Harry just rolling up like WHADDUP THIS IS MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FAMILAR HE EMOTIONALLY SUPPORTS ME BY MAULING PEOPLE WHO THREATEN ME. And Sirus dog-charades AND THIS IS MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT COUCH YOU CAN SIT ON THE FLOOR FUCKERS.
You know what else is good âDudley gets on top of how fucked up his parents are fasterâ fic, and i feel like âSirius Lives at Privet Driveâ dovetails nicely into this:
Dudley, age 14 and realizing his motherâs Loving-but-Ill-advised cooking is setting him up for some serious health problems, and that heâs tall enough to look his dad in the eye now, so his previous rationale of âIf heâs hitting Harry heâs not Hitting Meâ doesnât hold up now, and goes full Eye of The Tiger to cope.
This means Sirus gets dragged along on a lot of Parent-avoiding âWalkiesâ
So many that one evening after a fight Dudley is trying to round up Harry and Sirius for a cooldown run and Sirius groans âOh youâre big lads you can jog to the tesco on your own.â from the couch
Thereâs a hot moment of silence.
âHeâs a Magic Dog.â Says Harry.
âWhat do you mean your dog is a 40-year-old man?â
âWhat do you mean your Dadâs BFF?â
âWhat do you mean convicted criminal?â
What do you mean WIZARD HITLER WANTS YOUR HIDE??â
â..Shit I gotta up my workout routine.â
âYouâre not gonna punch Voldermort out Dudley.â
âNot with these wimpy biceps I wonât.â
Shitâs getting increasingly tense in the house so when Ron announces they have tickets to the Quidditch World Cup Harry has to ask âHey, can Dudley come too?â
Dudley might be short on wizarding skills but one thing heâs learned at Fancy rich boy School is the art of Schmooze. They meet Corneilus Fudge and Dudley charms the hell out of him. Fudge doesnât even realize heâs not a Wizard.  Harry tries to impress upon him the âVOLDERMORTâS ALIVE WITH A CULT DIPSHITâ upon him and nearly ends up in tears before Dudley takes his arm and whispers âLet me Handle This.â
Thirty minutes later Corneilus is organizing a Task Force of Aurors.Â
âWhat the fuck do they teach you there?â asks Harry.
âOh, buttering egos, Trigonometry, grift, the usual.â
âWhatâs Trigonometry?â Asks Ron, walking with them on a field trip through Muggle London for Nandos. Dudleyâs Uncle âGerald Whiteâ is supervising them itâs fine.
Dudley stares for a moment.
âYou guys⊠are learning math, along with your Divination and Transmorfigication and whatsits, right?â
There is an awkward silence. Even Sirius considers morphing back into a dog to avoid this conversation.
âOh for fucks sake.â Sighs Dudley, texting Hermionie to see if she brought her Muggle textbooks along.
IDK what happens when the school year starts but I love the idea of âWell some snitch (Snape) might notice if Sirus is hanging around, so instead he goes with Dudley to Fancy Rich Boy School. Maybe theyâre short a teacher there and he can reccomend his friend Remus, currently out of work for reasons that arenât his faultâŠ