Well Meaning

A blog about wellness & counseling

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Moment of Respite

I subscribe to a weekly email from On Being and five days ago I received this poem offered as a “brief moment of respite or meditation”, which I needed! Since my initial reading, I have gone back to it repeatedly because it speaks to me right now:

For One Who Is Exhausted, a Blessing

When the rhythm of the heart becomes hectic, Time takes on the strain until it breaks; Then all the unattended stress falls in On the mind like an endless, increasing weight.

The light in the mind becomes dim. Things you could take in your stride before Now become laborsome events of will.

Weariness invades your spirit. Gravity begins falling inside you, Dragging down every bone.

The tide you never valued has gone out. And you are marooned on unsure ground. Something within you has closed down; And you cannot push yourself back to life.

You have been forced to enter empty time. The desire that drove you has relinquished. There is nothing else to do now but rest And patiently learn to receive the self You have forsaken in the race of days.

At first your thinking will darken And sadness take over like listless weather. The flow of unwept tears will frighten you.

You have traveled too fast over false ground; Now your soul has come to take you back.

Take refuge in your senses, open up To all the small miracles you rushed through.

Become inclined to watch the way of rain When it falls slow and free.

Imitate the habit of twilight, Taking time to open the well of color That fostered the brightness of day.

Draw alongside the silence of stone Until its calmness can claim you. Be excessively gentle with yourself.

Stay clear of those vexed in spirit. Learn to linger around someone of ease Who feels they have all the time in the world.

Gradually, you will return to yourself, Having learned a new respect for your heart And the joy that dwells far within slow time.

by John O’Donohue

[hellowellmeaning]

Gratitude Part 2

I have been participating in the New York Times 30-Day Well Challenge which is centered around 4 wellness concepts: Move, Refresh, Connect and Nourish. According to the NYT, “a digital subscription is not required, though you do need to register so we can send you your reminders”, so this is free for all! The task for Day 14 was to complete an 8-minute gratitude meditation, which brings me back to my last post about keeping a gratitude journal. 

Reading the NYT description of why gratitude is important reinforces my commitment to this process:

Adopting a regular gratitude practice can improve your relationships, your body and your mind. Studies show that grateful people have fewer body aches and feel healthier overall. People who feel grateful are also more likely to exercise and take care of their bodies. A number of studies have demonstrated that gratitude can increase happiness and lower rates of depression. Showing appreciation to a new acquaintance or friend makes them more likely to stay connected with you, according to a 2014 study published in the journal Emotion. Studies also show that grateful people sleep better. 

The NYT also recommends a gratitude journal, but emphasizes that it does not have to be completed on a daily basis to be effective:

A regular gratitude meditation is an easy way to clear your mind and reap the benefits of a gratitude practice. It doesn't have to be a meditation. Another proven technique is keeping a gratitude journal. Just keep a pen and notebook by your bed and once or twice a week, take time to write down a few things in your life for which you feel gratitude. Try to focus on one or two events and elaborate about why you feel grateful for them. Focusing on people and experiences will have more of an impact than writing about the things for which you feel grateful. And don’t feel obligated to write anything. Studies show that people who kept gratitude journals once a week for several weeks were happier than those who journaled their gratitude three days a week. A little gratitude once a week goes a long way to boosting your wellbeing.

Many of us (including this counselor/work wellness director) find it hard to fit in time for our own wellbeing. For this reason, I like to focus on the small and easy actions, like the guided meditation linked above and the gratitude journal, that take a few minutes each week that have a powerful impact.

[hellowellmeaning]

2019: My Year of Gratitude

Happy New Year! As you know, I spend a significant amount of time reading about wellness for my job and for my own wellbeing. One of the recurring concepts is the positive impact of gratitude. The practice of daily gratitude is especially promising because it is a short term intervention that has a lasting impact. There are a multitude of articles about this, but for the purpose of this blog, I will highlight 7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude from Psychology Today.

The 7 benefits are:

Gratitude opens the door to more relationships.

Gratitude improves physical health.

Gratitude improves psychological health.

Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggression.

Grateful people sleep better.

Gratitude improves self-esteem.

Gratitude increases mental strength.

The photo on this post is of a book I bought to record three things I am grateful for each day. It includes quotes and a simple format to record my gratitude. I am looking forward to incorporating this wellness practice into my life and starting the New Year on a positive note. 

[hellowellmeaning]

The Whiteness of Wellness

I recently came across a Huffington Post opinion piece that I found deeply resonant entitled ‘This Holiday Season, Resist the Unbearable Whiteness of Wellness’. This past summer I read the New York Times profile on Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP empire and had similar feelings. 

Both pieces spoke to me as a mental health counselor who currently oversees work wellness services at an anti-poverty CBO where this concept takes on a much different meaning. I am passionate about wellness, but more from a position of justice and equity, and not as a consumer or promoter of the wellness industrial complex. 

My personal experiences with and interest in wellness began during my career in social services where I experienced burnout, which was exacerbated by my pre-existing anxiety and depression. I have always enjoyed my work, but like many others in the helping profession, I quickly recognized that self-care was essential for my survival. This became especially true as I moved into counseling for social justice twenty years ago, working with individuals who live with high levels of trauma and marginalization.

Over time, I have noticed that self-care has become more of a buzzword, especially for wealthy white folks (mainly women) and includes a high level of consumerism as indicated in the Huffington Post op-ed:

...the problem is that health magazines, self-care gurus, and “In Goop Health” summits all work to make a particular kind of white-hetero-lady-identity seem natural and in need of care. Once the discussion in those spaces turns to having your chakras realigned and anchoring your pelvic wall, what doesn’t get mentioned or, likely even noticed, is that there are only white women talking to other white women in those spaces. The combination of making the straight, white, upper-middle-class white woman’s identity seem both natural and in need of care, while never mentioning it as a specific racial and gender identity, or a class identity, is part of what gives whiteness a soothing power for those who have access to it.

In this world of wellness, those who are living in poverty, experiencing racial trauma, are not heterosexual and/or do not identify within the strict gender binary, lose access to what has become the privilege of self-care and wellness:

The brands of “wellness” that Paltrow, and most of the other wellness gurus, are selling, ignore the things people actually need to be well, like ending poverty and systemic racism or providing access to free, reliable health care. Instead, these versions of “wellness” ignore the large, structural problems that affect everyone’s health, while they work hard to reflect back the special, precious individuality of each and every white woman who subscribes to their services. And, this sort of wellness drives home an entitlement to all the things from the “alternative worlds” that Goop and other purveyors of wellness are unearthing for their benefit. 

As I continue to build wellness services in a non-profit space, I have struggled to find resources that are low cost or free. I need these to teach wellness classes and also for our participants to maintain their health and wellness. I am grateful for grants and free resources to support these efforts: Connections to Care to easily access counseling, Health Bucks to enable participants to learn about the greenmarket and buy fresh food, Shape Up NYC for free fitness classes, etc. All of these are helpful, but look nothing like the wellness available to those with resources.

All of this leads me to agree with the conclusion of the article and hope that we can move towards disrupting the current concept of wellness and making self-care accessible to everyone, especially those who truly need it most:

Without connection, care and community, self-care is simply narcissism. And, without engagement in real, political efforts to change the racial and economic status quo, the ideology of self-care amounts to a radical reinvestment in the individual, in neoliberal capitalism, and in regimes of whiteness that reinforce the mythology of the primacy of the individual. Wellness without a radical, collective politics doesn’t offer resistance to regimes of power, but rather, a way to remain in them. 

[hellowellmeaning]

New Things November

It’s been awhile since I wrote a blog post, so here is a quick share: the Action for Happiness New Things November calendar with “daily suggested actions to do throughout November 2018 to help you learn, try out, get creative and broaden your outlook.” I always dread the onset of cold weather in the late fall and this calendar provides some opportunities to focus on new activities. Enjoy!

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Surviving the Current Political Climate

The current political climate has been challenging for many people and if you have been struggling to absorb all of the devastating news, there are recommended strategies to take care of yourself and those around you. This is especially important for survivors of sexual assault and/or people living with trauma. 

To be honest, I am writing this post for myself as my response yesterday was pretty much the opposite of what the article ‘12 Self-Care Tips If You're Struggling To Deal With Everything Today’ recommends. For this long weekend, I am going into reset mode and invite you to join me by trying one or more of these wellness strategies:

Deep breathing

Recognize your emotions and allow yourself to feel them

Take a social media breather 

Limit your news consumption

Empower yourself through action

Call a supportive family member

Recognize the potential for positive change

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Find a healthy distraction

Limit alcohol consumption

Call a hotline (see resources below)

Make an appointment with a mental health professional

Need help? Visit RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Online Hotline or the National Sexual Violence Resource Center’s website.

If you live in New York City, you can call 1-888-NYC-WELL, text ‘WELL’ to 65173 or chat via this link. 

If you or someone you know needs help, call 1-800-273-8255 for the NationalSuicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also text HOME to 741-741 for free, 24-hour support from the Crisis Text Line. 

Outside of the U.S., please visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention for a database of resources.

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Stress Management Strategies For Every Myers-Briggs Type

If you are not familiar with Myers-Briggs Personality Type, it is “an introspective self-report questionnaire with the purpose of indicating differing psychological preferences in how people perceive the world around them and make decisions.” (Wikipedia)

I have taken the test to find my type and discovering this has helped me understand who I am and how to manage my day-to-day life. To get a sense of your type, this article is a good place to start.

From there, I recommend consulting the article ‘The Best Way to Manage Stress for Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type’. Since we all experience stress, it’s essential to develop techniques to manage it. This approach harnesses your personality traits to do just that. 

If you know the types of those in your immediate family, group of friends, and/or work colleagues, this may help you to support them in a way that is most useful. 

On a personal note, I found the recommendations for my type (INFJ) to be on target and a good reminder to connect with others when I am experiencing stress instead of isolating and ruminating, which I typically do.

Hope this helpful for others!

[hellowellmeaning]

5/25 Rule

I recently read about Warren Buffet’s 5/25 rule through a FB post from  Susan Cain (author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking). Here are the directions for this illuminating exercise:

This is some of the best life advice you will ever hear — courtesy of Warren Buffett. It’s called the 5/25 rule:

Write down the top 25 things you want to accomplish in your life.

Then, circle the top five.

Then, GET RID OF THE BOTTOM 20.

Then, devote all your attention to the top five.

This is how you achieve mastery and fulfillment and spend your time doing things that you love (or at least find important).

And, in a world of fractured attention, this will make you stand out all the more.

Though you shouldn’t do it for this reason. You should do it for the sense of mastery.

I started this process. I was surprised at how hard it was to identify 25 things, but it is even more challenging to narrow that list down to the top five. Currently, I have 8-10 items to pare down and taking some time to meditate on this, so I can get to the heart of what really matters and focus my attention on those goals.

[hellowellmeaning]

Non-Drug Treatments for Mental Illness

I have not written in this blog for awhile and it is mostly due to the fact that I have been focusing on managing my own symptoms of anxiety and depression. Both of these conditions have been like chronic illnesses that creep back into my life, sometimes unexpectedly. In my case, it happened when I was on vacation when I assumed I would be enjoying the beach and being with my family. Instead, it felt like my brain had been hijacked with sadness, dread, and fear. 

In retrospect, I realize I was much more burned out from my job than I thought and had to devote more energy to my recovery. I came into my work as a mental health counselor because of my own challenges and also the belief that we can heal diseases of the brain. Thankfully, I am doing much better because I sought help and am shifting my priorities and expectations.

I am sharing this article ‘10 Ways to Boost Dopamine and Serotonin Naturally’ for anyone who wants to boost their mood without medication or supplement any medication you might be taking. Here are the strategies in brief--please go to the article link to read about them in detail:

Exercise 

Spend Time in Nature

Nutrition

Meditation

Gratitude

Essential Oils

Goal Achievement 

Happy Memories

Novelty 

Therapy

I have found relief from walking in the park, hiking, biking to work, eating more whole foods, meditating, focusing on my gratitude, taking mandolin lessons (a longtime goal of mine), focusing on happier times, and therapy.

Some ideas that are not on this list and have boosted my mood are reading, connecting with close friends, seeing live music, and leaving work at a more reasonable time to spend time with my husband and son. 

Sometimes those of us with careers in the mental health/social services field forget to take care of ourselves. As I teach and promote emotional wellness for others, I also have to maintain my own!

[hellowellmeaning]

National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month

July is National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month. If you have read any of my previous posts on this blog, you know that mental illness does not discriminate by race or ethnicity. Unfortunately, people of color still have more difficulty accessing quality mental health services. For that reason, July has been established as a month to increase awareness around this issue and advance mental health equity.

Here are some statistics from Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA):

Over 70% of Black/African American adolescents with a major depressive episode did not receive treatment for their condition.

Almost 25% of adolescents with a major depressive episode in the last year were Hispanic/Latino.

Asian American adults were less likely to use mental health services than any other racial/ethnic groups.

In the past year, nearly 1 in 10 American Indian or Alaska Native young adults had serious thoughts of suicide.

In the past year, 1 in 7 Native Hawaiian and Pacific Islander adults had a diagnosable mental illness.

According to the Health and Human Services Office of Minority Health “the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (AHRQ) reports that racial and ethnic minority groups in the U.S. are less likely to have access to mental health services, less likely to use community mental health services, more likely to use emergency departments, and more likely to receive lower quality care. Poor mental health care access and quality contribute to poor mental health outcomes, including suicide, among racial and ethnic minority populations.”

How can we enact change to close these treatment gaps? If you are a clinician or otherwise providing mental health services in your job, it is essential that your training and continuing education include cultural competency, including a deep understanding of structural racism. Please know that this is an ongoing. lifelong learning process! 

It also helps to identify resources so you can refer your clients to quality care. In my job, we have a partnership with two mental health providers as part of a grant. Prior to this, we used to research and facilitate referrals to outside providers who accepted our student’s insurance, including Medicaid. We strived to connect students to therapists based on their preferences of gender, race, and location. It was sometimes difficult, but always worth the effort.

If you are someone who is living with mental health challenges, please share your story. That in itself goes a long way to shatter stigma. NAMI has an online docuseries called Strength Over Silence: Stories Of Courage, Culture And Community. I also recommend Therapy for Black Girls for both women of color and white clinicians who want to increase their awareness. It also has a ‘find a therapist’ guide comprised of culturally competent clinicians. 

There is much work to be done, especially under the current POTUS who appears to have very little value for mental health and wellness and has defunded many essential resources. Those of us working in CBOs, especially those that include mental health services, can still take action to advance health equity and should make this a priority.

[hellowellmeaning]

Self-Care for the Resistance

I’m on a much-needed family vacation, but unfortunately there is never a break while living in the era of Trump. If anything, every day seems to bring one more piece of horrible news that makes me realize that this presidency is going to leave a devastating legacy.

As you know, I am a counselor and this blog is all about wellness. I am deeply concerned about our collective wellbeing at this time. It does feel self-indulgent to even talk about self-care from my position of privilege, but I also recognize that the work I do in the non-profit sector is highly demanding and my colleagues and I need to stay strong. Anyone who would like to resist and reclaim our democracy needs to do the same.

Rather than reinvent the wheel, I am going to borrow from one of my favorite blogs Nonprofit AF. This post, entitled ‘9 Self-Care Strategies in the Era of Trump’ was written back in October (amidst the crisis in Puerto Rico, which was never resolved), but can be used anytime. The ideas are excellent, but I was most inspired by this Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes quote by at the end:

Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good. What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.

I suggest writing up your own self-care plan and keep it visible so you can consult it every day. Make it specific to you and what brings you comfort and strength. Include quotes that inspire you. Create a Spotify playlist that will motivate you to move forward. Include anything that will help you to survive and thrive. 

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Mental Health First Aid

I know many of us are still struggling to understand the two recent high profile tragedies and the overall significant increase in suicide in the United States. If you are seeking a way to help others, I recommend taking a free 8-hour course in Mental Health First Aid (MHFA).

As part of the ThriveNYC Initiative, MHFA instruction provides “proven practices that will help you recognize the early signs and symptoms of mental illness and substance misuse. You will learn how to listen without judgement, and respond to and help someone in distress until they can get the professional care they may need.”

I have a strong background in mental health counseling, yet I learned a great deal from this course. I found the section about talking to someone who is expressing suicidal ideation particularly helpful. As part of the training everyone receives a booklet, which I have consulted many times. I look forward to taking this class again when my certificate expires. MHFA courses are also available for kids and older adults. 

If you do not live in NYC, you can visit the Mental Health First Aid USA website to find a course near you. 

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Suicide Prevention

Today makes two suicides of high profile people in one week: Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. Looking at their lives from the outside, it is hard to comprehend why anyone so seemingly talented, successful, and wealthy would take their own lives. To me, this is a reminder of the high prevalence of mental illness and the fact that it does not discriminate. Our brain is like other organs in our body and many of us (1 in 5 according to reported statistics) are living with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, addiction and/or one of the many other mental health conditions.

Adam Grant. author and Wharton professor, stated it perfectly in a FB post this morning: 

The suicides of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade are chilling reminders of the stigma that still surrounds mental illness. Depression is a medical condition. We need to create a world where people are as comfortable seeking care for their minds as they are for their bodies.

De-stigmatizing mental illness is at the heart of the work that I do in my job at my CBO. I am constantly reading and researching to create a healing environment through psychoeducation classes, coordinating training sessions so all of our staff can be responsive, and connecting people to care.

I tell my own story often of living with anxiety for 40 years and periods of depression in my adult life and will continue to do so. I was taught in graduate school only to use self-disclosure when it benefits the client. I am finding that introducing myself to clients by sharing my story is a key to creating a safe space to talk about mental health. 

Please talk to someone if you are feeling like ending your life. There is help available. If you were having a fatal heart attack, you would be rushed to the ER. There is similar help awaiting you for suicidal ideation. Your life is important. We need you to reach out. 

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Joyful June

Summer is here and it’s time to have fun! As I do every month on this blog, I am sharing the Action for Happiness calendar which includes “daily suggested actions to do throughout June 2018 to help you experience more positive emotions and enjoyment in life.” As I write this I am listening to the music of an amazing female artist I am seeing live in July and sipping a glass of rosé as the sun streams in through the window. These simple pleasures are the best! Wishing you a joyful June!

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Talking About Addiction

Addiction is a complex behavioral health condition that requires compassionate treatment and this starts with the language we use to talk about it. The Harvard Gazette article ‘Revising the Language of Addiction’ effectively explains this and summarizes it in the graphic above.

With many other diseases, we tend to treat patients with care and use person first language. When someone is struggling with Substance Use Disorder, terms like “substance abuser” and “addict” are typically applied with little thought about how those descriptors might negatively impact recovery. There are much worse labels that I choose not to share here.

It is equally important to be mindful of the language of recovery. When someone is being treated with evidence-based medication such as buprenorphine (brand name Suboxone) or methadone, this is not “one addiction replacing another”, but instead pharmacotherapy. Would you ever question a person with cancer undergoing chemotherapy, a person with diabetes taking insulin, a person with asthma using a pump? Think of medication assisted treatment (MAT) in the same way. 

When a person struggling with substance use disorder has a positive toxicology, using terms like ‘clean’ and ‘dirty’ can carry judgment and implicit bias which can make it much harder for the person in recovery to feel supported. Instead, talk about using or not using and/or positive or negative toxicology results. Again, think about cancer--would you tell someone who had a recurrence of this disease ‘dirty’? 

This leads to the most important consideration when talking about addiction and treatment as recommended by the article: “We should ask, ‘Is this a term that we would use for another medical condition?’ If the answer is ‘no,’ we shouldn’t use it.”

Once you start thinking about addiction as any other disease, it becomes easier to talk about it and those impacted by it in a way that includes empathy and supports recovery. It’s easier said than done, I know, but changing our language is a crucial step in shattering the stigma of a disease that is currently killing too many people.

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Mental Health on Film

There are many films that include mental illness in the storyline and get it completely wrong. Often it is oversimplified, portrays people with mental illness as dangerous and incurable, and helping professionals as incompetent and unethical. While I like to be entertained when I see a movie, I also want topics like mental illness to be depicted accurately and respectfully. As a mental health counselor, I become especially offended when movies do not show the depth of our work and the skill required to work in this field.

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, Parade magazine compiled a list of 10 Of the Best Movies Ever Made About Mental Health. I have not seen all of these, but endorse some of those that I have: Silver Linings Playbook, Ordinary People, Inside Out, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and A Beautiful Mind. 

There are other lists which have some overlap with the Parade magazine article as well as additions: NAMI’s The Best Movies About Mental Health; 6 Movies That Got Mental Illness Correct; and 5 Movies That Actually Depict Mental Illness Correctly. From these lists, I recommend The Skeleton Twins, Girl Interrupted, and Short Term 12. 

What movies do you think get mental illness/mental health right? 

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Musicians & Mental Illness

In addition to being a mental health counselor, I LOVE music. I listen to a wide variety of genres and music has helped me manage challenging emotions throughout my life. I have probably spent more money to see live concerts than therapists as they are both incredibly healing. In the last few years I have gravitated heavily towards Americana since I am teaching myself to play the mandolin. For that reason, I follow a website called No Depression, which sounds like a mental health journal, but is devoted to roots music.

Recently a musician named Scott Hutchinson from the Scottish band Frightened Rabbit disappeared and was found shortly after having taken his own life. This follows the suicides of other prominent artists like Chris Cornell (Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog, Audioslave) and Chester Bennington (Linkin Park). 

Hilary Saunders wrote an excellent article entitled ‘A Note on Music, Mental Health, and Frightened Rabbit’s Scott Hutchison’, where she explores the relationship between art and mental illness:

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, more than 40 million people in the United States suffer from anxiety disorders (including multiple forms of depression). The World Health Organization reports that more than 350 million people suffer from depression worldwide. Among creative professions, including writers, musicians, dancers, and photographers, the numbers are notably higher, according to research conducted by Sweden's Karolinska Institute. By writing openly about these and other larger issues within the music community, No Depression does sometimes feel like an outlet concerning our mental health, and hopefully one that continues to honor its namesake in so doing. 

She writes about how music is healing and brings people together:

In fact, one of the best things about music is the sense of community this art form in particular fosters. For one, live music literally brings people together: Whether you’re sitting on a porch with family, around a fire with friends, or flying solo in a dark club in a big city, the participation in and enjoyment of music involves all kinds of human heat. Someone’s voice is always singing aloud and someone’s always playing the melody.

The article concludes with this sad paradox:

Depression, weighted down by correlating anxieties, alcoholism, and more, is a wrath of an illness. It warps your brain, convincing you that you’re alone, unloved, and unworthy. It amplifies your most repressed fears and minimizes your strength of self. And I think that’s what makes Hutchison's absence even more heartbreaking: This stigmatized disease still wields enough power to drain the generous light out of a person whose chosen profession is to bring people together through art that heals broken hearts and spirits.