Hella gray hella ace

A blog about asexuality, specifically gray asexuality. Feel free to submit confessions on this topic, ask for advice, etc. I will also use this blog as a safe place to rant about my feelings and experiences on asexuality.

[hellagrayace-blog]

Why I haven’t been active:

I didn’t really abandon this blog for the past few months due to laziness or not having enough time. The real reason is I don’t want to label my sexuality anymore. I really identified strongly with the “gray asexual” label for a while, but now I’m not as sure. My friend is demisexual and I find that I can’t relate to how she feels about sexual stuff. Maybe I wanted to think I was asexual while I was dating a guy who wasn’t right for me and it was a label to answer why I didn’t want to have (vaginal) sex with him. I used to hate the “you just haven’t found the right person” argument, but in my specific case, that may be it. I also may just not be as “physical” or place sex as highly important in a relationship as some might, maybe I wasn’t ready, I don’t think that necessarily makes me asexual. I also decided to stop labeling myself as a whole. I haven’t experienced attraction to females, but I might and I wouldn’t not date a women if I wanted to. I don’t feel a need to have penetrative sex and I’m not as sexual as most people, I don’t know if I feel a need to label my sexuality. I think sexuality (or lack thereof) is too complicated to fit into a label. 

[desuke-dragon-queen-blog]

To anyone who says that asexuals/greysexuals/demisexuals 'don't exist'

Fuck off

Seriously

Who do you think you are?

Who gave you the devine right to say who exists?

Stop talking

Stop being a dick

Get over yourself

Stop spamming our tags with your hate

Seriously

Don’t you have a life you should be getting on with?

Do some fucking research

Keep your douchey-assed opinions to yourself

[whatshouldwecallasexuality-blog]

"You just haven't found the right person"

[silverchlouds]

Hi. FYI.

Being asexual (or similar) does NOT mean:

Never having crushes

Having no interest in dating or romantic relationships

Having no interest in kissing, making out, holding hands, cuddling etc.

Not being attracted to anyone - not finding anyone attractive

You will never be turned on by anything (for example by porn)

You will definitely never have sex.

Everyone is different kids  ( ・_・) ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

[quickthekid]

Happy Ace Day! Had a busy day, so I’m a lil late :o Throwback to ace-pride themed hair 💜 Hope everyone had a great one and felt the community’s love today :)

[bonepoem]

it’s so flipping frustrating being gray asexual because you can be turned on but at the same time the very thought of actual sex makes you want to run for the hills cause NO NONO N O N  O

[women-respector]

REBLOG IF YOU ARE ASEXUAL AND HATE COFFEE

[demiproblems]

What is a gray-ace?

Hi there!

The AVEN wiki defines gray-ace as:

People who identify as gray-A can include, but are not limited to those who:

do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes

experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive

experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them

people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

Similarly, some people who might technically belong to the gray area choose to identify as asexual because it is easier to explain. For example, if someone has experienced sexual attraction on one or two brief, fleeting occasions in their life, they might prefer to call themselves asexual because it is not worth the bother of having to explain these one or two occasions to everyone who asks about their orientation.

Gray-As may also append a gender orientation to the label, as in “Gray-heterosexual”.

Hope that helps!

[undercover-fox-deactivated20180]

Hey this is a handy diagram for like explaining asexuality and how romantic orientation is different from sexuality and although I found it more confusing in trying to pinpoint a label which helps encompass all the things, I think it is kinda cool still.

[darlingdearestnot]

telling someone you're asexual is kinda like telling someone you don't like parties

they say “but parties are so much fun!!!” and assume you’re just stale and boring and don’t know how to enjoy yourself

OR they think you just say that because you’ve never been to a real party, and so they insist you go to theirs, because you’ll change your mind!

[vindictadulcae]

I need asexual awareness because...

I shouldn’t have to “try” anything to validate my orientation.

[hellagrayace-blog]

Gray ace problems #10

Dropping the “gray” part of “gray asexual” when you come out because it’s difficult enough already to explain asexuality. 

[hellagrayace-blog]

Types of attraction:

Aesthetic attraction: Something/someone you find very visually appealing. You want to admire their beauty and stare at them/it. You feel no need to touch them/have sex with them/date them. It’s just someone or something you find gorgeous. This can be anywhere between a person or a landscape:

Romantic attraction: This is the butterflies in your stomach when you see your crush. You have a desire to date them and be romantic with them. You would like to refer to them as your “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”, etc. 

Sensual attraction: This can get confused with sexual attraction, but it really is just a desire to touch and be physically close and intimate with someone, without having a desire to have sexual intercourse. This can be hand holding, kissing, messaging/feeling, sometimes can have elements of nudity but not with the intention to actually have sex. For example I put a pic of Josh Hutcherson because I do not feel a romantic attraction to him (for one I don’t know him personally) and I do not have sexual attraction towards him (I do not want to have sex with him), but I do feel sensual attraction towards him. (If only I could actually kiss him...sigh.)

Sexual attraction: Wanting to have sex and or wanting to touch someone’s genitals. You see someone and think “wow I want to sleep with them!” Rather than just sensual “wow I want to cuddle and kiss them!” A “demisexual” eventually feels this type of attraction but not initially, it takes a strong emotional connection first. 

Overlap: Aesthetic attraction often overlaps with sensual, romantic, and sexual, though you can have some without the others. For example, an asexual person would likely have only aesthetic, romantic, and possibly sensual attraction. An aromantic (who is not asexual) could have aesthetic, sensual, and sexual but not romantic. A sensual attraction mixed with aesthetic attraction basically means “They are so beautiful! I want to cuddle them/kiss them! I don’t want to date them though.” Someone who is not asexual or aromantic might feel all four for one person. Aesthetic crosses over with most types of attraction (unless you feel that love is blind! :) ) but you definitely wouldn’t want to date a sunset for example. 

[hellagrayace-blog]

Elsa (Frozen)=asexual?

I’ve seen speculation about Elsa’s sexuality online. I for one didn’t even question her possibly sexuality because well that had nothing to do with the plot, but I guess everyone likes to analyze disney characters lol. Some people think, because she has expressed no interest in males, ah she MUST be a lesbian. However, some others realize that well yes she has not showed interest in males or any other gender so that could make her either aromantic, asexual, or both. I feel that there’s no way to know for sure unless it’s stated in a sequel or spin-off movie of some sorts. People are also saying that Merida from Brave also seems aromantic/asexual due to lack of interest in relationships/sex. I think it could be good for the asexual community to have Elsa portrayed as asexual or aromantic because it would bring representation to our identities and Elsa is a deeply caring person with cool ice powers so this could bring a positive example other than cold-hearted and robotic or weird kid with dragon obsession (which are other stereotypes I’ve seen in the media). What do you guys think? Then again, this is all totally speculation. She was trapped in her castle for years with barely any human contact and we don’t know the thoughts running through her head.

[hellagrayace-blog]

[hellagrayace-blog]

So I identify as ace however I don't know exactly where I am on the spectrum. Do you think it's necessary to tell my parents and friends, even if they won't understand/ believe me?

It’s ok to not know your label! You could be gray ace, demi, just ace, or a combo. I also think coming out is a very personal decision and you should only come out if you’re ready and if you feel comfortable. I have come out to my ex bf, my mom, and 2 of my close friends, and theres some friends and family members I just don’t feel ready to tell. I do think that if you come out as ace to them, it’s likely that they might not understand what asexuality is and you may need to explain how you feel. Just be patient, be prepared to answer questions, and remember that even if someone doesn’t understand you that doesn’t mean your sexuality and feelings are invalid. And also remember that not understanding is not the same as not accepting. My mom was so confused about my gray asexuality at first so I basically ranted about what my sexuality was for like 10min and she still has more questions to this day, but she is still supportive. 

[hellagrayace-blog]

Connor DeLaurier (Degrassi)=asexual?

I don’t know if any of my followers watched Degrassi (a Canadian drama about high schoolers) but oh well. They had a character, Connor Delaurier and I’m almost positive he was asexual and they had potential to give a shout out to the ace community and they completely threw the plot under the rug. Connor was dating a beautiful bubbly blonde, Jenna who was a pregnant teen a couple years back, and sex came up in conversation one day. Connor explained how sex seemed weird and he didn’t understand sexual attraction and just didn’t feel the need to have sex. Jenna was upset and almost wanted to breakup with him and then he “changed his mind” basically and she urged him to do other things in bed. Then that plot was just done and forgotten. And first off, wow thats screwed up to urge someone to do something they aren’t comfortable with...!?!, it implies that sex is crucial in a successful romantic relationship (which is not always the case!), it implies that sex=love, and they had such a good chance to have Connor be like “wait I’m asexual!” but they didn’t. Soo there goes a prime example in media of the lack of asexuality representation..nice.