head towards Jungwon. You give him a small smile, kissing his cheek before going to sit in front of Jungwon. He feels his bed shift, making him more nervous, as you reach your hand to hold his chin, lifting his head to look at you. You smile and his heart melts as he smiles back.

Your head turns back to look at Heeseung who lets out a sigh and starts to undo his tie. He hands it to you and you turn back to Jungwon.

“If you’re going to sleep with my girlfriend, you’re going to be blindfolded.” Heeseung says sternly, looking straight into Jungwon’s eyes. 

Jungwon’s eyes widen as he shifts from looking at the tie to back and forth between you and Heeseung.

“What-” he starts to question, but Heeseung cuts him off.

“You’re also not allowed to kiss her or leave hickies.” Heeseung states, crossing his arms.

“Then what exactly am I allowed to do?” Jungwon asks, his face scrunching in confusion.

“I’m allowing you to fuck her, that’s all you get.”

You laugh a little, taking the tie and lightly hitting it against Heeseung and he looks at you, his expression softening. He reaches a hand out to place on your cheek, caressing it with his thumb making Jungwon roll his eyes.

“Fine.” he says, making you and Heeseung turn back towards him. “As long as you’re okay with it, of course.” he says, becoming shy again as you make eye contact. 

You smile sweetly and nod your head, “Anything for you.” you mouth to him causing him to smile and blush.

“Alright, let’s get this over with.” Heeseung says, clapping his hands together.

You stand up, Jungwon looking at you and following your lead. You stand close together, giving him a reassuring smile before taking the tie and gently draping it over his eyes, leaning in a little more to tie it in the back. He feels your breath dance along his skin, his dick starting to harden just by how close you are; just by how gentle you’re being. You finish putting on the blindfold, stepping back just a bit, Jungwon becoming a little saddened. 

“I’ll be right over here.” Heeseung says more to you than to the both of you.

You nod your head and Jungwon tenses up.

“Do…you have to be in here?” he asks, not wanting to sound rude, but instantly becoming uncomfortable.

“Um, of course I do; I’m not letting anything unpermitted happen on my watch.”

You roll your eyes, “You don’t trust me?”

“I don’t trust him.” Heeseung says, nodding his head towards Jungwon.

Jungwon would roll his eyes if he could, but as of right now, he is just standing still while being filled with anticipation. He wishes he could see you instead of the darkness of his own closed eyelids; he wishes he could look into your eyes and see you smile at him, that would surely make him calm down.

“It’ll be okay, I’ll take good care of you.” you whisper while putting your hands on his shoulders, making him flinch a little from the unexpected contact. 

He nods his head, hesitantly, essentially giving you your permission to move forward. You move your hands from his shoulders, gliding them along his chest to the hem of his shirt. He inhales a shaky breath, ears becoming red. Your fingers grip the edge of his shirt, lifting it up slightly, making him raise his arms–slowly–as you carefully take off his shirt, exposing his upper body. If he could see you, he would lose his mind over the fact that your eyes are delicately grazing over his partially exposed figure as you take off his shirt.

You toss his shirt to the side, all three of you able to hear the fabric hit the hardwood floor of his bedroom from how painstakingly quiet it is in the room. “Is it okay if I kiss your neck?” you ask, breaking the silence, but still in a quiet tone. 

Jungwon doesn’t know how to answer; he doesn’t know if he can answer. With your hands lightly running along his chest, a trail of goosebumps being left behind wherever your fingers lightly touch his skin, he can’t seem to form a coherent thought, let alone a grammatically correct sentence to answer you back. He raises his shaking hands and places them on your waist, pulling you into his bare chest.

“No touching.” Heeseung chimes in.

Jungwon groans and removes his hands.

“What exactly do you want me to do?” Jungwon asks.

“You can only touch her if she lets you.” Heeseung says.

“Jeez, you sound like you’re my pimp.” you comment, a little annoyed.

Heeseung bites his tongue, picking up on your tone. You focus back on Jungwon, taking his hands and putting them back on your hips. He feels a small smile tug at his lips as he lowers his head to “look at you”. One of your hands is placed on the side of his neck and the other runs along his arm as you start to leave light kisses along the side of his cheek, gently pressing your lips back onto his soft skin as you make your way down to the side of his neck, starting to run your tongue a little on the spots that you kiss, his grip tightening on your waist.

Jungwon holds his breath, thinking that if he even took one breath, he would somehow miss the feeling of your lips on his skin; he wants to savor this as much as he can. You look back up at him and chuckle, “You can relax a little.” you whisper into his ear. He feels shivers cascade along his spine and he nods his head, swallowing a bit harshly. He feels you pull away from him and he almost lets out a whine, his lips forming a small pout. You coo at his expression and he is dying to see the way you are looking at him. 

You move his hands a little slightly to the hem of your dress, and although he can’t see you, you look up at him through your eyelashes. “Do you want to take my clothes off for me?” you ask in a (very close to) pornographic tone.

Heeseung adjusts himself in his seat, becoming turned on a little from the way you are speaking. 

“Yes.” Jungwon manages to say through a choked breath. 

He feels his face heat up and you smile, letting go of his hands. For a second, he thinks that that means you don’t want him to, but quickly realizes you are letting him do it on his own. He lifts your dress, sometimes extending his fingers so he can feel the edge of your body as they run along it. He gulps, successfully slipping the dress off of you, biting his bottom lip as he tries to imagine what you’re wearing underneath; it’s practically driving him crazy that he can’t see you.

Heeseung, on the other hand, was enjoying the view completely. He smiles proudly at the fact you’re wearing a set he bought especially for you and he is still the only person who gets to see you in it. He continues to gawk at you as you take Jungwon’s hands and move them back onto your body, lightly running them up from your hips, past your stomach, all the way to placing his palms on your breasts. This is enough for Jungwon to get a boner, his cock beginning to ache in his pants.

He feels the material, making you bite your lip as you try not to moan. His fingers run across the lace with a sense of urgency and desperation, him wondering what color it is, whether or not you can see your nipples through the material, how exactly the bra cups your breasts. You let him squeeze them lightly, you let out a stifled breath, almost making him kiss you right then and there. The realization of what is happening starts to settle within him as he reaches to the back of the bra, but he stops. You raise an eyebrow at him, your face feeling a little hot from him fondling your covered breasts, becoming a little turned on from how excited he looks as he touches you. 

“Can you give me a boobjob?” he asks, only really wanting you to hear.

“Of course.” you reply, his cock twitching in his pants from your tone.

Heeseung practically gives himself a headache from just how hard he rolled his eyes from Jungwon’s question. He watches as you reach to undo Jungwon’s belt and pants.

“He’s a big boy, let him do it himself.” he comments.

You turn and smile at your boyfriend and he winks at you, mouthing “You’re so hot” and you  wink at him. Jungwon smirks at the comment, mentally thinking about how he’s going to prove just that, taking off his pants and boxers, kicking them off to the side as he finally lets his cock free. You look back at him, a little surprised by how big he is, his cock leaking with precum as a bit of it spreads onto his abdomen. Your mouth falls a little agape and Heeseung rolls his eyes harshly once more. 

“Get on the bed, big boy.” you encourage Jungwon–partially mocking Heeseung–and he smiles proudly at your request and pet name.

“Don’t call him that.” Heeseung mumbles.

Jungwon lays back, his headboard supporting him in sitting upright as he patiently waits for whatever you have planned next. He feels and hears the bed move as you get on, spreading his legs a bit so you can sit in between. Your hand travels slowly from along his thigh to his balls as you begin to fondle them. He grips the sheets in his hands, letting out a shaky moan. You smile, taking the same hand and now gripping the base of his cock. He inhales deeply as you move your hand up to the tip, your thumb spreading his precum along the top. 

He rests his head against his headboard as he shuts his eyes tighter. You lean down, spitting a little onto the tip of his cock, using your hand to spread the mixture of your saliva and his precum all along his shaft. Jungwon clenches his jaw as he tries his best not to cum just yet and you release your grip, taking your boobs, squeezing them a bit more together in your bra, before sliding his cock through your cleavage. 

“Holy sh-” he starts, but is cut off by his own moans. 

You kiss his tip before squeezing your boobs a little more around his shaft, just to watch him squirm. Your pace starts slow, earning quiet little whines and moans from him.

“You’re such a good boy, Jungwon; you’re doing so well.” you praise and he whines.

“Please, please go faster.” he begs, not caring how he looks or how he sounds.

You let out a sympathetic hum, “Anything for the birthday boy.” 

You pick up your pace, occasionally squeezing your boobs together a little more and Jungwon grips the sheets tighter than before, fingertips turning red and he knuckles turning white. He lets out pathetic moans, so badly wanting to see your boobs surrounding his cock. He bucks his hips up a little as he feels a pit in his lower stomach start to form. He calls out your name, bucking his hips up a little more, his tip hitting your chin.

“Jungwon.” you warn, him stopping as he calls out your name again, spurts of his cum landing on the bottom half of your face, your neck, all along your chest and bra. 

Heeseung grimaces at the sight of another man’s cum on his girlfriend’s undergarments–one’s that he bought–but Jungwon was relishing in it. He catches his breath as he settles down and you pull his cock out from your breasts. He releases his grip from his sheets, his fingers feeling tense and sore, but before he has the chance to do anything, he feels your hand around his cock again. He whines at your touch, feeling a little sensitive, but you use his cock and wipe it along your chest, neck, and the bottom of your face, transferring his cum onto it.

“What-what are you do-” he is about to question, but then he feels you put his cock in your mouth and he closes his mouth instantly, his fingers gripping the sheets again.

You laugh a little, making him let out a moan as he slides down a bit as if that will make him feel you more. You take in as much of him as you can, some of his cum and your saliva dripping down your chin as you suck, swirling and gliding your tongue anywhere and everywhere you can. His hands make their way from his sheets to your hair, wrapping his fingers in it as he tries to touch you in some way. He moans a little louder than before, a little overstimulated, but he doesn’t want you to stop. He calls out your name once more before pushing your head a little further down as he cums. 

You swallow what you can, but you take him out of your mouth, cum all along your lips and chin as a little more leaks from his tip. Heeseung gets up as you wipe the corners of your eyes, tears sprouting because you were gagging on Jugwon’s dick. He takes a tissue from Jungwon’s desk and uses it to wipe your mouth before handing you another one, so you can clean the cum from Jungwon’s dick. You catch on, taking the tissue to wipe the excess cum and he moans at your touch. 

“Don’t pull that shit again.” Heeseung warns, turning back to you, “Are you okay?” he asks, his tone soft as his thumb runs along your bottom lip. As annoyed as he is, he can’t help but think about how hot you look in this state.

“I’m okay.” you say, your voice a little croaked. 

“Did I hurt you?” Jungwon asks, genuinely concerned, “I’m so sorry.” he begins to apologize, embarrassment shooting throughout his whole body.

“Jungwon, calm down, I’m okay.” you reassure him. Heeseung pulls back, going back to his seat, knowing full and well you are capable of taking care of yourself. You take off your bra, it feeling a bit sticky, casting it to the side along with your underwear. Now, fully undressed, you extend your hand out to Heeseung. He raises an eyebrow, making you shake your hand a bit. He realizes what you mean and sits up a little to grab his wallet out of his back pocket, retrieving a condom, handing it to you. You take it, open it, and then put it on Jungwon. Heeseung takes the wrapper from you, going to throw it away as you position yourself over Jungwon, taking his cock once again in your hand. “Are you okay?” you ask, “Do you want to continue?”

He nods his head a little too quickly and drags his hands along your thighs to your hips, somewhat urging you to ride him already. You smile at his eagerness and position him before sinking down onto his cock. You go slow, getting used to how he stretches you out as Jungwon’s mouth falls agape, stifled breaths coming from him, his head falling back. He grips your hips tightly, sure to leave bruises tomorrow. 

Once you're fully settled, you wince a little and move your hips slightly. Jungwon gasps, but bites his tongue. You sit there for a second, taking his hands from your hips, his grip loosening for you to do so, guiding them along your body, resting his hands on your breasts. Jungwon feels them for a second and realizes that you are no longer wearing your bra. He squeezes them in amazement, running his thumbs across your erect nipples, biting his bottom lip so hard that he thinks it might start to bleed. 

“Can I suck on them?” he begs.

You pout at his cuteness and run your thumbs along his cheeks. Heeseung covers his mouth, trying to suppress his laugh and you look over to glare at him, knowing full well he acts like this occasionally. Heeseung sits back up straight, still trying not to laugh, but trying to regain his composure. You turn back to Jungwon, letting go of his face. 

“Of course.” you say. He doesn’t waste a second, moving his hands back to your sides, sitting forward and you use one of your hands to guide his head to one of your breasts. He opens his mouth, his breath tickling you, before he latches his mouth around your nipple. “Good boy.” you praise, earning yet another eye roll from Heeseung; he’s your good boy, not Jungwon, but whatever. Jungwon gains more confidence in your praise, his hands now on the small of your back as he pushes you more into his mouth, continuing to suck and swirl his tongue on your nipple. You moan a little, making Jungwon moan as he tries not to cum so quickly. 

Heeseung groans, becoming a little impatient. You take the hint, rubbing Jungwon’s back, signaling him to finish up. Jungwon releases, a string of saliva connecting between his bottom lip and your nipple, him trying to catch his breath quietly. You scratch the back of his neck, smiling and Jungwon bites his bottom lip. You stop him, cleaning up the saliva from his lip with your thumb. Jungwon wants to kiss you so badly currently, he feels so frustrated. He opens his mouth to speak but you start rocking your hips and he loses all train of thought. 

You pick up your pace, pleasure beginning to course throughout your body as you use his dick to get yourself off. You start to moan, your head falling a bit back and Jungwon goes back to gripping your hips, moving you faster. You feel warm and the way your pussy occasionally clenches around his dick causes his whole body to feel like jelly; you hold such power over him. He wants you to call out his name so badly, but he knows you won’t. You lean down into him, leaving some kisses on his neck, your moans so clear for him to hear and he calls out your name repeatedly. 

He doesn’t want to cum before you, but he feels the same feeling in his lower stomach start to form again and he can’t hold himself back much longer. He wishes he wasn’t wearing a condom and that he could fill you up with his cum, that he could watch it leak out of you, that he could feel your walls clench around him more clearly, that he can watch you as you bounce up and down on his cock, your boobs bouncing with you. All of these thoughts bring him closer to his orgasm along with you still kissing his neck and moaning in his ear. 

“Please, please.” he pleads, whining as tears begin to soak the tie, some escaping from the fabric and rolling down his cheeks. 

You pull back, wiping his tears for him, “Cum for me, Jungwon.” you say.

You said his name. Fuck, you said his name as you’re riding his cock. He moans your name, bucking his hips up a little into you, his thighs slapping against your thighs and ass, his dick going further into you and you moan louder than before as you feel the condom become warm with his cum. You cum shortly after, throwing your head back as you rock your hips faster, riding out your high and Jungwon helps you, guiding your hips as you’d like, loving the warm feeling of your cum sliding down his cock. 

His hands fall to his sides and you catch your breath a little before getting off of him. Heeseung gets up and helps you off of the bed, pulling you into a deep kiss, whispering in your ear, “You look so pretty, darling.” before placing a quick kiss on your lips.

You smile and playfully hit his shoulder before grabbing your clothes to go clean yourself up. Jungwon calms down, sitting up, feeling overwhelmed with tiredness and pleasure. You return shortly, a glass of water in your hand. You walk over to Jungwon, “You can take off the blindfold now.” prompting him to do just that, his eyes squinting as they adjust to the light. You hand him the glass and he smiles, thanking you, before practically chugging the whole thing.

“Okay, you can put some clothes on, now.” Heeseung urges, taking the glass from Jungwon once he is done.

“Right, sorry.” he says, realizing he is still naked.

Heeseung turns you around as Jungwon gets up to go get cleaned up and dressed, making you laugh. Jungwon chuckles, trying to ease his shaking legs, looking at Heeseung.

“I think we’re past that.” he jokes.

Heeseung scoffs and playfully hits Jungwon’s shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Happy Birthday, Jungwon.” he replies sarcastically.

[heeology]

bad dream | p.sh

~~booting up~~

~~now playing -- track 03:

<<<prev. track (02) || next track (04)>>> title credit/song inspo → “BAD DREAM” - CIX “I lower my head again, oh, is this truly real?”; “I'm in the middle of this nightmare”; “The fact that I brainwashed my mind into believing it wasn't real because I don't want to give in to my tears stained with defeat”

synopsis → tear stained cheeks, pouring rain, and sitting in the car next to your *newly* ex-boyfriend

genre → angst, heartbreak, drabble

pairing → nonidol!sunghoon x fem!reader

warnings → none !!

w.c. → 548

!!DO NOT COPY OR REPOST!!

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Rain drops fall delicately onto the car as you sit waiting for the traffic to move. The sound of the windshield wipers constantly moving to keep it clear mixes with the sound of the rain. No music is playing as you and Sunghoon sit in the car quietly. Neither of you are sure how it happened, but the date the two of you are currently driving back to your shared apartment from had unexpectedly turned into your last one. His hands are firmly placed on the steering wheel rather than one of them resting on your thigh like usual and it became clear that things are not going to be the same; this is actually happening and it feels like a living nightmare.

You feel your face scrunch as your eyes well with tears and you hold your breath, trying not to make any noise as you begin to cry. You swallow, trying to compose yourself as tears slide down your cheeks, feeling as though they are burning through your skin, stinging you. You take a quiet deep breath as you keep your eyes focused on the view in front of you, vision becoming blurry. Your head falls as you look down into your lap, covering your mouth as you try to suppress any more muffles of your crying, tears continuously falling no matter how hard you are trying to make them stop. 

Sunghoon is tense, all muscles in his body clenched as he tries to figure out what is going to happen next. Is it all really over? Just like that? He bites the inside of his cheek as he tries to focus on driving, releasing his foot from the brake every once in a while to move the car a bit before stepping on it again. He sighs quietly, resting his arm on the middle console. His arm starts to subconsciously extend to rest his hand on your thigh, but he stops himself, glancing over at you quickly to see if you noticed. 

You don’t, your head still down as you collect yourself, wiping your tears quickly with your hands before looking back up again, sniffling. You hope he doesn’t hear it, praying that the rain is loud enough to drown it out. You rest your head on the back of the seat as you turn to look out of the window, wanting the car ride to be over already. Sunghoon keeps looking at you through the corners of his eyes, wanting to hold your hand to make you feel better, but he can’t anymore. 

Tears still make their way down your cheeks and you just don’t have the energy to wipe them away anymore. They no longer sting, but feel cold. Your head moves to look back out of the windshield, watching the raindrops roll down, mimicking your tears rolling down your face. Sunghoon glances over again and sees your tear stained face illuminate from the brake lights of the car in front of you and he feels his heart stop. He blinks and rolls his eyes to stop his own tears, still looking ahead before moving one of his hands from the steering wheel, placing it on the side of your face as he uses his thumb to wipe the tears from your cheek.

[heeology]

face-off | p.js

~~booting up~~ ~~now playing -- track 02:

<<<prev. track (01) || next track (03)>>> title credit/song inspo → “Face-Off” - Jimin “it’s a beautiful night”; “i think you found me”; “tonight, i don’t wanna be sober”; “pour it up, it’s all fucking over”

synopsis → on again, off again; you and park jongseong can never seem to stay together. yet, you always find yourselves waking up in the other’s bed.

genre → smut, drabble

pairing → nonidol!jay x fem!reader

warnings → MDNI, one night stand

w.c. → 1k

!!DO NOT COPY OR REPOST!!

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Your head is spinning, and just by the feel of the sheets you are laying on and the comforter draping heavily over your body, you know you’re not in your own bed. That being said, you do know whose bed this is and you mentally curse at yourself. Here you are, once again, in Jay’s bed. You hear him groan as he shifts his position, feeling him closer to you than before. You open your eyes slightly to see him facing away from you, your eyes meeting the back of his head and his bare back. 

Nothing unusual happened the night before, just the same-old same-old. You and Jay have been on-again off-again for a while now, just never seeming to be on the same page; something always comes up and makes you both reconsider whether or not you should be together only for you two to be reunited once again and offer up the proposal of “giving it another shot”. It never lasts for long, but this doesn’t mean that you both stay away from each other. You knew once you went to the club that he and his friends frequent that you would see him there and he knew you would show up.

You knew that if you wore the shortest dress you own–one he bought and fucked you in–that he couldn’t help but maybe want to fuck you in it again. He knew once he saw you that he was going to wake up next to you and he had no problem with it. A few drinks later, going on to the dance floor to be conveniently across from Jay, both of you watching each other, the need for one another growing impatiently the more you both moved naturally led to you two stepping away and into the nearest empty room to “catch up”.

No words are exchanged, just him pulling you into an empty bathroom, locking the door behind you as he pushes you against the door, kissing you hungrily. You pull him closer by the neck, his hands landing on your waist as the kiss becomes messy. Grunts coming from his mouth and moans from yours, saliva coating both of your lips, tongues gliding over each other and into the other’s mouth. You bite his lip, running your tongue along it after getting a better taste of the bitter alcohol from his lips, testing him; he smirks, lifting up your dress. He pulls away, leaving a trail of quick kisses from your jaw to just below your ear before looking into your eyes and getting on his knees.

Jay doesn’t waste any time, spreading your legs and practically ripping your panties off of you; he’s drunk and he wants to have you cum on his tongue, what can he say? He leaves kisses on your clit, wanting to hear you whine and beg for him. You bit your lip, gripping some of his hair in one of your hands, trying to keep him still as you throw one of your legs over his shoulder and buck your hips along his face, letting out little moans from his nose hitting your clit. He looks up at you as you pick up your pace and he chuckles, making you moan from the vibrations. He opens his mouth more, tongue sprawled out as you glide your pussy over it, over most of his face. You whine, throwing your head back a bit, it hitting the door as you use him, calling out his name as you cum on his face.

Back at his place, both of your clothes on the floor of the apartment, ruthlessly ripped off by one another, he thrusts his cock into you fast as if he will never have the chance ever again. Your ass up in the air as he fucks you from behind, your hands gripping his sheets as he holds some of your hair in his hands. You tried keeping your head down, but he wants to hear you moan, how good he is making you feel, how good he fucks you with his cock. He pulls a little harder, pulling his cock almost completely out of your swollen pussy before thrusting it back in.

“Don’t I just fuck you so well? Tell me how badly you want to cum on my cock. Okay, princess?” he says, clenching his jaw as he throws his head back, becoming consumed by just how good you feel, how wet, how you stretch just for his cock. 

You comply, giving him everything he wants and so he starts fucking you again at his fast pace, his hips hitting your ass over and over again as his dick fills you up so nicely. He’s such a gentleman, he lets you cum first, calling out his name as your fingernails practically dig into the mattress, a wave of pleasure overtaking your whole body as you lose yourself, only able to move your ass back to come in contact with his hips as he ruts into you, trying to get as much of him as possible. This drives him crazy, how desperate you are for him, he lets go of your hair as you try to catch your breath after your orgasm, gripping your hips as he thrusts into you a few more times before cumming. He calls out your name and says how much he loves you, how good you make him feel before he settles, pulling out of you as your body collapses.

You stare at him for a minute longer before slowly removing the covers off of your naked body, goosebumps littering your skin as the cold air comes in contact with it. You begin to put back on your clothes as quietly as you can, trying your best not to wake him. You look over at him, zipping up your dress, a look of sadness washing over your face. You shake your head and go to grab your things before leaving his room and then his apartment altogether. You aren’t too worried about him waking up and noticing you’re gone. Besides, you know you’ll see him again soon.

[heeology]

sick and twisted !! ty all s o m u c h <33 and ty to the person who just followed me after i took this ss lol but i love you all sm !!

feel free to msg me anytime !!

[heeology]

i kissed a girl | h.yj

~~booting up~~ ~~now playing -- track 01:

next track (02)>>> title credit/song inspo → "I Kissed A Girl" - Katy Perry “us girls, we are so magical; soft skin, red lips, so kissable; hard to resist, so touchable” || “i kissed a girl and I liked it” || “it's not what good girls do”

synopsis → slumber party activities: do each other’s nails, gossip, watch movies, make out (?)

genre → romance, drabble

pairing → bestfriend!yunjin x fem!reader

warnings →  suggestive, MDNI, groping

w.c. → 627

!!DO NOT COPY OR REPOST!!

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It started out as something innocent. Yunjin and you have had sleepovers before; this wasn’t anything new. One of them just happened to be a little different where doing makeup ended up with her asking if you wanted to share some of her lip gloss. At the time, you thought this meant her letting you apply it yourself, but instead you found her lips on yours. Her hand on your cheek, kissing you delicately as she transferred some of her lip gloss onto your lips. She pulled away as you two looked at each other, both a little shocked by the events that just transpired, but neither of you were upset about it.

It became a little tradition, innocently doing things typical best friends do at sleepovers; just hanging out. Then, somewhere along the way, you two just happened to find yourselves making out. Little touches here and there, quick glances at one another with the hint of already knowing what’s coming and the next thing you know, her hands are on your waist as yours are tangled in her hair as the both of you kiss. Always starting out playful, little giggles in between as you two share quick pecks and then one of you takes it further. The kisses turn into long ones, little moans escaping your lips as the two of you become more passionate. 

Not caring whether either of you can breathe, kissing each other consumes the both of you. Getting lost in each others’ lips, lost in the rhythm; how good it feels to kiss your best friend. Sometimes it becomes messy, tongues roaming your mouths, sometimes one of you sucks on the other’s making you both laugh lowly, arousal starting to pool beneath the both of you. Biting and sucking on each others’ lips, testing one another. Strings of saliva attaching to your lips as you both pull away–only for a split second–as you exchange glances between your lashes before going back in for more.

Usually you’ll pull away from her lips, her whining a little, as you trail kisses from her jaw to her neck, going slow; her biting her lip as she becomes more needy. Yunjin’s eyes roll back a little as she adjusts her neck, giving you more room to work with and explore, leaving hickies wherever your lips roam. Biting occasionally, making her wince and moan, before you lick over the sensitive area and kiss it, moving on to another spot on her neck. Once you’re done, she always pulls you back to her lips and then she always makes sure to return the favor, afterall, best friends share, right? 

Typically when she leaves hickies on your neck, she likes to travel one of her hands up to one of your boobs, squeezing a little as she feels you through the thin tank top your wore especially for the sleepover, knowing how much she likes to feel your nipples poke through your shirt (and to see them, too). She never goes under your shirt, but if your tank top is low enough, she’ll leave hickies along your chest, looking up at you occasionally, maybe wink at you.

The make-outs never lead to anything more, afterall, it’s just two girls having fun. You guys share a laugh afterwards, lips swollen from how long you guys were kissing and teasing each other. Then you both move on to whatever else you have planned before, pretty much acting as if nothing had happened. Not to say the two of you are ashamed, just that you much rather have this be something that only happens every once in a while to keep up the excitement. Sleepovers can be boring, at least this means you two have something to look forward to.