A majority of my x readers are gender neutral, the only one that isnβt is the Rhett Abbott arranged marriage bc it was a request.
βββββββ
Jacob Black:
Bonfire-17 Parts
Reader grew up in Forks and is willing to be whatever Jacob needs them to be, a friend, someone to confide in, anything even though they wished so badly to be something more.
But what happens when they discover that Jacob Black has been ghosting them and joined Sam's infamous cult.
Reader's patience is put to the test as they struggle to come to terms with their new reality in which vampires and werewolves actually exist and that they may never be anything more the second best.
In this story, Jacob Black gets the love he deserves. And you get to see how deeply and lovingly devoted Jacob really is when he's in love.
Bonfire Smut-SPICY can be read by its self and is non descriptive so that itβs gender neutral.
________________________________________
Quil X Embry:
Prom?-Oneshot Quil asks Embry to go to prom with him.
Movie Night-Oneshot Quil and Embry spend a night together watching movies as the rain pours outside. Quil lets himself go for once.
________________________________________
Paul Lahote:
Sleep So I Can See You-2 Parts
Reader experiences what they BELIVE to be a one sided love. This is about yearning and heart ach with a happy ending.
Breakfast In Bed-Paul suprises reader by making then breakfast in bed and itβs just Paul being a softy and them being madly in love with one another
Headcannon
________________________________________
Lewis Pullman Characters:
Jordan Weaver X Reader-SMUTT
Rhett Abbott-Long Oneshot
To save his family's ranch, Rhett agrees to marry a girl from a rich family. Unfortunately for you, Rhett has a low opinion of your character, he thinks of you as a spoiled brat who gets everything you want and all you have to do is say please.
But, as time passes, Rhett beings to see you in a different light. And a marriage that was meant to be temporary begins to have the potential to last much longer then expected. SMUT INVOLVED
Solas removes the anchor from a romanced Lavellan through a kiss.
A kiss.
In other non-romanced Inquisitor endings, Solas grabs their hand and with his other hand, does a magical snap and boom, anchor gone - no magical glow to his eyes.
But with Lavellan - he doesn't hold the anchor hand, instead his eyes glow as he leans in for that kiss. His right hand is holding their right hand and his left hand is holding the side/back of their neck.
Like, can we just give it up for Lavellan here? Survived grabbing his orb and it's explosion, survived the power of the anchor running through their body for years, and now just kissing the Dread Wolf with more of his power surging through their body while he's in the process of magically extracting the anchor from their being through Fade tongue.
And Solas is just a freak. Oh, I'm a strange spirit being who's in love with a mortal and can't handle it and I shouldn't but I want to kiss her and so I'll just remove the anchor while I kiss her.
He pulls back and is sad to leave because her freak just matched his.
A majority of my x readers are gender neutral, the only one that isnβt is the Rhett Abbott arranged marriage bc it was a request.
βββββββ
Jacob Black:
Bonfire-17 Parts
Reader grew up in Forks and is willing to be whatever Jacob needs them to be, a friend, someone to confide in, anything even though they wished so badly to be something more.
But what happens when they discover that Jacob Black has been ghosting them and joined Sam's infamous cult.
Reader's patience is put to the test as they struggle to come to terms with their new reality in which vampires and werewolves actually exist and that they may never be anything more the second best.
In this story, Jacob Black gets the love he deserves. And you get to see how deeply and lovingly devoted Jacob really is when he's in love.
Bonfire Smut-SPICY can be read by its self and is non descriptive so that itβs gender neutral.
________________________________________
Quil X Embry:
Prom?-Oneshot Quil asks Embry to go to prom with him.
Movie Night-Oneshot Quil and Embry spend a night together watching movies as the rain pours outside. Quil lets himself go for once.
________________________________________
Paul Lahote:
Sleep So I Can See You-2 Parts
Reader experiences what they BELIVE to be a one sided love. This is about yearning and heart ach with a happy ending.
Breakfast In Bed-Paul suprises reader by making then breakfast in bed and itβs just Paul being a softy and them being madly in love with one another
Headcannon
________________________________________
Lewis Pullman Characters:
Jordan Weaver X Reader-SMUTT
Rhett Abbott-Long Oneshot
To save his family's ranch, Rhett agrees to marry a girl from a rich family. Unfortunately for you, Rhett has a low opinion of your character, he thinks of you as a spoiled brat who gets everything you want and all you have to do is say please.
But, as time passes, Rhett beings to see you in a different light. And a marriage that was meant to be temporary begins to have the potential to last much longer then expected. SMUT INVOLVED
Rook is definitely a Solavellan shipper. They heard how inky felt about Solas and could see that Solas still loved her and even teased him about it.
And even after Solas betrayed them and made them keep seeing Varric after knowing they were messed up by his death before he used blood magic. Rook chooses to try to save him, even though they saw first hand what the consequence of attempting that could be.
They did it so Inky could be happy and so Varric could get a happy ending to one of his stories and so Harding believing that no one is beyond redemption and the would is good would be proven right.
They did it for the people they loved and lost. So that their sacrifices and beliefs would not be lost or forgotten. They did it so all of it would not be in vain.
Rook can be one of the most kind hearted and beautiful main characters depending on the choices. Rook is definitely my favorite Hero, they were nothing special they were simply a little shit with a big heart that never knows when to give up. There is love and determination in every they do. Harding even tells them this when they are in the prison. She tells them how they gave so much to their team and saved them and helped them heal and brought them back from the darkness. And they never once wavered, and it inspired her to do the same. Harding is also such a beautiful character, her purity and love for the world. No wonder she gave everything to try to save it.
Inky, Rook, Varric, Harding and Solas they are my favorites
Warning: Hints of depression, fighting, healing, angst, happy ending, not proofread
Times are changing, weights are being lifted and finallyβ¦your dreams become a reality.
βββββ
You still come by Emilyβs place, putting on your best performance, trying desperately to hide how much being there hurts. How out of place you feel now, watching the boys all happy while you feel like youβre slowly rotting away on the inside a little more every time Paulβs laughter fills your ears. Itβs nauseating, how many emotions well up inside of you as such a simple sound. You donβt know if his laughter is the sweetest torture or your salvation, itβs only thing that helps lessen the void in you.
Youβll take whatever heβs willing to give you, greedily, hoarding every ounce of attention he offers willing. Take every inch that feels like miles, the glances, the half smiles, the hands on your elbows as he squeezes past you in the kitchen. You take them all, cataloging them into your mind so that you can call upon the echos of them to ease the aching hole he leaves in you. Constantly you have to remind yourself that this is all youβll ever get, all youβll ever know, in an attempt to save yourself from more torment by false hope. But not matter how hard you try, some small part of you will always cling tightly to that hope.
Maybe itβs just the imprint, or maybe itβs you. But youβve never felt so empty before as you do when you donβt see Paul for weeks. Itβs been about a month since the last time you saw him in person.
Youβve changed so much since the night of the rejection, barely eating or laughing, always sleeping because thatβs where you could find him. It doesnβt help that Paul has been avoiding you. Itβs why youβre in so much agony all the time now. A rejection you could handle, but this is so much worse.
At first you were grateful for the humiliation it saved you from but nowβ¦now the wound in your chest rips open just a little more every time he goes out of his way to not look at you, not touch you, not to speak to you. You wish so deeply that you had just kept your mouth shut that night. Having Paul as a friend was infinitely better then whatever it is that you are to him now. Better to have that inch of his affection then almost none.
Itβs as youβre just some fly or a dust bunny waiting to be swatted away and finally be put out of your misery. Like Paul canβt even stand your presence anymore, like the very existence of you fills him with guilt. And when he does look at youβ¦itβs like he pities you.
Poor little Y/N, hung up on someone who will never want them.
βYou okay?β Emilyβs voice cuts through your train of thoughts. You flush as the realization that youβve just been sitting there, staring off into space instead of helping her cook. The woman is watching you very intently, worry had an evident presence upon her face and it fills her eyes as her brows frown.
βYeahβ¦yeah Iβm good.β You say clearing your throat and forcing out the most convincing laugh you can manage. βSorry, I was daydreaming.β Shaking your head at you put your focus back in the task before you, continuing to chop up carrots.
You feel Emilyβs watchful gaze on you, she knows youβre full of shit and you know sheβs fully aware of it. βHave you been taking care of yourself?β Emilyβs voice cuts through the silence, and you feel her eyes boring into the side of your skull. βYou donβt look like your usual self Y/N. You havenβt for weeks.β She puts a hand on your shoulder as she turns your face to look at her. You donβt meet her eyes. βY/N whatβs going on?β
You huff out a breath, and attempt to shrug her off. βNothing, Iβm fineβ¦just a little tired thatβs all.β You donβt look at Emily as you speak, partly from shame and partly out of guilt for even attempting to lie to her. One big factor about Emily is that she can call bullshit from a mile away.
βItβs about Paulβ¦isnβt it.β Her tone is soft, and she rubs your back as your body tense at his very name. Sheβs not asking, sheβs stating it, she knows it has everything to do with him.
βI donβt want to talk about it..β You mumble out and swallow back the burning sensation in the back of your throat, your feel your mouth beginning to water as the need to cry floods your body. βY/N, you can-βI said I donβt want to talk about it Emily!β You snap at her, slamming the knife in your hand down and finally looking Emily in the eyes. You donβt like snapping at her, itβs something youβd never usually do but like she saidβ¦you havenβt been yourself in weeks.
Meeting her eyes is what finally breaks the dam
βOh honey.β Emily voice is soft and gentle as she pulls you in for a hug. You cry softly, and as quietly as you can possibly manage.
A month of isolation, of sleeping for hours on end and sometimesβ¦sometimes wishing youβd never wake up. Wishing you could keep dreaming and never have to face the loneliness and pain that has become your very existence. And itβs not all Paulβs fault, youβve been doing it to yourself.
Not wanting to be around people because you had this deep rooted fear that everyone around you knew how broken you felt. A fear that they pitied you for it. You began to just want to be alone, preferring your own company instead of othersβ. For no apparent reason at all, you just wanted to sleep and keep sleeping.
It all comes out as Emily holds you, once youβve stopped cryingβ¦you feel lighter. That hole in your chest feels a little more smaller and more bearable.
βββ
Eventually, you come to the conclusion that being around people you care about actually helps. They bring you joy and comfort, they make your face light up and joy fill your heart.
Of course, theres still that void in your being but it begins to shrink the more you spend time with friends and family.
You start to notice that Paul is almost hovering around you, keeping a distance but always watching you. Like a hawk, itβs confusing to say the least. If anyone even slightly flirts with you or even just speak to you, heβs chasing them off. Glaring at them, pulling them to the side to threaten them.
Itβs pissing you off.
βββ
Somehow, a friend of yours manages to convince you to go to a party with them. Some random dude from Highschool decided to throw a βragerβ.
So there you are, trying to have fun with a friend of yours, till some asshole starts harassing. Out of all the people in this party, this slimy guy who looks like he chews tobacco and spits it wherever the hell he wants, decided to hassle you about dancing with him. At first, you tried to politely say no. But he wouldnβt let it go. Then you told him to fuck off and he started putting his hands on you.
Before you can give this asshole a piece of you mind, Paul comes in out of fucking nowhere like a fright train and shoves the guy hard.
βThey told you to back the fuck off!β Paul shouts at said random asshole. He pushed this dude hard enough for him to send him flying to the ground and causing enough of a ruckus to draw the attention of ever single individual in this living room.
βWhat the fuck Paul?!!β You shout at him, pushing Paulβs chest as hard as you can, and he actually stumbles backwards.
βHe had no right-β Paulβs defense floods your nerves with white hot anger, as he steps towards you pointing at the man on the ground βAnd you do?!β You hiss out in pure, uncanny rage, cutting him off completely.
βI donβt need your fucking help Paul!β Your face is contorted into complete and utter, seething anger as you stare him down. Daring him to even so much as utter one of his witty OG cocky comebacks.
But Paulβ¦Paul backs down, like a wounded puppy of a man. He looks down as he mutters out an uncharacteristically quiet and timid okay. And he leaves, he just walks out of the party after making a bigger fucking show. Completely unlike him.
Itβs pisses you off even more and you storm right after him.
βWhat the fuck is your problem?!β You shout after Paul as he continues walking to his truck. βPaul!!!β You yell his name and he doesnβt turn around, he just keeps storming away.
You begin to run just to catch up to him. When you do finally reach Paul heβs about to open his truck door beofre you jerk his shoulder back hard enough to get him to turn around and face you. He gets up in your face, heavy breaths and nostrils flaring. Paul looks like heβs about to phase on the spot, but he doesnβt move, he doesnβt even speak to you as he gaze burns onto your face. Paul looks as intimidating as ever, but you stand your ground.
βWhy are you doing this to me?β You deflate as you speak, worn out from the whiplash of Paulβs mannerisms these past couple of months. Paul doesnβt answer you, instead hus eyes widen at your question and then he just looks away from you. Paul looks as tired and exhausted as you have felt for weeks.
βPaul!β You hiss, his silent deflection of your questioning stoking up the embers of your white hot rage. You feel yourself heat up with simmering resentment as Paul looks at. βWhy am I doing this to you!β Paul all but growls out, his hot headed nature finally making an entrance.
βYouβre the one whoβs been fucking tormenting me.β You frown at him as he shoves his face closer to your own, it only makes you more frustrated with him. The way heβs turning this all around onto you, as if he hasnβt been haunting your every waking moment.
βOh fuck you Lahote!β Youβre seething now, and get right in his face back. But Paul doesnβt so much as backpedal at your anger. βYou canβt just-just act like this fucking claim that you have on me means anything to you!β Your voice cracks, and you hate it, hate that now your anger is twisting into desperation. You look away from him, and shrink into yourself.
βI know that you donβt feel the same way I do Paul!β You feel your throat burn as you speak. βYou make that painfully clear all of the time. Youβre the one who created this divide between us.β You glance at him, and heβs expression is pain and guilt. You look away, and pray for the ground to swallow you whole as shame, white hot and bitter, flows through your very bones. All you ever do is make things worse for Paul.
βI canβt stand the look of pity you give me all of the time Paul.β Your voice cracks. βI know Iβm pathetic-βY/Nβ Paulβs voice is faint and pleading as he moves towards you. βYouβre not-βOh save it!β You hiss, cutting Paul off and pushing him away from you.
βYou look so ashamed of me! All the time Paul. Weβre not even friends anymore so quit pretending like you actually give a shit!β Paulβs body shakes as you speak, but not out of the rage he usually feels. He hates himself, Paul has always been too much. Too arrogant, too hothead, too rash too aggressive too-You deserve something better than his mess.
Heβs tried pushing you away, tried to make it easier for you to leave him. But you stay, you make him want to be better. Make him want to learn how to be better, not for the reasons heβs always had for himself. But because, for some insane reason he canβt wrap his head around, you like him for how he is now.
He canβt stand there and listen to you talk about yourself like that. Being this close to you after so long, only to see just how much damage he has done.
Paul surges forward and takes your face into his hands and he presses his lips against yours. Cutting you off and the force of the kiss has you back peddling into someone elseβs vehicle. And Paul pins you there till you shove him off of you. You stare at him, shocked, and still so fucking pissed. He comes here, makes an ass of himself after weeks of keeping a distance from you.
And then he just kisses youβ¦as if thatβs going to change anything. Like itβll cover up the fact that you have spent weeks trying to convince yourself that youβll never belong with him, that heβll never be yours. Youβre about to keep yelling at him, but thereβs a look in his eyes. Desperateβ¦raw and pathetic, pleading. Paul has never looked at you like that before, so raw and beautiful. Your whole body heats as your breath catches at the sight of Paulβs state.
Paul tills his head to the side and breaths out hard, head shaking slightly as he shifts on his feet and his eyes scream with his silent plea. Donβt do this, just stop, Iβm so tired of all of this.
You lunch yourself at Paul, wrapping your arms around his neck as you smash your lips against his. Paul grunts at the impact, as he stumbles back and his body hits his truck. But Paul springs into action almost instantaneously. Gripping your waist and tangling one of his hands into your hair, as he kisses you back with an electric and overwhelming force of emotions that flood your nervous system and warms your body. Itβs heated, messy, desperate, all hands and tongue. Lungs burnings and hearts racing.
βYouβre a fucking asshole.β You mange to hiss out between kisses. βI know.β Paul breaths out hard as you move to kiss his jaw. βIβm sorryβ¦Iβm so sorry.β That makes you freeze.
You back away enough to look him in the eyes, Paul looks so mournful. βI never ment to make you feel unwantedβ¦I just-Iβ Paul huffs out in frustration as he looks for the right words. You wait there, patiently, as he thinks.
βI donβt know what I was thinking.β Paul says softly, laughing in a self deprecating manner. βI didnβt want to hurt you.β
It all peices together in your head. Paul has talked to you about how much his anger scares him. Sam lost control and hurt Emily. Sam, a man Paul basically idolizes, a man Paul looks to for guidance on everything. Paul sees Sam as a better man than him, someone to inspire to be like.
βPaul.β You says softly and he looks down in shame, so you lean your forehead on his, moving your hands to cradle his face. βYou are so much more than your anger.β You whisper out softly and Paul breathes out softly before he speaks.
βYouβre so important to meβ¦if I ever did anything like what Sam did to Emily-if I ever hurt you like thatβ¦I donβt think I could live with myself.β Paulβs voice shakes and he moves to hold you close. Paul hugs your tightly, warm and lovingly.
βYou wonβt.β You say softly and beofre Paul can disagree, you continue. βI know you wonβt Paul.β
He lets himself believe you, so he hold onto you. The both of you sit there for a long while, breathing in each otherβs scent, basking in each otherβs warmth. The feeling of finally getting to have this kind of intimacy.
For a moment, youβre afraid this is all some dream. But the feeling of Paulβs presence, the sounds of his heartbeat and his breathing. Those are things much too sweet and beautiful for your mind to conger up.
βββ
Paul drives you home, and the two of you end up sleeping in the same bed. His smell fills your nose and sticks to your clothes, to your bedding. Arms warm and comforting, breaths hot and soft against the back of your neck as his chest presses against your back.
You fight of sleep for as long as you can manage, wanting to soak in this moment. For the first time in a long time, you finally have a reason to stay awake again.
βββββ
SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG
I really hope yall enjoyed it and that part 2 lived up to your expectations.
As always thank you for reading and feel free to request something that youβd like for me to write.
Warning: Hints of depression, fighting, healing, angst, happy ending, not proofread
Times are changing, weights are being lifted and finallyβ¦your dreams become a reality.
βββββ
You still come by Emilyβs place, putting on your best performance, trying desperately to hide how much being there hurts. How out of place you feel now, watching the boys all happy while you feel like youβre slowly rotting away on the inside a little more every time Paulβs laughter fills your ears. Itβs nauseating, how many emotions well up inside of you as such a simple sound. You donβt know if his laughter is the sweetest torture or your salvation, itβs only thing that helps lessen the void in you.
Youβll take whatever heβs willing to give you, greedily, hoarding every ounce of attention he offers willing. Take every inch that feels like miles, the glances, the half smiles, the hands on your elbows as he squeezes past you in the kitchen. You take them all, cataloging them into your mind so that you can call upon the echos of them to ease the aching hole he leaves in you. Constantly you have to remind yourself that this is all youβll ever get, all youβll ever know, in an attempt to save yourself from more torment by false hope. But not matter how hard you try, some small part of you will always cling tightly to that hope.
Maybe itβs just the imprint, or maybe itβs you. But youβve never felt so empty before as you do when you donβt see Paul for weeks. Itβs been about a month since the last time you saw him in person.
Youβve changed so much since the night of the rejection, barely eating or laughing, always sleeping because thatβs where you could find him. It doesnβt help that Paul has been avoiding you. Itβs why youβre in so much agony all the time now. A rejection you could handle, but this is so much worse.
At first you were grateful for the humiliation it saved you from but nowβ¦now the wound in your chest rips open just a little more every time he goes out of his way to not look at you, not touch you, not to speak to you. You wish so deeply that you had just kept your mouth shut that night. Having Paul as a friend was infinitely better then whatever it is that you are to him now. Better to have that inch of his affection then almost none.
Itβs as youβre just some fly or a dust bunny waiting to be swatted away and finally be put out of your misery. Like Paul canβt even stand your presence anymore, like the very existence of you fills him with guilt. And when he does look at youβ¦itβs like he pities you.
Poor little Y/N, hung up on someone who will never want them.
βYou okay?β Emilyβs voice cuts through your train of thoughts. You flush as the realization that youβve just been sitting there, staring off into space instead of helping her cook. The woman is watching you very intently, worry had an evident presence upon her face and it fills her eyes as her brows frown.
βYeahβ¦yeah Iβm good.β You say clearing your throat and forcing out the most convincing laugh you can manage. βSorry, I was daydreaming.β Shaking your head at you put your focus back in the task before you, continuing to chop up carrots.
You feel Emilyβs watchful gaze on you, she knows youβre full of shit and you know sheβs fully aware of it. βHave you been taking care of yourself?β Emilyβs voice cuts through the silence, and you feel her eyes boring into the side of your skull. βYou donβt look like your usual self Y/N. You havenβt for weeks.β She puts a hand on your shoulder as she turns your face to look at her. You donβt meet her eyes. βY/N whatβs going on?β
You huff out a breath, and attempt to shrug her off. βNothing, Iβm fineβ¦just a little tired thatβs all.β You donβt look at Emily as you speak, partly from shame and partly out of guilt for even attempting to lie to her. One big factor about Emily is that she can call bullshit from a mile away.
βItβs about Paulβ¦isnβt it.β Her tone is soft, and she rubs your back as your body tense at his very name. Sheβs not asking, sheβs stating it, she knows it has everything to do with him.
βI donβt want to talk about it..β You mumble out and swallow back the burning sensation in the back of your throat, your feel your mouth beginning to water as the need to cry floods your body. βY/N, you can-βI said I donβt want to talk about it Emily!β You snap at her, slamming the knife in your hand down and finally looking Emily in the eyes. You donβt like snapping at her, itβs something youβd never usually do but like she saidβ¦you havenβt been yourself in weeks.
Meeting her eyes is what finally breaks the dam
βOh honey.β Emily voice is soft and gentle as she pulls you in for a hug. You cry softly, and as quietly as you can possibly manage.
A month of isolation, of sleeping for hours on end and sometimesβ¦sometimes wishing youβd never wake up. Wishing you could keep dreaming and never have to face the loneliness and pain that has become your very existence. And itβs not all Paulβs fault, youβve been doing it to yourself.
Not wanting to be around people because you had this deep rooted fear that everyone around you knew how broken you felt. A fear that they pitied you for it. You began to just want to be alone, preferring your own company instead of othersβ. For no apparent reason at all, you just wanted to sleep and keep sleeping.
It all comes out as Emily holds you, once youβve stopped cryingβ¦you feel lighter. That hole in your chest feels a little more smaller and more bearable.
βββ
Eventually, you come to the conclusion that being around people you care about actually helps. They bring you joy and comfort, they make your face light up and joy fill your heart.
Of course, theres still that void in your being but it begins to shrink the more you spend time with friends and family.
You start to notice that Paul is almost hovering around you, keeping a distance but always watching you. Like a hawk, itβs confusing to say the least. If anyone even slightly flirts with you or even just speak to you, heβs chasing them off. Glaring at them, pulling them to the side to threaten them.
Itβs pissing you off.
βββ
Somehow, a friend of yours manages to convince you to go to a party with them. Some random dude from Highschool decided to throw a βragerβ.
So there you are, trying to have fun with a friend of yours, till some asshole starts harassing. Out of all the people in this party, this slimy guy who looks like he chews tobacco and spits it wherever the hell he wants, decided to hassle you about dancing with him. At first, you tried to politely say no. But he wouldnβt let it go. Then you told him to fuck off and he started putting his hands on you.
Before you can give this asshole a piece of you mind, Paul comes in out of fucking nowhere like a fright train and shoves the guy hard.
βThey told you to back the fuck off!β Paul shouts at said random asshole. He pushed this dude hard enough for him to send him flying to the ground and causing enough of a ruckus to draw the attention of ever single individual in this living room.
βWhat the fuck Paul?!!β You shout at him, pushing Paulβs chest as hard as you can, and he actually stumbles backwards.
βHe had no right-β Paulβs defense floods your nerves with white hot anger, as he steps towards you pointing at the man on the ground βAnd you do?!β You hiss out in pure, uncanny rage, cutting him off completely.
βI donβt need your fucking help Paul!β Your face is contorted into complete and utter, seething anger as you stare him down. Daring him to even so much as utter one of his witty OG cocky comebacks.
But Paulβ¦Paul backs down, like a wounded puppy of a man. He looks down as he mutters out an uncharacteristically quiet and timid okay. And he leaves, he just walks out of the party after making a bigger fucking show. Completely unlike him.
Itβs pisses you off even more and you storm right after him.
βWhat the fuck is your problem?!β You shout after Paul as he continues walking to his truck. βPaul!!!β You yell his name and he doesnβt turn around, he just keeps storming away.
You begin to run just to catch up to him. When you do finally reach Paul heβs about to open his truck door beofre you jerk his shoulder back hard enough to get him to turn around and face you. He gets up in your face, heavy breaths and nostrils flaring. Paul looks like heβs about to phase on the spot, but he doesnβt move, he doesnβt even speak to you as he gaze burns onto your face. Paul looks as intimidating as ever, but you stand your ground.
βWhy are you doing this to me?β You deflate as you speak, worn out from the whiplash of Paulβs mannerisms these past couple of months. Paul doesnβt answer you, instead hus eyes widen at your question and then he just looks away from you. Paul looks as tired and exhausted as you have felt for weeks.
βPaul!β You hiss, his silent deflection of your questioning stoking up the embers of your white hot rage. You feel yourself heat up with simmering resentment as Paul looks at. βWhy am I doing this to you!β Paul all but growls out, his hot headed nature finally making an entrance.
βYouβre the one whoβs been fucking tormenting me.β You frown at him as he shoves his face closer to your own, it only makes you more frustrated with him. The way heβs turning this all around onto you, as if he hasnβt been haunting your every waking moment.
βOh fuck you Lahote!β Youβre seething now, and get right in his face back. But Paul doesnβt so much as backpedal at your anger. βYou canβt just-just act like this fucking claim that you have on me means anything to you!β Your voice cracks, and you hate it, hate that now your anger is twisting into desperation. You look away from him, and shrink into yourself.
βI know that you donβt feel the same way I do Paul!β You feel your throat burn as you speak. βYou make that painfully clear all of the time. Youβre the one who created this divide between us.β You glance at him, and heβs expression is pain and guilt. You look away, and pray for the ground to swallow you whole as shame, white hot and bitter, flows through your very bones. All you ever do is make things worse for Paul.
βI canβt stand the look of pity you give me all of the time Paul.β Your voice cracks. βI know Iβm pathetic-βY/Nβ Paulβs voice is faint and pleading as he moves towards you. βYouβre not-βOh save it!β You hiss, cutting Paul off and pushing him away from you.
βYou look so ashamed of me! All the time Paul. Weβre not even friends anymore so quit pretending like you actually give a shit!β Paulβs body shakes as you speak, but not out of the rage he usually feels. He hates himself, Paul has always been too much. Too arrogant, too hothead, too rash too aggressive too-You deserve something better than his mess.
Heβs tried pushing you away, tried to make it easier for you to leave him. But you stay, you make him want to be better. Make him want to learn how to be better, not for the reasons heβs always had for himself. But because, for some insane reason he canβt wrap his head around, you like him for how he is now.
He canβt stand there and listen to you talk about yourself like that. Being this close to you after so long, only to see just how much damage he has done.
Paul surges forward and takes your face into his hands and he presses his lips against yours. Cutting you off and the force of the kiss has you back peddling into someone elseβs vehicle. And Paul pins you there till you shove him off of you. You stare at him, shocked, and still so fucking pissed. He comes here, makes an ass of himself after weeks of keeping a distance from you.
And then he just kisses youβ¦as if thatβs going to change anything. Like itβll cover up the fact that you have spent weeks trying to convince yourself that youβll never belong with him, that heβll never be yours. Youβre about to keep yelling at him, but thereβs a look in his eyes. Desperateβ¦raw and pathetic, pleading. Paul has never looked at you like that before, so raw and beautiful. Your whole body heats as your breath catches at the sight of Paulβs state.
Paul tills his head to the side and breaths out hard, head shaking slightly as he shifts on his feet and his eyes scream with his silent plea. Donβt do this, just stop, Iβm so tired of all of this.
You lunch yourself at Paul, wrapping your arms around his neck as you smash your lips against his. Paul grunts at the impact, as he stumbles back and his body hits his truck. But Paul springs into action almost instantaneously. Gripping your waist and tangling one of his hands into your hair, as he kisses you back with an electric and overwhelming force of emotions that flood your nervous system and warms your body. Itβs heated, messy, desperate, all hands and tongue. Lungs burnings and hearts racing.
βYouβre a fucking asshole.β You mange to hiss out between kisses. βI know.β Paul breaths out hard as you move to kiss his jaw. βIβm sorryβ¦Iβm so sorry.β That makes you freeze.
You back away enough to look him in the eyes, Paul looks so mournful. βI never ment to make you feel unwantedβ¦I just-Iβ Paul huffs out in frustration as he looks for the right words. You wait there, patiently, as he thinks.
βI donβt know what I was thinking.β Paul says softly, laughing in a self deprecating manner. βI didnβt want to hurt you.β
It all peices together in your head. Paul has talked to you about how much his anger scares him. Sam lost control and hurt Emily. Sam, a man Paul basically idolizes, a man Paul looks to for guidance on everything. Paul sees Sam as a better man than him, someone to inspire to be like.
βPaul.β You says softly and he looks down in shame, so you lean your forehead on his, moving your hands to cradle his face. βYou are so much more than your anger.β You whisper out softly and Paul breathes out softly before he speaks.
βYouβre so important to meβ¦if I ever did anything like what Sam did to Emily-if I ever hurt you like thatβ¦I donβt think I could live with myself.β Paulβs voice shakes and he moves to hold you close. Paul hugs your tightly, warm and lovingly.
βYou wonβt.β You say softly and beofre Paul can disagree, you continue. βI know you wonβt Paul.β
He lets himself believe you, so he hold onto you. The both of you sit there for a long while, breathing in each otherβs scent, basking in each otherβs warmth. The feeling of finally getting to have this kind of intimacy.
For a moment, youβre afraid this is all some dream. But the feeling of Paulβs presence, the sounds of his heartbeat and his breathing. Those are things much too sweet and beautiful for your mind to conger up.
βββ
Paul drives you home, and the two of you end up sleeping in the same bed. His smell fills your nose and sticks to your clothes, to your bedding. Arms warm and comforting, breaths hot and soft against the back of your neck as his chest presses against your back.
You fight of sleep for as long as you can manage, wanting to soak in this moment. For the first time in a long time, you finally have a reason to stay awake again.
βββββ
SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG
I really hope yall enjoyed it and that part 2 lived up to your expectations.
As always thank you for reading and feel free to request something that youβd like for me to write.
