Perfectionism and Reaching 4 Yr Dreamz
Last week was a bit of a wild card because I was getting ready to run the BK Half over the weekend, so I was getting up at 5 am every day and, well, the Tumblr fell off my radar. So sorry for that.
But I ran a half-marathon on Saturday! In wild weather! And I finished it!Ā
I felt really proud of myself for doing that.
And that feeling of pride carried me through the realization: Iām want to run this same race next year, and I want to run it faster than I did this year.
Is this what HEALTHYĀ GOAL-SETTING FEELS LIKE?!?
(For the record, I looked upĀ āgoalsā in the GIF menu and all that I found were soccer-related or just way too sexy so...pass.)
Something else to be proud of: I feel like Iām entering back into a mindset where I can be proud of my effort instead of measuring my lapses (and then judging them). That feels G R E A T!Ā
So much of my 20ā²s were spent obsessing over why I wasnāt perfect--so much so that it held me back from even trying to do the thing I wanted to do in the first place.
Read that again, fellow perfectionists: I was so worried that something wouldnāt go perfectly that I would avoid doing the thing I wanted to do in the first place. I just couldnāt handle the disappointment and self-rejection.
And believe me,Ā I recognized the impulses and tried to help myself: Iāve read all of Brene Brownās books. Iāve got an entire collection of well-worn self-help books on my Kindle. And Iāve even underlined them and tried to process them. But there was one layer of understanding, where I understood what I should do, and another, where I more effortlessly just didĀ the thing.Ā
I donāt want to jinx myself, but I think Iām less judgemental and more tenderĀ with myself these days. And Iām happy about that.Ā
I donāt want to assume that this new mindset of mine will be static--I imagine Iāll slip up again and feel perfectionistic (after all, so much of my drive comes from me pushing myself hard because I think I can take it). But giving myself the love that I had been withholding feels really nice.Ā Ā
I donāt feel cheesy or ashamed for admitting that Iām grateful to recognize that the effort I put in, even if not perfect, was worthwhile. Iām not bragging by saying that Iām satisfied with my mindset and achievements (at least, I hope Iām not? Tell me if I am! I need to learn.)
Am I rambling now? Woof, maybe.
All of that brings me to this: Iāve been reading a lot about screenwriting. Iāve been trying to approach it with a beginnerās mind.
And guess what? I love it!Ā
And I feel very inspired.
Here are the books/resources Iāve read/consumed so far:
Screenwriting for Neurotics: A Beginner's Guide to Writing a Feature-Length Screenplay from Start to Finish
20 Inspiring Writing Podcasts to Subscribe to Right Now
Always looking for more, so if you have any--send them my way!Ā
With that, I have to say: let this weekās inspo be YOURSELF (if you feel ready for that). But I promise you, you deserve itttttttt, bb!