sunny baudelaire i love you
Cookie Run:Kingdom Official!
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Cosimo Galluzzi
No title available
tumblr dot com
h

Kiana Khansmith

No title available
NASA
The Stonewall Inn
d e v o n
Game of Thrones Daily
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Monterey Bay Aquarium
taylor price
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

@theartofmadeline
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵

blake kathryn
Claire Keane
seen from Ecuador

seen from Malaysia

seen from Portugal
seen from Ukraine
seen from Japan

seen from United States
seen from Germany

seen from United States
seen from Pakistan
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Pakistan

seen from Spain
seen from Canada
seen from Brazil
seen from India
@hellytheelephant
sunny baudelaire i love you
and you don’t even get to nut :/
this post is now burned into my mind
Zombie setting where the undead are drawn towards unhygienic scents, so survivors constantly bathe to avoid being eaten.
Zombies are docile when adorned with flowers.
Settlements overgrown with herbs and flora.
Barely any banditry; everyone is focused on farming and gathering.
Different human factions and towns named after flowers like Lilies, Orchids, Roses, etc.
Instead of immediately killing an infected survivor, they’re given special funeral rites - the zombie is covered with flowers to keep them calm, and allowed to walk out from the settlement to join the hordes.
#this makes me curiously sad #the idea of flowers covering the undead #that symbol of human love is what makes them docile
me to zombies:
Thank you all for the responses!!!! I got a few more notes to share from folks asking me about this setting :D
It’s incredibly risky to attack zombies. The scent of the attacker’s aggressive intent coupled with spilled pungent rotten blood drives other zombies into a frenzy.
Zombies given funeral rites grow flowers within their bodies, eventually bursting from their chest and head area. These zombies are naturally gentle and their presence tames other zombies in the vicinity. Due to their helpfulness, it’s taboo to harm “blooming” undead:
Sweaty summers are the worst and everyone hopes they have enough dried flowers to last the winter.
It’s a colourful apocalypse! An overabundance of flowers in the world leads to plenty of dyes and busy little honey bees!! Scented candles are a thriving export.
Survivors who help spread flowers, look after “blooming” undead, cull the hordes, and herd zombies away from safe areas are affectionately called Florists.
Regular weapons such as guns and knives are still used but everyone prefers perfumed water guns, spray bottles, and incense.
Zombies are so overwhelmed by the pleasant scent of rain that entire hordes cease movement until it’s gone.
PLEASE CHECK OUT THE FLORIST AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
so a very long time ago, my dad worked with an arson investigator
this guy was often one of the first people on the scene following a suspected arson, once emergency services had done what they needed to do. at times, there were also civilians on the periphery. often, they were freaking out, and understandably so; their home or workplace had just, quite literally, gone up in smoke
this investigator wouldn’t try to calm them down. he wouldn’t comfort them or be a shoulder to cry on.
instead, he’d walk up to the person most visibly losing their shit, hand them a fire extinguisher, and say “hey, can you keep an eye out for any other fires, and if you see one, can you put it out with this?”
of course, there was no actual risk of another fire. he wouldn’t be on the scene investigating if there was even a chance that the fire wasn’t completely put out. but the bystander didn’t need to know that
because that person, without fail, would immediately pull it together, take the fire extinguisher, and stand guard. they were, at least temporarily, calm enough for this investigator to do this job
my dad has told me the parable of the fire extinguisher a hundred times, and i think about it a lot. i think about what it says about people and crises. i think about what it says about the grounding power of having a purpose. and i think about the importance of letting someone help me through something, even if that help is just going to be another casserole to throw into the freezer, because useless or not, that fire extinguisher might be the only thing holding them together
Stop volunteering to be the village sacrifice we all know you're not a virgin. The dragon probably wouldn't even be into you.
Untie yourself from that altar right now.
Look. I didn't want to say anything because it's kind of a touchy subject, but the dragon doesn't actually take these "brides" back to its lair full of riches and add them to a harem. Okay? It's a big fucking lizard with a brain the size of an orange, it just roasts and eats them.
That's why we always pick the most useless airhead to sacrifice come harvest season.
Now come on, get those chains off. Where did you even get these? Oh you made them? See that's the kind of craftsmanship the village needs you for. We'll have a big orgy after the ritual and if you want a bunch of us will dress up as dragons and take turns having a go at you. It'll be nice, you'll see.
Yes, yes, I know, not the same. Well not all dreams are attainable, in the end.
why do they let the worlds most boring people direct movies
They explain this in the tinkerbell movies. The light comes from the pixie dust covering every faries wings. This guy hasn’t even seen the tinkerbell movies
me when we start eating billionaires and i have to kill gomez addams
Gomez and Morticia, telling us where they store the spare guillotines so we can go after Jeff Bezos after we finish with them.
Look, I know we don't want to admit that our heroes can be flawed, but this isn't just people baselessly picking a rich person and saying they're a billionaire.
Don't hold back. Gomez will respect the revolutionary fire burning in your heart!
The Addams would bring the guillotines for the other billionaires, give away literally all their money and then still ASK for executions because it’s been so long since they had a good beheading in the family
honestly, you'd break his heart if you said you WEREN'T planning on sticking his head in a guillotine. morticia, too. they'd be upset at the special treatment, too, but mostly they really want to be executed gruesomely as they stare lovingly into each other's eyes as their heads are separated from their bodies, and we need to respect that.
tumblr seems to be the only place these two are respected
new rule you have to live to be 34. you cant kill yourself until you turn 34. jesus died at 33 you can do better
this is a common law btw. you can check it out by looking up 'rule 34'
Dear God there's pussy here
That’s the other reason you can’t kill yourself
fuck marry befriend kill: operator addition
Fuck:
Addition (➕)
Subtraction (➖)
Multiplication (✖️)
Division (➗)
Marry:
Addition (➕)
Subtraction (➖)
Multiplication (✖️)
Division (➗)
Befriend:
Addition (➕)
Subtraction (➗)
Multiplication (✖️)
Division (➗)
Kill:
Addition (➕)
Subtraction (➖)
Multiplication (✖️)
Division (➗)
i love how weird kids are. they make up the most bizarre stuff when left to their own devices and it's never what an adult would naively predict a kid would do in their imaginative play
my friend's 5 year old recently got a toy veterinary medicine set - it's super cool, like one of those mini play kitchens a lot of kids have, but it's set up to pretend to be a vet (it's this thing) - it has stuffed animals and things to weigh them, give them medicine, take x-rays, write on their charts, etc.
so this kid, who is five and to my knowledge has no experience in the administrative bureaucracy of modern healthcare, puts a stuffed pig named Piggy on the exam table. she pretends to draw blood from Piggy using a fake syringe, and the blood goes into a toy test tube vial that she calls "the resulter"
i'm playing with her, right, so i'm like, awesome, what are the results of Piggy's blood test? and she says "we have to send it to the scientists." so we send the vial to the scientists (put it in her bedroom) and when we get back to the vet playset i'm like awesome what did the scientists say? and she says they have not gotten back to us yet
so she rolls her eyes, exasperated, and says we have to call the scientists. she pretends to call them. apparently, they tell her that Piggy's blood test is "at the bottom of the list" and "we have to WAIT." she frowns. we wait a bit longer and call them back. they tell us it will be a while! she says we should go ask the scientists in person so we go back to her bedroom and she inquires at this imaginary lab, at which point the scientists yell at her and tell her now they will make us wait even longer!
keep in mind she is 100% directing this play. she is making all this up. she is fully in control of this game, and she has decided that what we are going to pretend is that we are dealing with this exhausting nonsense, not actually treating Piggy.
finally the blood tests come back. they are inconclusive. the scientists do not know what is wrong with Piggy. the little girl walks back to the stuffed pig on the exam table, sighs deeply, and says in a very serious voice "we can never help you."
i'm obsessed with this kid. when given complete control over a make believe scenario, instead of becoming the heroic rescuer administering effective cures, she is instead a beleaguered vet making multiple calls to an overworked lab only to be left unable to help her patient.
10/10 no notes. kids are amazing
I used to watch a toddler and this one time she decided that my arm stretched across a doorway was a magic portal to other lands. My arm was a boom gate type of thing that had to raise up to let her go through the portal. I was like, cool, we're gonna go on adventures in some imaginary world full of stuff she likes.
Nope, she spent an hour troubleshooting and repairing the gate, which was broken in multiple ways. We never activated it.
Meryl Streep in Mamma Mia really was living the best life- owned a hotel on a beautiful Greek island, singing sweet ABBA bops, had a history of dicking down so many hot dudes she wasn’t sure which handsome, tone-deaf, middle-aged man was her kid’s dad.
what a life.
If any of you ever happened to be walking along Hollywood boulevard in the late 1960s and saw a man fall out of a 12 story building that was under construction, grab the cable attached to a crane right outside, swing across Hollywood boulevard while hanging onto the crane for dear life, and swing directly back into the building he just fell out of, that was my grandfather.
He’s fine, he just became scared of heights after that.
Can’t wait to not sleep at all on September 11th
i know ur from the uk(?) but reading this as an american is really really funny
why 😭 it’s about twenty one pilots???? Their new album is out sep 12th????
THERE'S TWENTY ONE THIS TIME???